Psychology of the body - PTSD (questions, observations from personal experiences)

I was hoping there would be other postings.

I did want to say that after I am triggered, and then during a bout with PTSD my mind observes things at a slightly slower rate. One of my worst problems is when I speak to someone and what they are saying becomes less important than their body movments. I find it difficult not to ruminate on that later in the evening when I am home. And, the ruminations will bring out my anger which I understand is from having been traumatized.

Whether it is experiencing trauma as a child or as an adult, in my opinion it gives an individual a sense of "there was no one their to help me!" I struggle with that feeling of why someone didn't help me at the time. It has taken awhile for me to understand that in a dysfunctional household, everyone has been traumatized in some way and because of that they may have felt the same way as me......"well, why doesn't someone help me!" It's like that feeling of treading water, but then I sink a bit and then I keep struggling to stay afloat and it keeps repeating itself.

I don't mean to imply that an individual should understand the perpetrators reasons or why their homes were dysfunctional. A person must take care of their own needs first!!! There is a lot of "traumatic bonding" that each of us became indoctrinated to. However, each of us must break those bonds in our own way because they are not bonds based on love.

These bonds were based on a child's trust of a parent, sibling, relatives, perhaps a neighbor, And, the adult or older person then oneself.... that trust was violated because the perpertrators were meeting their own warped and deranged mentality that they had succumbed to.

Each person needs to move forward in their own way and at their own speed in order to free oneself from the chains of traumatic abuse.

Various suggestions that individuals have made do help in the process of freeing ourselves. My most difficult trigger is when I feel threatened in a situation where someone is trying to exerce their so-called authority over me. I am fine and do well in the situation. It is within two weeks after the indicent that I slip into what I call "a bout." I am working on a way to feel less threatened in order to feel safe and, yet at the same time, not be a doormat or a pushover for someone with cruel intentions.

I guess I've said enough for now. Best of Luck to anyone who is struggling with PTSD!!!

reply to post by Rubyteacup



Hi there and thanks for sharing!

I have had a bad week but have made one very big step towards dealing with this:

I finally found the courage to report the incidents to the Police and have filed a report. It is now being investigated

Many years ago, I wanted to prosecute but the Laws prevented it. That Law is now repealed and so I can now do this

I now can't believe I actually walked into the Police Station and commenced legal proceedings. It has brought with it horrible memories.

My Family are being incredibly supportive. They have all said they will go through this with me. It is hard for them too and this isn't something that anyone has wanted to deal with so when I pushed forward, I didn't expect to be overwhelmed with their support.

Anyway, early days for me. Not sure how I will cope but in some ways I feel it will be closure for me.

Anyone know how to block the flashbacks?

I know some VETS have issues with these... is there something out there to help with those?

They are getting so bad, like I try to talk to someone and the flashbacks are happening... so I wonder, what can I do to stop them from happening? They are affecting me or really starting to interfere with my day to day life.

HYPNOTHERAPY

It is fantastic!!!!

It actually works. Whatever age I was at, all I had to do was count to the age I am now. Estimate the year I was stuck in and count to the present year!!

It really works so I found the answer myself eventually with the help of hypnotherapy

And what is even better, you can do it by yourself when a trigger happens

It is the best and quickest way to get back into the present with NO residue or sensations from the past.

I hope those who have not tried this, try it and it helps!!

I just wish I could FEEL again, and it IS so true....

you can't positive think your way, or talk your way, or affirmations your way, or excersize your way, or even watch comedy your way, back to normal....

I have tried it ALL, except for theraphy, because well, every thime I have looked for help they have right away written out a drug prescription I had to throw in the garbage etc.......

If there truly is ANY way to EVER get myself back, I would be forever greatful.

Originally posted by mellisamouse
I just wish I could FEEL again, and it IS so true....

you can't positive think your way, or talk your way, or affirmations your way, or excersize your way, or even watch comedy your way, back to normal....

I have tried it ALL, except for theraphy, because well, every thime I have looked for help they have right away written out a drug prescription I had to throw in the garbage etc.......

Hang in there... OMG at times I was like a feather in the wind. Trying to find somewhere safe to settle, some place where I could just cope. It may take a long time but [swear] ! I eventually found some tecniques to help me.

Tell people what you are going through, ask for help and things will get better. As soon as I had hypnotherapy... I couldn't believe it. I was so amazed and then I was like, OMG why the [swear] didn't I know this ages ago when I needed it the most? Main thing is I found something to help me and it does work.

Really life changing! I have had heaps of body work to help me feel so if you would like to chat about it, please do so. I can only share what I know.

If there truly is ANY way to EVER get myself back, I would be forever greatful.

