first day of school - frightend again!

today i got a talk with his teacher!

finally!


it was really good after all

she also talked to him
asked about his relationship to his classmates
and encouraged him to talk to her about ANYTHING which bothers him

so we will see




[edit on Tue, 03 Mar 2009 16:07:22 -0600 by orange-light]

little orange feels really encouraged after that talk with his teacher


and i discovered a little trick
he starts to save money on that new nintendo DSi

each complete week in school without missing a single day gives him 1 euro!

today he was very delighted to get his first one


so it is additional pocket money

i am more than speechless
i am getting mad
i really got the feeling that i can.t handle it anymore
and i am not sure if i am able to write everything down which is in my head!

summary:
he gets easily stomache problems and made me keeping him away from school
we talked to the teacher who finally seemed to take the problem seriously

i told him: each full week at school means an aditional euro for you!


now i have to go to school by myself - not a big thing, but too much to worry about

i started my school on march 16th

3/16 son not at school, still with his dad, coz he got influenza
came back home that monday afternoon

3/17 son at home, influenza
me at school - worried coz he was alone for 8 hours

3/18 son at home influenza
same sit for me than 17th

3/19 i sent son to school at 8 and left the house by 8:30

3/20 same as 19th

got an email by the teacher on the 23nd son hasn.t been at school on the 19th and 20th

3/23 me starting to school at 6:50 because of a special introduction class at 8
talked to son on the phone by 8 he told me he is about going to school
great
came home by 5 he told me he hasn.t been to school coz he felt ill
i cried he cried
we talked he told me he felt so ill and he didn.t wanted to bother me

than email by teacher that he hasn.t been in school on 19 and 20

great

he says he has been at school

3/24 although his stomache was quiet well in the evening of 3/23 he felt terribly ill again on 3/24
so we went to the doc
doc said: virus
got a sickleave for 3/23 and 3/24

me got one for 3/24 and 3/25

3/25 today
i made a table with each day untill summer holiday
son got order to show it every day to his teacher to get a signature that he has been at school
we are getting in touch with a fellow student to pick him up every morning

so yay today he has been at school

i thought that now we can both go to school until summer

this afternoon i met his teacher - she wasn.t for talking just busy busy informing me
he hasn.t been at school the days i stated above
she claims he is lying to me and ditching school

yay please let the worries come to me [/sarcasm]

she also claims that he might have to repeat the year - 6th grade - coz they wouldn.t know how to mark him

i need to talk to him - he is with a friend - luckily
i need to talk to teacher and principal
a friend offered to come with me


but meanwhile i thought it would be better to be dead

i can.t stand anymore of these burden

i feel despreately about it
i feel to weak for it

i can.t stand it anymore

somebody once told me that we get all this # to grow of it
but i just can.t grow anymore
i don.t have the power the strength for it


don.t fear that i might do something against me and life
but i feel so alone


i really don.t know anymore how to handle it
i really don.t know

just talked to him,
he really switched school the very day

he told me he was close to school and than an overwhealming panic attack came over him!

orange-light, my heart goes out to you. When difficulties like this are happening, it is hard to imagine that one day in the future all can be better.
I am reminded of a former colleague I saw recently. Her son had great emotional difficulties as a child, to the point it was affecting his school work. She was so happy to tell me, "You wouldn't believe it, but he is going to get his doctorate in science!"

In the USA, schools have school psychologists, who help students who are having trouble dealing with school. I recommend little orange have a talk with a school psychologist, if you have them, or to a good youth psychologist.
He is not happy with the way things are now and could use some advise from a professional to deal with his life now. He might say he would not talk to anyone, but he needs to feel better.
We take our children to a doctor, when they are not feeling well physically; we need to make sure they can talk to a caring adult who will help their emotional side, too. A caring adult would help him/give advice in a non-threatening way.

And, bottom line, orange-light, you also need a caring person to help you with some advice to deal with little orange. Get some objective advice, a good how-to plan, and get any questions answered. When you and little orange find a plan that will help, remember that changes don't happen overnight, but be persistent while the healing takes place.
You both deserve to feel better. Smile and go forward.

desert thanks for your kind words


i talked very long yesterday to little orange

here is the plan for school:

• i will bring him to school every morning by 7:30 - there is an institution called VHG
  it means (since he is still in elementary school) kind of reliabal half day school - so you can have your kid in school from 7:30am to 2pm onward, no matter when his schedule starts
  
• a talk with the teacher and the prinicpal together with a good friend of mine who is also a mother
  
• little orange gets as well the cell phone and land line phone number of this friend, and the school secretary too - for case of emergency
  
• little orange can have his cell phone with him so he can call me or my friend but got the strickt advice NOT to leave school before it ends without any of us two
  
• if so i will use my time to get a youth psychologist, coz little orange.s school doesn.t have a school psychologist - not all schools have this - his high school will have
  
• neither little orange nor orange is happy with the situation - the seperation from his dad was one good thing but causes a tremendous amount of trouble
  
• for threatend to repeat grade 6th which would really doom him i asked the teacher via letter to test him seperately to get the marks - hopefully she will do that! usually they refuse to do extra work
  

Update:

• talked to the teacher - she really wants to help him
  
• enrolled him for the VHG stuff - he will be cared by from 7:30 to 13:30 if there are no school lessons. even if they got free because it is too hot in summer.
  
