I should just put a gun to my head and end it all.

Seriously, I'm sick of the way my life is going right now.

I reaceantly lost my job, I was on a 90 day probation at this place and came down with a really bad stomach flu-ish thing (the doctor said it's not really stomach flu though). It was really contageous and I had already made three other people sick (vomiting, diareah, high fever). So he told me "I need to stay away from people for a while so it doesn't spread" so he gave me a note saying that i should return to work in one week. WEll turns out that while on the 90 day probation where i was working you can't miss any days of work or you're disqualified from working there permanantly

Yeah, so I lost my job because I was sick, this is the millionth time that i have lost a job due to illness.

I'm also a big fat fatty McFatterson and so I don't attrack women, I'm 5' 1" and way around 250-260, women do't like that (I don't blame them for not liking that either).
Yet I have a friend who has really incredibly poor social skills, is one of the most unsmooth people when it comes to women, is just as heavy as me, yet he just got engaged to a gorgeous gal who I personally know is a great person. My friend was an outcast for the longest time (I always stuck up for him and hung out with him when no one else would even look at him) and he now has a fiance! I'm really glad he's getting hitched with this gal, but common! ALMOST ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED OR IN A RELATIONSHIP EXCEPT FOR ME!

Honestly I wouldn't blame any woman for wanting me, i'm not much of a catch, I'm pretty jaded towards women cause I've been rejected by them so much (they only have themselves to blame for pushing me to be the way I am now, people can only take so much rejection in there lives before it finally gets to them and makes them snap).

My life pretty much sucks right now.
I'm going to try and at least take care of my health though. There's this book called "The Raw Foods Bible" and I receantly got it, before I became such a retarded fatty, I used to be a vegitarian and I was in the best shape of my life, but all the other kids thought I was a weirdo and a freak because I was a vegitarian (I was 17 at the time), so I gave it up and turned into this big fat piece of lard i am today, I have poor health now (even though i eat the same things everyone else does), but I believe that if I change my diet to what is laid out in "The Raw Foods Blible" I'll slim back down and become maybe even more healthy than I used to be when I was a vegitarian (I ate cooked food back then).

So many times I've wanted to kill myself, to end it all, but for some reason I have this stupid dang hope inside that everythig is going to be alright.
Truthfully I am a very miserable person, I've been depressed and felt rejected ever since I was a little kid.

Well, thanks BTS for letting me vent and rant.

-Jimmy

Look man, don't get so down, all of us well most of us go through a phase of totally hating life...


Do not give in.

And if being yourself is not GOOD ENOUGH for some one else, # THEM!

I am serious, I cannot stress that enough, I was raised to think that way, I just be myself and if someone doesn't like it, tough # its who I am, its 100 times better than being a fake ass person.


Never give in, never give up.


Find yourself a hobby that keeps you active, one that possibly puts you around females, use your charisma man, your sense of humor, it works for me.

Plus I am totally super cool that was sarcasm.

You'll find another job, would you really want to work at a place that has some damn Nazis like that?

ps: to all those that put you down, or act like you aren't up to their standards, or you aren't conforming to what is popular that week, Middle Finger up to them bro, can't let people affect you like that, I know its harder than just saying it but keep it in mind always.

psps: Send me a u2u if you ever need some one to talk to, if you got xfire you can hit me up there, we could get down on gaming some time?


pespi: Let the Techno Viking cheer you up! OR ELSE!

/hardcore pointing



[edit on 17-7-2008 by Lysergic]

aaww dude,don't do it.

I'm gonna get all patronising at you now and say stuff like "the worlds a beautiful place,look at the trees and listen to the birds in the sky" No matter how corny it sounds,it's just truth.

When I was at my lowest ebb,I took an OD. I thought I was doing the world a favour,that it'd be better off without me. My reasons may have been different to yours,but the outcome was the same. i wanted to die. I remember waking up in the hospital,feeling like crap. My guts felt like they'd been scraped with knives made of chilli. But I looked up,and I saw my parents,both standing over me (they'd been seperated for 10 years) I remember the look in their eyes to this day,just love. I could see how much I'd hurt them,they'd been sat there for about 8 hours,just crying on eachothers shoulders. that tore me up man,I did that. I hurt those closet to me so badly,without even thinking of them.

Well,I'm off drugs,and i got my life back on track. And i thank every new day I get to experience this world. There's no rush to get to the next one,it's not going to go away.

please dude,if you don't care about yourself,at least spare a thought for your family and friends. Just take each day as it comes,don't think about tomorow. Day by day,hour by hour if you must. You'll feel better one day,and you'll thank yourself for not doing anything permanent.

