Dear Red States....

I thought this was hilarious. No offense intended to any red state or France for their wine. Posted for the sole purpose of humor. Please feel free to move this if needed.
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Dear Red States,

We've decided We're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with Us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, California, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, New York, and all of the Northeastern states. After this election, we'll be adding Colorado and New Mexico. We believe the split will be beneficial to the nation, especially to the people of Our new country-Nuevo California.

To sum it up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states; we get stem cell research, the best beaches, and the best ski resorts. We get Elliot Spitzer; you get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty; you get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft; you get WorldCom. We get Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Cal Tech, MIT and Columbia; you get Ole' Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs; you get Alabama. We get 2/3 of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since Our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than that of the Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families and You get a bunch of under-educated single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and We'll need all of Our citizens back from Iraq at once. If You need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They apparently have kids they're wiling to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't mind if You don't show televise their kids caskets coming home. We do wish You success with Iraq and hope that those Weapons of Mass Destruction turn up for you, but We're not willing to spend anymore of Our money in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States, we will control 80% of the country's fresh water, 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 97% of Americas quality wines(you can serve French wines at Your state dinners), 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, and all Ivy League and Seven Sister schools. We also get New England, the Great lakes and Yosemite, thank you very much.

In the Red states, you will have to cope with 88% of all smoking Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, 100% of all tornadoes, 94% of all hurricanes, 99% of Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, and Clemson. Additionally, in the Red states, 38% actually believe Jonah was swallowed by a whale; 62% believe life is sacred unless it involves the death penalty or semi-automatic gun ownership; 44% claim that evolution is only a theory; 53% insist Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11; and 61% of You crazy bastards believe you have higher moral standards than those of Us on the left.

By the way, we're taking all the good pot, too. You get the dirt weed from Mexico and Kansas ditches.

Peace out,
The Blue States

Pretty funny, nothing wrong with a little humor.


Dear Blue States,

You learned nothing from President Clinton. You are supposed to smoke it but don't inhale it.

Inhaling makes you hallucinate as evident in your funny story.


See ya in 2012...

xoxo

Red States

Sounds good to me, I've wanted this since I was aware. Oh how I wish I had time to respond to this right now in proper fashion. The arrogance is dripping of this statement, but a breakup is never pretty.

[edit on 10-11-2008 by shai hulud]

Seven words Wall Street, Washington, Federal Reserve, and Fema camps. Being kicked out of Hell for voting for the wrong devil :priceless.

apparently you aren't familiar with the south, we have a lot to offer here as well.

And Ole Miss is not our best school. ugh. Vanderbilt is better than Ole miss. We also got UT, Rice. BYU, Washington university, Emory, Notre Dame,

we got tons of beef. haha lots of oil and wind power, Healthy home prices. we aren't responsible for the mass debt this country is accountable for. we have the best economy of any of the other states. We got tons of Oil, tons of land, Cajun Food!, We have Dell, AMD, and Texas instruments...

we could sustain ourselves. thank you

[edit on 10-11-2008 by ghostlandseller]

[edit on 10-11-2008 by ghostlandseller]

I'm ok with it but I think we should keep the name United States. They can call themselves Jesusland.

You also seem to forget that gun ownership is higher in red states. and since you are under armed and under motivated to fight...well I guess we'll just have to take you back.

But why would we want to take back your failed banking system? As a matter of fact, if you're willing to take Wall Street and the District with you, and you sincerely promise never to come back, I think all I would have to say is bon voyage.

I'll sit here in my red state with my beef and corn and farming, not to mention my moonshine and deer hunting, and have a good life. I'll continue to grow my own ganja, make gooseberry wine, ride my horse on my acreage and shoot whatever the hell I want, when I want.

Since red stated produce more food per capita, it looks like more food can be stored for surplus by the reds. or... we could sell it to the blues at ridiculous prices.

Good luck forcing leftist policies on the right. Expect to be met with a 7.62 chunk of lead flying at your ass.

Oh and we all know that the far right has no problems with bomb and guns, as we've seen with abortion docs. Expect more of the same in the proposed Nuevo California.

Have fun running around naked because we get the cottonfields. And before you think that you will legalize hemp to produce clothes and textiles, think about that great sinsemilla that will turn to seed crop if there is a flowing hemp plant within a couple miles. Good luck with your great pot then.

You can also deal with the earthquakes, landslides and flooding that are so common in coastal areas. Good luck.

Oh, and last I checked, the northern part of the country gets a bit nippy in the winter months, and with the sun in the lowest state of energy in quite a while, a mini ice age is very possible. Already colder this year than historically...maybe you will need some oil to heat your home? or some petroleum based products? Good thing there's plenty of oil in TX, AK, LA, and the Dakotas.

And since we're just going to be red states now, there won't be opposition to securing the damned border. So do not expect to come to the red states for any reason, because we all know that alot of people come legally and stay for good. If you want something you'll pay in advance in gold, silver, and gems, because we know that Wall Street and the Fed are corrupt and the money is worthless. We'll then ship it to your border where you can pick it up and deal with it.

But will all that aside, this is exactly the problem with AMERICA. We should not be classifying ourselves as red or blue or green, but red white AND blue. The important thing is unity and not being divisive. Posts like the OP do nothing to promote unity, just like obama doesn't promote unity. And btw, 53% isn't a rockin mandate. Most states were close, even california has a large population of conservatives.

Why not maybe look at instead of pushing personal ideals on others, we allow everyone to live their life as they please as long as they do no harm to another living, breathing being? Drop this whole left right paradigm and understand that we are being played against each other. By pushing laws and restrictions upon people we only alienate others and prevent reconciliation and positive change.


/rant off.

tsk, tsk. Bitter at all? Take it as it was posted, humor, humor and sarcasm, not even mine btw. That's the whole problem with this country, low in the sense of humor column. Instead of taking it personal, laugh it of, come back with something just as effed up instead of anger and assumptions. You be needin to smoke some of yo stuff, relax, enjoy it all, lifes good.

Peace. K*

LOL

Somebody got up on the wrong side of the red bed this morning didnt they mkiii

It's ok, I heard that Bush is a conservitive and gonna be looking for a job soon, want him?

LOL what a joke.... I like this one... Just do us a favor take all the immigrants, blacks and mexicans with ya. You punk yankees can have your north. Dont come asking for Texas oil, Florida oranges, Georgia peaches, Southern hospitality oh and dont forget Jack Daniels... We could just sit back watch that baboon president of yours turn your Blue staes into communisim socialist staets of the north. We will take the Confederate States of America. You think you will prosper, HAHAHA!!!!! Dont ask us to save your asses this time. Oh by the way when your in North Dakota, Minnesota freezing your asses of in 40 below weather, we will be sucking up the sun down south. And hell take California, hopefully most of ya will be on the coast when she gits hit by the "big one". Have fun with the welfare and drugs....