I never realized I was such a wuss.

Alright, so here's the story. I'm 20 years old, and up until just a few months ago, I had never had what I'd considered to be a real girlfriend. Sure, I'd been on a few dates, but none of those ever turned into relationships that lasted more than a week. Actually, I made a thread expressing my frustrations not all that long ago. Here's a link if you're at all interested.

So, needless to say, I finally found someone. Actually, we were friends for a couple of months before we started dating - I even knew her when I started that topic in the link. I hate to sound like a hormone-driven teenager (I'm almost 21...so technically not a teenager) but she's really great. Over the past three months, we've spent almost all of our free time together. I don't want to bore and/or sicken everyone with all of the mushy details, but let's just say that I'd prefer sitting on the couch with her watching some television show that I'm not even remotely interested in than doing just about anything else by myself.

The thing is, tomorrow morning she's leaving for a cruise that's going to last all the way through next Sunday. That's right - after many months of spending every waking second with this girl (We spent a lot of time together when we were friends, too) and letting her infiltrate just about every facet of my life, I'm forced to spend 9 days completely alone. I have to admit, I'm actually pretty blue. Also, it's Spring Break and I just quit my job, so I will have absolutely nothing to do! I feel like I'm going to go crazy! I went from alternating between my extremely busy school schedule and spending time with my favorite person to suddenly having 9 days of complete nothingness. It's enough to drive a man mad, I tells ya! I realize how stupid that is, as it's only a damned week, but I can't help it.

The point of this thread isn't to garner pity or say "Oh, poor poor me" because I realize that I'm completely over-reacting. I know there's tons of people who regularly don't see their boyfriend/girlfriend for long spans of time, and I should feel lucky to even have someone like this in my life. I suppose I just felt the need to rant! Sometimes, I guess, it's therapeutic to write about these things and have others share stories/experiences with you.

Maybe someone could slap some sense into me and tell me I need to stop being such a wuss! After all, the Herman 4 months ago would have done just that. :bash:

Hmmm Herman,
Lets see, I hope I word this as compassionately as possible.
I was a sailor for many years and would have up to four months of separation from all my loved ones.
It sucked, I cried, I wrote letters, I called and I survived.

You just have to trust that the best for you will happen, what ever it is.
And yes it may hurt, let it hurt until it is over, it may all turn out wonderfully, rejoice.
Sweet Heart you can't do a thing, so just do what your heart tells you, listen carefully.
WIS

I know 9 days may seem like a long time after spending so much time together, but you have to look on the bright side of things. She is going to come back, and you will be there for her when she does. If you were friends before you started dating, then that is truely the way to go.

You will feel and do things in those years of hormonal surge, that in your 40's you will look back upon as impossible. Try to be as rational and loving as possible in all your ways.

I'm guessing she's going on a cruise with her parents?

If so, mention how cool it would be to get a bunch of post cards from exotic places, preferably one every day.

Then you have 8 days of anticipation coming.

In addition, you'll become intimately familiar with the mailman, uh, in a platonic way, of course.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but the only thing better than make up sex is 'haven't seen you all summer' sex.

Good luck!


[edit on 8-3-2008 by Badge01]

reply to post by Herman


Just remember Herman: Abstinance makes the heart grow fonder......your reunion with her will be worth the wait!

Originally posted by space cadet
reply to post by Herman

 

Just remember Herman: Abstinance makes the heart grow fonder......your reunion with her will be worth the wait!

This is my new favorite malapropism.

Abstinence and Absence make the heart grow...

"Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder" - I like that.

Thanks for the response everyone. And yes, she's going on a cruise with her family to all sorts of fun and exotic locations. I'm excited for her and all, but this is not going to be a fun week for me.

And again...I realize that I'm far from being in a dire state of affairs. I guess it's just odd. All of this stuff is new to me. Up until recently, I never had anyone to really care about to this extent. I mean sure I have friends that I care about, but I could go months and even years (I have a couple close friends who don't live in the country.) without seeing them and hardly bat an eye. It's unexplored emotional territory that I don't really talk about with any of my friends or family, so it's nice to have a message board like this where there are nice people who are willing to listen and give advice/share experiences.

Badge - postcards are sort of out of the picture seeing as how she's already left, but good suggestion.

WIS - that must have been really difficult for you. It's good that you made it through, though, and I bet you're stronger because of it.

Absences makes the heart grown fonder young man...

Try to think of the excitment of her return, and plan something special

[edit on 3/8/2008 by jensouth31]

To speak honestly, if you guys can not manage to spend time away from one another.. I think that's a bad sign for the long term prognosis of your relationship. Relationships that last the longest are the healthy ones. And a healthy relationship consists of being able to be away from one another.

I have lived with my girlfriend for over two years and I too would rather spend an evening on the couch with her than out with my friends. I'm only 22 and I still try to have a social life with friends, but I have left the night life behind a little bit. I really have just lost interest in it. But we are more than capable of being away from one another for small lengths of time.