• got the telephone number of a school pyschologist, they - as i said - are not at the school but independent - that pyschologist isn.t available today, the secretary is laughing coz i need an appointment very quickly - maybe i can talk to him again tomorrow
  
• informed the teacher via email about the stuff
  
• teacher is talking to the other teachers to figure out what he has missed.
  

Oh, orange-light, that is all such good news! You are working with some very caring teachers, who care a lot for little orange. VHG sounds like a good program to have.

I had to leave my sons' father, when they were a little older than your son. It was very hard on the younger one, who couldn't understand why I couldn't stay. (THAT is what I felt the worst about, that he had thought that dysfunctional marriage was normal!)
Twelve years later, all is well. He graduated from college, is happy with his Life, and thinks that my husband now is great and that we're a great match for each other.

Storms in Life come up, and we have to ride them out the best we can. Like last weekend, while driving home over a mountain pass, we got caught in a snow storm. We slowed down, drove for miles behind some other bigger vehicles, all of us staying in each others tracks. Cars started to pass, but we began to notice that the cars that tried to drive the usual speeds ended up spinning out and crashing along the side (no one looked hurt, but there were miles of fenders along the highway). There are times when Life isn't "usual", and we just have to drive differently and ride it out.

Peace, love, and blessings to you.

reply to post by desert


hey desert

thanks again for all the good thought

i am totally impressed by his teacher since till this year she didn.t seem to care that much!
i am really hoping that everything will work out all right!

that this storm will go away and we will sit in bright sunshine


as you described it so perfectly in your example - we have to slow down a bit


little orange gets along with the seperation of his dad and me
he loves his "stepmother" very dearly and gets along better with his dad nowadays than he did in 2006
he was 9 years old when we seperated and until the night of my moving he used to pee into the bed everynight
that is solved by now!
which i am very grateful for

your story gives me hope!
in more than one repsects!


thanks again



i will keep this thread updated - hopefully with good news!

reply to post by orange-light


Never having had any kids I really couldn't advise you in this case what to do. I'm sorry to hear that little orange is having so many problems. One thing that I did however think of. ok, you wondered how to get little orange interested n reading. Are there any used bookstores around in your area? If so then pick up a small bookcase. Put the bookcase in a corner with a comfy chair. Designate that as his "Library area". When he's good take him to a used bookstore and let him pick up some books that he's interested in for his "Library". That way you can also see what he's interested in as far as reading goes.

Yes, by all means keep us updated on what's going on.

reply to post by Deson


thanks to you deson my friend


little orange got tons of books
i am not sure but he must have about 7 big shelves of books
he got severeal ivar-shelves by ikea in his room and one of a tall one (over 7 feet high and 1 shelve nearly 3feet wide) is full of books

he is interested in harry potter - but he usually listens to the cds
yesterday he read "beadle the bard"


so we will see if it lasts


but anyway i am looking for a bookstore you describe in my area and i will take him with me
he is very interested in comic books which i don.t mind but now and then a real book woudln.t harm him i guess

and it can.t be the missing example

me is making books and so does his dad
me is writing books
and me is reading at least 2 books a week - beside the reading on ATS

have to report "strange" things


little orange usually - from the moment he was born - has problems to fall asleep at night

usually i will start sending him to bed by 9pm
he is ready by 9;30 than and than he gets up 4 or 5 times and falls asleep about 11pm or later

last 2 days he was in bed by 9pm, listened a little bit to his fav cd and was sleeping before 10pm

yay
and claimed before, that he was tiered!

hopefully it will last!

he is at the VHG now

very motivated - hope - i really hope it will last

unfortunately he peed a little into his bed last night
i just hope it is because he had to get along with much stuff


66 school days left until summer

Almost a year ago I have opened this thread, because I was scared what happened to my kid.
It is time to close it but before I want to give you all an update.

Thanks for your support, your help and your being there.
It meant a lot to me.
A very special thank you for my dear friend rush who suffered with me – you rock baby.

