I am lonely...

I just don’t understand it…life that is. In some ways things have improved for me over the years but I’m still running one hell of a deficit. I seem to be everything that nobody wants. I’m only 32 but I feel much older as time is creeping up on me. I feel like the very best part of life is now behind me…and I missed the whole damn thing. I see my friends, many of whom are much older than I and they have everything I have hoped and dreamed of having. But what really disturbs me is that my younger friends also have that which I have always dreamt of. I wish them well and though I am happy for them I cannot help but feel what is sometimes an overwhelming sadness for myself. My heart longs for the embrace of someone special…someone with whom I can spend the remainder of my days…best friend and partner in life. Instead, I am locked in my own prison. I feel like a lone astronaut floating high above the world watching it past beneath me as I watch the people below enjoying their lives and sharing love. And yet, here I am. All alone in the darkness…with no one…no one at all.

You aren't alone,
You have friends. Older, and younger ones.
Have you even talked about your feelings to them?

Tell us about the things you've dreamt of?

What kinds of things are missing from your life?

by the way 32 is pretty young from where I stand!

reply to post by LiquidMirage


I feel like I am in prison!

...secluded from the world!

...but, I guess I made myself like this!





[edit on 5/6/2008 by Givenmay]

reply to post by LiquidMirage

I felt this way when I was 19-23.
In a crowd, but alone. I always felt denied of happiness and TRUE love.
I wasn't a Christian. I felt like God hated me.
I overdosed a LOT, but, thank God, it didn't work!
Near death all the time, I had no solace of where I would end up(finding the right man was the least of my concerns at the time)
Selfish and shallow people were no help to me.

After watching a preacher on T.V. from Roswell(near Atlanta.)
I watched it, because I had a hangover and I couldn't find the remote to change it.
He said that being a good person wasn't enough for God to allow me into heaven. I was certainly trying to be good.
Well, as a feminist, I thought the Bible and God were all about enslaving women for men, but, I decided to pray that night. I asked God, "If you're real,
then I believe in your Son and that he died for me and rose the third day.
Forgive me."
WHAM! I IMMEDIATELY was changed! I started crying, because I KNEW Jesus, who I had ignored was real!
I floated in a blissful fog for THREE days! Jesus has had me with him and hugged me when I was in pain or sorrow, for 15 years now!
I have been married for 12 (almost 13) years. I have three of the most beautiful children. I am fulfilled, not by people, but God who loves people.
Thank You Jeshua!
Psa 7:17 I will praise the LORD according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high.



[edit on 6-5-2008 by Clearskies]

Sometimes we all get a case of the blues. Just know you do indeed have friends! I happen to be one of them Liquid.
Same goes for you Given. You have a friend in me.
Life is so good!
There is that special someone out there who you are searching for. Really, there is. It will happen. Just like everything else in life, when you try too hard to find something it never seems to happen. It's when you just go with the flow that something seems to drop out of the sky.
Cheer up man! You need to talk - I'm but a U2U away.

Although I am only 21 I think I can relate to what you are feeling, even if it is only in a small magnitued.

I too wish I could come home to SOMEONE. Even if it were just a friend. I used to finish work and end up with a girl I loved more than anyone/thing I have ever loved before in my life. Then (5 months ago) she cheated on me and my entire world was destroyed. When something like that happens to you, everything that makes you happy dies, not just the things that she was involved with. The past 5 months have been the very hardest of my life, but even now I can see that there is still a future. I believe that there is the right girl out there for me, just as I believe there is the right girl (or person) out there for you.

Regardless of age or past I personally believe that there is still a positive future for everyone. It may just be optimism, but it makes me happy and gives me hope, so I am most definately sticking with it.

Just don't give up mate. Don't stop keeping your eyes open for that special someone and don't miss any opportunity that presents itself. Take risks. Believe in yourself. Take advice from drunk 21 year olds

This is how I live my life and despite my upsetting circumstances I still look at the world as one never-ending opportunity.

Good luck to you my friend!

reply to post by LiquidMirage


I felt similar to the way you feel many years ago. I found that what I needed was to go talk to someone professional to air my fears and sadness. I needed a new perspective on life and new direction. Therapy helped me to get it. There is no shame in doing so.

I am mentioning this and decided to write a post because I sense depression when I hear it. There are many avenues we can take. But the healthy ones, and the ones that feel right, are often the ones we don't know about.
It changed my life!

Isolation can be a killer for us. Groups that meet to discuss feelings and depression can also be helpful. It is important to get out of ourselves and meet with others that can open up new opportunities with new individuals.

If we keep cycling the same old people, and same old situations...we can feel even lonelier. Change your habits and add new friends. Take a course in a school or join a new club (athletic or otherwise). You have constant reminders as to where you differ from them. There are many out there experiencing what you are feeling. Go find them!

You just surfaced from your Saturn return, age 28 to present, and those can be really difficult times for anyone.

You are never as alone as you think.

