Bachelor Tips living the high life

When I started living alone, iow, without adult supervision, my natural inclinations started to come to the fore.

Having no one but myself to satisfy, I put together a plan to make the bachelor life more fun, efficient, and less hassle.

Bathroom
Simply close the lid of the toilet. Close the shower door or curtain. Get some girl to buy you nice curtains. They're good at stuff like that.

Lysol in the trash can gives it that minty fresh smell with a vague hint of smelling like ass, but no one will be able to place it, so you're safe.

Dishes
Get rid of all dishes except for two cups, one plate, one bowl, and one set of utensils. Use Paper plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, as needed.

Dusting
Spray some air freshener.

Food and Cooking.
Cook 3-4 meals worth each time you cook, except for fun stuff like cooking eggs. Bag it up and get calorie counts. Use things that are portable, like pre-cooked stuff, jumbo shrimp and individually packaged fish.

Wash all the dishes after you use them and by the time you finish eating the kitchen is clean.

Hygiene
Get rid of all personal hygiene things, and just have a tooth brush and a bar of Irish Spring soap and some spray deodorant.

With really nothing in the bathroom you never have to dust in there (See: Dusting). Once a month you can divert the shower spray and wipe everything down with one towel. Rinse the towel in the shower and hang it up. By the next morning it's good to go.

I don't even bother to use tooth paste, which erodes your teeth anyway, but since I brush 2-5 X a day my teeth are always clean. I have one tube of tooth paste that I bought in 2004. I admit I treat myself every once in a while. If you're visiting a friend try out their toothpaste, but bring your own toothbrush. It fits in a AAA flashlight case you can wear on your belt (next to your flashlight). Get a black one nobody will know what it is.

Spray the deodorant on your clothes not yourself. It lasts longer that way. Since I shower twice a day, I don't smell. (Actually I'm lucky I can't really smell, except for gasoline.)

Laundry
Get 10 pairs of black socks, and 5 pairs of black underwear. That way everything matches, and you don't have that much to wash.

Get quick drying fabrics and just wash them in the shower. A small bucket and some Woolite and you're fine. Wring stuff out inside a terry cloth towel - it will get them almost dry.

Hang them up in the bathroom. For shirts and underwear, just put them on damp and body heat will dry them out in a short while.

Wash things like jogging or riding wear at least once a week, or at most once per month, if you can remember. Pants are all jeans, all black, and those can be worn almost indefinitely without needing to be washed.

I have a few pairs of black jeans from 2002 that I wear all the time and I've never washed. As a result they look almost new.

Sweeping and Mopping
Get a pet. If you drop food, they will vacuum it up.
You may have to spray a little water with fish or tuna in it on the floor, use a 1:100 dilution, pets are sensitive. A can of tuna will last about 8 months. Either cats or dogs have sanitary spit. I forget which. Get one of each.

Here's a special tip. Dogs are high maintenance. Borrow the neighbor's dog now and then. They won't miss them. Just put it back where you got it.

Taking out the Trash
Forget that. Just use a plastic bag that you get from a relatively exclusive shop. Hang it next to where you eat. Bag up your trash and clip it with one of those long bag clips. When you go out, take it with you and dump it in the nearest trash, roll up the bag and put it in your pocket. When it gets grotty, get a new one. Since it says 'Abercrombie&Fitch', nobody notices the smell, apparently.

Vacuuming
Call up a vacuum cleaner demonstration every couple months. Get him to show you how the vacuum works in each room. Find new challenges. Act interested. Say 'really and 'wow' a lot. When he's done tell him that everything really looks about the same. Say you'll have to get back to him. Have a friend call in about 40 minutes so you can rush out if there's a problem getting him to leave.

Tip: Bachelors help each other and always think at least one step ahead..

Washing the Car
Dump the car or put it in the garage and get a bicycle.

Yard Work
Word up: Astro turf.

Well that's about it for now. Feel free to add your own tips.

Remember we want to save time so that more time can be spent doing what bachelors really like to do.








