21, ghost, drugs,... a lot actually.

Hi all,

I'm new to this, so it might be messy (I'll get better as I come here more often, I hope) and my English may not be perfect as I'm Dutch. Now that I've mentioned all of this, here it goes:

I was just wondering if it's possible that I've got like contact with "the other world" (I mean ghosts) since a drug experience I've had (or maybe even since earlier on)? I'm 24 now and I've been clean for over 4 years now (totally clean, no drugs at all anymore, not even weed or alcohol) but things seem to have changed in a way. I'll start at the very beginning to make it all clear.

When I was 6, my grandfather died and from that moment on I couldn't sleep anymore. I could still see him... I was convinced he was going to kill me. I could even feel my heart hurting real badly. Nobody believed me though, so I started thinking I was weird and I tried to just "get over it". Didn't really work, but I guess I learnt to live with it. When I was 12, it all got worse again. I was on a holiday and as I was walking near a lake, I really felt attracted to it. I could hardly walk on the road, because the lake just seemed to "call" me for a reason. I always just "had" to walk right next to it, trying really hard not to fall in. Right before that experience I had done something really stupid with my friend. We had tried to call ghosts. What happened was really weird. The door just slammed (nobody else was there), there was a shadow in the bathroom, there was this really loud BANG and I had a weird salty sensation in my mouth. Now, I know this all sounds really weird and maybe insane, but I swear this is how I experienced it.

For many years I kept on having the sensation of being attracted to dangerous places, like lakes, the middle of a very busy road, the top of a steep hill.

When I was 15 I got really depressed over this and other things and I made the mistake of starting to take drugs. A lot. There were two times that I had badtrips. In the first one there was my grandfather again, and he kept on telling me that I was going to die. The second time I saw my head being cut off, lying in front of me on the floor. My grandfather showed up again. Really scary. When I was 20 I finally managed to stop doing drugs, after faling school and trying to kill myself one too many times.

But since the badtrips, I really feel like I can feel some sort of presence. Like for example when I'm in a house that I don't know, I can tell that someone died, in which room and how it happened. I've never been wrong on it. In my own house it feels like it's "rocking" sometimes, a really unstable feeling.

I've seen 2 psychiatrists, I've had my brain examined (even under a scanner, lol),... They only discovered that I've got AD(H)D, and that's about it. I really don't think this is "nothing". I'm sorry if this is too messy, but it's hard to describe what I want to describe.

I wonder if it's possible that I'm still in contact with my grandfather? I also wonder if my drugexperiences might have affected this? I wonder if you all just think I'm insane or too sensitive now...? Whatever you think, I would really like some responses. That would be nice...

Another thing that just crosses my mind but doesn't really have anything to do with this, but still, I wanna play safe. I keep on seeing 21:21. Not 22 or 44 like some others here. Don't know if anyone knows something about this?

Ow yeah, and sorry for the long text. I'll keep it shorter next times. I just had to make sure the most important stuff was inhere.

Grtz!

reply to post by Djeisha


First of all, welcome to ATS! Your English is excellent indeed, no worry there. Messy? Not at all, these things are very hard to explain but you have done a very good job of it!

As to what you are experiencing there are only a few things I can say. The drug experience is sometimes said to open doorways to other things but personally I feel it is more a way of learning to see things we normally forget how to see. Perception and reality are strange things to say the least and my preferred comparison is dreams. As such I would say don't be alarmed by what you are experiencing. Think of it as symbolically meaningful rather than literal, death in a symbolic sense is part of a very positive process of rebirth for example. Whether or not it takes a while to work things out there is no terrible omen or message from the future in all this, just a complicated symbolic communication that seems really freaky at first.

Congratulations on giving up the drugs, its virtually impossible to sort these things out when you complicate the issue with such things.

Take a good look around ATS and you'll see that many many people have similar experiences of most strange things. You will find people, hopefully some posting here, that will be able to give you better advice.

Thanks for the warm welcome and the compliments regarding my language. I'm less insecure about typing now.

