Older men & Younger Women & Vise Versa, page 1

posted on Oct, 22 2008 @ 09:10 PM

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Here's my theory...

We all start out in life more or less the same, as we hit puberty the differences are accentuated by nature and nurture, then as we approach the end of our lives we start to act and look more the same. So for instance, as women approach their senior years they start to look and act more like men, with the additional negative effects menopause has on women's dispositions, from the stand point of a heterosexual man approaching his senior years... younger women are more attractive in body, mind and spirit.

I suppose the same could be applied vise versa... though men generally remain looking like men, though i would think that beer bellies and back hair, coupled with the typical petulance that comes with old age, could be major turn offs to older women, thus they gravitate toward younger men.

... and with that said, same is most likely true for gays and lesbians.

Can anyone confirm or debunk this theory?

[edit on 22-10-2008 by The All Seeing I]

twosandman

posted on Oct, 24 2008 @ 01:11 PM

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well i know that i personally am attracted to older men, not the beer gut and pestulance but the fact that they tend to be more mature and respectful in most ways. i consider "older" to be anything over 5 years, i however will not date anyone more then 10 years older then me because then it gets weird.

however from another standpoint, most men will seek younger women to make themselves feel younger when they hit that age where they feel stuck in life so to speak.

The All Seeing I

posted on Oct, 24 2008 @ 02:23 PM

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From what i have observed and experienced, age is only a number.
In many cases, maturity doesn't correspond to age at all.
Maybe when you are younger, there is typically a greater difference in emotional and physical maturity year to year. As life rages on, unfortunately many internal and external influences (drugs, religion, sheltered-upbringings) developmentally arrest people at earlier stages in their development. I can't tell you how many middle-age and elderly people i have known over the years who at some point or another reveal their true developmental core to be toddlers, grade and high schoolers... sad and scary at the same time. Then on the other hand, i have known many younger people who have matured way beyond their numbered years, usually do to a very hard childhood that they have learned to deal with head on in.

Now for younger women's attraction to older men, i think in many cases there is an emotional sense of security they crave, or in other words, father complex at play and/or a sense of physical security... being that older men generally have more to offer in terms of financial stability. For women with a ragging biological-clock ticking, this strong desire to procreate/nest has them leaping into the arms of an older man.

[edit on 24-10-2008 by The All Seeing I]

Illusionsaregrander

posted on Oct, 24 2008 @ 08:44 PM

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I have dated both, men older and younger than I.

I can assure you that a father figure thing is 1000% NOT the reason I have dated an older guy. I dated him because I liked him, and because I decided to overlook the age difference. To be perfectly honest, I do not prefer it. Older men dont go through menopause, but they do go through this weird mental phase where they try to act like 20 year olds trying to pretend that they are not middle aged. Their egos can get really sensitive when you remind them of their real age, and it is just sort of a pain in the butt all around.

I prefer to date someone my own age or who at least looks like we are the same age. It is just easier. Then you dont have to deal with strange looks if there is an obvious difference between you and your significant other.

However, the bottom line for me is "am I attracted to the person." If I am, then the rest is just technical stuff. (And by attracted I mean in a well rounded way, physically, mentally, and character wise.) People are individuals, and they age differently, mature differently, and behave differently, so I consider them individually.

Edit to add;

I cannot speak to the raging biological clock issue in relation to older men. Neither I, nor any of my close female friends seem to have a working biological clock.

[edit on 24-10-2008 by Illusionsaregrander]

The All Seeing I

posted on Oct, 25 2008 @ 10:09 PM

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"People are individuals, and they age differently, mature differently, and behave differently, so I consider them individually."

Well put... though there are many individuals who you may think have matured but in reality they have only learned that they can attract more beetles with honey versus vinegar. Most of my older friends show me their true faces/intentions and believe me it's nothing like what they show their ladies.

Anonymous ATS

posted on Dec, 12 2008 @ 06:44 PM

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Feeling the need for scientific research to back up the ‘dirty old men’ myth, Gothenburg University and Oxford University scientists performed a study on 400 lonely hearts ads to see how men and women choose their partners. What they wanted was to test some theories about how men and women pick their partners in general. By examining these ads, they found out what any man in his right mind already knows (this applies to most, not everybody). Women search for solid resources and an established social status. As a result, men often include ‘large house’ and ‘economically independent’ in their ads. Men search for younger women, only about 1 man in 100 searching for a woman of similar or older age. However, young women search for older men. Actually, almost all women under 60 search for older partners. After they hit that magic number, they start thinking about younger partners.

“When it comes to physical characteristics, it turned out that men and women were the same. Both used words like, ‘athletic,’ ‘beautiful,’ ‘pretty,’ ‘tall,’ ‘handsome,’ and ‘trim’ to the same extent, and this goes both for their descriptions of themselves and for the characteristics they were looking for in a partner,” says Jörgen Johnsson at the Department of Zoology, University of Gothenburg, one of the researchers behind the study. “This might indicate that men have learned to respond to women’s interest in looks, therefore stressing to the same extent their attractiveness in the ads. The fact that both sexes focus on looks may also be influenced by our times, with the great fixation on appearance in the media.”

