*FICTION* HELP! What to do with the bodies?

Don't ask how this happened, but I have two bodies that need to be disposed of.

How can I do it?

I can dig a deep grave and put them both in it. Somewhere secluded, in the woods.

I can rent a woodchipper and feed them through that, there wouldn't be much left, but a hell of a mess to clean up.

I was thinking of a friend I have who owns a pig farm. I heard that pigs will eat anything, and leave nothing.

I need a sure-fire way to get rid of this evidence, but I don't want to make a move until I'm sure I'll get away with it.

I can get a vat of acid and fill a bathtub up, and make sure they disintegrate due to the corrosiveness.

Please help me, how can I do this? Don't worry about anything being simple, I can deal with elaborate schemes as long as they'll work!

PLEASE HELP!

Mod Edit: Just to clear it up for everyone. This is a hypothetical question and not an actual event. Perhaps Enrikez could clear it up for everyone…

[edit on 23-6-2008 by Gemwolf]

Yeah, sorry if I was a little misleading in the title and body of this thread. The fact is that there are no real bodies. What's really going on here is that I'm writing a screenplay in which the two main characters have gotten into some deep water and have taken on jobs with the mob as body disposal people.

The thread is written in that voice, by one of the characters, who is looking for ideas on how to get rid of the mob's bodies. Basically, I'm fishing for some fresh ideas to keep the script from being repetitive.

Hope that clears some stuff up!

[edit on 23-6-2008 by Enrikez]

[edit on 23-6-2008 by Enrikez]

reply to post by Enrikez


Mistake number 1, posting evidence online.

Anyway, do it the classic way, find some forest or deserted area and bury them there, where nobody will dig or find them. Hurry and makes sure nobody see's you, wear sunglasses and a hat, just in case.

[edit on 23-6-2008 by _Phoenix_]

You could do it like John George Haigh and get rid of the bodies using sulphuric acid. Just make sure not to make the mistake that he did and get rid of any remaining gallstones or fake nails.



[edit on 6/23/2008 by eye open doors]

Originally posted by eye open doors
You could do it like John George Haigh and get rid of the bodies using sulphuric acid. Just make sure not to make the mistake that he did and get rid of any remaining gallstones or fake nails.



[edit on 6/23/2008 by eye open doors]

Too much trouble in my opinion, messy too. And it can start to get complicated, not good.

Just bury them somewhere nobody will ever find. Or think to look. Clean and simple.

Most important thing is to make sure there is not any evidence around your house or car.

Edit: Of course I amassuming the OP is joking around here lol, I sure hope so!

[edit on 23-6-2008 by _Phoenix_]

[For some odd reason, this scenario came to my mind: It's meant to be a joke. So for the more sensitive digestive tracts you may wish to glance over this particular thread. Haha!]

I visualized a great bar-be-que feast for you and your friends! First, get your biggest griller, burn up some charcoal (add mesquite, if you want) and get cooking. Perhaps, you could marinate the 'bodies' first before you grill them for good eating.

P.S. I hope the 'bodies' are not 'alien' in origin.

you do not have bodies..you are lying because

1. I have witnessed a murder before (don't ask) and it puts you in a completely different state of mind...your first instinct is not to go post on a forum.

2. If you had 2 bodies to dispose of, then you either already have a plan to dispose of them or are just stupid.

But, if you are really going to do this, I would suggest you put them in the bottom of a river outside of the state you live in. Bodybags with weights on the inside of them to let them sink to the bottom.

You must have an alibi too. This is crucial. You need someone to vouch for where you were at the time of the unfortunate events.

EDIT: But you are already f***ed because you have posted this evidence online which is highly stupid of you. And in my defense, I am simply assuming all of this is false and a joke.

[edit on 6/23/2008 by Mad_Hatter]

Do you live anywhere near a pig farm?


Those things will eat anything, bone and all!

Bury them in a fresh grave and add a lil sulfer, just hope that they are not dug up again! ...oops I let my secret out

*runs away*

[edit on 6/23/2008 by Givenmay]

Also, I want to bring it to your attention that even joking about something like this could bring you serious trouble.

Say for instance, you are joking and the fed gets wind of your little post. Ironically there are two bodies found in your area and they decide to investigate you because you have confessed to a crime you didn't commit.

Joking or not, this is not a wise move.