Maybe you're right, and I'm learning to see things we normally forget how to see. I just wonder if I'm supposed to like this, because I don't, actually. It just freaks me out sometimes, already less than before, but still...

I'll read a bit more about rebirth, maybe I can use it. And since you mentioned dreams, maybe my last dreams are somehow trying to tell me something about this. I keep on dreaming about a phoenix (me), that dies, and then rises again. So maybe there's a link indeed.

I'm glad that you say it can also be symbolic. That's what I've been trying to tell myself too, but for some reason it didn't sound realistic, when only I was saying it. :p

I'll take a good look around, and I hope I'll find some relating stories. Would be nice. I wonder, it all seems very "serious" around here. I mean, is it also okay for people like me, who don't really have decent answers, to just keep on posting experiences or is that just a bit annoying for the other users?

Thanks for your answer. I'm a bit more relaxed right now, and I could certainly use that. Very kind of you!

Just another thing about my grandfather though. He was quite an abuser and when he died, he really stated his hate towards us (me and my brother). Nobody knows why, and I guess that doesn't really matter, but can't it be that he's still hanging around, because he was and still is so angry? Should he then be send to the other world or am I just talking crazy right now? And if that's the case, is there a way I can do this or is it better to involve an expert into this?

Thanks!

Hi there,

Nice to meet you! Thanks for sharing your story. I don't think you are crazy but you definitely need help.
Ghosts are very real entities. And they are attracted to sensitive people. Drugs make you even more sensitive to entities. And entities are not harmless.

In Holland I know good aurahealers I am sure you can find somebody in Belgium as well, who can help you to protect yourself. I would also suggest that you do visualisation exercises. There are many excellent self-help books about this.

Take care!

Concerning leapoffaith's post, I should explain that my particular view on reality is that what is real is only "real" in a certain sense. I call this, from my point of view, a Gnostic perspective. The idea is basically that reality is a symbolic manifestation of your thoughts, emotions and beliefs. This is only my opinion but here are a few threads on similar ideas:

www.abovetopsecret.com...
This one has a lot of most intelligent people posting on it. It is about the "Law of Attraction"

www.abovetopsecret.com...
This is a thread I started about a certain magick technique. The idea is that it works and shows that reality is something we can change.

The phoenix dreams are, from my knowledge of Jungian psychology, a very good sign indeed. Look up some Jungian dream interpretations on the net. It sounds to me as if your grandfather's attitude, whatever caused it, is at the origin of the strength of your experiences. Jungian psychology would say that the situation with your grandfather was horrible enough for you to be able to use it as a symbol to understand the death part of the phoenix experience. Your mind uses the "death-like" traumatic experience of your grandfather as a way of explaining some process in you. Ok, that wasn't very clear but it shows the basic idea. I could try and tell you more but it is only my opinion.

Just to go back to the ghost idea, I have posted my experiences here: www.abovetopsecret.com...
Even though I have had many paranormal experiences I still believe that they have a symbolic function above all else. This is again only my opinion so I invite you to read a little of these threads and see what you think.

There is a button at the bottom of every post called "U2U". If you want leapoffaith to give you the contact information about the aurahealers in Holland who might know someone who could help you in Belgium then click on the bitton and write a personal message.

Onle last thing, about ATS being serious. It is true that a lot of people on here are very serious and a lot of what is being discussed is very serious too but that shouldn't in any way stop you from taking part. The thing I found the hardest was resisting the desire to start a new thread before looking to see if there was anything on the subject already. No matter what tho, the people here at ATS are not the type be "annoyed" in general! At the very worst you might not get many replies!

Welcome again and I hope you enjoy taking part in this wonderful thing that is ATS!

Hey, nice to meet you too and thanks for replying!

Yeah, I'm beginning to think I need some help too. Till now I've always been looking for that help in the medical and psychiatric sector and they didn't quite do the trick. So... On to something new, I guess.

