My heart's in a million pieces

Hey guys, it's Katt. I'm really sorry I haven't been on lately. I've been doing a lot of stuff in school, orchestra, and all that. Well, my ATS friends have always been the best, so I need some help putting my heart back together, ok?

A little background on the situation:

We're pretty good friends, and we talk for about 2-5 hours every, single night. We have everything in common and we both have everything we look for in the opposite sex. But as you might've guessed, there are a number of factors going against us. Factor number 1: Age. I'll be turning 15 when the guy I like will be turning 18.

My heart has been crushed into smithereens. It's over something that I have absolutely no control over. If the person I like doesn't like me back for the person that I am, fine; I can deal with rejection and I can move on knowing that we were never really compatible. But when I know that if - say - I was born 3 years earlier, I'd be dating the most amazing guy on the planet it's not that easy to accept.

Yup, it's my damn age that has yet again hindered me from getting what I want and what I've come to realise I've wanted for the last month. Age is perhaps the most frustrating element in a relationship for me mainly because I don't act or think my age. I have to constantly remind myself I'm a stupid freshman.

At 14, I should be hormonal, experimental, impulsive, insecure, rash and ultimately immature. And I should be attracted to other kids around my age, have a 2 week long relationship to climb my way up the social ladder, break up and never talk to the other person again. Well, if you haven't already noticed, I'm none of the above things, and I'm not saying this to show off. My ego is already big enough. I have people, friends, even teachers comment on how I'm lightyears ahead of people my age. But the truth is, I wish I was a typical 14 year old -- because I wouldn't have to be going through one of the lowest points of my life right now.

He and I had the 'moment of truth' talk last night. And he told me he really liked me, but the only reason - the ONLY reason - why he wouldn't go out with me was the age difference. As if that was supposed to make me feel better.

And now I don't know what to do. On two occasions at school today I just started crying. I've taken different routes in the hallways to avoid seeing him to avoid the crazy, mixed emotions. We have a pretty strong friendship, but it's in jeopardy right now. It was inevitable though, this situation. We both saw it coming.

And the sad truth is, he's going to college (in a different city) in just a couple months and he'll see lots of prettier, better, OLDER girls while I'm stuck in a playpen full of toddlers that show off about getting hangovers. It's going to be a looong wait before I get out of this hell hole.

Life ain't fair. I knew this was going to happen, but I didn't know it would hurt this much.

[edit on 27-2-2008 by Paresthesia]

It could always be worse, a million and one pieces. Ok bad humor. Since I don't have time to write out a long reply, I say just keep in touch, and who knows, maybe when you're older the spark might still be there.

You are young yet, and this truly sucks it really does but if you really love him like you say you are just going to have to understand that this is the best choice. Now as tragic as this is go out and do things with other boys as soon as you are done licking your wounds. Just because you can't be with this guy now doesn't mean the future is set against it. It does get better but the important thing is to focus on what you can do and not on what you can't. You give some other guys a decent and fair shotand you may just find yourself surprised.

reply to post by Paresthesia


Hi Katt,
I think that any advice given to you at this point won't do you any good, because it doesn't dope up the pain, and we only really hear what we want to hear. I think a lot of people had similar situations in high school. When I was a freshman, I was so in love with this girl who was a senior, and she was leaving for college in the fall, too. Young love, I had no idea what I wanted back then.

Once you get out of school, things will change. Age won't be so much of a factor anymore. I wouldn't rush into dating. Not all couples are happy. Enjoy your teens.

Advice is great, but really you have to find your own path.

Being a teenager is crap, you have always seemed a lot older in your posts to me even though I know how young you are. Wanting to be treated like an adult. I'm an adult and all I want to do is act like a kid!

I know it's a crappy cliche, but...

Don't wish your life away!

You could walk out the door tomorrow and get hit by a bus. Then your boyfriend would be broken hearted and his life would be ruined... OMG you're so selfish, it's all me me me.


It's all a bit like that really!

MonKey

Originally posted by Paresthesia
And the sad truth is, he's going to college (in a different city) in just a couple months and he'll see lots of prettier, better, OLDER girls while I'm stuck in a playpen full of toddlers that show off about getting hangovers. It's going to be a looong wait before I get out of this hell hole.

