Falling in love with your best friend..

Hi all.
This is a follow-up to my previous thread.

Originally posted by Blue10110
Hi all,
I'm having some friendship troubles. It's probably all my fault.. I have a great friend. We used to be best friends or something. She trusted me. We had a lot of late night conversations and she kind of liked me a few years ago. When I had problems then she was the one to talk to. She was with me when I went through hell two years ago. I've become really fond of her. Best friend I could ever have.. But for the last few months I feel kind of forgotten.. replaced and left out.. I've become curious about her new relationships and she doesn't like it. She gets mad at me often..

I'm not in love with her.. at least I don't think I am, but I can't lose another person from my life anymore. Once lost somebody dear to me to another and I still haven't gotten over it.. I feel like exactly the same thing is happening to her...
Every time I try to talk to her I say something wrong and she gets mad at me.
I don't know what to do anymore. Tried ignoring her but it's too difficult... I'm losing a great friend

Should I just end this relationship and forget her? If things don't get better I will do it..

Comments? Advice?

[edit on 23-8-2008 by Blue10110]

Things went a little better after that. But I fell in love with her. The problem is that I don't have a chance with her.. She loves me only as a friend. Now she found herself a boyfriend and.. it's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do. It hurts too much. I shiver all over my body. It's really difficult to write. I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I'm gonna do something stupid. I've been through this before but this time it's different. I feel like my life's over. But my life hasn't even started yet. i'm only 18.. I really feel like this is the end for me. I just can't take it anymore..
Reply or don't I don't care. Just had to express my feelings..

[edit on 7-10-2008 by Blue10110]

[edit on 7-10-2008 by Blue10110]

Simple .... SABOTAGE relationship ...
Come on you know you want to .... Observe his habits , find a fault and expliot it ..... Or just spray paint "rapist" over his front door ..... Of course you could just try to ruin her life and get her to need your support....

If you truly love someone, you'll just want to see them happy. You'll take delight just watching that person 'be'. It's not about you or what you want, it's about seeing the beauty of another person and appreciating everything about them.

'In love' is just a big illusion - it's down to hormones and chemicals. Unfortunately, it's also very selfish. It's about what you want and how you can 'have' the other person.

You're not at fault - just at the mercy of something that's very difficult to handle and control.

Hard as it is, you may just have to ride it out. If your friend means the world to you, don't make her feel bad because of your feelings. If it's difficult to be around her, maybe keep a little distant for a while. Stay in touch, but not meet face to face.

Friendship is one of the most valuable things you can have in this world. Someone who's there to watch your back in times of trouble and share your joy when things go well is irreplaceable.

You wouldn't want to lose that person because you're having a bit of current difficulty through being 'in love'.

Try to focus on the good things about your relationship and be grateful that she's in your life at all. You'd feel worse if she wasn't.

I honestly know what you're going through. If it gives you any hope, sometimes you find out later why you couldn't have something or someone that you really wanted.

It may well be that something or someone else is better suited to you, but you'll have to wait for a while to find that out.

If you can find something else to focus on you'd be doing yourself a big favour. You need something to take you out of yourself.

I do hope things work out for you. You never know, maybe you have found the right person for you but now is not the right time. Keep yourself together - 18 us a great age to be. Life could be so much fun for you.

Hmmm,

I'm not a Psychologist or anything, but I think that you are taking the feelings that you have for your freind as an alternate relationship offering that someone else may fill, but you won't let them.
Though you haven't found that person yet that makes you feel like your freind might.
You find yourself charmed by other people either in a work environment or social situation that you may not be attracted too usually, but still you find them VERY attractive and don't know why.
I can see why you are confussed, because these people represent what you may want too be, you see them and hear them speak, you see how they make others laugh, create a presence in a room and they make you feel good also when you're around them.
I see this all the time in my own life, though I am not gay, I find some people incredibly alluring, only because they contain certain qualities that I would love too have and when I am around them they make me feel that the world has been realigned. The thing is, though I am not around them all the time and I have other really good freinds that I connect with on a different plain I know that my emotional feelings towards these people are, in essence about what I feel that I lack in myself.
I am not saying that you are insecure, but that maybe you feel that you have lacked a certain quality that makes you become charmed by others because they have that certain quality that you feel you don't have.
I could keep on going, maybe I am close too what you needed too hear, maybe I am a long way off and maybe I am not.

Cheers, Fox.

...but in the end.... This is the Internet... and I am not a Doctor, I wish you all the best.

Thanks for replies.

I don't like this kind of stuff.. It's the second time when I have to try to get over somebody. My previous relationship ended with me being replaced by someone better.. This one's a friendship and I know this girl well. She's what I want. She's the one..
I already don't meet her that often. Now I just can't even if she'd want to. I can't risk seeing her with someone else. It's devastating to see someone you love in somebody elses arms..

[edit on 7-10-2008 by Blue10110]

reply to post by Blue10110


I'm sorry I can't say anything to help you feel better or take away the pain.

You say your last relationship ended because the girl found someone better.

Please bear in mind - she found someone better for her. Not someone better than you.

There's a big difference. You're still probably finding out about yourself and who you are. Work on it and you can become a little work of art. We all have so much potential to fulfill - never think someone else is better than you. They're just at a different stage of development - who knows what you can be?

You need someone who appreciates you and who sees all the good things in you that you see in them.

I sometimes think life throws these hurdles at us so we can learn from them, before life will let us have what we want. I do think that there will be a time in your life when you look back at this and relize that at the time it wasn't right for you both.
When one door in your life closes it usually because another is about to open.
You seem to be a very caring and sensitive person and thats a benefit for a person of your age, when you find the right person they will appreciate these qualities.

reply to post by Blue10110


Hey there, I used to be in the same situation as you. I used to like one of my best friends. Things are cool between us now and we are pretty close. But what you need to understand (and everyone else has prolly said already) is that if you really want your friendship with her to keep going you are going to need to get over her. I know its not an easy task, but for me to get over my friend we went through this stage where she ignored me, didnt speak to me etc... for like 2 months. That helped a lot in getting over her even though it pissed me off so much at the time.
Anyway, the point is that you really just need to try get over her at some point.
Sorry for being a little blunt but when I was in your position I just wish someone had told me that lol.

Anyhow, hope things end up working out for you .

Don't despair, all is not lost.

Remember, you're only 18. Girls at this age change boyfriends as often as they change underwear. Keep being friends with her - either you'll get over it or they'll break up.

I know that 18 seems old when you're there but when you're 36 and that's half a lifetime ago, you laugh about how you thought everything was the end of the world. Then you get depressed because you realize there's still another 36 to go.

Originally posted by Duzey
Don't despair, all is not lost.

Remember, you're only 18. Girls at this age change boyfriends as often as they change underwear. Keep being friends with her - either you'll get over it or they'll break up.

She's different. She is looking for a relationship that will last for a long time.

I'll get over eventually. I really like that friend. She's been there when I needed support and now I have to support her too.

The only thing that matters is that the person we love is happy.

You sound like (I imagine) my boyfriend did a little over a year ago, before we were together. We were really good friends but I was with somebody. The only thing I can say to you is, well, I didn't know he liked me but I had a huge crush on him so I was afraid of rejection. He kept in touch in a sweet way, asked about my relationship in a way that wasn't creepy or invasive, and I just fell for him so hard one day that it overpowered everything and I broke up with the boy that I was with, and we became a couple soon after that.

I hope it works out, relationships are 500000% better when you are good friends first.