OMG that is a big thing...the first thing is eliminating the fear of being YOU, the YOU that is free. That is scarey...it is hard to try to live as though trauma hasn't happened. I am still trying to be me...but I am always hyper vigilant so I am not sure if we can ever go back to being who we were before the event/s.

But perhaps that is the wrong thing to think too? I am me now and I can't ever be who I once was and at the same time, I am not sure I want to ->

'Right here, right now living without fear'

That is the thing I aim for... whatever the experince is/was, we are better for it (that is my attitude with it and it does help)

Maybe acceptance and taking the experience with you and moving forward is the only way to go?

Don't give up... Don't ever give up!!!

Im not exactly sure what I have is PTSD, but it sure does feel like it. I had a very close cousin of mine die in a car accident a few years ago. Now when im in a car driving on a normal road, I feel pretty fine. But if im in a car with someone who gets on the freeway, I completely freak out. Its complete total fear that takes ahold of me on the freeway. I feel as if any second the car is going to go out of control and crash and kill me. Ill literally start crying and its emabaressing when theres other people in the car to see it. But it just freaks me out so bad.

Thanks for sharing your experience. S&F.

reply to post by Thurisaz


Thank you so much..it is nice to know the IS hope. I am thinking of trying the hypnotherapy thing, if it isn't too expensive.

reply to post by Jess_Undefined


I know what you mean about the highway.....I am the same in boats too, in a very scary storm once....

Also, our close friends of the family died in the Tsunami. It was their camera that was found that had the pictures of the empty beach and the waves comming right up to the last second...they sent us an email ike 20 minutes before it happened, so for about 4 days after we thought they might be ok.....even on new years eve I was out with their 3 sons, and we were all still in a bit of denial about it...so long story short, I have this tsunami fear now too,and even have empty rubbermaid containers in each room, just incase, so we can turn them upside down and trap air in there to breath etc....run into the closet or bathroom, float up and breath in our containers etc.....kinda sad that I think about this stuff....

I have tryed the breathing technique, and found it helpful in almost any

situation, including while driving in the car, my daughter has this issue

from a past car accident. It is'nt easy coming from dysfunctionals famlies,

I had a very abusive Dad, and then my husband came back from vietnam

an alcoholic, he was very abusive, it was a very tramatic experience for

me, after a while I left with my kids, at least they were'nt abused, so I

was able to break the cycle. Thankyou everyone for sharing your life

stories, and solutions its helpful talking to others, who have had some of

the same experiences, ATS is helpful in this respect, it is a positive thing

that this thread accomplishes, Star&Flag for you.

Hi OP,

Beautiful thread! 20 yrs. ago, I was brutally beaten, assaulted, and held hostage. One month ago I discovered I have PTSD.

Anger turned to Rage, and rage began to consume me and my life. I've been racked with guilt for so long about so many things. Depression, numbness, even suicidal at times. Then I started having panic attacks! Out of the blue, could things get any worse?

Finally, I hit a point, where I no longer wanted to be controlled by emotions, I wanted to control my emotions.

I sought counseling for my rage. It was my counselor who first told me about EMDR. I will undergo this treatment soon and have a lot of faith that it will help. Daddybare is right it is worth a try.

I know 2 people who have been through this and have been emotionally healed. EMDR will help with the triggers and the flashbacks more than hypnotherapy will. From what I understand it works this way.

Our emotional memory is stored in the left side of our brain. Our 'thinking' brain is our right.(meaning the logical side)

An EMDR therapist places you in a REM state, while fully conscious and awake. They do this by having you look at a light bar or by using a tapping motion.

Once in that state you will concentrate on a memory or trauma. You will remember vivid details and experience intense feelings, only this time the memory will be removed from the emotional side of your brain, and will be reprocessed and stored in the logical, rational or if you will the 'thinking side of the brain. Meaning when you remember the event in the future, the overwhelming emotion will be gone or extremely lessened. EMDR has a huge success rate. Maybe you should think about it.

Thank you for your courage.

Sincerely, Paxnatus


Here's a link I found to be very informative.

[www.healthyplace.com...]

[edit on 3-8-2009 by paxnatus]

[edit on 3-8-2009 by paxnatus]

reply to post by paxnatus


Thanks for sharing, thanks for your encouragement and I am sorry for the late reply. Some days, I don't leave the house... a week becomes a month and then I forget ... ah well BUT...

I can't believe I am saying this...

I am getting better!

After the report I made, he was arrested in 09 and released out on bail. Court is in June and I am ready.

The body sensations and daymares (like flashes) have reduced and I am coping. OMG First time in my life I can honestly say that!

I truly believe the only way to heal is to DEAL with it. At times it is terrifying but with the right support, you can work through it!

I cry just out of relief now. I understand what my brain has done in order for me to survive and that helped the most.

