OK, I have to ask - do you ever TRULY get over your first?

Over the past 7 weeks, I've been getting over being dumped by the first girl I was ever in love with. My first everything. I'm doing a hell of a lot better than I was 6 weeks ago, but she's still on my mind and I know I'm still in love with her, etc. etc. I've whined enough about that already. Anyway, I've spoken to a lot of people lately, and it seems like many of them still carry scars from their first. Even people who went through this several months or even years ago seem like they're still effected, and this scares the Hell out of me! People will start to explain that yeah, they're totally over their ex. They're with somebody else now and happy...and then they start talking about their first again...and then they get a little bitter...and then they start theorizing about what may have happened and such. Honestly, does anyone ever get completely over the first person they ever fell in love with? Are feelings in future relationships ever as good as they were with your first? Is there hope to someday regain that feeling of blissful happiness that you shared with your first love, or is that completely destroyed and all future feelings muffled a little? Also related: Are you happier with your current love as you were with your first?

[edit on 18-6-2008 by Shar]

It's been nearly 4 years since my first ended it with me. It sounds horrible, but out of all the girlfriends I've had, she is the only one I loved. If she ever came here and asked to start things over again, I would not even hesitate to say, "yes". Love is a crazy thing.

Are feelings in future relationships ever as good as they were with your first? Is there hope to someday regain that feeling of blissful happiness that you shared with your first love, or is that completely destroyed and all future feelings muffled a little? Also related: Are you happier with your current love as you were with your first?

As I said, the feelings I've felt for the girlfriends I had after Danni (the girl I loved so much it hurt) were no where near as strong as they were for her. I really, really hope I can love somebody that much again in the future.

I don't mean to ramble on, but I remember about three months after the breakup, I was still madly inlove with her and I saw her in a crowd of people. I walked over to her to say, "Hi" but as soon as I got maybe within 2 metres of her, my whole body started shaking. It was absolutely horrible. I had no idea my body was going to do that. It was completely uncontrollable.

I saw her maybe eight months ago in a club. I could not believe my eyes, she was even more beautiful than the last time I saw her. Anyway, she was really happy to see me, she couldn't stop hugging me.

Anyway, I'll stop there. If there's anything you want to talk about, I'm here for you mate.

Here's to happy future relationships.

My first was a long time ago, so yes you do get over them. I remember driving away crying my eyes out thinking it was the end of the world. Then (oddly enough) the song "After the Rain" by Nelson came over the radio. (That gives you an idea that this was back in the early 90's).

It made me feel a little better, and yes after the rain you do see the sun again.
It gets easier and easier my friend.

The woman I am seeing now is tons better because you tend to grow emotionally and attract someone that fits the new you each time.

Now that, my friend, is a very good question. Studies have shown that MOST people do not get over their first love. This specifically because you go into the relationship with no baggage and typically innocent and you love without worrying about the consequences so you love deeply and truly and totally - USUALLY!!

So the question is not always answered honestly at the risk that the current GF or wife would get jealous and leave their sorry "ehem" you know what i mean

But to be safe the answer is NO, not always! That person will probably always hold a place in your heart no matter what they do to you there will always be that "something" special - but, again, it isn't a hard and fast rule for everyone but most do not get over their first - perhaps the "real love' goes away or fades but like i said, there is always that special place where the memories of the first are stored.

The second, hell no, be gone with you Satan!! LMAO
The Third - see above
The forth - see above

The fifth - married and SO happily married with a little daughter!! THIS is the best!!! BY FAR!! I would trade it for nothing in the world - EVER.

Ah and something I need to say - you ALWAYS get over it dude!! no matter how bad it hurts!! You WILL, and everyone does, get over it.

I hope the following isnt against the T&C as i need to make a point plzzz
I once held a gun to my head, i was SERIOUSLY drunk and thought the world came to an end! Well, it almost did! and would it have been worth it NOOOO. I wouldn't have what i have now and though not everyone does anything drastic it is easy to think that life has ended.

My point? We always get over it!! Always!!

Also, though the next love usually got better there were reasons why it ended. This is lessons in life. We need to learn from mistakes and move on. Sometimes we get back with our first after many love lessons and we are mature enough to know why it didn't work and then it becomes the VERY best we could have. But that isn't necessarily a rule - more like an exception.

It works itself out and happiness WILL reign!!

Life is a journey not a destination enjoy the trip!!!

reply to post by shearder


Way to plead the 5th!


In all honesty, I think it depends on how the first relationship ended. Sometimes the first ends in school due to going to seperate colleges. Sometimes one of the people decides they want to play the field. Which they end up realizing the mistake they made later, but by then it's too late. I'm sure there are plenty of people in the world that aren't married to their first love, but I am........... and I'm glad I am.

reply to post by Herman


Oh bless your heart. There are two sayings that come to mind: Time heals all wounds and There's nothing like a new flame to help you get over an old flame. Those two thoughts were vital to me getting over my first love. It took me two years (time) and finally meeting someone I liked (a new flame) after a series of casual rebounds.

So hang in there. No, your first love will always have a special place in your heart but, yes, you will get over her. It will be hard, though. You're only seven weeks into the break-up so it is still pretty fresh.