The All Seeing I

posted on Jun, 2 2009 @ 09:49 PM

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Men are likely to live longer if they marry a younger woman, new research suggests.

A man's chances of dying early are cut by a fifth if their bride is between 15 and 17 years their junior.

The risk of premature death is reduced by 11 per cent if they marry a woman seven to nine years younger.

The study at Germany's Max Planck Institute also found that men marrying older women are more likely to die early.

The results suggest that women do not experience the same benefits of marrying a toy boy or a sugar daddy.

Wives with husbands older or younger by between seven and nine years increase their chances of dying early by 20 per cent.

This rises to 30 per cent if the age difference is close to 15 and 17 years.
Scientists say the figures for men may be the result of natural selection – that only the healthiest, most successful older men are able to attract younger mates.

"Another theory is that a younger woman will care for a man better and therefore he will live longer," said institute spokesman Sven Drefahl.
The study examined deaths between 1990 and 2005 for the entire population of Denmark.

On average in Europe, most men marry women around three years younger.

Could it be because younger women are less likely to nag and emotionally terrorize their husbands? I wonder if menopause is the source of this issue.

[edit on 2-6-2009 by The All Seeing I]

orangetom1999

posted on Jun, 7 2009 @ 01:11 AM

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reply to post by The All Seeing I

Could it be because younger women are less likely to nag and emotionally terrorize their husbands? I wonder if menopause is the source of this issue.

Sir...surely you jest here in this. I was not aware that there was in fact a biological clock at work in nagging...or terrorizing.

Peace is the most difficult commodity to get and maintain from a woman/women..not piece.

Orangetom

caitlinfae

posted on Jun, 7 2009 @ 04:09 AM
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Originally posted by The All Seeing I
Here's my theory...

So for instance, as women approach their senior years they start to look and act more like men, with the additional negative effects menopause has on women's dispositions, from the stand point of a heterosexual man approaching his senior years... younger women are more attractive in body, mind and spirit.

[edit on 22-10-2008 by The All Seeing I]

Why is menopause seen as a negative process in our lives? And please would you expand on your theory that women look and act more like men as they get older? I really don't understand your reasoning here, and at first read, it comes across as a very shallow and mysogenistic statement.

It sounds like you've had a bad experience of someone's menopause, maybe even your own.

[edit on 7-6-2009 by caitlinfae]

The All Seeing I

posted on Jun, 7 2009 @ 08:46 AM
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Originally posted by caitlinfae
Why is menopause seen as a negative process in our lives?

You many not be aware of all the symptoms... here are 35 to make note of. When a woman is going through such a living hell, her significant other has to go through it too... usually as the chew-toy/punching-bag/snot-rag.

And please would you expand on your theory that women look and act more like men as they get older?

Just a simple observation can confirm this, as for the reasons, there are many. Many of the symptoms of menopause factor into this, but just life's typical hardships can take a toll on one's youthful cheery outlook. Also as people get older they generally care less about what other people think and favor lower maintenance approaches to beauty ie short hair cuts, comfortable shoes, no make up etc Also mannerisms become less feminine and more masculine, less diplomatic and more forceful in disagreements, overall disposition is less warm and more cold, outlook is more pessimistic and less optimistic.

I really don't understand your reasoning here, and at first read, it comes across as a very shallow and mysogenistic statement.

Yes i'm sure it appears that way but is farthest from the truth of the matter. This is in part why most men wouldn't reveal this or even post a comment on it... for fear of being branded some sort of degenerate scumbag. I'm used to people having knee jerk reactions to what i say. When you boldly stand for truth in matters that most don't dare to, it comes with the territory. We are here to 'deny ignorance aren't we? Why do anything half-asses, especially on issues that have a greater purpose?

It sounds like you've had a bad experience of someone's menopause, maybe even your own.

Yes... and believe me, i am by far not the only one.

[edit on 7-6-2009 by The All Seeing I]

caitlinfae

posted on Jun, 7 2009 @ 09:25 AM
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Of course I'm aware of all the symptoms....what reasonably well educated woman isn't? It's a bit patronising to assume on any level that I'm not. I've seen other women in my family go through hell with theirs, so I do understand.

As for knee jerk reactions....I think I was asking just for confirmation of what you were saying first? I'm actually not surprised that you get reactions like that when what you're saying seems to equate attractiveness and likeability with make-up, heels and long hair. Any person's attractiveness is due to much more than the outer eight of an inch of their being, no matter how much make up it's plastered in.

You're also assuming that your truth as far as menopause is concerned, is the same as everyone elses truth, and that may not be so. I did not imply that you are a degenerate scumbag for your views....I would never say that of anyone....but I still don't think that you've really explained how they are *not* shallow and mysogenistic.

