OK, I have to ask - do you ever TRULY get over your first?

The first cut is the deepest; It was for me anyway. It was about 18 years ago and to this day I still wonder whatever happened to her. What can I say, some of us are just hopeless for life.

Huh? I never get over my ‘first’ (still laughing – Am I even allowed to mention why?) or any of the ones thereafter. Anyway, each ‘love’ has always and will be a part of me no matter how hard I try to move on with the new love(s) in my life. I love them all. God, I could cry! Thanks a lot! Waaahhh!



[edit on 2008-6-19 by pikypiky]

Originally posted by Herman
Well, by "over it" I didn't necessarily mean "forgot about it." What I want to know in general is whether or not the memories still hurt. I mean right now, looking at pictures of her is like looking at the sun. There are certain places that I make conscious efforts to avoid because I know that it would hurt to go there. Does that stuff remain, or are they just memories at this point?

Not that I expect myself to be the same as any one person, but a general consensus couldn't hurt.

For me personally, I'm always reminded how good it was with her when I go places that I went with her. I also think how lucky I was to spend some of my life with her and meet somebody so amazing.

Basically, it's not a bad thing to remember the GOOD memories, and hopefully they'll be with you forever. I think in all honestly, the pain of seperation has completely gone now and all I'm left with is the good times.

I also learnt alot about myself while I was trying to get over her and I can honestly say I'm a stronger person because of it. I've also learnt from my mistakes - I've learnt to stop being OVER protective, which was the reason why she ended it.

Originally posted by xeroxed88
I also learnt alot about myself while I was trying to get over her and I can honestly say I'm a stronger person because of it. I've also learnt from my mistakes - I've learnt to stop being OVER protective, which was the reason why she ended it.

Yeah, I definitely hear you on that. I'm a Hell of a lot different than I was just a couple of months ago. I think one of my problems was that I was too "nice." Don't you love how people's minds work?

Originally posted by pikypiky
Huh? I never get over my ‘first’ (still laughing – Am I even allowed to mention why?) or any of the ones thereafter. Anyway, each ‘love’ has always and will be a part of me no matter how hard I try to move on with the new love(s) in my life. I love them all. God, I could cry! Thanks a lot! Waaahhh!

[edit on 2008-6-19 by pikypiky]

Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry! And yes, I think you're allowed to mention why. I want to hear it now.

Yes.
50 years later and I still think about her now and then.


Here's the reason why, for all of us in fact.

The mind is very much like a computer vis a vis the way memory works.

Your mind remembers every moment of every day you've lived.
You may think you forgot some of it, but think about stuff that pops up out of . . . 2nd grade for example.
You're not talking about nor thinking about it, but all of a sudden there it is.
Not always a dramatic scene, maybe just a simple smile from a nice girl and it sticks in your memory.

The memory thing is a two edged sword as well.
If you tell yourself that you can't do something - and it only takes a few times - your mind will obey and you either won't be able to do a particular thing or it will be very difficult to overcome the initial instructions you gave your mind about that particular thing.

So, the first love thing.
It comes from, whenever you have a new experience, first love, first car, first anything, the mind - or brain if you wish - lays down neural connections and these first time neural connections are very strong.
Sorta like a Super File in a computer.
Open the "Love" Super File and the first love will be right there on top.

Even if the first love file was a long time ago, when you start thinking about it, many, many details come back.

Amazing stuff and what's interesting, I find myself thinking about this girl from many years back almost every day.

I'm more than happy in my marriage and wouldn't give it up for the world.

The mind . . . an interesting and sometimes strange place.
Entertaining as well and no batteries required.
A little quiet and it's flat amazing where it will go if you just let it wander....

I'll be honest with you ...

No, no I won't.

Yes, you do get over it, but you never forget. My first was 33 years ago, and for 2 or 3 years I was certain I would never love anyone again. I did. But even now, I remember the first kindlings of love and how it felt. I still have his letters and poems. It is something that makes me smile. There isn't ever two first loves, but there are other loves.

Yuour first love will always be a specal memory, but that doesnt mean she will be your greatest love either. To be honest after my first love and i parted ways we didnt sspeak for about ten years, now however we are really good friends with a really uniqe perspective when it comes to giving each other advice and the things we can talk about.

