cheat or not to cheat -- that's the question

In reference to
www.abovetopsecret.com...

It appears that the mentioned condition in its lighter form may not be considered a disorder requiring medication at all. On the contrary: it can fix the not-tonite-honey cases when the afflicted person is the denier.

Now the real and the imaginary . . .

What would be the safest way to cheat on your spouse?



www.marsvsvenus.com...

Is this cheating? Or if this kind of imagination runs frequent, does it really mean that the marriage is breaking apart?

My guess is that it depends on why the couple married. If the reason solely depended on the opportunity to have regular sex, then the divorce papers are not that far from the mail box. But in the majority of cases, the intention to marry is quite different, and the marriage shouldn't be in danger. After some 5+ years the imagination of being in bed with someone else comes in pretty naturally, especially in the male cases -- I guess. It's like having the same dish for dinner every evening.

But could this imaginative substitute be considered cheating?
Some of the European progressive mental health workers actually encourage a direct infidelity approved by a spouse.

Well, let's hear from some of the imaginative folks . . .

reply to post by stander


I think it depends on the couple in the relationship. I know it would be a deal breaker for a lot of people to have their spouse moan another persons name. I am sure others probably joke about whom they are thinking of when doing it. Then again, some couples have an open relationship and are ok with each other sleeping around.

If my wife would only have sex with me if she were thinking of someone else, I would probably ask for a divorce. Once in a while I could understand, but I need my spouse to be attracted to me. I wouldn't consider it infidelity but I would consider it unhealthy for the marriage.

It hasn't really been a problem for me. Noodling is intense enough that I cannot see how you could think of something else. Other than, like, "cool, I wish we were taping this," or something of that ilk.

We always leave the lights on. The last time we were in the dark was on purpose, to see what most people must experience. It was creepy and weird; reminded me of folktales where they substitute the "wrong bride.'

My wife and I joke around a lot, and have even interrupted our rythmn because we are laughing so hard. She has joked about calling out other people's names (it was hilarious because she couldn't remember the mailman's name). Sometimes for a laugh I will fiddle with the remote like I'm going to turn on the TV during it. One of us will make dolphin noises or do an impression of a celebrity. That sort of thing. She likes my faux-british James Bond accent; but I always turn it into Mr. Bean or Benny Hill saying, "what's this thing called, love." instead of "what's this thing called love.

Frankly, in between that comedy, and the action once we get going, I don't even know if I could think of a person to fantasize about.

It'd be sort of like trying to think of famous baseball players, or something.

Thanks for the personal insight. It all makes sense; there is not much room for generalizing the issue, because individual psychology decides what is tolerable and what is not.

In karlHUNGis case: I don't think that your wife would ever need . . . youknowwhatimean.

(where is the winky?)

Having your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend imagine someone else during sex is not cheating. Cheating is when they actually have sex with someone else.

When guys/girls masturbate don't they usually fantasize about other people, or by watching a video/magazine?

I think it's the same thing.

Here's an idea....
Use wigs and costumes occassionally...
Couple that with some roleplaying....(schoolgirl, nurse, police, maid, you get the drift...)

Then you get the spice of variety...without the cheating.

Just a thought....