Genetic Republicanism???

REPUBLICANISM SHOWN TO BE GENETIC IN ORIGIN!!!

The discovery that affiliation with the
Republican Party is genetically determined
was announced by scientists in the current
issue of the journal NURTURE, causing uproar
among traditionalists who believe it is a
chosen lifestyle. Reports of the gene coding
for political conservatism, discovered after
a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange
County, CA, has sent shock waves through the
medical, political, and golfing communities.
Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long
believed that Republicans' unnatural
disregard for the poor and frequently
unconstitutional tendencies resulted from
dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably
high percentage of Republicans do have
authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle.
Biologists have long suspected that
conservatism is inherited. "After all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for a
Republican to have a brother or sister who
is a Republican."
The finding has been greeted with relief
by Parents and Friends of Republicans
(PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves
for the political views of otherwise
lovable children, family, and unindicted
co-conspirators. One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on
hearing of the findings. "I just knew
it was genetic," she said, seated with
her two sons, both avowed Republicans.
"My boys would never freely choose that
lifestyle!" When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, "You can just tell watching their
conventions in Houston and San Diego on
TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant
demagogy, disdain for anyone not rich,
you know."
Both sons had suspected their Republicanism
from an early age but did not confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn't just a
phase they were going through. The NURTURE
article offered no response to the suggestion that the high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing not only genes but also
psychological and emotional attitude as
products of the same parents and family dynamics.
A remaining mystery is why many Democrats
admit to having voted Republican at least
once -- or often dream or fantasize about
doing so. Polls show that three out of
five adult Democrats have had a Republican
experience, although most outgrow teenage
experimentation with Republicanism.
Some Republicans hail the findings as a
step toward eliminating conservophobia.
They argue that since Republicans didn't
"choose" their lifestyle any more than
someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose,
they shouldn't be denied civil rights
which other minorities enjoy. If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical
stereotypes attributed to Republicans)
but is something Republicans can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the
military or even high elected office -- provided they don't flaunt their political beliefs.
For many Americans, the discovery opens
a window on a different future. In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.

But should they be allowed to marry???



"Nothing is true, everything is permissable" -

Provide link and cut it back to a paragraph.

Firstly, no link available...came from email.
Secondly, why does it have to be reduced to a paragraph? Its a descriptive story that tries to include many points such as the mother's reaction and the Orange County study.
Let me start at the begining...What we have here is called SATIRE! Its a mode of communication that tries to convey a message by the use of irony. Sometimes it takes more than summarizing paragraph to illuminate the audience. I know that ATS's hardrive space is better filled with the endless chattle of "demoncracks" and "repugants" but don't you think maybe there's a few kb's left for my little story???
Jesus Christ, how much would it cost me to buy a megabyte of space??? Quick, get me Springer on the phone...I know he'll pony up...it might even get him a newer better title... like SUPER MODERATOR...they're obviously giving that one out for lesser accomplishments these days...

TC, it appears to be an email...you cant quite link your account. Besides, if it is, there isn't much you can say on it after www.abovetopsecret.com... that one.

By the way, nice satire Voice_of Doom...

VOD: Look, repugnants cannot handle the truth. Its in their genetic makeup. It burns them. What they like is "Do as I say---not as I do." That's why you see the problems Bush has with all these tell-all books and all these career government officials coming out with the truth like they were at some AA meeting.

"Hi, my name is Richard Clarke and I'm repugnant."

"Hi, Richard!"

[Edited on 25-3-2004 by Colonel]

Never fear Colonel.

We conservatives (many of us at least) hate the Republican party (although the Democratic party needs some major overhauling too).

I feel the need to kick some Republican ass because there are just to many half ass racist bastards.

Funny thing. The other day someone (white) said the word "'n-word'" in front of me and expected me to laugh. When I didn't he asked what was wrong. Now I am one to give people one chance on things, so I told him not to be surprised if I beat his ass next time he used that word.

I couldn't believe it. What's worse, he didn't even use it in the pal sense, but the bad way.

Thanks for the support. Plus, its interesting to see how people act when they think they are comfortable to speak freely.

