Dark Secrets

Dark Secrets.
They weigh on me, the ones that aren't my own, mine I can carry they are hardly secrets.

But others, if I revealed them I would be justified, I would regain integrity, but I would be left with the shame of judging.
As the old tale about the holy zen man, who was unjustly accused.
To every accusation he replied "Is that so".
Many years past he was shunned going about his life in isolation.
Life finally raised him up, he was justified, his perpetrators came forth and spoke of the false accusations.
His reply was "Is that so"

I pray I may have such patience, such humbleness, I know I don't. But I force my self to hold my tongue.

These are not crimes I keep secret, just the short comings of human beings. A crime I would reveal in a heart beat.

And had they only been a persons confession to me to ease a weary soul, those secrets are a light burden, more of a pearl, a sign of friendship.

But no, these secrets involve me, I become the scape goat, I become the core of the problem. Because of lies and hidden desires.

The secrets would, if revealed show a whole different picture of the person involved. Shameful, dishonest, manipulating.
Even this I could honor, as in myself, because, is it not how we grow, to acknowledge the stones on our way?

Why I place this in the relationship forum? Because it is how we inter- relate with each other, how pathetic patterns are created.
Patterns that may take years to dissolve, a life time.
Because we do this to each other instead of taking responsibility for our actions.

We need a scape goat. Some one who will carry the burden, a focus of our pain.

We all fail, to be honest, to be kind, to be faithful, but we should not fail to trust that our loved ones can forgive and forget.
That is where the true failure is resting.
If your trust and innocence is rejected, you have not failed, they have failed.
Trust is to say "I did this, I know it hurt you, I am sorry". Innocence and trust go hand in hand.
Should they fail to forgive, well perhaps they didn't love us in the first place?
But I loved, my love does not, should not be measured by the others reaction,appreciation, for then it is not love but only a merchants account.

Those dark secrets, I wish I didn't hold them, I wish didn't have to bow my head and say "Is that so ? "

I wish.......................
Do you hold "dark secrets" for others?
Am I "My brothers Keeper" when I do this? I think I am.

WIS

[edit on 20-4-2008 by WalkInSilence]

[edit on 20-4-2008 by WalkInSilence]

[edit on 20-4-2008 by AccessDenied]

A

. Your words made be burst into tears.
I do not wish to be the keeper of any thing.
Nothing
I want a simple life.
Smiles.
A hug.
Just simple things.
A blue sky.
A thunderstorm.
Firefly's
Bats cruising.
A simple "Hello, I'm home"
I don't want the responsibility.

WIS

[edit on 20-4-2008 by AccessDenied]

Nooooo ,don't delete it
Please, I just didn't understand, it was wise.
No.
Wis

Originally posted by WalkInSilence
Shameful, dishonest, manipulating....

Is that me? If it is I didn't realize I was that person. I am so sorry.

"I did this, I know it hurt you, I am sorry". Innocence and trust go hand in hand.

I did do this and God knows I know it hurt you. I have never been more sorry about anything than what I have done to us. Of course you were never responsible for my idiocy, it was all my mistake. I so humbly apologize to you please forgive me.

Originally posted by WalkInSilence
Nooooo ,don't delete it
Please, I just didn't understand, it was wise.
No.
Wis

The message was meant for you and you alone any way.
And I see that I was correct.

Originally posted by LoneGunMan
Is that me?

No.
WIS

Originally posted by WalkInSilence

Originally posted by LoneGunMan
Is that me?

No.
WIS

Thank you for the lengthy reply. I am honored that you said anything at all.

Me---->

I must stress this is not a thread in which personal issues between members are to be discussed.
This is a general debate.
Please respect this!
I do not wish to waste my own or others precious time.

WIS

Originally posted by WalkInSilence
I must stress this is not a thread in which personal issues between members are to be discussed.
This is a general debate.
Please respect this!
I do not wish to waste my own or others precious time.