I used to hear others saying that they are healed and would get angry and shout out BS!! You never get over it! hmm

But you can and I am!

I urge everyone who has PTSD to hang in there and get a Shrink, counsellor etc and push through it. It is not a waste of time.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a train!

Originally posted by paxnatus
An EMDR therapist places you in a REM state, while fully conscious and awake. They do this by having you look at a light bar or by using a tapping motion.

Once in that state you will concentrate on a memory or trauma. You will remember vivid details and experience intense feelings, only this time the memory will be removed from the emotional side of your brain, and will be reprocessed and stored in the logical, rational or if you will the 'thinking side of the brain. Meaning when you remember the event in the future, the overwhelming emotion will be gone or extremely lessened. EMDR has a huge success rate. Maybe you should think about it.

I was referred to a Psychiatrist and I have been working with him.

OMG I had a massage years back and the lady was tapping areas of my body... oh sht, I was off the wall for about a month after and I never went back to see her. I felt so angry. Any form of touch for me is a trigger...

It is great to have a person who can tell you what the ef is happening and work through the flashbacks. That was what I was terrified of. Being in it again. urgh! It takes a lot of energy to sort this out... I am exhausted some days!

x

Originally posted by Thurisaz
I finally found the courage to report the incidents to the Police and have filed a report. It is now being investigated

He was arrested and charged then released on bail and today is the day I go to court. It was supposed to be this morning, but now I am scheduled for after lunch. I hope I get through it. The waiting is crap. The minutes feel like hours and I am at the library just trying to keep busy or active until then. I have not taken any valium for two days. OMG what is with that? I think I am scared to be foggy when I testify so have not taken any.

I am so scared. Yesterday I had another proofing but with the PTSD I can't cope with confrontation so I don't know how I will go, but regardless, by me going to court, perhaps it will prevent another child going through what I did.

reply to post by Thurisaz


i have post traumatic stress dissorder associated with traumatic brain injury, accredited to being too close to stuff that went boom during my deployments. i think it is more related to the impossible contradictions that cannot be resolved in societal issues that leads to millions of people trying to kill eachother, but others may disagree.

i don't want to talk too much about it, because people don't want to know, and i don't want people to experience it for themselves.

i'll definatley be paying attention to this thread though.

thanks Thurisaz,
et


[edit on 6-9-2010 by Esoteric Teacher]

My diagnosis is PTSD. I was born with a congenital heart defect called Wolfe Parkinson White Syndrome and had literally thousands of life threatening arrhythmias between the ages of 13 and 29.

I had a full cardiac arrest at 18 and received CPR for nearly 20 minutes before I was revived.

My PTSD experience has been nearly nothing but negative. I have a therapist who is understanding and helpful. But other than that...

My local emergency room has written me off as a kook because I have shown up there with panic attacks and have stated that I have PTSD. I do not seek treatment for anxiety, mind you. I've asked them simply to check my vitals so that I can be sure it is a panic attack and not something else.

Now if I sprain an ankle I get "the treatment". I'm left waiting for hours, without a single nurse or doctors visit, and then am told that it is all in my head and I'm given a referral that says "see your mental health provider ASAP".

By the way, after twenty years in therapy my therapist often tells me that I'm wasting my money by seeing her. She says I am the most "self aware" and "cognitively sound" person she's ever treated.

My heart condition was literally a death sentence until I was 29. I got a phone call one day and my cardiologist said "We've developed a brand new surgical treatment, using catheters, and you can be cured with out patient surgery".

A few days later I walked into a hospital and walked out about 24 hours later completely cured. I was told, then, that the PTSD should fade because the fear of morbidity was removed from my immediate situation.

I don't think they understand PTSD at all, even now. I still suffer with it, and the multiple effects it has on a daily basis. Depression, anxiety, racing thoughts, obsessive and complusive urges, rage... It's a war every single day.

I don't know if my contribution to this thread will help anyone else, but it's helping me I think. This is the first time I have ever discussed this publically. I'm not sure I feel comfortable about having done so, for the fear of judgment or criticism. But I definitely feel a bit more free for having done so.

Thank you for starting this thread.

[edit on 9/6/10 by Hefficide]

i find it difficult to believe there are not more members on ATS who can devulge some information concerning ptsd.

if one asks me for my opinion, even birth itself could be considered a traumatic event. maybe everyone who is born suffers some level of post traumatic stress disorder. but .... since they have no knowledge for comparison concerning an opposite viewpoint or perspective, maybe they do not know they suffer from a form of ptsd?

just some thoughts .... and to bump this thread. i know there are plenty of vets on ats. i even know of one mod who has ptsd.

-et

Originally posted by Thurisaz
Anyone know how to block the flashbacks?

