So I have hired a secretary...

And not one week has passed by when she started making googly eyes at me and it progressed to where she would blatantly drop something and bend over to pick it up in front of me. She is very attractive and my employees made remarks asking about what is going on between us.

Now don't get me wrong I like a pretty face just as much as the next guy but I am married with 2 kids and have no interest in her. Now do I approach her and risk some type of harassment lawsuit, you never know how she will spin this if I do... What would you do?

reply to post by Lecter


Three simple words.

"I am gay"

Unless she knows that you have a wife and kids.

Just completely ignore her advances and act indifferent towards her. It will hurt her feelings but eventually she will act like a normal person or quit.

Originally posted by dodgygeeza
reply to post by Lecter

 

Three simple words.

"I am gay"

Unless she knows that you have a wife and kids.

No, nothing gay here buddy. I like women as much as the next guy but her being my employee makes the situation more awkward. How would you handle this situation?

Ignoring her would probably make her try harder...don't imo!

Confront her, get it out in the open (the subject that is) and tell her straight.

If you leave it and hope for the best....she will do the same.

If she really respected you and knew you are married with kids there won't be a problem.

If she cares only for what she wants, there will.

Or are you searching for the justification to "play".

Honesty needs no lies to cover lies.........good luck.

Also, telling her your gay may be like issuing a challenge.

[edit on 28/11/2008 by nerbot]

Invite your wife to come by the office one day. Or many days. Be affectionate with her (but nothing distasteful, of course lol). Have your kids come by, too, if remotely possible. Put the signal out you're a happily married family man. Place pictures of them around your office if you haven't already. Allow your secretary to overhear some of your phone conversations with your wife where you tell her you love her. Etc.

That would be step one: Subtlety.

If that doesn't work, try more direct methods.

Originally posted by Lecter

Originally posted by dodgygeeza
reply to post by Lecter

 

Three simple words.

"I am gay"

Unless she knows that you have a wife and kids.

No, nothing gay here buddy. I like women as much as the next guy but her being my employee makes the situation more awkward. How would you handle this situation?

I wasn't calling you "gay". Sometimes its the most pain free method to avoid any awkwardness, even though its not true (unless she starts bringing some gay friends in to meet you)

Just tell her you can't bro, plain and simple. Do it in private and do not discuss it with your coworkers! The last thing you want is for her to feel humiliated and take it out on you with a sexual harassment suit!

Talk to her, tell her she drives you nuts with her intense sexiness, flatter her. Then tell her you can't, you're married, you have kids, you can't be doing that kind of thing like when you were single; you wish you could, but you can't. That way she doesn't feel rejected and doesn't want revenge, this is important! Even if it's all BS, don't give her a reason, let her down easy.

What would you do? Hmmm.... Next time hire a more mature woman of average looks. Really, I prefer the approach of 'AshleyD'. But if your not ready for a more direct approach, act 'gay'. But that's lying but interesting to discover her reaction nonetheless.

Ask her if she's gained weight.

OOPs Who said that?

Originally posted by pikypiky
What would you do? Hmmm.... Next time hire a more mature woman of average looks. Really, I prefer the approach of 'AshleyD'. But if your not ready for a more direct approach, act 'gay'. But that's lying but interesting to discover her reaction nonetheless.

I hired her from a company that was owned by a friend of mine. He recommended her and never mentioned any kind of "funny" business. I have pictures of my family on my desk and the situation became more awkward, at least for me. We had a luncheon for all my employees as I do every year and she actually exposed herself to me. I simply walked off but I have a bad feeling about this.

Originally posted by Lecter
We had a luncheon for all my employees as I do every year and she actually exposed herself to me.

Fire her. Immediately.

Edit to expand: It's past the point of subtlety or possible misinterpretation of her intentions. If you do not fire her, anything that happens past this point will be on your head.

If she turns this around then sues for sexual harassment or if your wife were to stop by your office one day while she is in the process of exposing herself to you again (or trying to kiss you- whatever), it will only cause more problems.

Create a log now and write down everything that has happened to the best of your memory. Record dates, times if you remember, and what she has done.

Seriously, take no chances. If it has gone this far and you keep her around, things will only get worse and she will possibly take your inability to confront the issue as a go ahead that her advances are acceptable or even appreciated as flattery.

No, end it now and fire her.

[edit on 11/29/2008 by AshleyD]

reply to post by AshleyD


exactly.

I have been in this situation before. ANY action you take will help to build her budding sexual harrassment suit against you AND the company you work for. By keeping her you are acquiessing; i.e., silence is not "no," when it comes to the employer, but silence is "no" from the worker.

