My Opinion on Women has Changed! They Can't All Be Like This...?

First off, this may end up sounding like it belongs in the Rant section.

Growing up, I thought women wanted a sensitive guy, who genually cared about them, etc. and I was taught to believe this through my childhood. Today, that view has changed drastically. It seems to me that all a girl wants is sex and a guy with good looks. Sod the personality, he can have as many brain cells as an amoeba and not give a crap how the girl feels, yet they pick those guys over the guys who DO give a damn.

Now, I'm not saying all women are like this but most of them I know are!

I'm going to use a typical night out in my town as an example of what I'm talking about. Before I begin, I'd just like to say myself and my friends have all had plenty of girlfriends, but they don't come as often as they do for some idiots out there. We're not Brad Pitt look-a-likes but we're not bad looking. Anyway, I would call myself and my friends genually nice guys who treat women with respect and want more from a relationship than just sex.

We'd have a few drinks in some pubs and then we'd get talking to some girls, or in one particular case, I was sat alone with a girl talking for ages. Getting along really well, buying her a drink or two, you know, really making an effort to be nice etc. Then I'd maybe go outside for a cigarette or go to the toilet and come back to find that the girl is talking to some other guy, then I turn towards them again and see they're playing tonsil hockey! It's happened a few times now and I'm fed up of it.

There's a girl at work who I like, we get on really well. I used to take her out every few days, etc. (This is going WAY back), one day she came round to mine and stayed over. We did the dirty and I thought this was the begining of something really cool. We were sort of going out for a few weeks then all of a sudden she gets back with her ex, who treats her like something he walked in, one night he pushed her over into the road, something I'd never even THINK of doing to ANYONE. Anyway, they've broken up again for the THIRD time. I've offered to take her out a few times, she has said no and instead decides to go out in a town about 20 miles from here. I found out today, she basically goes out and has one night stands with random guys. It makes me feel sick.

Anway, I'm rambling on abit. Is this just a "fad" girls are going through or has this been going on for years?! Should I begin to treat girls like crap and act like a complete effing idiot? Maybe then I'd actually get somewhere! Anybody else out there experiencing the same thing? Maybe I'm just mixing with the wrong people?! I dunno. Help!!!

Yeah, sounds like you're attracted to the wrong type of girl. Either that, or the wrong kind of girl is attracted to you.

And a free piece of advice - picking up chicks at the pub will invariably lead to one of two things: disappointment or herpes. Or both.

Yeah, I'd say the pub is a good place to go for the "dirty" as you mentioned. Many girls out there aren't really looking for a good guy, and I think here in America, they'll come right out and say, "yeah chicks love jerks, but only for a short time."

Not to say you can't find love in a pub, it just won't come out as often.

I really do understand your issue, as it typically is the one I fall into. I like to think I'm super nice, pretty good looking, and a fun guy; but I'm also a guy with a few quirks that I can understand if a girl doesn't like.

The trick is, don't change for these hussies and eventually you'll find a girl who digs the hell out of you to the point you'll say, "why DOES she like me so much???"

Its cliche, but I promise it works.

reply to post by Kontagion


lol. Too true.

I've moved on from pulling girls in a pub now...

I bumped into a girl I hadn't seen for years at my bands last show, she's really beautiful - even more so than last time I saw her. Anyway, just after I came off stage, she gave me her number and told me to call her when she comes back from her training in the Army... the worst bit is she doesn't get back til September! Gutted!

I bumped into a girl I hadn't seen for years at my bands last show, she's really beautiful - even more so than last time I saw her. Anyway, just after I came off stage, she gave me her number and told me to call her when she comes back from her training in the Army... the worst bit is she doesn't get back til September! Gutted!

Ouch, man, I feel your pain.

But the fact that she wants to see you *after* basic suggests she's not interested in a one-night stand. Go you!

Yeah, that's a good way at looking at it. Thanks for the replies, it's really appreciated.

It all depends on what you want ?

Do you want one night stands or do you want a relationship or something in between.

Then you have you ask yourself if you're looking in the right place because from the sounds of it you probably aren't, perhaps try some internet dating sites if you're looking for something serious. You should also worry less about what others are doing and think more about what you're doing to attract the women!

it is kind of hard now days to find a girl without a so called 'history' as you grow older. Maybe you need to look for a girl in a more conservative country.

Sometimes its not about wanting jerks, its about wanting fun. Those "jerky" guys are often pretty outgoing, funny, and interesting. Whereas some "nice sensitive" guys are so worried about being nice and sensitive they can come across as a bit dull.

Same can be said for guys, especially in pubs. When drinking is involved most guys do not look for the "nice sensitive girl with good long term possibilities" they often go for the flashy, fun female that flirts etc...

reply to post by Sonya610


Yeah I do believe in your perspective that nice guys can come off as being like that. Now I don't know which one I do stand by, being the jerk or the nice guy. I think I'm really square in the middle.

x not all girls are like that, i think that maybe you should chill and just let your self go, have some fun and then see what happens, you will know when the right person comes along because you will feel it and so will she, (it might be just a fleeting thing or it may be something more substancial, but it wont matter) just go out and enjoy life and enjoy being you.....when you feel happy with yourself you will let go of this worry and thats when someone will enter your life.
positive thoughts to you
m x

Ight first off, I would like to appologize for those of my gender (female) that do use guys, and make them feel as if all of us only want jerks. Personally I'm not into that at all. I know what abuse and a**holes do to someone and its horrible. And xero, don't change yourself just for the witches that use you and that are like that. For those of us girls that love the nice, sweet, caring guys like how you described yourself, we need you. It seems like anymore guys are changing themselves for those girls, and its getting really really hard for girls like myself to find great guys that really care. So, stay who you are, and soon enough you will find a great girl that will treat you right. Good Luck, Have Fun, Enjoy The Single Life While You Have It, and Peace Out!!!

reply to post by morganathefey


Thanks for the reply. You're right, I should have fun while I'm still young (20 - although sometimes when that number pops up, I don't feel so young )

reply to post by Confuzzled_One


Thank you. I never actually thought about how it is for girls, and maybe some of them feel the same way I do. I guess there are idiots on both sides!