I know some VETS have issues with these... is there something out there to help with those? .

a pen and paper.

i started writing in a journal/diary. as i wrote in it i wrote with the intentions that no one else would ever read it. i knew as i wrote no one else would ever read it. as i wrote i accepted as fact that the universe would not permit anyone else to ever read the words i reserved for me and me alone.

why?

we are conditioned by the expectations of civilization and society to not treat everyone the same way. not everyone likes to be treated the same way, and we do this unknowlingly, and become accustomed to it.

we do not talk to our girlfriend the same way we talk to the guys in the locker room. we do not talk to our bosses the same way we talk to our subordinates. we do not talk to our neighbors the same way we talk to our pets. we do not talk to our mother the same way we talk to our co-workers. we know their boundries, or we are learning their boundries and we accept that there are things we can talk to them about, and there are things they do not wish to discuss with us personally.

so when we write in our private journal, our private diary, there is no one to impress, and no boundries to test. they are our words and our words to ourselves, for ourselves. technically, you can't get dinged for talking to yourself, cuz you are writing the words, not speaking them

i found this beneficial, and it even helped me with the nightmares, i think.

it was like i was defragging my mind, like we defrag a computer. i would ask a logical question, and take everything into account that i knew or could even speculate on, and wrote down the possible answers that made sense to me. then i would ask the next logical follow up question, and it led me down a road to where there is less speculation about certain issues.

the flashbacks became less intense, but i can still have them. a loud bang sends me to a place where i endure hyper-sensitivity or awareness, sometimes lasting for a week or longer. fourth of july i usually spend out away from towns, or wear some headphones with choice music that helps me calm down. fireworks will tense me up, still, even after the years.

at any rate, writing a journal may assist you in having fewer flashbacks, it makes the mind focus more on the here and the now, and serves as a tool to help put the past into a perspective that permits us to move forward in a more socially acceptable way, imo.

i hope this might help,
et

reply to post by Esoteric Teacher

thanks ET !

That is all I have been doing for the last 3 years!!

I posted some of it up in writing section at ATS:

Abyss of the Soul

It has helped and I find it somewhat consoling...some times it doesn't make sense but I write whatever I think and feel and that definitely helps.

Most importantly

I had court last week. I chose to sit beside him in the court room without a screen. It was very tough but I am better for it. Unfortunately, due to me dissociating in the preliminary stages, the court date has now been set for November. I was angry with myself for dissociating.

I wont sit in the court room next time. I saw him and it was very good for my flashbacks. They are still there but somehow the recent 'picture' of him has changed the old 'picture' of him. My Shrink told me the only way to deal with PTSD is to confront the issues. I confronted a big one on Tuesday.

I am still upset about dissociating, the fact that complete strangers witnessed it was gut wrenching. I simply had no control over it. And I suppose, the way I cope relies on being in control


Thanks once again
Nat

Originally posted by Thurisaz

It has helped and I find it somewhat consoling...some times it doesn't make sense but I write whatever I think and feel and that definitely helps.

you think some of your stuff doesn't make sense? i lost more than a few people with my effort at "automatic writing" in this thread. it helped me to write it though, i think. and yes, during writing that thread and listening (well reading) the replies i learned and am still learning things. it helps. it was not my diary or journal, but i did choose to share some very deep thoughts i had in that thread.

My Shrink told me the only way to deal with PTSD is to confront the issues.

my therapists and a team of psychologist and psychiatrists and neuro-docs and the like (a team more than 30) evaluated me while keeping me in the usaf for more than 2 years after the date i was suppose to get out. (a very long story) they even requested that i sign paperwork giving them the right to write a paper concerning my case for an extremely prominant medical journal, but promised they would not use my name. i was tested on a lot of things for years. forgive me if i do not want to talk about it. suffice it to say, i just think there is more going on with this planet and it's issues than we are fully aware of consciously.

dissociating. i can relate to that. very much so. i don't know the answer to how to deal with that, yet. if i find it, i will share. i promise.
.

I am still upset about dissociating, the fact that complete strangers witnessed it was gut wrenching. I simply had no control over it. And I suppose, the way I cope relies on being in control

thanks for sharing this with me, at least i know i'm not alone at feeling alone

alone has it's benefits, but i'm not sure if alone is freedom or control, to be honest.

those are some of my thoughts about ptsd. but, to be honest, i think ptsd is unique to each and every individual who has it, although there are similiarities.

i won't be a stranger,
et

reply to post by Esoteric Teacher

Originally posted by NJE777
VERY GOOD!!
Exceptional infact... I will continue to check out your post.
lol I internally expanded when I read it

LOL that was/is me on pg 3 of your writing. Good thread that one and definitely got me thinking!!

oh I changed my name to Thurisaz cos didn't like using my initials