Be well and know that you are an important being and are not here by accident.

Oh Hon,
I wish I could say I understood life, I can't give you much comfort, I have lived like this most of my life.
And I have many more years on my back.
But I have never lost hope, I have loved, I have hoped, and I still hope.

I am climbing that mountain, I think it is about not losing hope.
I have seen too many people grow bitter and old.

Hold your life dear.
Beauty will come, it is here.
WIS

Yes, yes! it's all about taking immediate action. Everytime you dwell on things that you don't have you're just wasting that much more time in not getting them! If youwant something, start working towards it, slowly but surely you will have it! It takes physical excertion, don't forget this! Hoping and praying alone will work for emotions, but if you want something hpysical you've gotta put in some action!

So next time you feel down and as if n one likes you or you have no friends, go talk to people, regardless of the outcome, good or bad, at least you're not dwelling in the same misery, you're creating a new outlook, a different occurence than the norm. Fight yourself and win If there is something going on inside of you that you don't like, immediately take action, even little things! If you feel lazy, then get up and do a few push ups and sit ups, get that blood pumping. It's fun, and if you stick with it and change yourself everytime you feel the bad, soon enough you'll be what you want and happy with it too.

got pics?

I'm very touched by the outpouring of support and advice from each and every one of you. It really means allot to me. But despite all the kindness that has been shown to me here I cannot seem to shake my negative view of the world. Over the years I have been lied to, abused, used, and then dropped like a used tissue. My family, uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents used to be so close. We were a well nit family. But over the past 8 years my family has simply disintegrated. The only time I ever have a relationship with those people anymore is when I initiate and perpetuate it. As soon as I stop going to them I hear nothing from them. It's a one way relationship. Everybody talks about everybody else behind everybody else’s back and it is never anything good. It used to be that they would wait until I turned my back to them to stab me. Now...they just stab me right in the throat. The only true family I have left now is my Mother and my Father. The rest I don't bother with.

As far as friends go. The only friends I have anymore are the guys I work with. They truly are wonderful people. John is one of the best friends I have ever made but he is four years younger than me and has a wife and a little girl of his own. Steve, who is one of my bosses, is also a very good friend. He too is married and has a few kids that are my age. Finally, there is Bob, another boss of mine. He's a great guy at about 62. These are just some of the wonderful people I work with. But I have so little in common with them because I am alone. I'm not married. I don't even have an occasional girlfriend. It is so hard to find quality people to begin with. But when you reach your thirties it becomes even harder to find someone who is not divorced with kids of their own. I don't want to get involved with someone who has kids. I did once before and that just spells allot of trouble. I'm not ready for that anyway. As I said in my opening post, I am 32 years old but I don't feel 32. I feel like I did when I was 24 but with a bit more wisdom the years have given me. I want to meet a great girl who just wants a fresh start like I do. Someone without baggage. I want a girl who will end up being my best friend. Someone to begin a life with...a life centered on love, honesty, loyalty...you know, the way it is supposed to be.

But therein lies the problem. I find it nearly impossible to trust people because of the way I have been treated in the past both by former girlfriends and family. My last girlfriend, I'm embarrassed to say, was 8 years ago. I loved her with all of my heart and she knew that. That didn't stop her from cheating on me twice in 5 weeks with two different guys. It's pathetic but after 8 years my heart is still broken. Before she cheated, we were best friends. We were together all the time. I thought I had found the one I'd been searching for all my life. But what she did to me was a devastatingly fatal blow to me from which I have yet to recover. I guess I just lost hope not just in myself but in love as well. Recently, I have been thinking privately that life is just not worth living without love.

Here’s where I really get emotional. Several months ago I awoke from a dream that I found disturbing. I’ve told no one of this until now. In this dream I was sitting in a chair holding a little girl. She was an absolutely beautiful little twig maybe 6 or 7 years old. She was just staring into space and I had no idea who she was. Finally, she turned around and looked up at me with the pretty little eyes and said “Daddy, don’t give up on me.” The dream ended there as I woke up. At the risk of sacrificing my masculinity I must admit that it brought tears to my eyes. She was my daughter who hasn’t been born yet and won’t be unless I find a special girl to start a life with. My heart longs for a child of my own…a little girl. Someone to look to me for all they need. Someone to give my life some worth and some meaning. But with the divorce rate in this country and the ever increasing selfishness among the general population I would be afraid to ever get married and bring a little one into this world.

I must apologize for going off like this. I’m just writing what is going through my mind right now and after keeping it bottles up for so long it feels good to let it out and tell people. Thank you all for taking the time to read my words.

Well liquid mirage; the same goes for my family, but I don't let it bring me down. If that helps, then take it and run. I could get into it, but believe me, you have noooo idea. And I'm sure I have no idae of yours either. Trust me when I say I can relate, unless you want a description, but I'm warning you that it's aweful! But YOU can change everything about yourself if you believe it, and sometimes distancing yourself from that negativity is the answer.