As to what you will equate those memories to pain or joy depends entirly on yo and the attitude you take during the healing process. I dont think harshly or negativly about any of my ex's, not that negative things didnt happen or that it didnt hurt to move forward without them but I tend to look at it as they were there to get me ready for what was coming down the road.

From what I know, you never get over your first. That is to say you never forget. The passage of time however makes the parting more bearable. Little things will always remind you of her. However don't let it emotionally cripple you. Look forwards to the future with a open heart. Things will get better with time.

Wow, crazy. I guess I didn't quite understand the magnitude of what I was getting into when I got into it. But hey, it's not like I'd go back and change if I could. I mean sure, I'd do things a little differently, but you gotta learn your lessons somehow, right? It's odd to think that there are so many people, so many years later, who still think about that one person.

Originally posted by Herman
Wow, crazy. I guess I didn't quite understand the magnitude of what I was getting into when I got into it.

I highly doubt that anyone really understands the magnitude of their first love. Either before encountering it or during it. To the best of my knowledge almost nothing hits you deeper or harder than the first one.

But hey, it's not like I'd go back and change if I could. I mean sure, I'd do things a little differently, but you gotta learn your lessons somehow, right? It's odd to think that there are so many people, so many years later, who still think about that one person.

Actually I don't think that it's so very uncommon at all. It's a rare individual who has never had a first love. Feel free to correct me people (Other posters) if I'm wrong but such a thing usually becomes a lasting memory.

Hang in there and I'm glad to hear that your better in that regard.

Edited for spelling.


[edit on 30-6-2008 by Deson]

I'm not over my first and it's been 3 years now. I still love her so much and wish she would feel the same, but she doesn't anymore. It's tough but I try every day just to push her to the back of my mind and not think about it. Sometimes it's hard not to though. I'm sure one day I'll get over it, but it'll take a lot of this -> :w:.

I think I am an odd creature. I have been in love to the point that I would die for the person, to the point that I'd do anything it took to make that person happy just so I could see a smile on her face.

But, every time I've been left, I just kind of shrug it off. I have some feeling over it, but I typically am out running the streets again within days. I don't think I've "bottled it up" or anything, I just stop caring. Being a very selfish, vein person helps. I kid.

Plus, I usually find that they regret it anyway.. HAH!

Originally posted by InterestedObserver
I'm not over my first and it's been 3 years now. I still love her so much and wish she would feel the same, but she doesn't anymore. It's tough but I try every day just to push her to the back of my mind and not think about it. Sometimes it's hard not to though. I'm sure one day I'll get over it, but it'll take a lot of this -> :w:.

I love your avi.
I am surprised to hear from the men that you feel this way. Makes me wonder about my first love and if he thinks of me like that. You guys aren't talking about first sex right? First LOVE correct? I have never really spoken about my first love, except with my daughter, who is in that experience as we speak. It is fun to watch "it". It is so pure, so exciting for her. She is glowing and finally out of that weird teenager phase and is happy again.

I don't know if I was his first love, I think I was, but he was certainly mine, and yes I think of him all the time. I always wonder how he's doing and I wish him the best. I heard his first wife had died, and was sad for him, but he married again and now has children. I think once you love someone, you always love them. The first time was the most pure, for me, because I didn't hold back anything, and the future was bright. The more things went wrong in other relationships the more jaded or fearful I became. Try not to let that happen to you. Give it your all.

I don't think i'll ever get over my first love, I was with her quite a long time, it didnt help that I saw her everyday too since we live in the same town. I think the pain would have dulled a lot quicker otherwise.

The main thing that I cant get over about it though, is the fact that shes a completely different person now and the one I loved will be forever lost, except in memories.

Maybe its not her that I miss but the feeling of being that close to someone and the fear that I wont be able to get that feeling again in the future. I quickly realised I wouldnt find anyone else sat at home all the time feeling sorry for myself so I pretty much threw myself back into the mix, with my friends hanging out and going out on the town.

Keep yourself busy and hopefully time will heal you, like it is me.







[edit on 29-7-2008 by StrangeVision]

I married my first true love but I don't think she was true to me. It didn't last and she wasn't willing to make it last! I got over her every time I remembered was how she kept me up at nights just complaining and going on about the stuff we had just talked about.

My first girlfriend was found at the skating rink in the summer of junior high. We met every week to go skating and eat out etc. The terrible thing of her was she wasn't true also. she lied about going to a different school and when I saw her the first day she was with friends and ignored me. True colors flying in my face so I didn't call her or speak to her ever again.