[edit on 7-3-2008 by Badge01]

lmao badge, awesome thread!

being a bachelor myself makes me especially interested in this thread, and this thread was especially useful although there are a few areas i'm confused about

how am i gonna get a girl to buy me nice curtains? The day a girl buys me nice curtains i probably won't be a bachelor anymore

love the idea about the dishes though! i mean i do the same thing..I have a few more plates and bowls and utensils but for the most part i'm all plastic/paper

how will my kitchen be clean by the time i'm done eating?

lmao ok your hygeine part cracked me up...do you really not use toothpaste? you just brush with a wet brush i'm assuming? how is that working out for you? any dental problems? dude you're so right about spraying the clothes with deodarnt thing, though i also spray myself. no shampoo?

the pants thing too man, you hit it right on the head with that one..I have like 3 or 4 pairs of black levis that i've had for god knows how long and every pair of them is still in like perfect condition..each pair hasn't been washed more than 5 times in over 5+ years...LOL

great post, really got a kick out of this one!

edit: actually now that i look at my levis they're in far from perfect condition, lol, but they still look good, you know...some cool holes, some cool stains...They look authentic and real not brand new but cooooool

[edit on 7-3-2008 by Roland Deschain]

Originally posted by Roland Deschain
lmao badge, awesome thread!

how am i gonna get a girl to buy me nice curtains? The day a girl buys me nice curtains i probably won't be a bachelor anymore

Go to a store like Bed, Bath and Beyond, but as upscale as possible.

Go to the wrong area of the store, or wherever the cutest girl is.

Look bewildered and say,

"I have no idea how to buy curtains and shower curtains. Why do stores hide things like that?" or something silly or inane. The more clueless you sound the better. Don't sound mad, sound puzzled and hurt

You don't even have to say it -to- her, just be sure she can hear you.

She will not only find them for you, but she will pick them out and tell you all sorts of stuff like how to clean them. If you're lucky she may end up coming over to help you hang them. Be sure you pour some Lysol in the trash can before you go to the store.

The trick is, you're not relying on the 'dating instinct', but the 'mothering instinct', so you'll never get 'rejected'. Trust me on this.

Homely girls are often good homemakers so they are likely to insult you or tell you to 'grow up'. A really cute girl will never do this.

Same thing in the grocery store. Remember, go to the wrong place and find the cutest girl, even one you think you'd have no chance of dating.

Why? Because really cute girls are insecure about their mother ability and you have given them a perfect reason to prove it. They'll be delighted; guaranteed.

(Just remember to go by the magazine section and tear out some of that paper rub-on cologne and give it some shots around problem areas. You don't want to smell like ass. Girls hate that.)

how will my kitchen be clean by the time i'm done eating?

I fill a pan with soapy water. As each thing is cooked, I rinse them and drop them in the soapy water. While the microwave is running rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. You don't have to run the dishwasher but it makes a great place to store things so they are out of the way. In a pinch you can run it once a month, just for fun.

Sometimes I use a little baking soda. I brush and floss several times a day, and I don't really need to have the tooth paste, but I do use mouthwash and chew sugar free gum. I haven't been to the dentist since 2003 and never have a cavity.

no shampoo?

Actually shampoo leaves a residue and soap is all that is ever needed. Bar soap does not do this.

If you feel an urge to use shampoo, you may be a girl.



[edit on 7-3-2008 by Badge01]

haha alright badge, thanks

also, thats actually some pretty good advice for picking up chicks lol..I might have to try that next time i'm in the grocery store or bed, bath and beyond

wait, when in the hell am i ever gonna go to bed bath and beyond? i guess to try this, lol

reply to post by Roland Deschain


That makes your being there even more disorienting and confusing which will work in your benefit.

One thing you can do is ask a girl who is a friend, like at work to give you any needed tips. Some things a guy just can't anticipate. If they give you the once over, and you don't smell, or have a uni-brow or something like that, it works better.

I've found that if you are in good shape and wear a nice denim outfit, like denim jeans and a denim jacket the upscale chicks are subliminally attracted to that. If you wear a nice baseball cap, lift it and scratch your head when you're trying to act puzzled. They find that endearing, since it reminds them of what little boys do.

The main thing with chicks is to smell right, believe it or not. All other things (except acting obnoxious, or like a player) pale in comparison. Even if a girl is attracted to you, when you get close if you smell wrong, she will turn away. We're not even sure what that smell is. It might not be 'perfume' or 'cologne' related. It may be a combination of certain body scents and stuff, like fabric softener. If you pick the cutest girls, you'll hit it right about 3 out of 5 times. So when you make a connection, it's a good one.