Originally posted by LastOutfiniteVoiceEternal
Well liquid mirage; the same goes for my family, but I don't let it bring me down. If that helps, then take it and run. I could get into it, but believe me, you have noooo idea.

And I'm sure I have no idae of yours either. Trust me when I say I can relate, unless you want a description, but I'm warning you that it's aweful! But YOU can change everything about yourself if you believe it, and sometimes distancing yourself from that negativity is the answer.

That is why I don't bother with my relatives anymore. I just got so damn tired of dealing with them that I decided to distance myself from them. The sad thing is that they think I'm the one being an ass. They can't see that the reason I refuse to make an appearance at any of the few gatherings they have anymore is a result of the way they act.

I suggest you find a social circle, not just the guys at work, but a group of people who share your hobby and actively get together and do things. If you don't have any hobbies that require being active or involved, then start one.

Pay attention to other people more. Start doing things for others more often.

Life is a balancing act, when you are swaying to far to one side the other side seems so very hard to reach..You literally have to force yourself to make it back to the middle.

You may have been hurt in the past, but the reality is there is no relationship that doesn't hurt. Pain is a part of life and you have to breathe through it.

Remember that being with someone is not the answer to things in life, but the compliment to who you are. You need to be a whole person before anyone can know whether they truly do compliment you and it will last forever.

Don't give up ! Nothing in life worth having is easy to attain.

For those of you that are feeling alone in this world I present...

Mr. Roy Orbison



Whenever your feeling down or blue give me a u2u. Hey that rhymed!

Here's a lonely 37 year old guy. I never been married but would like too. I had a goal when I was 32 to be married in 5 years, oops lol. Well I'm trying to be optimistic here, its all too easy to be depressed & sad & cry my own sob story but I chose not to.

reply to post by TC Mike


Whoa whoa whoa man it's ok don't get all depressed and go do something radical like getting MARRIED! (pant, pant, pant) it will be ok, just breathe breathe. Yes let those self destructive marriage thoughts go. It's ok.

Oh poor baby. Get off your buttocks and move your body. Go where people are. Get involved in something.

Seems to me you are very normal. I know you are very lucky not to have been married. IMO marriage is the pits. If you think you are lonely now....just wait till you do get married and you'll really know loneliness. I'm sure there are some good marriages but I've tried it four times and it sucked big time. Everything was great until we said our I do's.

I have a very good man as my partner now but still feel lonely at times. This is not a Barbie and Ken world. It is far from a perfect world. There aren't many women that meet your criteria. You could get a much younger lady but she's probably going to be a bit snaky headed.

Let me clue you in on women with small children. They can be wonderful mates. That little girl you dreamed about may just be a child of a divorced mom. You don't have to father a child to be a good daddy and love and be loved by a child.

You're not going to find a woman without some baggage unless she's a robot. Don't you have baggage? Are you Mr. Perfect? As persnickety as you are you may never find Miss right. I do understand having values and wanting a perfect mate. But it isn't going to happen. We all have faults.

Only you can make something good happen in your life. There are activities for single people. You have to make an effort if you want to change your life.

I apologize for not having sympathy. Me thinks I'm becoming a cynical old woman. I have loved and lost so many times. I'm afraid to trust anyone. I'm almost twice your age but still feel like I did at 16. I still desire a loving relationship. The need for love hasn't waned in the least. Having been widowed twice has had a negative effect on me.

I truly hope you do find your dream girl.
.

I'm going to suggest something that will probably fall on deaf ears (it usually does). Whenever you feel isolated, lonely or just plain "blue", one remedy is to stop focusing on yourself and your problems and issues. Instead, try volunteering for some social program in your community or church.

I am not saying this to try, in any way, to diminish your own personal issues. Heaven knows that we all have issues and you certainly do have your own. I just know that people who feel depressed, lonely and isolated often report feeling quite the opposite when they volunteer their time, energy and expertise or skills to those in need within their communities. It might sound to trite to tell someone to go volunteer at a food bank to alleviate feelings of isolation. It might sound "old-fashioned" or somehow uncool to spend a few hours delivering "meals on wheels" to the elderly or to help out at the Church Bazaar. However, volunteering in your community is one "sure-fire" way to ease those feelings of loneliness. You will meet new people. You will make new friends and, most importantly, you will make a difference.

Please don't dismiss what I have expressed here as "something that some old fogey" might have said and that "I don't know how it is". Trust me, I've been there. I've been so lonely and isolated at various times in my life and travels that I sincerely thought that I was going to go mad. When the suggestion to go out and to help someone was first suggested to me, I thought to myself, "what rot!" It was only after I actually went out and did something that I learned that the cure for the sort of emotional isolation that we all get into from time to time is to give of themselves to others.

Incidentally, it is quite possible that you might actually encounter women at the places that you might volunteer. Again, trust me, women who see a relatively young man offering their time and energy to good social causes typically view them as being quite attractive -- really.

[edit on 5/7/2008 by benevolent tyrant]