I need help so bad. Please...

There is no easy way to begin this so here we go...

I had been dating this amazing girl for 6 months, we fought a little bit near the end but we were also both really stressed out (final exams in college...bleh).

Her ex decided to join the Marines and she told me that she still loved him. Over the next month, she progressively grew closer to him and continually put me on the back burner.

Our arguments became worse; she wouldn't consider my feelings; I lost my temper a few times, though I never hit her (her ex had hit her before). We broke up with the hopes of resolving things between us and between her and her ex. A month later she started dating him again.

When we moved back to the college for the fall semester, she said that she wanted to try to work on getting back together with me. I agreed and said that for us to work on things genuinely, she would have to break up with her former ex. She agreed and told me that she would break up with him when he came home the following weekend.

She also told me that she was worried that she might end up getting caught up in her emotions and sleep with him when he came home. I asked her, for my sake, not to sleep with him.

The weekend came and she became engaged to him. She called me and said that it was not what it seemed and that she would explain the day she came back. The day she came back we started talking and I asked her if she had slept with him. She said that she didn't. She also skirted all of my questions regarding the engagement.

A day later, she tells me that she DID sleep with him and that it made her realize that she made a mistake and that she wants to be with me. I told her that I could never trust her around him again; she left me once for him, and I don't want to get hurt again. I said that the only way that we could be together is if she cut all ties with him, otherwise I would constantly be paranoid about her leaving for him again. She agreed. She said that the next time she talked to him would be the last.

It has been two days and she has made no attempt to contact him and end things. In the mean time, she has been pretending that everything is okay between them and she doesn't consider how I feel in this situation at all. I confronted her about this and she swears that she IS considering my feelings and that I'm the one she wants to be with.

I told her that I was done; I wanted to cut ties with her and start over elsewhere. She pleaded me to stay.

I love her SO much, but every time I think of her I can only think, "She slept with him and didn't even consider me." I feel like I am constantly put on a backburner (though she swears that she isn't doing that) and the front she puts on in front of others hurts me emotionally constantly.

Please...someone...give me your opinion about the situation...I need help.

Goodness what a mess,

Hun i hate to say it but you both need to have some time out from each other, So that both of you can gather your emotions,

It cant work the way its going the thoughts will destroy both of you,

You need to have a relationship break and see what happens from there,

If you cant get over that fact that she may or may not have slept with him then thats a big issue in its self, to be a loving couple there needs to be trust, If thats not there then this aint going to work,


Have a break, gather your thoughts, then talk about where you go from there,

Its might be a case of leave the past behind, and choose to move on from that point and not bringing up this fella again,

and for her she needs to think about what it is that she wants, If she wants to be with you then she has to respect your thoughts and feelings,


Its easy to say i know, Be strong and Good luck,

reply to post by daniel191159



I know young love can be a mind-blower, but this chick sounds like a real player. She is totally digging on being the object of two men's affections. That tells me all I need to know about her and her character; she would make your life a living hell for as long as you make yourself available to her games. Drop her. It'll shock the hell out of her, but she needs a good dose of her own medicine. Then start dating other people. You sound like a one-woman man. There are plenty of one-man women out there, find one and live happily ever after.

Originally posted by daniel191159

I love her SO much, but every time I think of her I can only think, "She slept with him and didn't even consider me."

I am so sorry for your pain daniel, and this may sound harsh but that bit I quoted up there is basically 'it' hun. The be all and end all.
I strongly advise you do your best to move forward with your life and put yourself and your own feelings first now. Lost love will always hurt, and it's the worst kind of hurt, but it will happen unfortunately.

It just seems, from what you told, she didn't love you like you loved her sadly. The sooner you can acknowledge this, the sooner you will be able to move on.

You seem to still be quite young, and in college! Life is just gonna get more interesting from here on out

Try focus on this and what you have to offer to a woman who will appreciate you and what you have to offer.

Really saddens me to hear of ppl being treated this way

I wish you all the best sweetie and feel free to U2U me if you need to vent or talk


Chin up

Ya know daniel191159, I really understand what your going through. I really really do. Been there done that, heck mine was a little worse cause my ex wife took the t shirt I would have got

"Some" (note to ats girls theres a some here, don't lynch me!) women like to torture, controll and destroy a man. They think it's funny cute or otherwise some sort of game to them. They never really cared about the man they from the start planned to destroy. This one is playing a game, shes not only playing a game with you, shes playing a game with the other guy.

Just remember daniel191159, there aparently are good girls out there that do care about the men they get into a relationship with. Supposedly these women do exist.

My suggestion, lick your wounds for a while then forget about that one. She obviously is just one of the women out there that are evil (Insert C word here) and really after a while you can realise that she wasnt worth your time, and how lucky you were not to have married that piece of filth.

Dude i know it's hard and this wont be the last time you get hurt Its apart of life, we all have had this happen (Most people)

Don't let her control your life the way she is by telling you lies and BS
Cut her free and take a swimm in the big blue sea You will find a true fish in the ocean

Chin up and just think to your self you have a life time of joy to come your way

honestly dude..drop her..you dont want a girl like that..you should find someone who wants you and only you and puts you first..that aint her..move on

Heres the deal...and I mean this in no offense but...

You are the new guy and he is the ex. It was their relationship before it was yours.

Personally, I would see other girls (as many as you want) be a free agent, while still having this girl on the side. If she picks you over him then eveything is cool, and you can make your choice (maybe you'll find someone better)

But like I said before, sounds to me like you have no place in this and your feelings mean less cause he was there first.

And another question to think about is do you really want a chick that might see another guy if you she was yours?

Things to think about.

This other guy may beat her or treat her like dirt, but thats their relationship and she is the one choosing not to do anything about it.