TC....I think OxMan nailed you on that one.

VOD...that was great....do you mind if I copy and paste it into an e-mail of my own? Do you have a name of the author so I could site it? Keep up the good work.

p.s. Colonel, your totally right about republicans.

What? No one knows how to use Google to find a link to the content they wish to post????

REMINDER:

MEMBERS: Do not simply post news articles in the forums without comment. If you feel inclined to make the board aware of current events,
please post the first paragraph, a link to the entire story, AND your opinion, twist or take on the news item.

Originally posted by Colonel
Thanks for the support. Plus, its interesting to see how people act when they think they are comfortable to speak freely.

I think you'd be surprised at how many people say things like that around me.

Racism has only gone underground.

I am white and conservative so I guess I seem safe. False sense of security cause I take it to them.

Huh? I thought we already confirmed that it was an E-MAIL.....not a real story. Please read the entire post before you start spouting about the rules of posting news stories. No offense but your post shows that you didn't even read the thread.

MM: The republicans are getting rabid!

KJ: Sheesh, you're like the secret informant for the good guys.

Man, I didn't think the republicans would get sooooo upset about a satire that inadvertantly compares them to OHNO.....homosexuals. Just goes to show how bigoted (sp?) some people can be I guess.

KJ and Colonel....I also hate it when people use words of offense around me that were ment to be offensive. Whether it be the nasty n word or the popular f word that means a bunch of sticks....or anyother word that is used to offend people. Makes me want to kick them in their heads and say wake up you bigot!!!

Very smooth underhanded commentary on the Colonel....I like that

VOD & Ox: you're some sharp mother f***ers!
Great posts!

Colonel,

I actually wasn't saying you or KJ in particular in my post. Although, I have seen you type that word before...not sure about KJ. Still, I wasn't implying you two at all. But, if you liked it then cool with me. Have a good one.

Email is acceptable.

As far as propaganda, only an idiot or a filthy commie-leaning Esquire would label such nonsense as anything else. *Cuts eyes toward Colonel*
It is obvious that it was written to slander anyone who would be for anything other than, how shall we say, HAPPY PEOPLE? And since that all good, left-leaning Democrats would never fit that profile, it only makes sense that the stupid garbage would have the word Republican all throughout it.

Originally posted by KrazyJethro

Originally posted by Colonel
Thanks for the support. Plus, its interesting to see how people act when they think they are comfortable to speak freely.

I think you'd be surprised at how many people say things like that around me.

Racism has only gone underground.

I am white and conservative so I guess I seem safe. False sense of security cause I take it to them.

And what do you say back to them?
Or do you just adjust your darkness sensor to the environment?

Heres what you should say to the whites:
censored

Heres what you should say to the blacks:
censored

Edit Second though i dont think i'll risk it deintley non PC.

Originally posted by Thomas Crowne
Email is acceptable.

As far as propaganda, only an idiot or a filthy commie-leaning Esquire would label such nonsense as anything else. *Cuts eyes toward Colonel*
It is obvious that it was written to slander anyone who would be for anything other than, how shall we say, HAPPY PEOPLE? And since that all good, left-leaning Democrats would never fit that profile, it only makes sense that the stupid garbage would have the word Republican all throughout it.

OH MY GOD, you are dense man.

It's obviously a joke in reverse made to poke fun at republicans.

Let me lay it out for you. Take the gay/liberal stance on homosexuality (a genetic thing). Since Republicans sterotypically think it's not genetic but a choice, then it is turned around on them FOR A JOKE.

Turn on Comedy Central sometime, the place is damn loaded with those funny things called jokes.

Good lord. It's becoming harder and harder to call myself conservative around here with all my fine peers setting a good example for our kind.

Originally posted by The Fifth Column
And what do you say back to them?
Or do you just adjust your darkness sensor to the environment?

As for you, I give them the speach. If you really want to hear it I'll let you in on it, but it's long and annoying purposefully to accentuate the idiocy of their statements.

That's the first offense.

Second comes the all inclusive bitch smack, complete with a little stank on it.

No joke though, that's what I do.