Obligated to get along with family???

My question for the members is simply this..
Do you feel obligated to get along with other family members?
I'm not just talking sibling rivalry here, although that is an issue to be included.
Do you associate with family members whom you cannot stand, and have nothing in common with, just to keep the peace, even though it is stressful sometimes to do so?
This could also apply to in-laws and step families as well.
I will say for my personal experience, that I do not associate with family members I don't get along with. I don't need the drama in my life that they cause, (and OMG! do they cause it). It was much easier to just sever all ties.
I'm also not just speaking of getting together at holidays and celebrations, although for many that is the only time you see some family members.
Do you put up with the stress of maintaining relationships even though you would rather not?
The saying goes..
"You can pick your friends..but you can't pick your family."

Hell no. I used to be all nice to my ex's family..then I stopped going to their weekly drunk parties. Today I only have 3 sisters left and not too much family left, but if I feel that I don't want to see them or get along, I won't visit them and ignore their calls. Recently, I haven't been going to the gatherings and I already told them I'm not going to the christmas party. Sure, sometimes they make you feel bad about it, but the way I see it, family sucks.

Life is too short to be dealing with negative people and negative situations.

Personally, the way that I have handled it this:

Give a decent, normal relationship with that family member an honest effort, and if the other person refuses, then it's their loss. No sense feeling guilty about it either.

Family members are normal, ordinary people. Why treat them any different than you would anyone else?

And if the person comes around later... And I mean genuinely changes, and wants to be in your life... What does it hurt to leave the past behind, and start over?

But I have given up on a few family members and in-laws. Making a one-sided effort gets too exhausting, and I have better things to do, with people who treat me with respect.

reply to post by TheHypnoToad


I completely agree with you.
Very good philosophy.

Originally posted by TheHypnoToad
Life is too short to be dealing with negative people and negative situations.

That is is pretty much how I see life in general. My family has seen me do pretty successfully well in the past and has always been negative towards me. My family is very selfish unlike most where they will help each other out. Like in hard times right now they just keep staying rude and say well you were doing so well, whats wrong with you now?

Friggin selfish idiots!

Originally posted by AccessDenied
Do you feel obligated to get along with other family members?

Never. There is no need to get along with other family members who never call, email or pop over to visit and find out if we're still alive.

Do you associate with family members whom you cannot stand, and have nothing in common with, just to keep the peace, even though it is stressful sometimes to do so?

[rant] We find that there is no hope to make peace with plastic-playing, knife-wielding, evil-minded, back-biting, gossip-spewing nit-wits. We know this is true because my own ungrateful relatives continue their dark sides without making any apologize or offering any peace whatsoever. And after 40years of slow and agonizing cluelessness as to why bad-mouthing, slandering, foul-language and disrespect from this notorious group of territorial people from a province have crossed our path, we’ve personally decided to ignore them completely, disown them as blood kinds and avoid any of their stupid parties, which is really about getting monetary gifts. Some people cannot 'Chil' out and learn to get along with in-laws and step families (i.e. the more sensitive senior citizens and disabled ones). All it takes is a calm and relaxed open discussion to air out any MISUNDERSTANDINGS. [/rant]

Do you put up with the stress of maintaining relationships even though you would rather not?

It’s time to move on with happier people, who are not selfish, humble and more understanding and leave the old farts behind with their old ways of refusing the of goodness from people, who have no ulterior motives in life but simply want to get along and have fun. Our energy is better served to those who reflect kindness and generosity.

"You can pick your friends..but you can't pick your family."

This statement is false. Your family, relatives and friends are those whose spiritual connection is good and positive and not emotionally draining.

reply to post by pikypiky


WOW! What a post!
What burns my ass is of course, relationships that are one sided. YOU are the one expected to make all the effort. Phone calls, visits..etc.
My loser brother and sister in law..who are quite knowledgable in the field of
"We know EVERYTHING about nothing"
Very tiresome, along with the meddling in my family affairs, and the manipulation of the minds of my children to see things "THEIR" way.
PULEEZ!