WIS

Not a problem. I made an assumption and I was wrong. I will not try to interact with you again, I do not deserve to be treated this way. I have made a fool on this board over you long enough (I fully understand how much of an ass I have made of myself) and will stop humiliating myself here anymore. I only did it because you ignore all my u2u's and out of desperation tried tog et your attention any way I could. That is not the man I was before we met.

I just needed to explain myself. I will never try and contact you again, cold Danish is not my favorite breakfast food anymore.

This is difficult as you're kind of vague. My 'new' rules is avoid [esp. dark] secrets at all costs as they will eventually end up costing you. I believe if you have to hide something you shouldn't be in posession of it in the first place.
Problem with this post is I can't even say what I'm talking about because it's a secret.. even though the person I am being loyal to hasn't exactly showed me the same sort of loyalty.. even though I forfeted my right to it by getting angry bout it all.

*sigh*




[edit on 21-4-2008 by riley]

Originally posted by riley
Problem with this post is I can't even say what I'm talking about because it's a secret.. even though the person I am being loyal to hasn't exactly showed me the same sort of loyalty.. even though I forfeted my right to it by getting angry bout it all.

Exactly, when one comes in such a situation, there is no way out. And you haven't even put your self there.
But to remain an honorable being, you must submit to the judgement of others, because they judge you, relying on the account of "the other" person who has acted in a less honorable fashion.

I did not request this responsibility.
I doubt any of us do. So I must just live with it.

I have wondered why these people don't just come out and speak their truth?
Is it so much easier to let some one else bear the burden?
WIS

This is a weird and creepy thread.

Originally posted by Azador
This is a weird and creepy thread.

Weird, yes, very descriptive of my usual behaviour.
Creepy, no.
These are secrets we keep for each others as friends, one "friend" may wish us to keep a truth from an other friend.
Or ones loved one has behaved less appropriate, but to not embarrass him/her one just "shuts up", pardon my french.

I am a person, people for some odd reason confide in, they will tell me things no others in a life time will realize about them.
That is fine, I can carry a secret, but when it affects my integrity, when I am pointed out to be the "bad" person, I get up on my heels and bang my head against a tree.
Because I WILL not break confidence.

WIS

Awesome we all lie sometimes

There is no resemblance to lying.
It is about compassion.
Perhaps an account from my own life will illustrate this.
The people in account are past away, so no shame on them.

While I grew up I always wondered why my oldest half brother refused to see my dad. Well when he passed away, my dad, I tracked down my brother. I was curious and it also had a practical reason.
He agreed to see me, and apologized. This was the first time I encountered him. Twenty-five years.

The explanation fallowed. He and his younger brother, my other half brother, whom I had seen a few times, took me to a grave yard and showed me a head stone.
I knew the name was my dads x-wife, whom he had claimed was dead years before he met mom.
Her date of death was two years after mom and dad married.

My brothers had kept this "dark secret" for more than two decades, because they didn't want to hurt my mother and me.

That is compassion.

This is the kind of "secrets" I speak of.
To look past and with hold a truth that hurts you, so you will not hurt an other.

WIS

Think to yourself "What would Skippy do?"

Or you could

but don't get

because the next day you feel like this

Trying to cheer you up.



The above was edited due to graphic content. Or maybe I just decided to redo the entire post. :shk:

[edit on 28-4-2008 by LoneGunMan]

Originally posted by LoneGunMan

The above was edited due to graphic content. Or maybe I just decided to redo the entire post. :shk:

[edit on 28-4-2008 by LoneGunMan]

Thanks Pal, very kind of you.

One of my quotes I'd hang up on every ship was "No slack, tomorrow is an illusion"
So what would Skippy do, bust his F...... A.. out.
Do his very best.
I intend to.

The quote was my own, by the way.
WIS

[edit on 28-4-2008 by WalkInSilence]

very well written post full of wisdom and experiance, some of which you must go through in order to attain understanding.