I know you all wont believe me...

OK...I know you all wont believe me but...I mean this in all seriousness and was wondering if any of you guys (or gals) have the same problem...and if you have over-come it.

I am not bragging about this...actually I am really sad...

If you read my posts from about a month ago...me and my fiance and girlfriend of 4 years broke up and I was destroyed...

After about three weeks I started Going out and meeting new women like everyone told me too.

I have been with 6 other women in the last 3 to 4 weeks...All good-looking...interesting...but its just not the same.

Everytime I sleep with a new woman, I feel like I am betraying my ex. I feel empty...I hate it and all I want is my ex back...

Any advice? I am dead serious too.

I'm sorry you are feeling sad. But dude! You don't have to sleep with EVERY woman you meet and feel like you are betraying your ex. Can you at least just meet and hang out with a few close woman friends of yours and at least narrow down your choice to at least one to call your new 'girlfriend'? I'm no expert in relationships but hope this quicky input helps you. Good luck.

Well, its obvious you are harboring a guilty conscious about your ex. You stated that your break-up destroyed you.

I think you need to really do some soul searching and establish realistically that you and your ex are never going to be an item again. Perhaps you blame yourself, which is actually a good trait to have showing that you are willing to take some responsibility.

A hard lesson in life is loss my friend. In your case, it is your ex girlfriend. Once you have accepted your own flaws then maybe you can move on without condemning yourself too much. We all make mistakes, we all mess up from time to time. You obviously are a decent enough person to land dates with women so you do have positive attributes.

Consider forgiving and fixing your bad points and then maybe you can move on.

I know firsthand from my first marriage that I messed up. I wasn't able to move on until I learned that I was responsible for my share of the mistakes I made and wasn't ready to move on until I made my own vow to not be that way any more and to also not be so anxious and needful when it comes to relationships. In time it gets easier. Don't be too hard on yourself.

In my opinion, you needed to allow yourself time to grieve, and most likely still do. When terrible things happen, people can't just immediately push them to the side or find ways to "get over them." Essentially, you're doing the same thing as ignoring it, which in the long run is terrible. It will always find a way to slip out. A person needs to get out all of the terrible stuff that's inside them as a result of whatever it is that happened and straighten out their mind and emotions. Once you feel like you're at the point where you can stand on your own again, then it's time to start doing things to get you over it. It's normal for your mind to do things like replay the breakup scene over and over again, think of all of the things you could have done right, want her back, etc. etc. It's healthy to let these things out, the important thing is not dwelling it. Write your feelings down somewhere, talk to your friends until they're sick of you. Once you feel like you're at the point where you can start accepting it and the things that come with it, then you can go around doing whatever it is you need to do to take your mind off of it or get over it. It's no wonder why sleeping with other women made you feel guilty! In your mind, you're still with your ex...and after being together so long and engaged, I can't really say it's your fault that your mind is having a tough time letting go, but you need to.

Go for long hikes and walks. It's what I do when I'm upset, stressed, worried, or even happy...it does wonders. I hope this helped.

Thanks for the advice so far...I thought I was going to be slammed...it sucks when everyone tells you that the only way to get over something like that is to go out and toss some chicks around...

Well I did that (and by the way I never tricked any one of these girls into it, I didnt use them and not call them back I just didnt feel any emotional connection afterwards)

Being with all those women only made me want my ex back more because now I understand what an emotional connection I had with her...

I sound so mopey...

Had to edit...double posted

[edit on 23-5-2008 by Perfectenemy05]

[edit on 23-5-2008 by Perfectenemy05]

Originally posted by Perfectenemy05
If you read my posts from about a month ago...me and my fiance and girlfriend of 4 years broke up and I was destroyed...

dude you broke up with your fiance and ur girlfriend. wow maybe u should focus on one next time. jk

if shes that special why dont u try and get her back thats what i will do. bad advice i guess. nothing is impossible i dont believe in th whole plenty of fish in the sea. there is only one fish, and u dont throw it back in the sea.

reply to post by Perfectenemy05


Jumping from bed to bed (or from a relationship into a rebound relationship) is rarely a good idea. And it's obvious it's making you feel bad. Stop doing it, and go just enjoy the company of others platonically for a bit. Get used to being just you, and eventually you'll be ready for another relationship (and you won't feel guilty about it!).

Although many people will suggest going out and having sex as a means to move on from a break up works, in my experience it is just a way of temporarily avoiding the pain, grief and hurt which accompanies losing a relationship which meant so much to you and still does.

The sex will feel physically pleasurable for a time - but after it ends you will still be left with your feelings. What we resist, persists - and you can keep trying to find more lovers, even maybe drink more or try drugs to avoid these feelings like so many people do, but those feelings are going to come out one way or another....the more you try to avoid them the greater the chance these feelings when they do come up will be overwhelming which will mean you react even more negatively or need an even bigger hit of avoidance behaviour.

If i were in your position, i would find myself someone to talk to - a counsellor or therapist to help you grieve your loss. My thoughts are with you through this most difficult time my friend.

i really doubt your totally over her since you still have some leftover baggage that hasn't been taken care of. Sex has never been the answer to forgive and forget.

Talk with a close friend about this. You just really need to get your emotions running. Get this out of your system before you can move on.