Easy there girl, while you certainly are mature beyond your years, you certainly demonstrate you age when it comes to boys. That comment on the girls being prettier, better and OLDER only showcases your insecurities. The good thing is, your a normal teenage girl, no matter how far removed you feel from that equation. Understand that at this point in your life 4 years is a HUGE difference, for many reasons including legalities. Think about it, this guy if off to college, he is about to enter a whole new world of self discovery and independence. You do not want to be starting a relationship under those circumstances anyway. I think that this is one of those scenarios where you thank the stars for alliging in your favor to prevent more heartache down the road. Paresthesia trust me when I tell you that no matter how "old" you feel, you are just getting started girl, and you are way ahead of most. Take comfort in knowing that you are ahead of the pack. Use that knowledge to recognize that regardless of where you are now, you have a long ways to go.

Back when I was a senior in High School, I was sure that I was going to marry my gf. This was a girl that I had been in love with since the second grade( no joke). Well guess what, it never happened. We grew up....apart. It happens....and you know what, no one in the world could have told me otherwise.

That is what seperates me and you. You are way ahead of where I was when I was your age. I know it sucks and I know its hard but trust me when I say that in 5 years, you will laugh about this guy.
Not now but in 5 years,

Either way, I wish you the best.

Seems like you've gotten some great advice/feed back ....... I'm in a similar situation ...... but I've found a way to make it all work out .
( If ya need someone to talk to .... u2u me Katt )

Aw bub, this is a situation which i was talking about the other day.

Your at an age were your to old to be in the children groups but to young to be in the adult groups.

Trust me, although it feels terrible, and as someone said before regardless of what we say, your still gonna feel a little bit poo.

You are a very pretty girl, please don't wish your childhood away. It's only happens once! enjoy it. ((you will read this and sigh and go " what do they know... !!" , lol I know i did when someone said it to me!!)).

To be honest if there is a major attraction between you two, then it will still be there when he gets back.

Much love

Oni x x

Hey Katt..
Im sorry to hear of your heartache..sucks.. really bad. Theres nothing worse feeling in the world. But you got to be strong, hang in there. Its hard not to be selfish in a situation like this because your whole body,heart and soul wants what it cant have...

All I can say is give it time. See what happens. Right now it sucks, and it might be that way for awhile. I remember the worst depression of my life was in high school because of relationships. As you grow up it gets better, you meet new people, and reunite with old friends. Who knows what will happen down the road.

I fell in love with a girl my early years in highschool and went through hell because of it. We were best friends that turned out not talking much through high school. Well guess what, im married to her now with a beautiful daughter. It just goes to show that you have to take every day at a time. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Seriously. Because life is short, and some parts really suck.. but on the other hand some parts are absolutely great. You will get to experience both, you just have to be patient and stick through the hard times. No matter what happens, tough it up and hang in there. If it was meant to be, and you really believe it is, then it might just work in the end. But until then, one day at a time girl.

Well I've known girls who were 15 and went out with 19 and 20 year olds. My best friend even went out with a girl who was two grades below him in high school. He went out with her because she was smart, hot, and a whore. That's about the only way an older guy can fall for a younger girl, if she had those three things. Or the girl has to be incredibly attractive and very fine to go out with an older guy. And I have known girls like that before. Perhaps he isn't going out with you because you will still be in highschool when he's in college and a relationship would be too much trouble.

There are plenty of more fish in the sea, you just have to look in the right places.

Well I've known girls who were 15 and went out with 19 and 20 year olds. My best friend even went out with a girl who was two grades below him in high school. He went out with her because she was smart, hot, and a whore. That's about the only way an older guy can fall for a younger girl, if she had those three things. Or the girl has to be incredibly attractive and very fine to go out with an older guy. And I have known girls like that before. Perhaps he isn't going out with you because you will still be in highschool when he's in college and a relationship would be too much trouble.

There are plenty of more fish in the sea, you just have to look in the right places.

Thanks you guys.

I've been feeling a little better. But I still feel really fragile. A lot of things have been setting me off lately. I have to see him everyday and fake a smile and act like I'm ok even though I'm falling again and again. It's like every time I read the messages I've gotten from people to cheer me up or think about moving on my heart is taped back together and then when I see him it's thrown against the ground again. And it sucks because he was one of my good friends, and it hurts so much just to talk to him now.