Entities are not harmless? I thought so too. I read that they can unbalance your relationships, make you ill and depressed,... Quite mean of them, come to think about it. :p

I'll have a look around the net for an aurahealer or something in that direction. Thanks for the tips! About the visualisation, what would I have to be visualising? Are you talking about blue lights around me and things like that or really visualising the entities?

Hm, I've been watching a bit of Haunted Homes lately (the tv-series, maybe you also know it...) and I wonder if something like that could also be of any kind of help. Vigils and things like that...

I hope that somewhere in the near future I'll be able to give some advice too, instead of just taking it!

For now, lots of thank you's and speak later!

Hi,

I have got some texts in Dutch on my computer with specific visualisation that strengthens your first three chakra's and help you to "center". It's hard for me to explain it in English.

Maybe I can U2U them to you sometime (it's not possible now, you need to have more than 20 posts or something). I will be glad to do that.

In the mean time look on ebay or in the library for the book from author Linda Keen called (in dutch) "Intuitieve ontwikkeling".

Bye,

Hey Kupios,

(I know it would be better if I quoted you, but I'm pretty sure I would mess that up... :p )

You had some very interesting things to say, thanks!

I kind of share your opinion on what's real. For me reality is a personal experience in a way and what is generally considered to be real, is mostly "maya". Somehow I think reality doesn't really exist though. It's hard to explain what I mean, but if something is that personal, it's very likely that it isn't a universal truth. I'll go through the links you put here in a few minutes. I would really like to read some more about it.

I think the law of attraction works very strong with me. For some reason most of my thoughts one way or another become "reality". Funnily enough not always how I pictured them to be. For example, I always tried very hard (mostly in my teenage years) to not like "the normals", and I guess my "weirdness" is what's caused by that. :p It looks a bit like karma, doesn't it? But anyway, I won't talk too much about this anymore, until I've read your links.

I'm quite happy with my phoenix dreams too. They bring hope to me, in a way. I would love to hear some more about the Jungian psychology too, because I've tried reading several of his books, but I find them quite difficult to understand, but maybe that's just me. Does this psychology actually tell me that it's my mind "playing tricks on me", rather than a paranormal experience? Ok, not really playing tricks, more of teaching me about life, death, myself,... instead of being an encounter with entities.

I'll read the link about your paranormal experiences too. I'm quite curious and very interested!

Thanks for explaining me a bit more about ATS too. I do have a question left about it though. For me it's also very tempting to just open new threads, but that's mainly because I don't know what people prefer around here: new threads or just bumping old ones?

Thank you very much again for replying (all of you!) and I'm sure I'll enjoy my stay here! It's a very cool and interesting site!

reply to post by leapoffaith



Ok, I'll give this replying-thing a go. I guess I'll see it fast enough if I did it wrong again. I would very much like to have that U2U in the near future. Do keep it on your computer till I'm able to get it please!

Hm, centering first three chakra's... Those are the hardest for me. Especially the first one. Whatever I try, I never get really grounded. But I'll keep on trying!

Thanks again!

Hi again,

In the thread chakrameditation I have written a few comments and a groundingexercise. I think this will also be worth trying for you (for anyone else also by the way.

I am new here myself so I don't know how to link you directly to the topic, i am sorry.

why the hell does your grandfather want to KILL YOU?!?!

And do you know at all why he hated you and your brother?

leapoffaith, thanks for the efforts. I'll surely have a look in a bit! I really appreciate it!

Trash can: I've got no idea why he always hated us that much. I do know he was schizophrenic, but that's not really an excuse is it? And I also know he never liked my father, he didn't want my mother to marry him (for some strange reason, I guess) so he didn't like the fact that his grandkids were the result of that marriage I guess. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I was too young to be asking that kind of questions and even nowadays it's better not to mention him, as my mother still gets very upset whenever she thinks about him. Understandable, with all the beatings he gave her and things like that...

Anyway, even when he was alive, he already made it very obvious that he didn't like us. He even chased my father down with a sharp knife once (luckily my father could run away and warn the cops) and things like that... Meh, insanity, what are you gonna do about it ey...