Im different but I dont know how

I've been reading ATS off and on for a few years now and after spending 3 hours on here today, I finally have the balls to post.

I always knew I was different since I was little. I always was fascinated with Wicca, UFO's, Ghosts, the Occult, and still have my fear of Bigfoot. I started getting gut feelings as I grew up, telling me when a choice was bad or when something didnt feel right. 90% of the time I would go against it and realize I was wrong. I brushed it off as intuition. Things got a bit more vivid once I hit my 20's and I started having visions. Weirdly enough, they would last about 3-4 seconds and whatever I saw would immediately happen (i.e. a guy proposing to a woman in the middle of the hotel lobby). They come to me as "What if....happened?" and it happens. I used to brush it off but as they came more and more frequently, I semi-believed I had some sort of ability. I think its gone/dead/sleeping now, no idea really because I dont get them anymore.

I never agreed with religion, or really Catholicism. I never felt comfortable in church, I throw up Communion every time (I quit taking it after my First Communion), Ive never had any contact with God/Angels/Satan, nothing from the afterlife really. I dont know why I throw the Communion up, maybe because its so bland. I always thought it should have flavor or something but oh well.

The post on here about feeling as if something is wrong/timeline/time changes, I feel that too. Deja Vu hits me constantly, I feel as if Im alone with some of the things I feel, but most of all as if nobody understands me. I used to be extremely social, but as I get older (21 now), I get less and less social, I dont want to go anywhere, be around people, just want to be alone. Depressed? I dont think so, I cant explain what I feel, I just feel the need to be alone.

I make stupid mistakes to others, with others, etc. I read a post on here about people being invulnerable. I think that describes me a little, but not physically. Ive never been hospitalized, sick, had surgery, etc. I broke something for the first time this year and that healed pretty quickly. Regardless, when I make these mistakes/get in serious trouble, I seem to come out unscathed. No matter what I do, I never get the worst punishment, it just seems to go away. Maybe its my personality, maybe its just compassion from others, but I think its much more serious, something from above/beyond, similar to what the post stated. Im not saying Im destined for anything great, I dont even believe that, but I think theres some sort of other-worldly being that watches over me. Confused about that one too.

I have this attachment to the occult, mainly witchcraft and for some reason, Im fascinated with demons. I honestly know that if I did get involved in Wicca, I would drift over to the Left Hand Path, or the dark stuff. Why? Its where I feel most comfortable. I dont want to harm others, and I dont want to communicate with demons, but I have to avoid researching Wicca online and especially here in New Orleans. Theres stores everywhere dealing with the occult, not that hard to find books on Black Magic. Ive never done a ritual, hell I dont even know how, but this attraction to it bothers me.

So, whats the point of my post? Im wondering it too. I guess Im trying to see if there are others out there who feel something, if not everything, that I feel. I cant talk to my parents about this, my friends will think Im crazy, so I keep it all inside. If you have any thoughts or think I should commit myself, let me know. Thanks.

Are you:

1) left handed?

2) have a negative type blood? (A-, O-)

3) have blue or green eyes?

reply to post by confusedone


First of all, Great first post...and welcome to the board as a poster.

If you do some searching you will find other posts with a similar sentiment. Many people are experiencing similar things.

I began hearing and having visions as well as seeing apparitions about 4 years ago. My younger sister had passed away a year before that and I was at my lowest point about the time it started. I thought I was going to have to go to the nut house, the only problem was. I was still rational. I have been that way my whole life and nothing like my experiences had ever happened to me before. I grew up believing in God and became a Christian at 16.

After a long string of being "Saved", I woke up, then a long string of "whatever" started, which took me to a "whenever" string only to be knocked out by the "however" string...enter supernatural.

I hear on a day to day base. I only hear in my left ear clearly. Both work, but my left is all I hear "them" through. The only way I can describe it is as a vibration...many many voices to which I have to "tune" into. I have to resonate at the frequency I'm trying to clarify to hear. I do this by seeing an equalizer in my head then dropping out the bands I want to narrow out and raising the bands I am trying to concentrate on. I also have to try to tune with a clean heart or I get "bad" stations. When I say bad....I mean BAD....negative, mean beings. You do not want to open these channels. I repeat, no matter how interesting they seem...DO NOT OPEN THESE CHANNELS...it is very hard to close them once they are open.

When I "tune" I can also see things. I see animals, dinosaurs, trolls, gnomes, spiders, worms. There are so many spirits walking around they actually crowd one another and if they find out you know they are there...get ready for a close encounter...and they have lots of friends. It only is bothersome when they begin pressing on you or "pricking" you. We are their food supply...for real!! "Unless you drink of my blood and eat of my flesh..."

God does exist, look in the mirror, just remember to humble yourself before him. He draws you. Religion is Satan's church, God doesn't dwell in a house made with hands, because you are his church and his temple.

