Writing my first SIT-X story. Advice needed.

Hi Friends,

I was watching the movie "Category Seven - End of The World".
This movie was so bad it inspired me to write something better.
So here is the first chapter of my story. I hope you guys like it.
I need advice on plot and helpful writing tips.

©COPYRIGHT 2008 by n0b0DY. All RIGHTS RESERVED.

PLOT-

This is the story of a man who lives his life simply until war, corruption, and devastation decide its time to play. He must learn to live and fight
for his place on Earth.


©COPYRIGHT 2008 by n0b0DY. All RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Chapter one.


The room is dark, silent. Cold drafts of air pass throughout the
maze of cheap furniture. Drapes trapped frozen in time. The microwave reads 8:53.

A noise emits. Just outside the front door, a muffled voice. A key scratches the lock, slides in.

The door opens.

There, standing still, the small shouldered silhouette of a man.
He stares into the endless black abyss almost pondering which foot he should move first.

The man walks in.

Hands scrambling for the light switch. The light flicks on.


He is home.

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©COPYRIGHT 2008 by n0b0DY. All RIGHTS RESERVED.

As if directed by compulsion. The man removes his shoes, sets them aside, precisely, next to the door. He nudges his shoes in place with his fingers till it brings satisfaction.

Places his keys in a clay bowl on the counter. The man adjusts the figurine next to it. The dust he wipes off.

Humming as he winds down the halls of his town house, the arrival of his bedroom door calms him.

He anticipates rest.

Calmly, he places his hand on the door knob and turns it.

The door opens.


SURPRISE!


Cheers, applause, and cups of beer thrash him.
He is nervous even though the smile on his face says otherwise.

"Happy Birthday buddy!" yells his friend into his ear while under the influence bearhugs the man and kisses him on the head.

"Yeah, Thanks Mark" he nervously remarks. "You can stop kissing me now"

Mark laughs. Lets the man go.

Immediately upon his release he is bombarded with hugs, kisses, high fives and happy birthdays. He proclaims with a childish smirk.

"You guys... uh... Firstly, Thank you very much for this, uhm, bedroom surprise".

They laugh.

"We thought it might be scarier!" says the ditzy blonde next to him.

"Yes, Thank you. he says while nervously panning his eyes at the people standing on his carpet with their shoes on.

"Now if at all possible could we take this... fleshly mass... to the living room?"

The girls in the crowd giggled as the men hoot and hollerd while they left the room.

The man walks to his closet as he throws, with disgust, away cups of beer.
Takes off his tie and rushes to meet the riot in his livingroom.

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©COPYRIGHT 2008 by n0b0DY. All RIGHTS RESERVED.


[edit on 19-8-2008 by n0b0DY]

[edit on 19-8-2008 by n0b0DY]

This seems written as a screen play. Good visuals/images!!

My only suggestion, for now, would be to flesh out the main character's persona.
Who is he and why.

Advise? You just keep going, I am anxious to hear how you incorporate sitx into the storyline.

If you need some writing skills refresher course's check out these threads for some solid advice.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...