A few ideas that could make abductions easier

Before I begin, this is just for teh funny. Any of you lacking a sense of humor please discontinue reading.

1. The aliens should stop being so mysterious. Seriously, why can't they justr be like "Hi I'm Dave, I know this is scary but it will be over soon".

2. Tell us what you're doing! "This is an anal probe, you may feel some "pressure" *with the quotation hand gesture*. And maybe some small talk "so, how's work?"

3. Let us know when you're planning on abducting us again. Would it be so hard to call? "Hi. this is Dave the alien, I abducted you last month. I'll be picking you up around two...Oh, you may want to lube up before you go to bed"

4. How about some music or something, it's comforting.

5. If you're gonna take a sperm sample or impregnate a woman, you could at least cuddle with us a little afterwards.

Feel free to add to this list if you have anything

[Edited on 29-3-2004 by Anathema]

I would agree to being abducted if they would give me something small (for them) in return. You know like trade the indians some mirrors for gold (no racist insult just a historical fact sorry). Or my sperm for a ride another planet or something. But they would have to use 1 lubricant 2 valium.

Just a thought

now thats class.

they could give u a little appoinment card so u dont forget

Originally posted by madmartinez
now thats class.

they could give u a little appoinment card so u dont forget

I remember when I was kid and went to get needles or something the nurse would distract me to take away the pain with the pretty pictures on the wall. So give us porno mags

Also if they give us a customer feedback form. How was the abduction for you? From a rating of 1-10 please rate your abducter. What would you like to see different in the next abduction?

Originally posted by Mikomi
I remember when I was kid and went to get needles or something the nurse would distract me to take away the pain with the pretty pictures on the wall. So give us porno mags

Also if they give us a customer feedback form. How was the abduction for you? From a rating of 1-10 please rate your abducter. What would you like to see different in the next abduction?

HAHAHA that's great!

Mabey they could offer us a beer or something

After every probing you should get a voucher which entitles you to a free gift. You could save them up rather like gas coupons. When you've got enough you get a free crystal wine glass or summit.

Money. We should get paid for sacrificing our anal virginity. Hell, I bet one could make a living just from being abducted once in a while!

wow, these are fantastic. comedy goldmine! :O really, that card was very nice.

and honestly, this doesn't sound like a bad idea. should be happening instead of this we'll-find-you-while-you're-out-walking-in-the-moon-light crap. that stuff's scary.

Originally posted by toffa_h
wow, these are fantastic. comedy goldmine! :O really, that card was very nice.

and honestly, this doesn't sound like a bad idea. should be happening instead of this we'll-find-you-while-you're-out-walking-in-the-moon-light crap. that stuff's scary.

Yeah it is scary. A little compassion from them could go a long way.

Maybe they should stick job applications in the Sunday newspaper.

The Gray Abduction Co. Employment Application

If you are interested in partaking in extra-terrestrial research experiments, please fill out the following application and send it to your local air force base or city hall in a self-addressed, stamped envelope, with an attached picture of yourself (for identification purposes).
Thank You,

Zak Hutchinson Zak Hutchinson
(President of Gray Abduction Co.)

Please print neatly and clearly on the lines provided:
Last Name: ________________________________________
First Name: _________________________________
Middle Initial: __
Race: ______________
Social Security Number: _________________


Please check all that apply:
Sex: Male__ Female__ Other___________
Age Group: 0-3 __ 4-11 __ 12-17__ 18-30__ 31-63__ 64+__
I am currently receiving financial aid from:
A student financial aid organization __ The government or affiliated organizations __ My parents __ Someone else�s parents __ My children __ Someone else�s children __
I am not receiving financial aid__ Other__


Please answer the following questions in a neat and legible fashion on the lines provided:
Have you been previously abducted? _________
If so, then by whom were you abducted? ____________________________

Do you have any pets? _____
If yes, what kind?___________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

What is your desired salary? (un-reasonable offers will be rejected)_______________

Would you like to be anally probed (pays extra)? __________ (If you answered yes, move on to the following questions, if not, leave the lines blank)
Have you received an enema before? _________
If so, then what lubricant, if any, was used? ________________________

Signature:
x_________________

Originally posted by CarrierAnomaly
Maybe they should stick job applications in the Sunday newspaper.

The Gray Abduction Co. Employment Application

If you are interested in partaking in extra-terrestrial research experiments, please fill out the following application and send it to your local air force base or city hall in a self-addressed, stamped envelope, with an attached picture of yourself (for identification purposes).
Thank You,

Zak Hutchinson Zak Hutchinson
(President of Gray Abduction Co.)

Please print neatly and clearly on the lines provided:
Last Name: ________________________________________
First Name: _________________________________
Middle Initial: __
Race: ______________
Social Security Number: _________________


Please check all that apply:
Sex: Male__ Female__ Other___________
Age Group: 0-3 __ 4-11 __ 12-17__ 18-30__ 31-63__ 64+__
I am currently receiving financial aid from:
A student financial aid organization __ The government or affiliated organizations __ My parents __ Someone else�s parents __ My children __ Someone else�s children __
I am not receiving financial aid__ Other__


Please answer the following questions in a neat and legible fashion on the lines provided:
Have you been previously abducted? _________
If so, then by whom were you abducted? ____________________________

Do you have any pets? _____
If yes, what kind?___________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

What is your desired salary? (un-reasonable offers will be rejected)_______________

Would you like to be anally probed (pays extra)? __________ (If you answered yes, move on to the following questions, if not, leave the lines blank)
Have you received an enema before? _________
If so, then what lubricant, if any, was used? ________________________

Signature:
x_________________

That's awesome!

1. No anal probe (silly aliens and their fetishes)

2. Nothing painfull (needles, opening you up and such)

3. Asking my permission before taking me abord (it's not really and abduction that way)

4. Doing their work at times other than the middle of the night (flexible schedule)

5. Explaning what they are doing as they go along.

6. Cure anything wrong they might find about me.

7. Make small talk during the examination.

8. Show me how to pilot the ship afterwards

9. Give me something for my trouble (cash, alien raygun, a free ticket for a chance to win in the monthly spaceship draw)

10. Reward program for refering friends. ("hey check it out dude, I told these friendly aliens you might be interested in being abducted sometime this week, are you free on thursday?")

Firstly I have to ask, where are all of the female aliens that want to do the probing? Sure aliens are a gay man's delight, but what about me and my sexual needs?

Originally posted by Jonna
Firstly I have to ask, where are all of the female aliens that want to do the probing? Sure aliens are a gay man's delight, but what about me and my sexual needs?

So you walk in and two hot aliens walk in and then the grey says for us to complete our experiments you must have sex with those two over and over and over and over and over again.

(Read on an alien light above the table) How is my abducting? To comment, call: 555-1276 ext. 534. Fax:555-1234

1). Speak in English instead of stupid alien babble like this: "heifj iejfi jeifj fjweop jfaj;lefj vne;o"

2). Give me a lifetime supply of Dr. Pepper please.

3). Don't freeze me with...whatever you freeze people with...before you abduct me. Give me a chance to run.

4). Go abduct those people who actually want to be abducted because it's cool.

5). Hey, here's a list of people I hate, I mean, uh, people who REALLY want to be abducted. Will you do an anal probe on them?

maybe a gift shop onboard there lil alien ships sellin postcards that u can send to ur m8s with titles like
WISH U WERE HERE INSTEAD OF ME.

also a nice lil recouperation lounge instead of just dumping u in a hedge somewhere to wake up

hit the humans with a brick instead of their memory eraser, quicker and easier.