I just dont think its your place because sorry to say youre the OTHER guy

Not saying your girl is like this, but some girls treat men like they are shopping for shoes.

My brothers ex when he was 18 was odd, he liked her a lot and she liked him, they got real close, then she started acting strange flirting with men, she changed, then on msn chat, she was flirting to another guy in front of him, acting really interested.

She always said things like "are you angry?" "are you jealous?" And laughing thinking it's funny.

Later she says she wants to "try" going out with the msn guy. And if it don't work she might go back to my brother!? WTF?

She even smiles and acts all casual when she asks this, as if it won't effect my brother, but it did a lot. She plays with minds, she wanted him to get angry or jealous thats why she kept asking with a smile, she probably wanted feel needed or something.

Needless to say her new relationship only lasted a week.

And then she went out with my brothers friend, this friend kind of had his heart broken too, he kept thinking about her, and wanting her back.

So basically be careful, you might meet the most amazing nicest girl, but it might not be the full story.

Obviously men do this too, and women always get played like this too.

Anyway moving on would be a good idea, my brother always thought about her like it was the end of the world, but now he's with a MUCH better girl, who's funny, honest and has a great easy going personality. Never lies or anything.

And he never thinks about her anymore, he doesn't know why he even liked her, it annoys him.

[edit on 5-9-2008 by _Phoenix_]

I told her that I could never trust her around him again;

That sentence had 3 words too many.


Daniel i am so sorry that this girl is keeping both of you on a string until she decided who or what she wants .
I understand that you love this girl. I imagine her "fiance" does as well. She sounds needy, inconsiderate, dishonest and deceitful.
Any problem before a marriage only becomes magnified afterward. From reading your post, you truly deserve someone that you can rely on and trust.

Better things are coming your way . It isn't the end of your world, just the end of suspicion and worry. Chin up .

reply to post by daniel191159


Not to sound insensitive but this is a situation I've heard before. It will never end with her and her ex. Dump her ass. Get out while your young.

Man-up dude, don't let her play you like that. Use the balls you have and drop her like a BAD HABIT...forever!!!!!!!!!

Thanks everyone, you gave me the advice I needed, another push down the path that I couldn't see.

Tonight she, again, said that she didn't want to be with me, or at least that she wasn't sure. I told her that I couldn't do this anymore. I tried walking away but she wouldn't let me...and as mad and hurt as I was, I refuse to hit anyone out of anger.

She eventually slapped me after I refused to come back to her...but hey, it's the last time she'll ever hurt me again. She lied to her mom the whole time about her wanting to get back together with me. Her mom called me and threatened a restraining order. Currently, I'm talking to Campus Safety about this situation. She didn't want me telling anything but my hand is forced because her mom is threatening (unwarranted) legal action. If it goes to court then it's going to be okay. I never hurt her or scared her into believing I would. I did nothing wrong...except leaving her in my life. But that's changed now.

I'm through with her. I might have been acting stupid by believing her in the past but never again.

I was dumb enough to let her talk me into staying more than once but I have learned. I'm moving on.

Again, thank you, everyone, for your advice. I'll keep you posted. But right now I'm a wreak. I'm having suicidal thoughts; I have reported myself to Campus Safety tonight and handed over both of my knives (legal folding knives).

I just hope it will all be over soon. I need my life back.

Sorry this post is less composed than my usual posts but I'm having a breakdown and need to vent. Thanks.

reply to post by daniel191159


That's bad, but you will get through it, I've seen similar things happen to others, and they were really depressed, but now they are really happy with a new girl, who they love even more.

She messed up big time, it's over now, no more second chances.

If you put this the other way around and tell a story about a man acting like her and hitting the girl. Well you can see more clearly how she's messed up.

Suicidal thoughts is normal, remember that, you won't kill yourself, because you know that you can move on and be happy, I've seen it happen.

I know it's hard not to get upset over this, but try watching a movie or semething to distract you, I hope you feel better man.

Peace.




[edit on 5-9-2008 by _Phoenix_]

reply to post by daniel191159


It might not seem like it but you did the right thing. I've been in a situation like this and you don't think you're going to find anyone quite like her again. In fact I've thought that way many times and your so convinced that someone posting this is wrong because she truly was "the one". Trust me dude I realized a long time ago there are many "ones" and I'm sure you'll meet one soon enough. I wish I could take you out for a beer right now to help you lament.

Expect to be cheated on if you continue relations with her. If you really love her it shouldn’t matter. We can’t control people. Love her unconditionally. If you love her so much, find out why she does what she does, why she likes him, what she's really looking for. You CAN love a wild thing, but it will bite from time to time.

Sleep with her sister or her bestfriend(hell even her mom if you can stomach it).Make sure she finds out and tell her you still love her.Repeat as many times as necessary until shes a mess than when you get tired of it kick her to the curb.Make sure when you leave you say something kikass like "pay backs a be-otch" and than get on with you life.

I've had a bit of time to think...and sleep for once and I know now that I'm never going back to her again.

She had some good things about her, but she had a lot more bad to her than good. Frankly, it isn't worth my time and effort to try to be with her.

Last night, after I talked with a college counciler, I went back to my room and watched some TV. I got on Facebook, erased everything about her, and was a bit suprised that I didn't feel sad while doing it. I felt like chains were coming off. Looking back on it, I feel like I can be me again.

This morning I decided to start off on a good note so I listened to the song Devil Beside You, a song that I, in my head, dedicated to her. Before I would have felt bad because of my feelings for her but I'm sure it's over now because I could finally relate to the lyrics in that song.

For the first time in 5 months, I think I'm going to be okay.

By the way, thank you Azador and whatukno, your posts gave me laughs when I really needed them.

youre in college....

skanky hoes abound!