Some advice please

I was seeing this girl that I met at my old work place. She was amazing, extremely beautiful, smart, she listened well, and we seemed to really understand each other. Shortly after I started dating her I was laid off from my job. I believe it was because my boss had a grudge against me. Everyone gets laid off some point in there life so It wasn�t too bad. I found a job rather quickly. I continued seeing this girl outside of work. I guess we rushed into things & things got physical pretty quickly. We were very close to having sex when we both realized that we were moving way too fast. The next day I realized that I was missing my wallet. I figured I must have left it in her car. I went to my old work place during my lunch which happened to be during her lunch also to get my wallet. There was this overwhelming sense of embarrassment. We hardly said anything during the walk to her car. On the way back we talked even less.

Looking back on the situation I should have said something like yea we moved to fast but I think we should still see each other. At the time I couldn�t really say anything. I felt that I really hurt someone I really cared about. But of course she had equal part in the whole thing. So after that I didn�t call her, she didn�t call me. So we both went our own separate ways.

This one time I was sitting at a red light, somehow she pulled up next to me, she was going to make a right, I was going to make left. There was a lane in between ours. We had eye contact for I�d say 10 seconds when a huge truck came in between us. This was somewhat of a sign maybe. When I got home, I called her cell phone. We both agreed that the truck coming in-between us was rather odd & that perhaps it wasn�t meant to be. But she told me that she still thinks about me a lot. But later in the conversation she told me that she met someone. Pretending to be cool with that I stayed on the phone for ten more minutes then made an excuse why I had to go. My heart being crushed I then burned her number hoping that I would forget about her.

To this day I still think about this girl. I�ve dated some other women since then but I find that nothing really compares to the time I spent with her. I don�t really know what to do with my self about this. There isn�t a day that goes by that I don�t think about her. I may seem a little obsessed but I think of it differently. I view it as once you found someone how I found her there�s nothing that really compares.

What do you think I should do? Being that I burned her number & all. I was thinking about going to her work but that might be viewed as a little obsessive. Should I send her flowers? I�m not sure if she�s forgotten about me. If she�s in a serious relationship I wouldn�t want to come in-between.

Well it sounds to me like you need closure on this..
You still hold a flame for this girl and you need to address these feelings so you can move on with your life. with or without her

i would suggest that you write her a letter telling her how you feel, write it all down

leave your number on the letter and ask her to write back...some times this is easyer than face to face..

just tell her you need to know what her feelings are on this and that you respect any thing she has to say.

and explain you just need to know as to address your own feelings.

Good luck Hun, its a hard place to be..and an emotional
strain..



[Edited on 22-3-2004 by asala]

Thanks for your response Asala. I wrote her a poem the last date I went on with her. She thought it was the sweetest thing someone had done for her. At the same time she was a bit surprised that I felt so strongly about her. It might of been a little over the top. But it was how I was feeling. Here's the poem:

You

Alone , so ocward in this place. Seeing all these faces. All these places I go. Not feeling apart, starting to pull my self apart

Revealing my self to the few. So hard to ever trust anyone new. But I think I beginning to trust you.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's what I see in your eyes. Or perhaps it's that I feel your really listening to the words that come out of my mouth.

A connection between us. A nice sweet vibe inbetween us I feel. Energy when close to you. Can feel it flow from your skin.

Holding your hand is hard to feel such deep emotion run through my vains. Did I just skip a breath? Did my heart just miss a beat? Did I just feel what i just felt?

What we are is still a question I still ask. Not sure what we have. All I know is it's special. Like the smiles you give. Like the person you've revealed to me. Amazed at what the underneath layer that you've barried your heart under.

Your past doesn't matter. What you are now is what you are to me. It's all I want to see.

So we'll just take this slow and see where this takes us. As long as we reach the outcome together. I'm not afraid. may get hurt but it's a risk I'm willing to take with you.

So when your ready, let me know & I'll be here. Don't want to rush you. Not going to try to push you into this. What you give me is a gift I'm greatful to recieve. So special to me. I take them and place it in a special place in my heart.

tough spot to be in, I feel for you.

before you totally scare this girl by getting too emotionally agressive, try bumping into her again, stop in at your old job to say hi to another buddy, shop in store nearby, whatever you have to do, to "accidentally" meet her. Stay cool, chit chat and try to gauge where she's at. Is she over you? Is the "attraction" whatever it is still there? if you sense and she reacts positively to see you again..then get her number back and follow up on it. if she reacts negatively, walks away, seems cold or detached....then you should know what to do. if you are unsure and received mixed signals from her then I would suggest you give the letter as Asala suggested.

oconnection what a sweet poem!

And a great way to express your feelings,
Im sure she she treasured that,

That poem was really nice. I love that kind of romantic gesture too. You could always see if you could find her email address and have a 'conversation' with her that way. I know of a few people who actually met on the net and used email as their conversation piece. Its always worth a try I suppose.

Hey thx Gothique. Yea I write a lot of poems which one day I hope to turn into music. Yea don't know her e-mail, I know what gym she works out at. I also know where she lives. But that would be a little over the top. I'm starting to think that I should just let her go. If she wanted to be with me she would call or something. I figure if we were meant to be we would be.

I thought theres some software on the net that lets you find a persons email if you have their name and address. I'll have a look for you if you want. And don't just give up, she may be waiting for you to call. or she may be shy (like me )

I would send some flowers to her at work, with a note saying that you would like to talk to her, if she wants to

put your phone number on the card ?

Your thinking too much about the what if issue.


I know that many times i've confronted someone I liked because I didn't want to regret it later on.

Closure is what you need. If it takes that one time to go to her work to find out if there is indeed a spark there, do it. Don't hold back, because you've beaten yourself up enough over this.

So go there and visit her, tell her you haven't been able to stop thinking about her, or maybe even just invite her out for drinks and then tell her that when you guys have loosened up a bit.

True feelings usually shine when your a little toasted.

Anyway, thanks my advice, I just don't want you pondering the issue anymore then what you have.
Be brave and go get her.