Only Look Here If Your A Women

I've been in two relationships I consider serious throughout the course of my 21 years of life. I could never really consider them a permanent mate though because I couldn't open up to them about my past. I had troubled teenage years with drugs, being diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, bi-polar (or so they say), and cutting. I'm a recovering cutter. For anyone who doesn't know what that is. It's basically where you inflict bodily harm to punish yourself. Yeah...kind of difficult to talk about. If you were a girl....and you are, if you actually listened to the topic title.....even though I'm sure more guys came here. What would you think about your boyfriend telling you all this? Would you break up with him? Would you get scared and think he was a freak?

Sorry to hear all this Steve, I hope you are able to move past all this and start on a healthy path to the future. I think it takes alot of guts to admit all of this, so good on you for having the courage.
Would I break up?, not necessarily, but nor would I let it become to serious until you were on solid ground, and have received help.
Good luck, and take care.

Hey Steve,

I think me, being who i am, wouldn't run off just because a guy has told me of his past problems. I'd recognise that you have healing to do in this life and if i was apart of your life i would be apart of it to help you with this healing, among other things.
People should be accepting and compassionate towards others, in every situation.

Good luck with everything Steve!
Vacant

Well I can see you need the help of the ladies man of BTS my friend...

Sorry had to ignore your sexist thread title for a moment and get to the bottom of this issue.

First off my friend your only 21 years old. Yer a pup as it were.

Women like self confidence and you my friend lack this. It's ok tho, self confidence doesn't grow on trees it's the belief in yourself. This can be accomplished.

As for the cutting, my ex wife used to do that (part of the reason shes my ex now) and that is a troubling sign. I wouldn't talk about that if I were you to any woman other than a psychologist.

The drug problem you can discuss with a girl after a while of dating. Not right away. Be yourself around women and they will like you more than if you just unload all of your problems onto them. That scares women away. What you want to do in the first part of dating is expound on your good qualities without being egotistical about it. Yes you want to impress the girl. That way down the road you can slowly let her in and let her know about problems you had, and I say HAD in the past.

hope that helps

Being honest, Fro me i would expect the man to be 100% honest with me about this,

It would not make me run of but i would want to know that you where doing something to help yourself with the problems you face,

A girl would be there to support you, But you would have to not sit and do nothing about it,

A good GF would except you and help you through the battles you are facing,

just remember though... Dont let it over run the relationship..


The girl needs attention aswell,

But again, As long as you where willing to look in to some form of self help i think you would get mainly support from most girls,

Well i know what you are going through.. kind of. i've been on the other end of this situation i guess you could say.

My most recent ex was bipolar, depressed, a cutter and had a lot of self esteem problems, but i stayed with him. we met, hit things off, then the closer we got, the more he told me. knowing them didn't effect anything, it was just when he used those as an excuse to treat me horrible that i finally left him. i can handle problems, but being blamed for things i had no control over, DAILY was not worth it for me at the time.

when you are with someone you should get to know them and IF you feel comfortable telling it, then do it. if the girl is interested then she won't leave. another ex of mine (dated for over 3 years) was into drugs, which led to depression, and eventually bipolar and he also had ADHD, so that was crazy. i put up with the ups and downs. i loved him and he loved me. things like that matter a whole lot less than you think. you just have to embrace your differences and learn from the past and accept yourself before you can expect anyone else to accept you. it sounds like you have had a hard time, and i am sorry for that. but don't worry, you will find someone who loves you and accepts you, and probably also easier than you think.

if you ever need a friend of someone to talk to, i am up for it. you seen like an awesome guy, you just need a little reassuring.

I would never leave my man over something that happened in his past. Mainly because i have my own and i know how it can affect you.

I would listen, understand and be there for him when and if he wants to talk about it. You can't change it no matter how much you wish too.

So if she doesn't try to listen and understand then she was never really worth it in the first place.

reply to post by whatukno


So what you are saying is hold things back and don't be fully honest and full of candor?

Catharsis is a powerful thing. Yeah I wouldn't neccessarily break it out on date one but I sure wold tell her if I used to be a cutter. You should hold anything back from a potential permanent mate. Besides nowadays the lines are fuzzier and we have better chances. People don't judge like they used to.

Be honest and if they can't accept it...why would you be with them anyway?

-Kyo

Personally I would have no problem with it. I think its a very brave thing when a guy opens up to you.

I totally hate drugs but I know my boyfriend did a lot of them, that he was a cutter and still has those tendencies. I also know some other awful stuff about him.

But he's still my boyfriend, you know? And one thing he held out for awhile and was waiting to tell me and I was more worried about it than I cared about it when he actually told me what it was.

Originally posted by SkepticalSteve
What would you think about your boyfriend telling you all this?

I'd be caught off guard.

Would you break up with him?

Then I'd find the most sincere way of letting him go.

Would you get scared and think he was a freak?

I definitely would get scared but not think he was a freak.

Summary: In all honesty and no offense to you personally, it all boils down to making sure my babies won't inherit something that would make their lives challenging in the future.

[edit on 2009-4-13 by pikypiky]

Originally posted by SkepticalSteveIf you were a girl....and you are, if you actually listened to the topic title.....even though I'm sure more guys came here. What would you think about your boyfriend telling you all this? Would you break up with him? Would you get scared and think he was a freak?

I'd be concerned he's going to relapse and start making it my problem. Some cutters do it to hurt themselves.. some cut to get attention or threaten others. I'm not at all saying you do but it would be on my mind.

[edit on 13-4-2009 by riley]

Reading some other responses and want to add...

If she loves you, she would want to help you, and support you, and assist you in finding help for yourself.

People can change, contrary to popular belief.

or

if he really loved and respected her he wouldn't be starting a relationship with her in the first place if he hasn't fixed his own problems first.

btw. I'm not saying people can't have a past but they should make sure they don't repeat it with someone else.

[edit on 14-4-2009 by riley]

No I would not think you a freak. What actually is a freak these days anyway? Lots going on with lots of people, stuff most cant explain so why even try. Id hope Id be understanding and see whats really going on under the so called freakness.

Drugs is a problem that adds an un natural dimension though, that I may find hard to deal with. I can take most natural freakness, I seek its cause and cure, but drugs is a whole different thing and Id have to tell them to stop. Drugs hide the truth, when drugs are not taken all is natural, all is caused by a natural force, drugs mask the truth.