Stressed-out mother from Detroit area abandoned boy in Nebraska with $10

Stressed-out mother from Detroit area abandoned boy in Nebraska with $10

www.freep.com

The metro Detroit woman who drove 12 hours and about 725 miles to give her teenage son to the state of Nebraska under its safe haven law did so because she was stressed out and was trying to teach him a lesson, according to the youth's affidavit to authorities in Douglas County.
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The 13-year-old told officers his mother said as she left him, "Just do what you have to do, and I'll check back with you soon." He had luggage, extra clothes and $10, according to an affidavit.

The teen said his mother told him that because police were involved, he "would realize she wasn't kidding anymore."

(visit the link for the full news article)

While the last case of a father dropping off his kids was because he couldn't afford to feed them, this case looks entirely different. The mother couldn't handle the teen and wanted to teach him a lesson?

The mother, the aunt and the grandmother drove from Michigan to Nebraska to drop this kid off. Not only was he abandoned by his mother, but his aunt and grandmother. That's got to have some serious emotional scarring.

The mother couldn't control her kid---I think that's her fault, and now she wants to dump him and wipe her slate clean? Hmmm....If the law doesn't change, I can see a trend starting of parents who can't deal with their kids dumping them off in Nebraska.


www.freep.com
(visit the link for the full news article)

Wow thats seriously terrible driving that far for that long to dump off your kind i hink she should be ashamed of herself

if she didnt want him couldnt she have atleast given him to social services why the hell did she just dump him with only $10

this world is seriously messed up if people are willing to do those kind of things to your own children i hope she gets put away for a long time its atleast what she deserves

Obviously you naysayers have not raised any children.
They can be a big problem.
You can teach and preach and anything else you can think of, but the little "darlings" do have a mind of their own.
You can yell and scream and make yourself into a witch trying to impress them that you are really angry with their unacceptable behavior and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

At 13 he considers all his friends to be much wiser than you are. He will do what he wants to do and has little or no idea of the consequences of his acts.
When they would rather play than do their school work at school'
What are you going to do?
When they misbehave in school; What are you going to do?
When they skip school, what are you going to do?
When you drive them to school and drop them off at the front door of the school, and they then just walk back home, what are you going to do?

Teen age kids are sub-human. I raised 2 boys and I can sympathize with this woman. Had their father been a responsible person & father I would have gladly let him take the older boy. I don't know how it was that I managed to get them to be home by 10 until they were 17. That older one did turn out to be a hard working self responsible person and a good father to his daughter too.

There were times when I came home from work and was so tired and stressed out and having to face them that I felt like just leaving. I understood how it was that so many men just upped and left their families.
It is a matter of self-preservation.

reply to post by OhZone


Perhaps if proper parental sacrifice is not what you desired, less procreation with the intent of a family is what you should have indulged in?

No being a parent is not easy, however if one commits themselves to it they have a moral obligation to then safely raise their children to the best of their ability. Whether they like it or not is irrelevant. Parents are entrusted with a human life, this is not a Madden game you can restart if the score isn't to your liking.

[edit on 15-10-2008 by WestPoint23]

I have raised two children. The way I see it, is parents are responsible to set boundaries and rules on their kids when they are young and keep at it while they are growing up. I see this case as a parent who failed, but the child is being punished for it.

Originally posted by OhZone
...I raised 2 boys and I can sympathize with this woman. Had their father been a responsible person & father I would have gladly let him take the older boy. ...

And yet, you still chose to breed with him. Remind me again who the "irresponsible one" is again?

While we often joke about selling our son to the gypsies...... which he finds equally funny because we have a cat named Gypsy; I have no idea how a mother could simply dump her son hundreds of miles from home and wipe her hands of him.

If she wanted to get the police involved could she not have called them in her home state, or gone to one of the many community resources available to struggling parents?
He is 13 that is still very much a child and one who is at the height of hormonal confusion and needing his family and parents more than ever.

This is appalling, the sense of abandonement and self blame this child must be feeling is appaling and hurts my heart.

Originally posted by sir_chancealot
And yet, you still chose to breed with him. Remind me again who the "irresponsible one" is again?

People change over time and nobody knows what kind of parent they're going to be until they're a parent. Are you a parent?

Originally posted by OhZone
Obviously you naysayers have not raised any children.
They can be a big problem.

No, they can be a challenge. I have never referred to my teenager as a "problem".

You can yell and scream and make yourself into a witch trying to impress them that you are really angry with their unacceptable behavior and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

Of course it's going in one ear and out the other when they are being yelled and screamed at. What would one expect? Children don't respond to being yelled at, they shut down when they are yelled at screamed at constantly. I want to yell and my teen plenty, believe me...she's given me plenty of reason, but instead I just choose to talk and listen.