If you wantt o let off,then let off hin here. there'll be people here who'll listen. They might not understand,but just knowing that somsone else has read what you've written,and cares about you. Even though you've never met them. Might help a little bit,and a little bit can turn into a lot.

And mate,don't worry about your weight man,that's something that you CAN change. Start pumping iron,you've got the body mass most body builders dream of. I'd love a bit of meat on me so I could turn it into muscle. But instead,I've got this skinny ass frame,that falls down drains in the street if I'm not too careful. If I sit down too fast,I crack my arse bone.

peace be with you,and just keep on posting. there's someonehere to listen.

edit cos I didn't see teknoviking sitting up there!!

All praise the Tekno viking.And all the parody videos!


[edit on 17/7/2008 by Acidtastic]

I assume you have tried various anti-depressants? I don't mean to sound cold, but if its the weight that bothers you most they have procedures for that these days.

I can't really fathom being on the verge of ending it all, yet also contemplating a raw food diet at the same time. And the firearms idea, I hope you have researched that concept, cause...acks...lots of things can go wrong there if one doesn't know what they are doing.

Life is absolute hell, I won't deny you that. I'm not going to be one of those people that tries to shove sunshine up your butt and tell you to like it. Sorry it's going so rough for you. I won't say I know how you feel, I don't. I get an idea from your post of the way life has treated you so far and I sympathise.

To give up? Why? That would let everyone and everything that has let you down (Including yourself) win. Forget that. Keep going if not for the fact that life is worth living. But to be smug in the face of all those that have sought to bring you down.

I have been in some dire dire circumstances. Some close to what your going through. I have thought about giving up. That's when I decided one thing is going to get me through this life. That one thing is the determination to never surrender to what the world wants me to be.

Don't you surrender. The world wants you to be another statistic. Don't give them the satisfaction of that. Instead be defiant in your resistance to all that is bad in this life.

I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time. I am still quite bitter over a horrible divorce. I frankly at this point don't see it as fair for me to burden anyone with my pity party. So I remain alone. There's nothing wrong with being a lone wolf. You don't need another person to define who you are.

Remember, this life sucks ass, but don't let that stop you from being the person you were meant to be. While no man can be an island. You aren't alone. You can overcome these obstacles in your life. Look into the mirror and tell yourself your worth living for. Each day tell yourself this. One day you will realise your right. You are worth living for. Others will see this too and come to you. I have learned it is the projection of yourself that makes others attracted to you. If you know that you are a worthwhile human being then others will see that too.

Like I said, no sunshine, but reality. Take my and the other poster's advice here as you will. Use what you find that works for you and discard the rest. It's only our opinions. What is right for you is what matters.

Do you really want to cut your thread?

You know how old people sometimes say they feel perpetually 20, but the body doesn't hold up to the mind?

Ask yourself, your real "inner" being, if you want to bring about your death. Birth is the opposite of death, not life. There is existence afterwards, the rock doesn't know it is (or does it). You know you have the spark of being, the ability to act.

What if you learn something tommorow that makes the inexplicable, unexplainable journey worth it.

Life is not what anybody thinks it is. It really is all you have, the only thing that is yours.

Preserve, and through your perseverance shed the cancerous mind that attacks itself.

It is quite an easy thing to change the body with the mind. If you can harness whim and impulse, you master your humanity.

Don't let anything, especially your mind, lock you where you don't want to be.

The system around you aims to make you feel INSIGNIFICANT. Don't play into that pyramid power.. Yea you feel presured and stuck under the bricks and blocks of popular society. So does everyone born not into riches power etc, but merely born into society.

If society is twisted.. imperfect...

How can you expect for your "vehicle" to run smoothly if you ride on its track?

Don't play the game in the first place and you wont lose.

What do you love doing. Do out of love and you will suceed.

Love thyself. And you can begin to love that which surrounds you, (not society, humanity, and tao, the universe as a single, whole, writhing entity, alive with electricity.

Reasess your foundation, a "house divided against itself" cannot stand.

We are all our own enemies...

Call a truce with youself, and be happy for tommorow. You wake up, and breathe, and use your eyes and hands...! They are there for you to call upon.
How much more depressed would you be if you lost your ability to speak, walk, see, hear, taste, smell... think. It could happen at any moment.

The day... is yours.

I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless and considering suicide. Nobody on this site is qualified to speak with you about this and if we attempt me may make things worse.

I recommend you call the national suicide helpline (below) and get some help....just someone that can listen and is trained in these situations can make a real difference.

We love you and will pray for you my friend.

www.suicidehotlines.com...

Closing