Leave me alone dad!

So I'm up at late hours again. I'm paranoid and for a good reason. You see, I have this dad, a dead beat dad. To give a little background info, my dad isn't stable. He abused me as a kid, and abandoned my mom and I when my mom got breast cancer, only to come back when my mom recovered, and he was abusive as usual.

You have to understand, what my dad put me through is just... I can't think of a word for it, but I've brought a few people to tears when I tell my full story.

My dad has stalked us for a long time, finding out where my mom works, where I go to school, and now where I work.
About 6 years ago, I had distanced my self from me dad because of his mean habits. The guy is nuts, I've seen shows about crazy people, but my own dad has been the only one who I've personally known to be wacko. I hadn't visited him for about 3 years prior to this incident. He called me, it was christmas day, he yelled at me and told me that I had always been a road block in his life, and he was going to treat me as one, he was either going to go around me, or go through me. This happened about 5 years ago.

Well today, I was working at my KFC/A&W store at the front counter, when this guy who looks just like my dad comes up and orders. I treated him just like a normal customer but he kept shooting glances at me, those eyes of his are scary, full of anger, they pierce right through you, "Wild man eyes" is what my mom calls it. My dad is the only person that I know that has eyes like this.
Anyways, I asked his name so that I could call him when his order was ready, and he told me. His name was the exact same as my dad's. I wanted to ask him what his last name was, but didn't as I thought that would be too weird. When I handed his order, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Thank you Slash"

call the police because if you see him outside messing with your van and want to harm him, you are probably going to get charged until everything clears up if you do go outside to stop him, or at least have reports and incidents on file so when you do have to protect yourself and your mom there is a list of problems you've had with him and the police can see that he has been causing problems for some time and they will believe you

many people here have probably been in a similar situation and i dunno, i'll let them speak for themselves but i think most can agree that it's always just better to call the police before anything happens, just tell them "listen i was at work and this and that happened, my dad has done this and that in the past, and he shouldn't know where i work, or where i live" just so when something does happen you can say "look this has been a problem for some time, talk to officer smith i talked to him w/e and he knows about whats been going on"

the officer will talk to him and hear about the complaint/problem and you then have some weight when you talk because there is a history of you doing the proper thing which is to let the police handle it, and you really never wanted a problem in the first place

it's just better to do it as a precaution if you do feel in danger, and when you do have to karate chop him and the police show up, they pull up your name and his and see that "oh, well he's been harassing him for a while now" in many aspects it is better to call before something happens, just give a description, maybe your dad was seen doing something else in the city recently and they might pick him up on something else who knows, but you don't want to get yourself into trouble going outside if he starts messing with anything

the police scare most people too so that's another thing

Oh yeah I know, I always call the police first. My self defense comes only if I have to use it. And believe me, he has a bad rap, drunken driving several times, kidnapping, assault several times. The cops are already on my side, even had them tell my mom that if he causes us any more problems, to call em they stated that they knew who he was. So I'm good there. I'm just really paranoid and being cautious. Kinda strains a person.

[edit on 29-4-2008 by Slash]

I don't know what to say!! You must be a strong person to have gone through all that,and come out the other end still fighting.That would have beaten many people,long ago. I hope you've gone to the police about this. You can't let him terrorise you like this. He doesn't have the right to make you and your families life hell.

I hope you can put a stop to him soon.


Edit,I see you've been to the police,good.

[edit on 29/4/2008 by Acidtastic]

reply to post by Acidtastic


Thank you for the well wishes, having a dad beat the hell out of you as a kid, leave you to take care of your mom going through chemo, as he takes off with another woman, then coming back... Yeah I won't get into it, but the guy is a piece of trash. What can I say, I'm still here alive. But thank you again for reading.