Oh, trust me, the idiots are on both sides. It's pretty sad that I'm only 18 and I already have that figured out. I had a few guy friends that went from being nice guys to the biggest jerks ever just to get more girls. I think its really dumb, but more and more guys are doing just that. Personally, I get pissed off when I see a girl rejecting or ignoring the guys that seem to be really nice and sweet and paying attention to jerks just cause they are hotter. I mean, looks don't last forever, and you need someone that will respect you and treat you right. Its the personality that everyone should look at. NOT physical appearence. Also, don't expect all girls to be jerks. Not all of us are. The nice girls that want the nice guys are just getting bad reps cause of the witches. Anyways, to all those like myself still looking for true love, just hang in there it will find you in time. Just don't give up!!!

I also think the "jerk" tag is used too liberally. The best of the womanizers (those that date lots and lots of women) typically really LIKE women, and the women respond to that. When I say "like" i don't just mean they like to sleep with them, they like them in general and that type of attitude is quite irresistable.

Sure they may like them so much they sleep with different women constantly, but they are not "jerks" they are just kids in a candy shop.

Op, what's the big deal? If women want A-holes, be an A-hole. There's no reason to make the situation more stressful than it needs to be. Just be the biggest A-hole on earth, and they will be attracted to you, like a moth on a light. Anyways you should be happy that's all it takes. God forbid if we had to put in any real effort.

reply to post by Half-Dead


It isn't the fact that if you want a girl who is attracted to idiots, you should become an idiot. It's the fact that the nice guys KNOW the girl will end up getting hurt because of the idiot and it's very frustrating.

Sometimes I just wish I could grab them and shout, "Why the hell do you want to be with somebody who doesn't give a crap?! I do give a crap and can give you everything you want in life, or help you get those things!!"

Most of the time, it seems girls don't know who/what they really want and just make their decisions too suddenly and later regret them.

reply to post by xeroxed88


They like idiots because it's in their genes. Even in the Lion kingdom the female lion goes after the most agressive lion. There's nothing we can do about it, except meet their needs. So there's no need in gettin' mad at the girls or guys that treat 'em like garbage, becuase none of them have any real choice anyways. It's how we're program.

Originally posted by xeroxed88
First off, this may end up sounding like it belongs in the Rant section.

Growing up, I thought women wanted a sensitive guy, who genually cared about them, etc. and I was taught to believe this through my childhood. Today, that view has changed drastically. It seems to me that all a girl wants is sex and a guy with good looks. Sod the personality, he can have as many brain cells as an amoeba and not give a crap how the girl feels, yet they pick those guys over the guys who DO give a damn.

Now, I'm not saying all women are like this but most of them I know are!

I'm going to use a typical night out in my town as an example of what I'm talking about. Before I begin, I'd just like to say myself and my friends have all had plenty of girlfriends, but they don't come as often as they do for some idiots out there. We're not Brad Pitt look-a-likes but we're not bad looking. Anyway, I would call myself and my friends genually nice guys who treat women with respect and want more from a relationship than just sex.

We'd have a few drinks in some pubs and then we'd get talking to some girls, or in one particular case, I was sat alone with a girl talking for ages. Getting along really well, buying her a drink or two, you know, really making an effort to be nice etc. Then I'd maybe go outside for a cigarette or go to the toilet and come back to find that the girl is talking to some other guy, then I turn towards them again and see they're playing tonsil hockey! It's happened a few times now and I'm fed up of it.

There's a girl at work who I like, we get on really well. I used to take her out every few days, etc. (This is going WAY back), one day she came round to mine and stayed over. We did the dirty and I thought this was the begining of something really cool. We were sort of going out for a few weeks then all of a sudden she gets back with her ex, who treats her like something he walked in, one night he pushed her over into the road, something I'd never even THINK of doing to ANYONE. Anyway, they've broken up again for the THIRD time. I've offered to take her out a few times, she has said no and instead decides to go out in a town about 20 miles from here. I found out today, she basically goes out and has one night stands with random guys. It makes me feel sick.

Anway, I'm rambling on abit. Is this just a "fad" girls are going through or has this been going on for years?! Should I begin to treat girls like crap and act like a complete effing idiot? Maybe then I'd actually get somewhere! Anybody else out there experiencing the same thing? Maybe I'm just mixing with the wrong people?! I dunno. Help!!!

oh my dear friend. girls DO want the sensitive caring guys... well at least I do! It's a matter of taste I suppose. My best friend actually acknoweledges the fact that she goes for assholes. Listen...continue being who you are, don't change, you sound like a wonderful guy. My one piece of advice is kind of playing hard to get, but not too much. Play hard to get at first and then all the sweet things are welcome. Friendship is always a great way to start a relationship. I have actually lots of things to say but I just worked a 16 hour shift and I'm a tad exhausted. :shk: More to come. Don't lose hope though... good guys get equally good women. Don't sell yourself short just to cater to idiots. There are idiot men out there too ya know.

don't turn into an asshole to women. Women want attention and be ready to give them that when needed be. I believe women do want nice guys, especially the one i'm going out with. Make sure you become friends before you start dating. A women who takes things slow is usually is a keeper.