He will do what he wants to do and has little or no idea of the consequences of his acts.

And who's fault is that? I blame it on the parents who don't follow through on the consequences of their child's behavior. Heck, my child has been grounded Monday-Thursday since school started.

When they would rather play than do their school work at school'
What are you going to do?

Make them do their homework or suffer the consequences if they don't.

When you drive them to school and drop them off at the front door of the school, and they then just walk back home, what are you going to do?

Drive them right back to school.

Teen age kids are sub-human.

I don't get that. Teens are kids, challenging kids, but kids nonethless. I really hope that you haven't used words like "problem" and "sub-human" around your kids. Imagine how that makes them feel.

.....times when I came home from work and was so tired and stressed out and having to face them that I felt like just leaving.

I do understand that, I have felt that many times. But we don't. We put the car in park and prepare to face whatever challenge is waiting for us behind that door.

I understood how it was that so many men just upped and left their families.

I do, because they were lazy cowards. What kind of message does that send to the kids? Things get tough, so just pack up and take off, istead of sticking around and overcoming situations and taking responsibilty?


I need to stop now because I could go on and on. And I mean no disrespect to you, OhZone. Sympathy for that mom?....I have none. 13 yrs. old...that's a child. And as gluetrap pointed out, their hormonal brains aren't capable of making some of the decisions that society expects them to make. Shame of those parents who don't stick with it. Dumping a 13yr. off in the middle of a strange city, sad.

Rush

[edit on 15-10-2008 by hsur2112]

I find it VERY interesting that the article does not mention the mother's age. If I had to guess she is under 25...which to me is a HUGE problem in todays society. Society, for whatever stupid reason, has this idea that you have to have kids and be married etc...by the time your like 25 or 26...when today most people at 25 have the maturity level of a 19 year old 20 years ago...meaning it takes people much longer these days to mature and understand the reality of life...IMO

We have kids in college up to 25 these days..partying, living WITHOUT true responsibility, worrying about their social status (i.e. kind of clothes, cars, houses they can brag about or show off), still living at home because its EASIER then making your own way, etc..and then all of a sudden they feel they HAVE to or SHOULD have a kid because it's WHAT PEOPLE DO...and guess what..75% aren't ready for what comes with it all...but they don't care...as long as they look cool in the eyes of others!

Laws like this and abortion were NOT made for the few (rape victims, tragedy, etc..) instead we in America make laws for those who are irresponsible. Instead of making people RESPONSIBLE for their actions and making them live up to what THEY did...we give them easy way outs and put the burden on someone else while the people who caused the problem...walk away scott free. And guess what...most repeat the BS they already screwed up once.

A stern hand, diciplined household, and the RIGHT kind of tough love are gone in the homes these days...and look where its gotten us. A good crack on the --- set MANY of us on the right path...maybe its time the NEW GENERATION learned how to do this and stop making excuses or giving up..and hoping everyone else will step in to fix YOUR mess.

[edit on 10/15/2008 by rcwj75]

i've watched many episodes of those daytime talk shows with the "out of control teens"

like where they call in that military guy to yell in the kids faces for a week or so

some kids are so stubborn that whispering, "now sweety i said no, you're being difficult now" just doesn't work. sometimes kids need a major wake up call.

now, if it were a situation like that and she went to all that trouble to put a scare into the child and teach him a lesson then i think that's awesome but if she's seriously intending on just permanently ditching the child then i say boo to her. there are better ways to handle it than just washing your hands of your child.

Originally posted by rcwj75
I find it VERY interesting that the article does not mention the mother's age. If I had to guess she is under 25

[edit on 10/15/2008 by rcwj75]

i think she's probably older than 25, unless she had the child when she was 12...i mean it's possible but i think she's probably a little older

There is an update to this story.

Dad regains custody of 2 kids in Nebraska abandonment case
www.freep.com...

The parents of a Southfield 13-year-old abandoned in Nebraska got a small court victory today, as an Oakland County judge granted an emergency motion to return two of their four children to live with dad, but not mom.

This 13 yr old was a foster child they adopted, along with his brother. When his adoptive mother dumped the 13 yr old in Nebraska, all four of their children were taken from them. Two adoptive and two natural.

Today’s hearing was meant to address the parents' parental rights to the 13-year old. But after examining their home, spending time with the children and observing the parents, the Department of Human Services and the childrens’ attorney asked to return the youngest, biological children to the father, change the 13-year-old’s custody to temporary, and to leave him with his younger brother, also foster-adopted, in a foster home. All four children are still under the care of the state.

So the natural kids are going home to the dad, and the two foster kids are going to get put in a different foster home---if I read that correctly.