When it comes to people that are not true, I get over them quickly and don't waist my time with them. The problem is that most people are not true to themselves or anyone around them, so they are not worth my effort for friendship.

I have enough garbage to deal with in my life then to have to constantly be deciphering if the person is telling the truth or not.

Originally posted by StrangeVision
I don't think i'll ever get over my first love, I was with her quite a long time, it didnt help that I saw her everyday too since we live in the same town. I think the pain would have dulled a lot quicker otherwise.

The main thing that I cant get over about it though, is the fact that shes a completely different person now and the one I loved will be forever lost, except in memories.

[edit on 29-7-2008 by StrangeVision]

I know exactly what you're talking about. My ex girlfriend sort of did the same thing. When we met, she loved to have fun. We'd go hiking, go see movies, eat lunch, take trips to places up north. Yeah, she had big plans for her future, and I mine, but she also appeared to be able enjoy now, which is extremely important in life because really it's all we have. I had some of the best times in my entire life with her. Just taking trips up to the snow, seeing sights with her, etc. Then all of a sudden, she doesn't believe in me anymore - doesn't think I'm going to be good enough for her. She takes a job that's an hour away from her house working in a crappy office for 40 hours a week, while she's a full time college student...and, of course, breaks up with me. It's still eating at me, 3 months later, the way she honestly believes she's better than me because she's going to be living at a dorm in the fall (I live at home,) and she's got a job that she can wear a suit to. Yeah, the truth is her mom is paying for her college AND her room and board, and also set her up with this new job. Ugh, people are so terrible. So untrustworthy. You can only rely on yourself, that's the truth. I can only hope that there really is such a thing as Karma.

For the record, I'm in college, and my parents are paying for my college too. Not a place for me to live, but my classes, yes. The difference that I know how fortunate I am to have parents willing to pay for my college, and I don't look down on people that didn't have the same opportunity as I have.

Maybe its not her that I miss but the feeling of being that close to someone and the fear that I wont be able to get that feeling again in the future.

I guess the one thing that we can all take solace in is the fact that so many of us all feel the same way, and so many more have previously felt this way and gotten through it. I feel the same way, like she was one in a billion. How can I ever find someone like her again? Truth is, we probably won't, but we'll find someone who has different attributes that we find equally appealing - ones that the previous girlfriend didn't have. I mean, I never saw myself being attracted to the type of girl that my ex was...but there it is. Life is full of surprises, to use a cliche.

Oh my yes. My first love/etc, was the first person I lived with and Everything. One day I was sick (throwing up etc) and needed to go to work but I couldn't of course. So he gave me a plastic shopping bag and told me to get on the max (Portland public transit) and that I should just puke in the bag on the way.
When I refused and started to cry he gave me my grandmothers number and told me to call her and have her come pick me up, that it was over. And he just walked out the door.
Quite devastating for a recent 18 year old. But I found out later he was expecting a girl to come over.

So I think that probably helped me get over him. But I don't even feel anything for him anymore. Just like some old high school person. He actually asked to get back together with me recently lol. Yeah right.

You get over your exes, even if they seemed to be the greatest person in the world at the time. It really dose just take time.

reply to post by Herman


Speaking of me personally, yes you do get over your first love. Of course I'm bitter about him, and regret even meeting him because he treated me like dirt, spit on me, cheated on me, mooched off me and my family, and was verbaully abusive. I know though had I not gone through that, A. I wouldn't be as strong as I am now, and B. I would have never met his friend who turned into my friend, and then I would have never met my Signifigant Other through my friend.

Hermannnnnn. Long time no talk!!

But anyway, you can't generalize and give a flat yes or no to this question.

I asked one of my friends, and he said yes, he has gotten over his first love. But he said he hasn't gotten over his second. "It all depends" is the way I look at it.

As for me, I think I did confide in you about this one. He was my first (and only) love. It only happened about 6 months ago, so I probably can't answer this question at the moment. I haven't gotten over him in that I still do think about him and I feel like I still do love him.

Like someone said, your first love probably has the biggest impact on you because you're still so innocent and impressionable. But that doesn't mean that someone new can't come along, and make you feel those feelings again.

There are just too many people with too many different traits to think that your first love will be that significant throughout every relationship you have. Everyone brings something new to the table, and every situation is different.

So my answer to the question is "It depends".