Don't commit yourself...it is hard...I am in the same boat. Can't talk to friends, family or even my girl. God does this to bring your trust to him alone...so be strengthened cause The Holy One is calling you.

Peace

You are not alone. I'm sure their are many of us.
You can try comitting yourself, I have. It was a relaxing 30 day insurance paid vacation and it helped nothing.

I too have always been on the thirsty quest for knowledge. Getting sick from the Eucharist is a completely sane notion to me. Eating Jesus? The cannabilistic consumption of a mans flesh who has been dead for 2,000 years? Yeah. Even symbolically this practice is gruesome and unnatural at best. Solution?

Do not eat the Jesus

I split my time between feeling like God's favorite child and an abomination.

When I was a child, to get myself to sleep I would visualize a demon in the corner of my bedroom watching me- if the demon thought I was awake it would render my flesh limb from limb and then eat my soul. Oddly enough, this thought would send me right off to sleep. I told my shrink about it...turns out that this is kind of an odd behaviour for a 6 year old child.

I feel like I have a large purpose and for the life of me I can't figure out what it is. All I DO know is that I really love human beings and I seem to have a very intuitive understanding of what makes people tick. That said, I work as an accountant.

Who knows? I feel you but I have no thoughts or advice. I'm 35 now, in my experience the "feeling" of youself that you have simply gets more excruciating with every passing year.

Blessings to you.

reply to post by confusedone


I understand where your coming from. Way back about 15 or so years ago I started having visions. At first, before I experienced a vision, I would go into a trance like state. I mean, I couldn't move no part of my body, I couldn't talk, it was like I was frozen. The feeling that would come over me was like something was sucking the life right out of my body. It started at my head and slowly would move down my body. It was terrifying . At first I couldn't see but I could hear anything going on around me. But then after a few min. is when I would experience the vision. Mine are never good though. I thought for awhile that I was losing my mind. These would happen while I was fully awake.

My first vision ever was the destruction of the world. Scared me to death.
My second one I actually stood in front of satan(in the vision) and he revealed something to me that actually took place.

I have had dreams come true too. But , mine comes and goes. Sometimes it may be months and nothing. Then when I think, thank god there gone. Boom.. Back again.

I do know that a lot of people are experiencing some weird stuff lately.
More and more people are talking about it. I mean people who has not believed in this stuff is like , Oh god you know what just happened to me.
There is alot of forces out there that is working on us. What it means , I don't know. Im still questioning why me? I don't want whatever this is. I'm to scared.
Anyone have any thoughts on Poltergeists? I need some help in this area...

I have had similar feelings as you all my life. I have also 'seen' things that aren't really there and sensed things other do not notice. I am not much older than you (23 y/o) and when I was about 13 I became interested in the occult. I started reading books and eventually started reading books on "black magic". My mother eventually found out and was very angry that I was meddling around with things I did not understand. I was very angry with her for yelling at me, but then something very unexpected happened. Out of nowhere she made the blanket on her bed float, at that moment I knew she was right and I really did not know what I was getting myself into.

I stopped messing around with the occult until a few years ago. I'm not really wiccan or anything in particular and I definetily do not mess with anything considered 'black', but I have learned that ( and this may sound cliche) eveyone knows right from wrong and what can hurt and what dosen't. You have to live with these decisions and what ever you choose will come back to you.

Now I do believe that there other beings an dother planes in this world and sometimes some of these beings may not be those most friendly, but they are also the ones who will try and trick you and appear as a friend. Just be careful an ddo what you know is right.

Good post Confused one,

Runetang, weird i know, i feel just like Confusedone and yes i am actually left handed and have blue eyes and my bloodtype is O (but not negative, as far i i know)

rune, by your questions you ask, is there something you know that i dont bud? im intrigued..can you enlighten me?

cheers guys.

long live peace, love and light eternally

ps. sorry for the anon, im at work and i cant recall my pass so cant log in

Join the club !

Since I was a little boy I'm struggling in finding my way on this planet and the older I get, the more I dislike the place. I don't have visions but I'm highly sensitive and sometimes its like I can read peoples minds. Whenever friends or relatives are sad or have problems they always come to me for advice..

I've been told to be an old soul, back after many many years, which would explain my fascination for ancient cultures, especially the maya's and atlantis. Anyway, whatever it is, I have the feeling I don't belong here. This is not home. Hours and hours I've spend in my hammock watching the stars wondering what I'm doing here.

Its not even earth I dislike, it's a beautifull place and I trully enjoy its flurry animals. But its the people living on it. The society they created, the descruction they leave behind, blinded by greed and materialism. This is not how I remember, this is not how it was supposed te be and I don'want to be part of this.

Everyday I look into sky and everytime when I see the stars, it feels like going home. I don't belong here, I want to go home..

here here

Ahh finally logged back on. Runetang, that anon reply about the left hand, blue eyes was me bro.