Slash, Iam urging you to document everything that you remember, and everytime you see him, or suspect you are being followed or watched WRITE IT DOWN with the date and time. Evidence my dear friend.
As for carrying a weapon..never bring to a fight what can be used against you.
A knife or a gun could wind up hurting you in the end. Or he could turn the tables and have you charged with assault. NOT GOOD.
Have you told your mother?
It's not good to always run away, but if you feel your safety is threatened, it is an option.
Take care of yourself, and Honey..I have been there, my kids have been there..not to your extreme, but none the less, I understand.

reply to post by Slash


I would learn self defense and get a shotgun... If you haven't taken any shots, go out and practice... You have to defend yourself and your mom... You can't be scared of him your whole life... It totally sux that he's such a prick, please don't get me wrong, but I have not had to deal with that... So for me it's hard to relate... I prefer to stand my ground and speak my mind... Fight if need be, you win some and lose some as is life... I'd say, look freak, you can't keep coming in here like this... I'd make a scene at work, so everyone got a good look at him... I'd bring up some of this stuff in the "revealing" if you will... Make him look like a total as*, when you're ready to do so, and if he came knocking I'd go shooting... That's just me though... I protect my home with a shotgun, 12 gage is all you really need... Anyone I don't know comes in the house I have it at arms length distance, my dogs would wake me up and I'd be behind them with the gun... Honestly I don't see why people break into peoples homes in the first place... Totally off topic sorry...

But point being stand up to him, if you don't you will be afraid of not only him but everything and everyone else... You will be stuck in a place you don't want to be... Maybe you should look into Jesus Christ as well...

So the rap up, learn martial arts, so if he tries to hit you, you can do a round house kick to his cranium... Get a gun, don't try to kill the guy, but I'd shoot at him to show you're serious if he really gets creepy... And find Jesus... I'm sure there are tons of other solutions, but this would be my choices...

Hope you can figure something out to bring you peace...

Have any big friends? Just thought if you did maybe you could intimidate him... I hate to suggest such brutal tactics... But sometimes it's the only way someone will get the picture... The law can't do anything if he's just scaring you all the time... Even with a restraining order against him he's still free to scare you...

If you don't want to keep a gun in the house or use one, then you could always replace that with something like a baseball bat, golf club, samurai sword, machete, whatever, just something big that with one hit would do enough damage to knock him out... It would be bad if he got up, ya know...

About half a year ago, my van got broken into, and the plug wires were ripped out. You can't get under the hood unless you have the keys as far as I know. I've tried, as have several of my friends and family. My dad still has the keys to this van, so we're pretty sure it was him. Years before that he has shown up at my schools, my mom's work, and has figured out where we live no matter where we move.

I know you can get to the wires from under the hood... A friend of mine ripped a hand full out of someones car once... Sad to say but that guy was not driving home that night... Ya we were sorta terrors of the town... Nothing to do in such a small town... haha... Anyway, hope this gives you some insight or helps in some way... Was all I could think of... peace!

The main thing for you to do is document everything like AD said and keep the police regularly updated.

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're a minor you have a clear advantage that you should make use of.

If you're not a minor, that's ok too because you stated that he already has a record. This too is something that you must make use of.

Many people will advise you on what to do should the seemingly inevitable faceoff between you and him occur. Personally, my preference would be for you to use all tools available to make sure such a faceoff can not occur.

You must document and report ANYTHING suspicious, ANY form of interaction whatsoever, and ANY time you feel threatened. A carefully kept and updated journal and working with local law enforcement agencies is the best way to avoid the problem.

You should not under any circumstances attempt to "take this guy on" on your own. You will get hurt. As your father and as someone who has abused you he holds a significant mental advantage over you. You will not be thinking clearly should a faceoff occur. You absolutely must do everything you can to make sure it doesn't happen.

Protect yourself and your mother the correct way. Keep law enforcement involved at every step, be mindful of your surroundings, and never attempt to confront him alone.

reply to post by Slash


Ditch the van. He's using public records to track you via the Van's plates or VIN#.

reply to post by Slash



From reading your post, I don't see anything you've said that makes your dad crazy per se'. Does he talk to voices in his head, believe he is Napoleon, or attack people physically in fits of uncontrollable rage?

The only things you mentioned were he left your mom in a hard time, and said that you had been a roadblock in his life. Neither one of those makes him crazy, nor does seeking you out. You are calling it stalking yet he is your dad and maybe he is wanting to mend things and can't get close to you. Sounds like he is simply not able to cope with problems well, which makes him crazy in your eyes. Perhaps also there is more to the story than you are willing to tell or have been told. There is no doubt in my mind that after your father left, your mother never had a nice thing to say about him, but I could be wrong.

Have you ever given him a chance to defend himself for his actions?


[edit on 29-4-2008 by ben91069]