Wow. My position in life at the moment.

I just came to a very strange realization. Right now, in life, I am nowhere. I've been moping around in absolute grief for the past month and a half, feeling like I'm going mad, and my mind finally took just the slightest bit of comfort in this thought. I am 21 years old. My girlfriend who I loved recently dumped me, and I have a job that's just ok but doesn't give me hardly the amount of hours that I want right now. I live at home with my parents, so I don't have any bills tying me down other than a very cheap car payment. I'm in very good shape, reasonably intelligent, and not to toot my own horn, but pretty attractive from what I've been told. I have virtually nothing tying me down to the place in life where I am at the moment. I did register for fall classes, but they don't start until...obviously...the fall, and I could withdraw from them if I wanted to. I'm currently standing on the edge of an incredibly vast abyss of possibility and experience. My life could go absolutely any direction right now. I have plans, but nothing invested in them yet. I mean sure I've got a couple of years of college behind me already, but there's absolutely nothing stopping me from packing up and just leaving this place. Yeah, I like my friends, but I'm not attached to them. I love my family, but they would understand. Essentially, everything that I thought I was over the past couple of years means zip. Zero, nada, nothing. I am nothing outside of my personality and physical attributes, and I am nowhere right now. I can't decide if this feeling is depressing or liberating...or perhaps both.

Anybody else feel this way?

Wow - that is a rant, and a totally unjustifiable one at that.

You (says you) appear to have more going for themselves than most at your age.

Take the good with the bad and saddle up kiddo - it will get worse before it gets better with an outlook in life like that.

An unsympathetic Brei.

(Unless I'm missing something?).

I can somewhat understand where you are coming from.
Perhaps the word you are looking for is, discontent?!
I got to college, work, and repeat it everyday. And I still feel like i'm walking in place. But unlike what you've described about your life, i've got tons of problems to worry about. I can only wish I was in the same boat as you.

Herman, dont you live near me?

Get in the car, drive to the Cape and we'll hang around Main st. and so what if people think i'm your mom.
They'll just think you have an awesome mom

Are you still in my state? If you are i wish you would take a day trip

Breifne and Madseason,

I don't mean to sound ungrateful for my life, as I'm certainly not. I know that I don't have a horrible life. In fact, I realize that I have it better than most. I'm really just remarking on the somewhat-sudden realization that I have absolutely nothing tying me down to the life I've chosen to live up to this point. It's a strange feeling to see yourself a certain way for a while, and then to realize that not only is the foundation that you believed you had shattering, but that it doesn't even exist. I don't "have nothing" in the sense that I'm a miserable person who has failed at life. I "have nothing" in the sense that my life, as of this moment, is almost entirely up in the air. I could go in absolutely any direction right now with out risking any serious loss. It's a strange feeling, like I said, but it's also somewhat liberating. I mean, I could run off and backpack around Europe for a while if I wanted to. Or, I could suddenly decide that I wanted to be a hair stylist or join the Army. None of these things would be a very big divergence from what I've created thus far. It's like being in the middle of the ocean in a boat, and you know that every which way is a different plot of land with completely different people, jobs, adventures, cultures, and lifestyles.

So please, don't think I'm some ungrateful kid sitting around all day complaining that his life sucks while his parents hand him everything. It's not that at all. I've simply found myself in a very odd situation that's vastly different than the one I would have pictured just 2 months ago. To have your entire perception on what your world is suddenly rattle and shift is a very strange feeling that I felt required a little reflection. I choose to do it on a public form because I like hearing back from people. So, thanks for your responses!

Actually, DG, I live in AZ. Kinda far away, but I wish I lived in Cape Cod! And yes, I would definitely come and visit you. It'd be a blast!

Too bad, Herman! I had it backwards!!

I used to live in Arizona (Iknew we were near by at some point)

Darn it!

Well, take care sweetie. ok?

reply to post by Herman


Herman,

I didn't mean to sound mean earlier - just realistic. But you have options and that is a great thing for someone your age to have.

Advice - take that trip, and get it out of the way while you are still FREE!

Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

Brei.

Originally posted by Herman

Actually, DG, I live in AZ. Kinda far away, but I wish I lived in Cape Cod! And yes, I would definitely come and visit you. It'd be a blast!

It probably wouldn't hurt to get away for a while if you can.