I am flying to Montreal in April for a few days, and then less than a week later I'll be flying to Calgary for the best part of a month. We will certainly miss one another, but we'll both survive unscathed. And for this reason, I genuinely believe our relationship will last.

We know how we feel for one another and we love to spend time together. But we also see one another as individuals.

So take this opportunity to really see her as an individual and understand that if you are looking for this relationship to last, you guys need to exist separately.

So it's obvious you're going to miss her, but making yourself miserable is unhealthy for yourself and your relationship.

Good luck!

Originally posted by chissler
To speak honestly, if you guys can not manage to spend time away from one another.. I think that's a bad sign for the long term prognosis of your relationship. Relationships that last the longest are the healthy ones. And a healthy relationship consists of being able to be away from one another.

I have lived with my girlfriend for over two years and I too would rather spend an evening on the couch with her than out with my friends. I'm only 22 and I still try to have a social life with friends, but I have left the night life behind a little bit. I really have just lost interest in it. But we are more than capable of being away from one another for small lengths of time.

I am flying to Montreal in April for a few days, and then less than a week later I'll be flying to Calgary for the best part of a month. We will certainly miss one another, but we'll both survive unscathed. And for this reason, I genuinely believe our relationship will last.

We know how we feel for one another and we love to spend time together. But we also see one another as individuals.

So take this opportunity to really see her as an individual and understand that if you are looking for this relationship to last, you guys need to exist separately.

So it's obvious you're going to miss her, but making yourself miserable is unhealthy for yourself and your relationship.

Good luck!

Thanks a lot, Chissler. I think you're definitely correct in your advice. And thankfully, it's not as if breaking down or anything like that. I mean, I certainly miss her but like you said, I understand that we're both individuals, and we can exist as such and also spend a lot of time together. In fact, the reason I write about this stuff on here is not because I'm freaking out, but because I don't really talk about it with friends or family - I don't want to bore them and they don't want to hear it. I think most of it is coming from the fact that up until a few months ago, I was a pretty solitary guy. I mean it when I say she's my first real girlfriend, and at 20 years old I'm the first to admit that that's not quite normal. We spent pretty much all of our time together, and then just *wham* separation. Couple that with the fact that I currently don't have a job and school is out for this week, and presto - kind of a strange week. I'm the type of person that always needs something to do, otherwise I do go a little crazy. However, this is the perfect opportunity to be extremely productive in other things like finding a job.

Thanks again.

Using this board as a means of expressing yourself is perfectly healthy and I think a great decision on your behalf. The emotions are going to be in overdrive for the week you guys are a part, and if you don't take the time to express them.. well, you wouldn't be much of a pleasure to be around.

So say what you need to say and keep the mind healthy.

Originally posted by Herman

I realize that I'm far from being in a dire state of affairs. I guess it's just odd. All of this stuff is new to me.[/guote]

What ever state you are in is perfect for you right now, embrace it. Your emotions are important, all we must do is find the knowledge in them.
And that probably sounds like a pile of crap, because we don't know what to look for when we are in that state of mind.
Oh, and you sound like a young man who will grow into an honorable compassionate human being.

WIS - that must have been really difficult for you. It's good that you made it through, though, and I bet you're stronger because of it.

Thanks, I guess I am stronger, I had the wonderful opportunity of seeing my self straight in the eye. There is nothing as enlightening as having your own shortcomings viewed in a magnifying glass.
Fly High.
WIS


[edit on 8-3-2008 by WalkInSilence]

[edit on 8-3-2008 by WalkInSilence]

[edit on 8-3-2008 by WalkInSilence]

You are absolutely right Badge, and I cannot stop laughing about this one! I don't think anyone else gets it, but I am not going to edit that post, I want to leave it, because essentially it is true as well! Just the difference in love and lust!

edit: spelling error

[edit on 9-3-2008 by space cadet]

Just hang in there call a friend and go do stuff, the thing here is to keep in mind it is only temporary. I can understand the whole being bored thing but the truth is the two of you need to spread out from each other just a bit. It is very easy to lose your sense of self in a relationship. And no there is nothing wussy about being a little down about it, that is how relationships are. But whatever you do, don't just sit around moping about it find something to do even if it is just looking for another job. And also you aren't some kind of freak because you haven't really been in a relationship before now, actually it is quite a normal thing. It just wasn't your primary goal and really would you rather have a few really important long lasting relationships or one hundred drama filled unimportant ones?

Good luck getting through the week and if you feel the need to vent a little here is as good a place as any.

Thanks, Jovi.

I guess I've got it really bad for this girl. It's both a good feeling and kind of a scary one, I suppose. Up until I started dating her, there would've been nothing at all wrong with a week like this for me, and now I just can't wait for it to be over!

On a positive note, I have been very productive. I'm probably going to get the gym everyday this week (Haven't been going quite as frequently as of late,) and I've done a bunch of housework that's been needing to get done for a while now.

[edit on 9-3-2008 by Herman]