Life and love is crazy i just am torn up

sounds like a movie but here it is..

so i graduated from the corrections academy. I am trying to work in law enforcement my ultimate dream is to be come a CSI. But at the moment i am going to be a corrections officer so i can continue education and have a good career etc. no matter what i want to be a CsI.
anyway I graduate and im happy i had this job at a cafe
this guy walks in one night
gives me a rose and a nice message on there about going bike riding sometime.

nothing like that had ever happend to be before. so i was intrigued and exicted. i took a chance with him and called

we became friends and well emotions got involved i fell head over heels. but the thing is.. i am trying to work in law enforcement and the guy happens to be a felon and a registered sex offender (he didnt do anything horrible i promise if u guys wanna know just let me know i dont wanna type it all right now)
he is currently on parole he has certain conditions of parole. etc
he cant go out after 8 pm he cant go to certain places stuff like that.

but i still fall for him and i ignore the fac tthat i want to work in law enforcement. so yeah love takes over and i was so into him
i was thnking with my heart not my brain.
anyway so i develop strong feelings ignoring the reality of the situation. HE IS A FELON AND REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER. there isnt much of a future there mostly because my career choice.

so i decide to let him know all my feelings that i am really into him basically im in love with...

anyway he lays it all out for me. and i realize the cold hard truth
it will NEVER work.not as long as i want to work in law etc.
plus his emotions are so screwed up.
he lost his wife and kid because of prison and such. lost a lot of his life etc. but i feel so dumb for getting soo into a guy like this. its weird how i knew in the back of my head it couldnt work but yet i wanted to make it work or felt like it wasnt an issue when in reality it was!
it is.

it sucks im just so bummed out its a weird feeling to KNOW you will never get to experience the mutual love and have a full on relationship with someone you really wish you could. i know this is deep and emotional but i had to type it out. this happened just last night

but i am taking it well. yeah im bummed but i know its nothing personal its not like hes all i never liekd u etc

he was so shocked to find out i wanted to be a CO but he still continued to persue somethin with me.probably didnt think it would go far. he says honestly he dosnt see himself getting married again he lives a way different life than the rest of society. and i totally get it

it makes me feel good to know its not cuz of me completely.
but damn the feeling sucks just knowing it CAN NEVER BE its like wow
reality strikes.
its just soo ironic a prospective corrections officer and a former inmate/felon/"sex offender''

AHH who would have thought.
but i think it happend for a reason. to prove i really want this career and it proves he is a good guy for not being selfish and have me throw it all away for a guy. plus its no way to live to hide the one ytou live because that it what i would have had to do. so he did me a favor but ahhh it hurts.

soorry somuch to read... maybe if anyone even read this haha

its just the craziest situation i have been in so much emotion jeez.. why does this happen i know its all foer a reason but i want to know why now hah

and this feeling of just knowing i wont be able to be with him is soo intense it hurts so bad but yet in a dfferent way which doesnt make me super duper depressed ahh hard to explain

ok thanks

I wish there were words to sooth your feelings right now. No words just my support for you. Sounds as if you actually have a level head on your shoulders and perhaps this will give the needed understanding that in the future when you are doing what you are working towards, you will not loose sight that even though people may be less than perfect, they are still human beings and deserve the respect of you and your partners. Time heals all wounds and in time you will know why this was not right for you.You will find love again and next time it will be the perfect fit.

hey thank you soo much . i really liked what you said right now it's soooo true. its going to pertain to something in the future i feel that too. i just wish i knew why already but yeah its only been two days. and yes time does heal i just wish time could speed up a little. this feeling is so weird

i feel like i lost someone like im grieving or something?
i know its not like iwill never see him again because he wants to remain friends and i do too i just cant see him jsut yet. it will take me time to even hang out with him but i hope he realizes that too. its so painful but in a different way. its like so weird to know that i can NEVER HAVE LOVE with this guy its just sooo weird. it does make me feel better knowing its not my fault and knowing its nothing personal it wasnt a OH I CHEATED ON YOU situation or something like that

but its just hard to grasp the fact that i will never be with him romantically. never be in the arms etc. ugh its sooo crazy i never had a boyfriend until now either (im 24) i know sounds lame but its because i was a wild child and just wanted to party party and guys wouldnt see me as a girlfriend type. until now

its just wow he happend to be a felon and im a prospective Officer. its jut wow
i mean how things work jesus.

what were the chances of him or me thinking this would happen

what were the chances of me being involved with law enforcement and him being a felon?

i doubt he thought that woudl ever happen
i dont think he thought "the girl at the cafe" would have dreams of law enforcement.
sometimes the pain i feel is for him

i feel so bad he cant really live a "normal" life ever again it hurts me inside for him. andf that really gets to me as well.

but its true its going to help me see we are all just human and crap happens.
here i am crying cuz i cant be with him

but then i thuink im selfish because he knows he can NEVER be with his ex wife again and knows he can never live a normal life again. damn
so many emotions.

Difficult situation for you. If I was in your position and truly loved and trusted this man, I would go with him and look for a different career. I rather live happily earning less. Love is a rare and precious gift.
Having said that I see that you really want to pursue this career, it is just a mater of priorities, go with what is more important for you.

It is sad to see that in order to work in certain fields one cannot live with a convict. I don't really understand why, if a felon has paid his debt to society, wouldn't it be beneficial to have a relationship with a cop?