why is it so difficult?

maybe you can help me to make up my mind.
i am in my mid 30s, have been married for 15 years and i am mother of an 11 yo boy.
my hubby, or let us call him my ex, and i seperated 2 years ago and due to the divorce law in my country we will be divorced in 2009.

so now i am living as a single mom, and longing for a man holding me tight.
(no this is not a lonely hearts ad! )
but i find it more and more difficult each month.
some friends don.t want to go out with me – maybe they are afraid i might take their guys? ghsh never
other friends tell me, that i demand to much of a guy, coz i am individual.
a friend didn.t want to wear certain lingerie she likes, coz a man might not like it and then he wouldn.t go out with her – sorry we are living in the 21st century!
i don.t want to give up my independece, i got my own head and brain and why on earth should i adjust myself to the average man (not being offending!)
which guy would adjust to a woman?

but i figure out that it seems to be a problem for men to date strong women, to date women who are individual beyond the mainstream
a friend of mine in washington told me that i couldn.t expect that men would change for me.
(the point is that my hair is mostly red with a streak of green)
i only expect to be taken the way i am, to be respected the way i am.

would you all really adjust yourself for the sake of dating a girl or a boy? would you really give up yourself and all the things you have learnt through the years?
i can.t treat the subject like being 16 again.
but i really fear being alone for the rest of my life!

hmmmm

orange, i am in a similar predicament, age and situation. i don't have the answer you are looking for but can give my advice. first off i would not change for ANYONE. be yourself, if this means red hair with a splash of green, so be it. it is difficult to find a partner who likes someone who is not mainstream. i know it sounds cliche but your prince charming is out there.

it seems like forever... but hang in there
and be yourself

sorry double post

[edit on 4-8-2008 by fishneedh2o]

thanks for your reply

that is for sure: i will never change for no one
changing coz somebody demands it would mean giving up oneself and cheating oneself!

maybe there isn.t a real answer to this subject maybe we can just exchange opinions on it, how we go along with it, and encourage each other!

so fishneedh20 how do you go along with it? do you date? i haven.t had a date in 2 years!
but the future is ours - today i am very much for fighting in a positive way!

i take one day at a time.

no, i don't date. i have very big trust issues.
i am a 'non-mainstream" person, damn society for deciding what is beautiful. i also live in the midwest (usa) and people here are scared of the odd, strange, and usual.

to be honest i am not up for the whole relationship thing right now or the near future. people seem to loose themselves in relationships and become the kind of person their partner wants them to be.

sometimes fighting is all you can do

he you sound a bit like my best friend concering the trust issues

does it really depend on the place where one lives when a person is unique? i mean in terms of easiness and mainstream and all that stuff!

maybe - but you have problems at every place!
i live in berlin / germany - at most places here people are quiet tolerant, but the teenagers in this little suburban village, they are so conservative, i really don.t understand those gus :bnghd:
i am not sure if i really want a relationship, like my marriage, just somebody to go out with and you know a bit of snuggleing etc.
if people loose themselves in realtionships and form themselves to the persons the partner demands than it is kind of giving up and i guess this is what most tmes lead to separation!
why shall i be with a person who is formed to my desire? that is boring!

yeah if you are a frog in a jar of milk you can fight and struggle until the milk becomes butter and you are able to jump out of the jar!

I say hang in there...


A woman with a kid isnt the worst thing... Remember, like 40% of americans have an STD now... so, ill take a lady with a Kid, over a lady with Syphilisis anyday...


Why should you be so adverse to changing???

As a guy, i know that when i get into a relationship, i change...

As a single guy, i can be a stinky, sweaty, beer-drinking, smoking, sport-wtching guy with long hair...
As a relationship guy, i am Presentable, clean, wine-drinking, and watching what she wants, and with a new hair-cut...


Chaning your aperance slightly, or altering some of your habbits... Doesnt change WHO YOU ARE AT YOUR SOUL...



I wish you the best of luck...

Now that I have a healthy relationship with someone who is a real partner, I'll never settle for less again. And yes, over the years, we have changed each other some, but neither of us set out to do that on purpose - it just happened.

The last time I became single, I stopped dating, stopped looking for potential partners, and just looked for friends. I made some friends at a party I attended for a local IRC chat channel (of all things!!) and one of those friends eventually became more than a friend. But we were friends first, and already liked each other just the way we were.

