Power?

Just want to make a general statement here, not to be construed as advice or anything.

A relationship is a partnership, and not only requires partnering, but also isn't possible without it, at least to the point of passive consent. One partner can't really exercise power without the consent of the other.

Back in the days when people lived in log cabins in the wilderness, without legal representation, there was still a balance of power, though a larger male could still exercise some power over the female.

But even in that event it's still a matter of will. Even a small female, though normally passive and non-assertive could have gotten a gun and imposed her will if she really had a mind to do so.

Now I'm not suggesting anything, least of all using deadly force.

However, in the case I gave of the abusive wife and the browbeaten Steelworker, he could have taken control if he decided to, especially back in the 1960s. There's any number of things he could have done, including withholding money, just leaving, or even standing up and saying 'NO!'.

But the excuse given was that he was taught to respect women and not to raise his voice to them or to ever hit a woman.

He had a strong mother figure, and I suppose she gave him this idea.

But he used it to enable his own passivity. A smart person never needs to use force, in fact force is the least effective means to get compliance.

Anyway, there's certainly no reason that a female who is being abused in any manner, to take it lying down, so to speak.

It might be a matter of gathering information, including written journals and tape recordings, and then getting good legal advice, but in the balance, the female, especially if she has a child, is not the weakest member. She is the Strongest member of the relationship, because she usually has the full force of the legal system behind her.

At any rate I'd URGE everyone that is having problems, even if you feel you are in the right or the wrong to seek joint counseling.

If you get a good counselor, (shop around until you're both happy), they can teach you strategies to cope and ways to learn to -want- the best compromise.

In addition, they can help you solve the problems at the lowest level and never have to let it go to where one has to use force, physical or legal to try and solve it.

HTH.

Again, not advice, all comments are hypothetical. YMMV, use at your on risk. May be fattening or cause hair loss.


[edit on 3-5-2008 by Badge01]

so you just wanted to get this out of your chest. if you are saying there is an uneven equality between genders according to law then yes but thats because of the general cases that allow it so. women are often abused in many relationships and are vulnerable in the workplace, are in a way more fragile so the law has to stand by their side. a woman abusing her husband isnt serious in my opinion when viewed in the context of society. but of course their are those who abuse that power and falsely accuse people of harassments and what not but the laws have stronger reasons for maintaining that order of power, because most victims are women.

I hate to say this but I could not understand a word of your reply.

I'll summarize for you.

In my first post I defend both men and women and I suggest peaceful resolution of conflict with the help of joint marriage counseling.

No reason for a female with a child and a domineering husband to feel she is trapped and powerless, because with legal help she could easily get her independence and a nice settlement. However she would need to first collect evidence. I suggest that evidence might be taping the abusive comments and keeping a detailed daily journal.

If a man is being browbeat by a woman, he should do the same. Document.

Before either of these, the couple should seek competent family counseling.