Now..
[rant] My sister. Jealous of me from the get go. Doesn't agree with the way I chose to live my life simply because it's different from her, and not choices she would make. My marriage breaks up due to abuse, and she blames me..
I chose to make my own way in life..she says go on welfare. I chose to home school my kids..she says they have no future. I SAY FRIG OFF [/rant]

Oh that feels better...

i dont keep much contact with any family really, i come from a huge irish-catholic family too. i used to be around my family alot when i was little but also with divorced parents who both went on and got remarried multiple times, its became like 1 really big but factioned family, so we all drifted. now that im 31 alot of my family from all sides get together alot but i still maintain my distance, not that i dont dislike any of them, you just kinda get used to sticking by yourself with a small circle of close ones.

Family are people who often get more second chances than typical friends. However, having said that.

Many in my extended family are people I don't care to associate with. My aunt should not be allowed to have her children, my cousin has been to jail more times than I've been to the bathroom, and the others are usually either drunks or are snobby white trash.

I was fine with that for a long time, but as I grow older, it affects my life more.

In the end, the stress is not worth the problems.
Help them if they need it, but your family is meant to enhance your life, not add to the misery.

Originally posted by SantaClaus
jail more times than I've been to the bathroom.

I like that statement. It is so true for so many idiots out there. I was in jail for 8 months with a clean record before hand. Too long to explain. I'll just say when they know you can't afford a criminal lawyer they trump up tons of charges to guarantee they get a conviction. You can't possibly pay ten thousand to defend the charges they gave me. I was forced to cut a deal. I just wrote that so people don't think I'm the jail type cause I'm not.

Anyway, In the eight months stay I seen so many people spend one two months time saying how they will never come back and see them back in days of release! It's amazing that some of these people get busted again hours after release. They literally spend there life in jail!

My two sisters are or were into drugs when I was into business management, so they are jealous of that and my parents that went to college and I haven't seem to be jealous because I started my career self-employed then jumped into property management. They don't praise achievements the always critique something about it.

I say to hell with family, I talk to my dad two years ago and kept catching him in lies about my childhood. I told him that was the last time he was going to hear my voice before he dies and he should remember that.

I live much happier not dealing with their B.S.!

No I honestly don’t believe you should have to hurt your self to try and please everyone. Families are sometimes the rudest and worse people to be around. For one’s own self it is sometimes better to sever all ties with family members. No matter if it’s a dad, mom, brother, sister, or in-laws.

Sometimes it’s better to be without family members if all they do is bring you down or so negative that it’s hurting yourself.

We all have the right to happiness and if that means not talking to someone because all they do is hurt us then that is the way it should be.

Well, I did talk on the phone with my real Mom a lot but she passed away. It really upset me because it was like she was the only one that has showed any true love. She divorced my dad when I was seven years old. She was an Ordained Minister for Prisons and Homeless people. She never took life for granted and was always willing to help others out. She used to say "Praise God" to me so much that I had to tell her that it was getting real old. She respected me so much that she never said that around me ever again. I told her that was not my intention, just not to say it all the time. She still kept it to never saying it again. My rest of the family could really care less about each other!

Pooey on them!

I don't think of it as something to be upset, because I realize that most people live to far from each other to even keep contact.

Obligated? Yeah, kind of. Out of two sisters, they are both the biggest prudes I've ever seen. One's got so many mental disorders I couldn't stomach her anymore. All the lies, over and over again. The other one is a fundy christian who takes religion to the extreme. I have to watch everything I say and do around her and her family.

Other family members I don't hear from for 20 yrs, until they need money, or a place to stay. You give and give and then get crapped on. No thanks. That will never happen again.

Some things I put up with, but others are just too much to deal with. I have my own family who I can be real with.

Sometimes it amazes me how people with the same parents can be so very different.

I've always been very self-reliant. I had a decent family growing up, but I never wanted them to have to worry about me or try to support me. I moved out at 17 to go to college several states away and tried to keep as little contact as possible with relatives. I've got limited contact with them now, and it's all because I keep a thin line of communication open just to be polite.

I don't understand why parents want to keep in touch with their kids at all. I know I've got at least one child out there (I offered to pay for the abortion but she refused so I disappeared), but I've got nothing invested in its life.

I don't understand why parents want to keep in touch with their kids at all.

As a parent, my kids are an extension of me, and I have extreme love for them. I want to be a part of their life. I want to be there to help them and guide them through life. As someone who didn't have parents, I know how much I missed out on by not having parents in my life.

I would have trouble understanding why a parent wouldn't want to keep in touch with their kids.