A friend lost her baby then 12hours later she got married

DISCLAIMER: When i describe a person in here as a conservative Christian i do so for an understanding of his side of the story. I am not pointing fingers at his faith, i am a Christian, more liberal that he, however, nothing is wrong with that.

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A very, very close friend of my fiance's started seeing a guy (incredibly conservative Christian) in December. Before December was out she was pregnant, so they decided to have a 'shotgun' wedding.

The wedding was this weekend, however, the night before the wedding, she lost the child. Premature birth (4months old) and it only lived for an hour. Obviously the couple were distraught, my fiance went to see her and was surprised to see that the couple had the baby. She was offered it and could not refuse (obviously), needless to say this has freaked her out and all the other female friends that did the same, however, this is heading off topic.

At 230am the wedding was cancelled (as it was the next day). The young lady needed rest and needed to stay in hospital, however, her idiot fiance mentioned if they get her discharged early enough in the morning the wedding can still go ahead. :bnghd:

My fiance told him he was an idiot.

Eventually got to bed around 4am and was awoken (first people called) at 7am telling us the wedding was going ahead (10am wedding). It did, my fiance walked the bride down the aisle (as planned) and the wedding happened.

The difference, it felt more like a funeral than a wedding. The bride had to sit down the whole time, they did not go and get wedding photos taken and she erupted in tears many times through the day.

What we do know is that he is VERY manipulative and manipulated her into getting married (for supposed selfish conservative reasons), never mind the health risks (my fiance was asked by bride many times to check when she stood up for blood :s).

I felt so sorry for her, however, i guess i do hope they are happy together and she hasn't walked into another stupid marriage (she's 24 and already divorced). Many felt that losing the baby may have been a blessing in disguise.

Anyway without pointing any fingers at their relationship as it is no place of mine to judge, i just felt they should have not gotten married within 12hours of losing a baby. They needed to respect the death of their little girl and wait until they can have a wedding where it can be a happy day for everyone.

I guess another issue out of this is the state of a number of my friends (including my fiance) who had to hold that poor little girl. I am glad i was not there and had to see what my poor fiance did, she really surprised me at how strong she was for the poor mother, until of course she collapsed and cried when she was with my mum and sisters the next day, which is completely understandable.

I have no real point, i guess it is just a rant i wanted off my chest and i guess some feedback would be nice.

Wow... it's very sad when a young one dies, especially a newborn.

I guess my thoughts are, yeah, 12 hours isn't enough time, the bride needed rest and should have just postponed the wedding for a week or so.

On the other hand, maybe there were people who wouldn't be able to attend later, people from out of town? Would they have lost money on stuff that had already been paid for, etc?

Tough one.

Im sorry to hear this. but i agree, it was most likely a financial issue

The venues were free and the 'lunch' was a pot luck lunch (everyone brings a plate of food) and the photographers were already invited guests. I don't think there was a financial reason.

reply to post by SilentShadow


Ok im gonna get to the rest of this in a second I wanted to check in on this...

she lost the child. Premature birth (4months old) and it only lived for an hour. Obviously the couple were distraught, my fiance went to see her and was surprised to see that the couple had the baby. She was offered it and could not refuse (obviously), needless to say this has freaked her out and all the other female friends that did the same, however, this is heading off topic.

Wait a minute, hold the phone! WTF! These people had the gall, I mean the unmitigated GALL to have other people hold their deceased fetus?!? Woah!

I do apologise for the departure of the baby as it must be a traumatic event in this young couple's lives. BUT TO HAVE PEOPLE HOLD A DEAD INFANT! WHAT THE ! That's beyond rational and normal. I mean that's just wrong in so many ways. I can even see holding a wake for the baby, I can see that. But to have people hold the dead fetus?!?

Ok back on topic

To have the wedding anyway? Seriously? The woman had to be in a lot of pain, Not to mention the emotional trauma that she had to endure, she had to be in a lot of physical pain. And to go through with the wedding anyway?

I mean seriously does this show how much this guy actually cares for his new bride to walk her down the aisle 12 hours after having a premature birth?!?

not to criticize everyone else attending the wedding but there is a part of the ceremony where the officiating person asks if there is any just reason why these two should not be married let him speak now or forever hold their peace.

THIS INSTANCE IS A JUST CAUSE FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE SAID SOMETHING!

Certanly I hope the new couple is happy in their marriage and wish them all the best. But this sounds like a bad bad way to start a new union!

Just my 2c on the subject.

Originally posted by whatukno
Wait a minute, hold the phone! WTF! These people had the gall, I mean the unmitigated GALL to have other people hold their deceased fetus?!? Woah!

I am unsure it is considered a fetus when we were less than two weeks away from it having a 50/50 chance of survival, and the child lived for an hour, but that is beyond the point.

I agree with your sentiments, and seeing the impact on my fiance and my friends who were there (at the poor mothers request), it was probably the incorrect thing to do.

Originally posted by whatukno
not to criticize everyone else attending the wedding but there is a part of the ceremony where the officiating person asks if there is any just reason why these two should not be married let him speak now or forever hold their peace.

THIS INSTANCE IS A JUST CAUSE FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE SAID SOMETHING!

Well i was very close to wanting to say something and i am sure there were a number of others, HOWEVER, that part of the ceremony never eventuated. I think it was removed at their request, knowing how many people may have something to say about a shotgun wedding with a LARGE number of conservative guests.

I only found out later that day from my parents and my recently married sister that they thought it was a requirement by law to have that in the ceremony. I am unsure of whether it is, however, this couple did not have it and i may have said something if it did.