As you know the little tangerine who is a teenage boy of 12 years and 9 months now, suffered a lot during the last 3 years of elementary school.
As I found out during the last year he was mobbed by 3 boys of his class.
The teacher never realized it since well behaving towards adults is much more important at that elementary school than proper social behavior.
At least it seems to me that way.

The teacher who assured me to care for my son after a good talk in spring told me to talk to the psychologist of the school service. I did so. The psychologist told me that this situation is not his business; it is the business of the teacher, who said to go to the psychologist.
The psychologist offered to examine my son to find out if there is anything wrong with him.
They love kids who seem too functionate.
I love my kid the way he is

Anyway the toughest day was the last day before the summer holiday.
I am working since the beginning of June. My office is about 1 hour ride by metro away from home and elementary school.
The secretary called me about 10 am. “Miss orange, the little orange hasn’t come back from break, could he be at home. He isn’t answering the phone at home”
I asked her if the bag of my son was in class, she assured me that it was, and so I could tell her that he couldn’t be at home, since his key is in his bag.

I called her back after 5 minutes to ask what they were doing to deal with this matter. To ask if they were searching for my offspring.
I mean if a 6th grade doesn’t come back to class after a break on the playground the teacher should search for him.

He didn’t come back since the 3 mobbing guys dealt with him again and made him really furious. He didn’t want to misbehave in class so he stayed outside to calm down.
Not a bad thought.

Finally they detected him on the playground and made him go back to the classroom.
School prepared a little farewell ceremony for all 6th graders in the evening. They told little orange to go at home immediately and that it wasn’t necessary for him to come back again to school in the evening. He was told that I could come to the office the next morning to get his certificate.

Very well, no problem with that since I was more than disappointed by the support we got at that school.
I just called the tangerine’s dad informing him about the situation and asking him to deal via phone with our son. I just didn’t want my son to sit for hours alone with the frustration.

His dad talked for hours with him, which was great. His dad also talked to the school and informed them how disappointed and frustrated both of us were by their dealing with such a serious situation. The secretary pretended to know nothing.

Anyway my son called me – crying – “I am so happy that I am done with elementary school.”

Than he spent a summer dividing his time between my house and the house of his dad.
When he was at my house he was sitting most time – at least I guess it was this way – sitting in front of the computer.
He tried to make appointments with his friends but they haven’t had any time.

Anyway summer is over. School again.
New school. High school (no middle school here)
Comprehensive school.

He got a wonderful teacher, an experienced guy, born in the beginning of the 50s.
The tangerine doesn’t say that the teacher is nice, he claims he is wonderful.

After 3 years he told me for the first time that he is looking forward to school again. He wakes up early in the morning to go to school – all on his own.
He had to choose his courses on his own – the teacher told them how to deal with that matter.

He is happy he is really happy
Started to make new friends.
Started to be the way we know him in his first grades.
Started to be our son again

So I hope the days of fears are over.
I know that there are problems in front of us, since we have to deal with a teenager at school
But I know that this new school is very supportive, that the teachers are more than engaged!
Much more than usually.
And I am building on that knowledge

So thanks again for all your help, for listening to me

Make sure that you aren't putting to much pressure on him + maybe some kind of reward for going to school.

Reading that back my advice is a bit hollow, I was always nervous going back to school and the only way to beat it (and fear in general) is to confront it.

Try to have a really deep and thoughtful talk with him - there's always a reason for this type of thing.

thanks it is all sorted out meanwhile

took me over a year

i took the pressure out - first he wanted to enter a gymnasium (very special highschool in germany) after elementary school, but he felt the stress therefore we offered that comprehensive school he is now visiting, where he got the option as well to get his abitur to go to university - what he wants

i did award him something last year to go to school
buit neither the de-stressing nor the award made him go to school, since he feared school, since he feared his fellow students

new school - new chance
he loves it
he loves his fellow students now
and he comes home and tells me: my belly is aching i laughed that much today
or he tells me that he is looking forward to go to school again tomorrow
as if somebody turned a switch

so thanks again
i just wanted to update you all, since you gave me your time, help and advices


last night there were parents meeting at the new school, i talked to the teacher about the situation of the past 3 years and his suffering
he was happy that i trusted in him and told me to have a close watch that this never happens again to my son!

orange-light! I was just thinking of you and little orange, little tangerine, or is it teengerine now that he is close to being a teenager lol, the other day!

Glad to hear of better school days. High school is a big step up, which can mean a chance for a fresh start.

Enjoy and peace.

reply to post by desert


thanks so much desert
thanks of thinking of us

yep highschool is a special step and since the kids go to different schools they get mixed in a new way

the teengarine is also a very nice word
this morning a very sour teengarine since a very tired teengerine
glad he doesn.t know how we call him here

i know that there will still be problems now and then - but we can manage it . hopefully