That's why you should never take rejection personally, because it's not about how you look.

Here's an example. Look up Levi Leipheimer. He's a championship bike racer. Little skinny dude, mostly bald. Short. Here's his wife.



These pictures show her even better:

Odessa 1

Odessa 2

Most guys wouldn't have much trouble looking at least as good as Levi. Consider that.






[edit on 7-3-2008 by Badge01]

reply to post by Badge01


some very nice tips!!!

Can you give me some tips on how to get this asain girl i like.The problem is shes got an indian background and i am scared of her brothers in case they found out that i am hitting on her.I have heard stories about her brothers being very ruthless when someone tries to hit on their younger sister.

What should i do? Shes dead pretty!!!

My cat has been staring at me because of the bizarre cackling sounds emanating from me while reading this.

Keep your toilet bowl clean, too. You can ignore the rim if you want since girls don't see that part. A quick soaking with bowl cleaner and just let it sit. You don't even have to scrub. Also clean the bathtub whenever you can start to feel topographical differences with your feet. They're more inclined to stay the entire night which ideally they will want a shower after if they're not afraid to touch it.

Originally posted by Attari
reply to post by Badge01

 

some very nice tips!!!

Can you give me some tips on how to get this asain girl i like.The problem is shes got an indian background and i am scared of her brothers in case they found out that i am hitting on her.I have heard stories about her brothers being very ruthless when someone tries to hit on their younger sister.

What should i do? Shes dead pretty!!!

Well, you know that those 'tips' are just mostly humor, right?

Having said that, I'd make friends with one or all of the brothers. Then give them a reason for them to want you to date their sister.

Or you make the girl come to you. You find out what she likes and then you do that.

Having a cool laptop can help if she likes PCs.

Having a cool pet puppy or kitten can also work in your favor.

One thing I did was play guitar on the lawn. Girls (and guys) were always coming up to me. One time I brought my cute hamster in my pocket. Soon, I had a line forming. People would have to take a number. (j/k)

Good luck!


[edit on 8-3-2008 by Badge01]

Originally posted by Badge01

Food and Cooking.
Cook 3-4 meals worth each time you cook, except for fun stuff like cooking eggs. Bag it up and get calorie counts. Use things that are portable, like pre-cooked stuff, jumbo shrimp and individually packaged fish.

um the 180 1/2 = scales? your weight?

thats a lot of weight to be carrying? I am only 45 kg so was a bit

maybe forgo the eggs and eat some salad

That means even less time in the kitchen... so more time to be a bachelor

Do what I did and move in with 5 girls in their early 20's... it's great, I come home roaring drunk, fall asleep infront of the tv and wake up covered in a blanket.
-They got a bit funny about me peeing all over the toilet seat, so now I use the bath and shower it out.
-There's always toilet paper and washing powder and stuff like that.
-One time, I was bringing a girl home and one of my housemates washed my sheets and bedding, because she couldn't bear for another girl to sleep "in that filth".
-Eat at work as often as possible, saves on washing up.

Originally posted by Thurisaz

um the 180 1/2 = scales? your weight?

thats a lot of weight to be carrying? I am only 45 kg so was a bit

maybe forgo the eggs and eat some salad

180lbs a lot of weight? What should an adult weigh, in your opinion?




[edit on 28-3-2008 by Badge01]

Originally posted by Badge01
180lbs a lot of weight? What should an adult weigh, in your opinion?

Im sure he thought that you were 180kgs... so... no big deal... i would kill to be 180 again...


I love your list... but i don't know what parts you are joking about... and i think i do about 1/2 of that stuff allready...

hmmm....

Oh, Jokei.... right on man... thats BADASS...

If your apartment has a shared laundry and the neighbors are always filching your washing powder, get some powdered dye like turqoise from the drug store and put it in your left over powder.

also, be a good neighbor and don't think people share your taste in music or power tools or loud arguments

Originally posted by TKainZero

Originally posted by Badge01
180lbs a lot of weight? What should an adult weigh, in your opinion?

Im sure he thought that you were 180kgs... so... no big deal... i would kill to be 180 again...

Still, that was an extremely MEAN thing to say, not to mention retarded. Who notes their weight as 180 if its actually 398lbs?

Plus they didn't contribute to the thread. So, to whoever wrote that? Shame on you.



[edit on 31-3-2008 by Badge01]