@WestPoint23: Ahah. I actually laughed out loud when I read that. Thanks

@kleverone: I've been thinking about what you said lately, and I figure you're probably right. I've realised that I'm very emotionally immature when it comes to relationships and have a long way to go. Thanks for keeping me in check.

@samureyed: I really enjoyed your response. That sounds like a super romantic story right there! I hope one day it'll happen to me. Maybe it will with this guy, but I haven't hung on to the same guy for 3 years before. I normally move on pretty fast. But then I haven't fallen for someone like this ever before. Maybe he'll be the first. Or maybe I'll just move on and find someone else.

Well, I'll take your word for it. I'll just give it time, and eventually I'll heal regardless.

Thanks again. :]

Stay in touch with each other and try to remain friends without becoming too emotionally attached, if it is meant to be and he really is the one for you, then when the time is right you'll be able to be together.

But in the meantime, you're a beautiful young girl, go break some teenage boys hearts just don't be mean about it

Personally, I think you need to stop talking to him all together. It would be hard at first, but good in the long run. I have had to stop talking to girls that I really liked but could not get before. It worked and really helped me. But those girls either didn't want a relationship, or I couldn't even hangout with them because they had a boyfriend. So only do this if you aren't able to hangout with that guy.

Well FWIW, it takes almost exactly 6 weeks for a broken heart to mend.

In the meantime, melancholy can be sorta fun.

Write poetry and music.

Good luck!

Originally posted by wildcat
Personally, I think you need to stop talking to him all together. It would be hard at first, but good in the long run. I have had to stop talking to girls that I really liked but could not get before. It worked and really helped me. But those girls either didn't want a relationship, or I couldn't even hangout with them because they had a boyfriend. So only do this if you aren't able to hangout with that guy.

Yup this is exactly what I'm doing. I realised that everytime I talk to him it hurts. It hurts so much. I stopped talking to him for the first time today and I already feel so much better. I feel better about myself like I'm not dependent on someone else to make me happy. And I feel like I can move on now.

Phew!

18 will come before you know it, I am 21 and still look back, and wonder why so fast. Thinking about your situation will only slow you down. Think ahead, be happy. Just wait until you get into college, you may just meet the man of your dreams.

Alot of people you meet, are not who you think they really are anyways. I have to say I really respect this guy for his decision. Do not take that personal. Unfortunately in the world we live in today, age matters. In my opinion age can sometimes be nothing but a number.

The only easy day was yesterday, and if you got through it then, you will get through it today, and tomorrow, and the next. Sometimes you just have to use your head, and not your heart. So keep on moving forward Katt, and be patient. Your someone will come. Patience is a virtue.

Hey,
You have a strong positive network of people that have your back and that speaks volumes of your life choices.

You are off to an awesome start and I am certain that this guy you fell for must really be someone special.

I have respect for him being honest with you and not just stringing you along like so many guys have done in his position.

Also the age thing really is a legal matter and you know as well as anyone that sometimes 18 year olds go to prison for loving a 15 year old.

That said it is never easy to place your heart with another only to find that it does not work out as you hoped and dreamed. The pain will live with you forever if it is true love, however the pain does begin to heal in time and time is on your side at 15.

Keep talking about it until you don't need to any more, and you know you are always welcome to u2u me if you need me.
J.

Originally posted by Paresthesia
I have people, friends, even teachers comment on how I'm lightyears ahead of people my age.
[edit on 27-2-2008 by Paresthesia]

See what participating/reading ATS/BTS posts do to you? Makes you smarter, well some of it at least.

Hey guys. It's been a little over a month since I started this thread, and I hate to say it, but I'm STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS GUY. I haven't talked to him for over a month either. It's insane going from really good friends to not even acquaintances.

Why am I so hung up on this? Right when I'm sure I'm over it, I start thinking about it and tonight I just had another big crying session. Is this normal? Do I need to get help?

I really miss him being a part of my life. He's the only one that got my jokes, understood everything I said, the only person I could really talk to and not worry about being judged. I was just really, perfectly comfortable around him all the time. And now I don't even look at him because I'm scared I'll fall in love all over again.

I've been entertaining the thought of writing him a letter or just telling him to his face how I feel because it seems like I owe him an explanation for suddenly ignoring him. But I have a feeling it's more for me than it is for him, and maybe he just doesn't care about it as much as I do. Should I tell him? Or should I just keep ignoring him and hope these feelings pass like I've been doing for the past month?