Terminate her. don't find her another job in the company, or with a friend, or you will be "setting her up" for someone else to harrass her, and you get named as a conspirator. seriously.

Even if you don't agree with me sexually, just know that this employee is not loyal, but now has keys to your files and all your stuff. Don't be surprised if this turns out to be the prelude to a robbery, extortion by litigation etc.

If you have a lawyer ask them how to handle it. but document first, fire later.

.

approach and simply say...not interested...

more words needed than that obviously...but be professional....always helps

-Kyo

i think we need pictures sir

Ashley and the good Dr have it right. Fire her now or you'll regret it. Every second she stays longer is only bad for you.

How much of your perception is based upon what the rest of the staff says? Ie: did you 'notice' your secretary's odd behavior before or after a comment from someone else. I read an article that unfortunately was in print-not somewhere I can reach out and link you too, about a study done on males mispercieving comeon's 80% of the time. She may also bend to pick things up while your not around, in otherwords-and might not think to 'not' when your around. She might in fact be completely unaware of your train of thought.

And maybe she is really doing things the way you think she is, which doesn't make her a very good secretary (person)-does it?

Staff can be a cruel phenomena when it comes to the charismatic or oddly beautiful woman, worse when she is friendly. It is a side effect of them nervously trying to finger their discomfort-the easy out, name her a flirt with an intention.
I hope this is not the case.

Anyways, if you had a dress code and a behavior policy ENACTED, this would hardly be an issue.

If the girl is trying to gather your attention beyond what admiration any ugly woman or man or dog would be compelled to share with what is likely a great guy or boss, then you should fire her. Don't make it long and drawn out--facing a cut in budget-her services are no longer needed.
You should not have hired her in the first place.

It sounds like you are just trying to figure out what her intentions are before you take an action. Is the only reason because she is showing cleavage?

Have a female take her aside and explain that there is a dressing issue and she needs to take care of her dressing issue because it is unprofessional. Ironically, this could bring up a lack of a dress policy suit.

But it is sad, in the case that she is totally innocent of whatever you all are guessing at and thus what you all have put her through the trauma of YOUR odd behavior. Which is sort of reverse harassment if you think about it.

It's a view. Usually, after I turn someone's unsolicited comeon down-they start smear campaign. So--I'm thinking, maybe one of the guys said--loooook (point) she bends down when your here. When in fact, she may see the boss and think, 'crap-the office is a mess-bad secretary!'

I dunno it's a guess. Trying to look at all angles. Don't know how anyone couldn't see that ring on your finger-or that family guy countenence (hypothesized) to make the mistake of hitting on you.

But, fact remain, there ARE scantless women in the world as I imagine millions of married men can attest to. And a woman like that doesn't fit in a cohesive group. How much time has this issue cost you in thought and stress minutes already?

Give her two weeks notice, if you find the issue is not resolved. You don't need to tell her what the issue is--lie or make it the truth, budgeting right now with the market is not permissive of you having a secretary--and then assign the task to HR for awhile, a month from now maybe get a male secretary, or, the older workforce has a pool of talented people who are on the out with being hired. Things like that--jobcore graduates, military returnees. Play with the possibilities. Maybe a nice older woman. It will fit with your wife, your pals, your client, everybody.

Sorry so long-good luck!

reply to post by HugmyRek


The OP mentioned in a post further down that she has now exposed herself to him. I was also wondering if it was just his perception at first (hence my first suggestion for a subtle approach) but after that, it sounds like he is going to have a Fatal Attraction situation on his hands or a law suit if he does not fire her. There is no room for doubt if it is true she actually did that. If she has only been there a week and already pulling this stuff, it's just bad news waiting to happen.

Sounds like a pretty serious issue..If your in New Jersey I can come in and take her out for you..lol....Seriously, are you the boss?, I mean is it your company/business and if you call the shots you can pretty much straight up tell her that if she makes one more inapproiate gesture she is getting her walking papers and just make sure you document all her actions and have another employee maybe back you up because I would hate to hear it turns into a he said/she said.

Your other avenue would be to set up a meeting with her and your boss and let him/her know whats going on and you are being made to feel uncomfortable or call the agency where she came from, Times are tough and jobs are not easy to come by right now but..C.Y.A...You have a family that depends on you and it takes two incomes these days to make ends meet..Hope I could help you.....

Qui habet aures audiendi audiat

Man,
I hope you don't end up with a harrasment suit on your hands.
If you do, you can use this thread as corroborative evidence.
That might be seen as desperation though.
.....
Did you ask her if she's gained weight?