I suggest some makeup, a few well placed pully systems, a few quirky new uses for rope and go on with things Weekend at Bernies style.

Do it.

Originally posted by DrBones666
I suggest some makeup, a few well placed pully systems, a few quirky new uses for rope and go on with things Weekend at Bernies style.

Do it.

Men Try Using Dead Body to Cash Check

NEW YORK (AP) -- Two men have been arrested after wheeling a dead man through the streets of Manhattan in an office chair to a check-cashing store.

Police say the men were trying to cash the dead man's Social Security check.

Police spokesman Paul Browne says David Dalaia and James O'Hare pushed Virgilio Cintron's body from the apartment O'Hare and Cintron shared about a block away to Pay-O-Matic.

Browne says witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up.

He says the men left Cintron's body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check. The two men were arrested at the store.

Disclaimer: I'm a theist but not of the Abrahamic faiths. I have minor biblical scholar and scriptural skills. Also I am not a scientific/legal or medical expert in any field. Beware of my Contagious Memes! & watch out that you don't get cut on my Occams razor.All of this is my personal conjecture and should not be considered the absolute or most definitive state of things as they really are. Use this information at your own risk! I accept no liability if your ideology comes crashing down around you with accompanying consequences!

Explanation: Doesn't this thread break the T&C ??? specifically section 2e.) Illegal Activity: Discussion of illegal activities; specifically mind-altering drugs, computer hacking, criminal hate, sexual relations with minors, and stock scams are strictly forbidden. In this case a how to do a Double Body disposal !!!

Personal Disclosure: This is the Most disturbing thread I've seen so far in my 2 months on this website.

Try something experimental think outside the square.
Tie them too heaps of helium filled balloons and let them go and let fate deal with it

Originally posted by Enrikez

The thread is written in that voice, by one of the characters, who is looking for ideas on how to get rid of the mob's bodies. Basically, I'm fishing for some fresh ideas to keep the script from being repetitive.

"Fishing" you say?

How about chopping them up and using them for shark bait?

You could start a charter service for mobsters on vacation some place down in the Florida Keys using the people you bump off as bait on deep sea fishing expeditions!

Originally posted by Enrikez
I can rent a woodchipper and feed them through that, there wouldn't be much left, but a hell of a mess to clean up.

As regards you wood chipper idea - personally I find it is so much less bother if you have time and access to a big cabinet freezer... About 6-7 weeks with the freezer on full should do it, then make sure to bag the person chippings properly, double or triple bin bags - remember all the weight is still there!

And oh yhea the chippings will be on the sharp side - something else to consider, so now you have 6 or so bags of rapidly defrosting peoples... Had you thought ahead at this point you will just be meeting up with the friends that you arranged to go shark fishing with, of course you volunteered to bring the chum!!! Muhahaha!!

Or you could of left the victims alive and invited them shark fishing.... one swift bonk on the bonce, little push and happy sharks.

In short - Sharks.

Funny, some folks thought the thread author was serious....

What's the geographic location of the story? Disposing of bodies in Manhattan is quite a bit different than disposing of them in, say.....Falcon, Missouri.

In an area known for violent crimes, it may be simplest to to strip the bodies, place them in an abandoned vehicle and torch it. The bodies aren't the evidence, it's the forensic tidbits left behind that'll gitcha'.

In Falcon?.....just take 'em out into Mark Twain National Forest, with some raw ground beef, and dump 'em. The coyotes, vultures, possums, ants, crows, etc...will take care of the remains.

Remember, it isn't the remains of the victims that get ya' caught.....it's the little bits of yourself sticking around that lead to you.

Based on the character's and the situation in your screenplay perhaps something along the line of finding freshly dug graves, throwing the bodies in and covering with a bit of dirt to camouflage them and they'll disappear when the actual body's going in are buried.

wa lah

2 words.

Thermonuclear detonation.



Like to see the folks on CSI wrap that one up in 50 minutes with time for ad's

remember folks, these guys have to do this thing a lot! They'll get braver and more creative as they continue to not get caught.

I have a picture in my head of two men standing around a bon fire, with 25 foot flames, licking the trees around it, throwing body after body onto the fire.

Of course, as the camera pulls back, the audience realizes that this pile of bodies is never ending *probably a dream sequence*

LOL @Thread!

Why didn't you just make a thread called "How can I murder some people and get away with it?"