What was my first loves name again? Hmmmmmmmm............
To answer your question, yes you do get over it. Depression and self pity are a normal response, but it really does get better.
I find that a good self therapy is to buy a black Ninja suit and stalk my ex lovers. Then jump out in the middle of the night with vampire teeth, and huge fake knife screaming at the top of my lungs. Those ex lovers were always so surprised! Watching them scream and cry does wonders for your psyche!

Seriously, it does get better. Keep your chin up, and enjoy the things you like to do, be it sports, hobbies, hanging out with friends, whatever. Soon you will be back to yourself, and have another on your arm.
Stay Cool,
lombozo

reply to post by lombozo


WOW! Duly noted!


I would have to say, everyone is different. Some move on easily..others do not.
Personally, if I ever saw my first love..I would faint.
Recently I made a visit to my hometown, and saw people I hadn't seen in over 20 years.
I was recognized right away by.."Hey I know you! You went out with so&so!"
Yep I did..
People remembered that decades later. The good one I let get away.
*Sighs*

You will get through this - Life will go on. It never seems like it: it always seems like its the end, and the world is going to stop and you're jumping off! However - after the fit of being emotional and irrational, I learned, Life goes on. Its not the end, its just a step through life, that we all take.

As someone stated earlier *Sheader*, our first love is the one we give everything we have. We've never been hurt before, so we're not being cautious, we're not being careful....we're practically opening up our chests and handing out our Hearts like candy. Because none of us know any better - we all keep going through the same hoops. We're so innocent and green in the ways of the world, that we just don't know any better. And its not anyone's fault - It's just life.

It took me a LONG time to get over my first love, but, in the end, everything worked out Great. It took a long time to get great, but it finally got there. We were friends long before we were anything else. We became friends when I was 12, and started dating at 16... I won't get into the details because it is a LONG twisted story...but...In the end we both got the closure we needed, and now today, we are still Best Friends... this isn't always the case - its just the way it worked out in my case.

Don't worry Bud, You're going to be alright...Life is gonna keep going on, and on, as it always does

- Carrot

Originally posted by AshleyD
Time heals all wounds

That may be true, but scars are forever.

The thing I have learned is that every new person who comes into your life should be treated as a new individual.

On a beach full of sand..there are no two grains the same.
The pain caused by those in your past should not be given to those in your future!

Good luck, be strong and remember.....plenty more fish in the sea (if you like fish!)

I know this sounds terrible but I got over my first after about 5 hours....

Id like to thank my current girlfriend who treats me much better for assisiting me with that

And before I get critisized, the ex threw a glass at me because forgot to get something at the supermarket (she had serious anger issues)....shattered on my arm costing me 5 stitches

Originally posted by nerbot
The pain caused by those in your past should not be given to those in your future!

Agreed! This is very well put!!

I don't have anything else to say, but I thought you hit the nail on the head with that one

- Carrot

Wow, thanks for all the replies! I really am doing a lot better than I was a few weeks ago. I mean, I obviously still have feelings for her and wish things had worked out different...I'm still thinking of her a lot, but I pretty much feel like myself again. I just hear so many people talk about their first love and it seems like they're permanently scarred, and that's kind of a depressing outlook on the future to be honest. Do I really have to carry this weight on my shoulders FOREVER? Good Lord! The magnitude of this is just mind-boggling. I could never have imagined that something like this was about to happen to me, and it'd have ripples that extend pretty much indefinitely. If I'd only known going into this...nah, I'd still have done the same thing haha.

originally posted by lombozo: ind that a good self therapy is to buy a black Ninja suit and stalk my ex lovers. Then jump out in the middle of the night with vampire teeth, and huge fake knife screaming at the top of my lungs. Those ex lovers were always so surprised! Watching them scream and cry does wonders for your psyche!

That is awesome. I'll have to try it. Keep an eye on youtube.

It has been over six years and I can`t get over it.

No lack of proposals, plenty of girls, thank God.

First is first, for me, and that is something that I cannot forget.

Living in the past is no good, but pain makes one stronger.

I`ll be forever grateful

I see nothing wrong with the way I feel.

You get over them, but it takes way way longer then any other one. And you never forget We all feel your pain, and 20 years from now, you will look back with all happy memories even if they're bittersweet...not that that helps you now...but you will have a good life despite the pain, never fear!

reply to post by secret titan


hahahaha...

I didn't think anyone would notice

reply to post by lombozo


HAHAHAHA

Oh GEEES lombozo!! DUDE!! I wish i could kick back with you, shoot the breeze and drink a beer!! Maybe play some guitar tunes after a FEW beers - practicing my best attempts at brail while i find strings that would fit into ANY sort of chord at the time..

I love reading your posts!! Man continents apart and i am sure we could be GREAT buddies had we lived closer - though not sure if the wife would approve the constant hangover hehehe

Originally posted by Camilo1
It has been over six years and I can`t get over it.

No lack of proposals, plenty of girls, thank God.

First is first, for me, and that is something that I cannot forget.

Living in the past is no good, but pain makes one stronger.

I`ll be forever grateful

I see nothing wrong with the way I feel.

Well, by "over it" I didn't necessarily mean "forgot about it." What I want to know in general is whether or not the memories still hurt. I mean right now, looking at pictures of her is like looking at the sun. There are certain places that I make conscious efforts to avoid because I know that it would hurt to go there. Does that stuff remain, or are they just memories at this point?

Not that I expect myself to be the same as any one person, but a general consensus couldn't hurt.