The mom wanted to teach the 13 yr old a lesson by dumping him in Nebraska. Looks like the mom learned the lesson in this case. If the dad is good enough to get custody of his natural born kids, why can't the adoptive kids go with him too? It might be in the best interest of the kids to go to another home, but if there were problems a social worker should have been alerted first and maybe this whole thing could have been avoided.

Originally posted by Clark W. Griswold
I see this case as a parent who failed, but the child is being punished for it.

I was raised by a paranoid schizophrenic........and even though I am now 45 years old I know straight up I would be in a much better place in my life if she would have given to to the state foster care system....she looked at me as someTHING she owned and could do with as she pleased for entertainment......I was how she released her frustration at the world as she took it all out on me.
Some people should NOT have children or even be around them very much...............and if/when someone in this class of person realizes they shouldn't be dealing with kids, it could be WAY BETTER for the kid in the long run to not be with the unstable person.....then that person should be backed up in the decision to not have the child around them anymore.
Some young males around 13 yrs old can be very dangerous and out of control....and I bet that this mother was at the very end of her rope, and I hope she looked at all the options she could find...
...OBVIOUSLY this is such an extreme and serious issue for this little family that even other family members are aware of the issue and went along for the ride to be as supportive as they could be......if the mom was just imagining this whole problem I bet the other family members wouldn't have been so supportive and would have offered up space in their homes for the young man. It is VERY TELLING in the fact that they did not.

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes people before being so sure what you may have done in the same situation.

I agree that boundaries were not consistent enough to give the youngster a good frame of reference for his behavior.......but I can tell you from ~personal experience~ some parents just do not have the ability to nurture or to set proper boundaries and should not have young ones living with them at all anyway. The vast portion of these unfit parents have NO CLUE they are unfit....and they pile the problems of the world onto the kids head. In those cases it is far better the child NOT be living with these unfit parents.

Oftentimes in the case of mental illness of a parent.....outsiders do not see the extent of the abhorrent behavior, and a child is left to try and deal with the situation as best they can. In the situation of one parent and one child its one persons word against the other........from the outside it COULD LOOK like a very troubled child causing havoc, when in reality it is a child trying hard to make sense of the mood swings, personality changes, violence, addictions and black moods of the mentally ill adult who is in 'complete charge' of them....whether they get to eat or not.
I hope you get my drift.

I'm not saying what this woman did was good or not......I am saying you CAN'T be the judge unless you are there with her........and what she has done may very well be the best thing to ever happen in this young mans life.

I know it would have been a very good thing if my mother had dropped me off somewhere...............but then again..... after what I have been through I have been a very involved and attentive parent to my soon to be 16 yr old....at least he gets the benefit of my being very aware that he is a human being in his own right and deserving of nurture and solid boundaries. Maybe thats just a given for people who are not mentally & emotionally unwell.

[edit on 7-11-2008 by theRiverGoddess]

reply to post by theRiverGoddess

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes people before being so sure what you may have done in the same situation.

I have walked a mile in both pairs of shoes. I was raised in several foster homes. I also lived with a paranoid schizophrenic who happened to be a relative of mine for several years.

If you read my last post, you will see I mentioned that a social worker should have been involved if the child was out of control. The article mentioned that the mother was trying to teach the kid a lesson. This makes it doubly worse because if the woman was familiar with the foster care system, they should have been the FIRST one's she contacted, instead of dumping the kid off in another state.

I hope those two siblings are able to find a foster home that will take both of them. It's hell being raised without your siblings.


If you've not ever lived in a foster home, or a group home, let me tell you, they are not all peachy. I can say that from experience.



[edit on 7-11-2008 by Clark W. Griswold]

reply to post by OhZone



I've never had a child, but I was definitely a handful

I had GREAT parents and no matter how trying I might be, taking off to random states without telling them, getting myself into trouble, being that stereotypical rebel, they NEVER gave up, in the middle of a huge blowout with my father (whom I admire greatly) he said to me:

"Wait until you have kids"

my response

"Thank God I'm not planning on it"

he said:

"Why would you say that? The JOYS of parenting, GREATLY OUTWEIGH the problems we're having now, no matter what you say and do, you are still our daughter"

My point is, becoming a parent is a commitment to most, albeit there are exceptions, but for the most part, if you're going to have a kid you have to know what you're getting into. It's a life-long commitment to the person you created.

It's like abortion, I'm pro-choice, but the last thing i want to see is abortion to be used as a contraceptive method like condoms and the pill, the same goes for this law, it's one thing to give the option to relinquish their child, but it shouldn't be used as the "answer to all problems"

Sometimes you just have to step up and take some responsibility for yourself, hell if my parents gave me up at the age of 13, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I might not even be alive.

-JR
edit:typos



[edit on 7-11-2008 by bandaidctrl]