JMHO.

Originally posted by TKainZero


A woman with a kid isnt the worst thing... Remember, like 40% of americans have an STD now... so, ill take a lady with a Kid, over a lady with Syphilisis anyday...

sorry what means STD?
edit: cut out sth embarrassing

Why should you be so adverse to changing???

because people tried to change me all the time
because most of so called friends wouldn.t accept me the way i am but surely expected to be accepted as they are

As a single guy, i can be a stinky, sweaty, beer-drinking, smoking, sport-wtching guy with long hair...
As a relationship guy, i am Presentable, clean, wine-drinking, and watching what she wants, and with a new hair-cut...

he he glad i am the she in the game

thanks for your input



[edit on 6-8-2008 by orange-light]

[edit on 6-8-2008 by orange-light]

Originally posted by Heike
Now that I have a healthy relationship with someone who is a real partner, I'll never settle for less again. And yes, over the years, we have changed each other some, but neither of us set out to do that on purpose - it just happened.

i guess if the changes happens during realtionship it is no problem at all
it just happens as you saif heike
my problem is that some people expect to change myself to increase chances of dating!
this seems ridiculous to me

The last time I became single, I stopped dating, stopped looking for potential partners, and just looked for friends. I made some friends at a party I attended for a local IRC chat channel (of all things!!) and one of those friends eventually became more than a friend. But we were friends first, and already liked each other just the way we were.

JMHO.

i started with internet dating but it sucks
so i guess it is a good advice just to find new friends
it it is meant to be it is meant to be
although i belive that you are creating your own fate

usually if you are friends you respect each other, you trust each other

reminds me of my fav movie "when harry met sally"
fThe first time we met, we hated each other.… And the second time we met, you didn't even remember me.… The third time we met, we became friends. … We were friends for a long time. … And then we weren't. … And then we fell in love.

maybe i will have a date on thursday - maybe not?
met a guy in the internet
no he is not my #1
i am not really sure if i would like to meet him

he is not ugly, but blonde, i am not attract by blond guys
and worse of all he is 59

everybody is shouting: give him a chance
but is he willing to take one?

maybe i am to complicated? maybe i am expecting to much in life and especially in dating?
i dunno

fact is that we just talked not even did the flirt thing
then he asked if we could meet each oither
sure but how, where and when
he is off working late this week from 2pm to 10 pm
so he suggested to meet at 10pm

that made me feel uncomfortable
1. coz of the son
2. late time at night
3. what is he expecting?


therefore i suggested breakfast one morning
which also determines (?) the extension of time!
great

ok then he told me he would bring around buns

breakfast where?

yeah at your house!
ha another no way
i am not crazy i dunno him and i tlold him he doesn.t know me either
(but i know the drawer with the knifes in my house - *kidding*)

ok he was clueless: where do you want to have breakfast?
surely in a nice little pub or cafe
ahhh which cafe?
jesus why do they always think that i have to decide

ex told me he wanted to be polite and leave the choice to me
ok fine thanks but i also love to see something new

now we got a date for thursday morning
at the other end of the city

but i dunno if it is real coz he didn.t contact me since sunday


ok i am far to complicated? a challenge?
i also feel depressed and i am not sure if i want to date him
might i mss THE chance?

reply to post by fishneedh2o


www.suicidegirls.com

Cant tell me that guys dont like women who are not of "classic" beauty or taste.

That site gets 100 million hits a week, and has nearly 300,000 subscribers.

Orange...

Try hanging out somewhere girls of your style will also be hanging around...no doubt there will be plenty of men whom prefer women of expression.

much love

@Perfectenemy05

just have to figure our where girls of my style use to hang around

i am sure it is BTS
serious i don.t have a clue
but i guess one day i will know it

my date:

1. guy was really far to old, and not a bit cool - sorry an old man!
2. i am intellectual and spirtitual much more developed - but that is not a challange - i guess he would play the "i am older card" - he even tried to denied something i have watched, told me it couldn.t be possible - so he is ignorant!
3. he changed his opinion every 5 minutes to please me ??? very strange
4. he tried to grap me all the time, we met for the first time and he wanted to run around arm in arm - i had to tell him that i don.t like it that it was to fast for me
very strange
5. he doesn.t like the stuff i like

conclusion: won.t date him again!


i look for love, i like the search