Im the same, in the last 5 years (minimum) ive also started to feel like i dont belong here. If im outside at night i'll stare into the stars and just get lost in them. They are my salvation so to speak.

I also think that i or us or most if not all of us came from the stars somewhere (initially) I can have d & m's with my dad on a pretty deep level regarding life..you know...the same stuff we all talk about on here....and my mum too. My girl tho is quite the opposite but we manage.

Im angry at the governments, at war. I believe true intelligence knows war is never the answer, and the only way forward is love, respect, understanding and awareness. Everybody is special and born equal.
We are all connected...Race? thats just a color, we must see beyond that and connect our hands in unity. that is love, that is moving forward as on, peace eternal.

Religions of any nature seperate people, they do not unite. Awareness and undestanding leads to higher intelligence and intelligence will never support hate and war.

My life would be complete if we were all happy and safe. I love humanity and i want to help people.

I can have great patience but i hate (strong word i know) ignorance and most of all i hate close mindedness. I feel a change happening in all of us. Every second of every day im always asking the question.."why". I know that can drive people crazy but it gives me power.

The governements who wish to suppress us ( we know who they are ) can try but they will not get far. I know this current war is a mind war and those with the fighting spirit and love of humanity will be there to see this suppression end.

We must fight for those who cannot fight for them selves. We must stay strong and not give in.

I also believe crystals have strong functions. I enjoy the occasional toke and believe mj is a medicine. (how mj is banned is heresy, how do you ban nature?) I know the sun gives us life and 432hz is the key to this planets harmony (thanks Maya and others, you know who you are)

I believe money is the root of all evil and those who would hurt/kill others for money will get their comeuppance one way or another.

I would describe myself as a minimalist at the end of the day as i know once you have found peace within yourself you can then help others.

from the bottom of my heart i love you all as brothers and sisters of the free peoples. Let the day come when we all join hands.

those fighters who are reading this, you are my brothers and sisters.
those who wish to harm, BEWARE i am really pissed off and we will not be suppressed, you will not ID us, chip us, control us.

I am a man of love and my thoughts are pure, but i am also a man of battle. If sh*t hits the fan and i wake up one morning and martial law is upon us ( touch wood) i will defend my fellow man and i will attempt to destroy the suppression. I am not affraid of death. Earth will not be a prison planet.


NWO/dis-info agents/greedy-rich/ - bring it!

Herbal

take care.

@Herbal Oli,

I don't want to be rude but may I ask what your mayan galactical birthday signature is ?

U can look up your correct seals on this site as it uses the real classis old count and not the dreamspell count

www.mayanmajix.com...

reply to post by confusedone


Hey there confusedone,

As you can see from the replies you've had so far ... you are definately NOT alone.

I think it's fair to say that most of us felt exactly the way you are feeling when we first started to 'waken' it really is part of the normal process and from what you've said in your OP there are no indications that you are crazy (another thing that we've all thought at some point).


Joining ATS is the best thing you could have done ...

1/ You'll meet many more like yourself

2/ You'll meet many with experience who are happy to help and advise when asked

3/ You'll meet some real 'crazies' ... and realize just how sane you are


As for the concern about witchcraft / wicca and any other branch of paganism/occult ... again, normal.
I'd be willing to bet that the majority of people involved in these practices
(including myself) were mesmerized by the hidden mysteries of 'du-magick' and at the same time terrified by it and the consequences that might be involved.

Why ?

Because the books and films make it seem so damn glam and naughty. It's very appealing to the teenagers in particular who find an interest in the occult because of films like 'The Craft'. Great film by the way ... just enough authentication to make it believable to those on the outside (and the ones on the inside who are a little delusional).

The fact is the more you learn the more you realize that Black nor White are how it should be ... you need to embrace the white and acknowledge the black when they meet in the middle you have the perfect balance and then and only then do you discover the secrets of true 'magick'.

And I have to say ... the reality is subtle ... not rude/crude/in your face ... or pristine/twinkly/saintly ... it is the most earthy, natural energy that exists ... and is more than you could ever imagine.

I'm sure there are other on ATS who know what I'm talking about and can vouch for the things I say. So don't shy away from something you're drawn to, just be sensible and ask fo advise when you find something you don't understand.

This is certainly the place to find answers (if you look hard enough). And remember;

IF IT HARM NONE DO WHAT THOU WILL. Woody

ps; welcome to ATS

reply to post by confusedone


You're just a person who's asking questions, that's it. That does make you different, but not in a mystical way.

Keep logical, and you'll be fine. If you accept one single word without logical support, you're doomed to be confused for the rest of your life.

Deny Ignorance.

im with you man and dont worry your not the only one if u wanna talk man
[email protected] is my e-mail address add me on msn and we can chat there =D

Thanks for all the support guys. Its great to know Im not the only one out here dealing with this.