So what if women are more confident and forceful when they mature? That's a good thing, isn't it? So what if they don't totter around in heels all day every day.....that's healthier, isn't it? So what if they don't wear all the make up they did in their 20's....is that what really makes a woman beautiful? What about women who do all of these things...and I'm one of them, cos I WANT to....I wear heels, make up and have hair to my waist even in my 40's....often we are accused of being innappropriate in how we dress, and "mutton dressed as lamb"....so we can't win really?

What greater purpose does this argument serve? You're making huge generalisations about women that may be true in your limited experience, and I don't mean that in a disrespectful way...I simply mean that you don't have knowledge of every women's experience as she ages, only some of them, and I'm sorry that they haven't been good ones.

The All Seeing I

posted on Jun, 7 2009 @ 07:11 PM
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Originally posted by caitlinfae
Of course I'm aware of all the symptoms....what reasonably well educated woman isn't? It's a bit patronising to assume on any level that I'm not. I've seen other women in my family go through hell with theirs, so I do understand.

I have no idea how old you are or how aware/educated, but since you asked, i think it was reasonable to assume that you weren't familiar with the symptoms... so i provided a link. I don't understand the hostility... no harm no foul... right?

As for knee jerk reactions....I think I was asking just for confirmation of what you were saying first? I'm actually not surprised that you get reactions like that when what you're saying seems to equate attractiveness and likeability with make-up, heels and long hair. Any person's attractiveness is due to much more than the outer eight of an inch of their being, no matter how much make up it's plastered in.

There is certainly more to 'beauty' then the cover of a book, but as the old cliché goes "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" no matter where it may be found.

You're also assuming that your truth as far as menopause is concerned, is the same as everyone elses truth, and that may not be so.

I didn't make any assumptions... proof being in the link i provided to the following:

The 35 Symptoms of Menopause

This list of common symptoms that occur during perimenopause and menopause was developed from the real-life experiences of hundreds of women. All symptoms were experienced by numerous women and were either cyclical in nature, or responded to treatments (both traditional and alternative) known to address hormonal imbalances.

Click HERE for the credits to the women who developed this list.

1. Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes, clammy feeling
2. Irregular heart beat
3. Irritability
4. Mood swings, sudden tears
5. Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)
6. Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods, flooding; phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles
7. Loss of libido
8. Dry vagina
9. Crashing fatigue
10. Anxiety, feeling ill at ease
11. Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom
12. Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion
13. Disturbing memory lapses
14. Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence
15. Itchy, crawly skin
16. Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons
17. Increased tension in muscles
18. Breast tenderness
19. Headache change: increase or decrease
20. Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea
21. Sudden bouts of bloat
22. Depression
23. Exacerbation of existing conditions
24. Increase in allergies
25. Weight gain
26. Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase in facial hair
27. Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance
28. Changes in body odor
29. Electric shock sensation under the skin and in the head
30. Tingling in the extremities
31. Gum problems, increased bleeding
32. Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in breath odor
33. Osteoporosis (after several years)
34. Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier
35. Tinnitus: ringing in ears, bells, 'whooshing,' buzzing etc.

I did not imply that you are a degenerate scumbag for your views....I would never say that of anyone....but I still don't think that you've really explained how they are *not* shallow and mysogenistic.

Well by asking me to explain how my views are not shallow and misogynistic, you are implying that i am a degenerate scumbag.

I can't explain why men have a hang up on plumbing and packaging, but they do. Shouldn't they be attracted to more important characteristics? Well, many are but they still want the bells and whistles.

So what if women are more confident and forceful when they mature? That's a good thing, isn't it?

In my book it is... as long as the confidence and forcefulness doesn't come off as being a spoiled princess/diva or being a total bossy nagging hag.

So what if they don't totter around in heels all day every day.....that's healthier, isn't it? So what if they don't wear all the make up they did in their 20's....is that what really makes a woman beautiful?

Yes and no, there are obviously inner qualities that we are attracted to, but unfortunately these often change or disappear over time due to aging in body and mind.

What about women who do all of these things...and I'm one of them, cos I WANT to....I wear heels, make up and have hair to my waist even in my 40's....often we are accused of being innappropriate in how we dress, and "mutton dressed as lamb"....so we can't win really?

Depends on who you are trying to impress. If you enjoy being glammed up for you then more power to you, hell with what the prudes say, men like it... hetero and gay
... some more then others

What greater purpose does this argument serve? You're making huge generalisations about women that may be true in your limited experience, and I don't mean that in a disrespectful way...I simply mean that you don't have knowledge of every women's experience as she ages, only some of them, and I'm sorry that they haven't been good ones.

I can't possibly take into account every single individual and their circumstance, but based on what we know the reasons why older men prefer younger women are for more reasons that meet the eye. As for losing track of the intent of this thread i thought i made the OP pretty clear... to explore the reasons for why older men and older women prefer younger partners.

[edit on 7-6-2009 by The All Seeing I]

[edit on 7-6-2009 by The All Seeing I]