I think you have a good case of summer time depression. I used to get it when I lived in Phoenix. It's the opposite of living where it is cold and you get cabin fever. It's so frickin hot this time of year in Arizona, and it seems like it will never end.

Get away for a trip to the mountains where it cools down at night, or head west to the beach.

Now is the perfect time to go exploring. Once you get older and have a family and responsibilities, you will regret not having done so if you don't!

Dg,

That's too bad. It'd certainly be interesting to meet in person. Do you like Cape better than AZ? Where'd you live here anyway?

Breifne,

Thanks for the advice. I know you weren't trying to sound mean, I was just verifying that I didn't come across wrong.

It would be nice to take a trip. Thankfully, we're taking a family vacation back east in July. It should be pretty refreshing.

Hey Herman

I think you are extremely fortunate. I would love to go to college, I'd also love to have a car. You got it pretty good dude. So what if you live with your parents. You are going to college right now, and that is the ticket to a great future.

All my friends that did the school thing all have nice houses, great vehicles, and are taking vacations all the time. Sure I chose to take the unbeaten path, but on the way I've been beat down, heart torn, and left in the mud. The school of hard knocks has taught me a lot, but I've got little to show for it.

Two duffel bags full of clothes, an Ipod, and some books is all. Not much more than what I had when I started my journey. In fact, a lot more disillusioned with the world. Yeah, I have to eat my pride and humble pie to, but I'll tell you what.

If you throw away what you have going for you, I will think you are an inconsiderate and blithering idiot. Keep going to college, and get over the broken heart. It wasn't meant to be right now with that person, maybe never. Do not let that crap get in your way. Use this time now to get ahead, before it's even more challenging.

Sincerily,
A School of Hard Knocks Veteran

[edit on 6/16/2008 by eye open doors]

Thanks, Eye Open Doors. And you're right. I realize that I do have it very good right now, and I'm not about to throw it all away. I guess I'm just getting used to that part of life where you see things going so smoothly a certain way, and then it crashes and everything shifts directions or stops. Kind of like whiplash haha. Anyway, I'm staying in school and all of that. Perhaps I'm just outgrowing my current shell and need a few changes. I should be getting a new and better job here pretty soon. That'll help.

And yes, I would be a blithering, inconsiderate idiot to give this all up right now.

Thanks for the wake up call.

Awesome man...Life will change, that is a fact. You are aware of your change, and that is good man. Like they used to say on GI Joe "knowing is half the battle". Another saying that I like is is this:

Life is a sh*t sandwich. The more bread you have, the less sh*t you have to eat.


Here's a song that I feel is very relevant to this

Puscifer - Momma Sed (video = The Fountain)

Sounds to me you are merely in a situation in where you will have to make a decision and then back it up with your actions, whether you want it or not. I have got those same feelings in the past whenever I have had current big changes in my life or when those big changes are certainly to come about.

Those moments in life that at times last for months have been the key to satisfaction of the future in my own life, but what do I know; your personality and feelings and what follows from what are your traits, not mine. Things might go differently. Feeling itself from what follows what you are describing does not go away without work, and sometimes I don't even want to get rid of it. It is a good feeling to occasionally get, but in the long run I don't think it'll cause much good.

Whatever you do, do not lock yourself with a choice that narrows down your possibilities too much. Gain freedom by acquiring more potential opportunities, that'll help, because one of those opportunies for freedom will happen :-)

I'm in the same situation, mate. I'm 20, live with my Mum and Sister, go to work everyday, etc. Until recently, I felt like I was stuck here. I've decided to move out with some of my friends in a few months, then hopefully, I'm going to save up some money and go travelling.

I'm also in a band, we're starting to get quite big in this area and have organised a European tour in February. So that's something else I'm doing with my life and that I really hope will take off and allow me to spend the rest of my life doing.

I mean, I'm still young (although I feel really old most days lol), I have my whole life ahead of me, I don't wanna be stuck in this situation forever.

It was a really horrible thought until I put thoughts into action and have this year and a bit planned out now. I feel liberated.

As a grandmother I feel obligated to tell you to stay in school and get your education.

However, in the late 60's I dropped out of college and joined the hippie movement. I had a fantastic time and don't regret one second of my adventures.

Maybe it would be good for you to strike out on your own and experience life while you have the chance.

Have fun and be safe.