Hopefully you find this as funny as I did

OK what I have here is a major rant I had with my sister. It was pretty much a 3am ramble trying to see how hard I could get her to laugh. I came up with all this on the spot in real time. After reading it I felt that it was worth posting up for all to read.



We cant leave the middle east, the terrorist will win. well, I had no idea we were playing risk. what do they win, Uzbekistan? But what if we were to beat the terrorists? They would mumble. Muhammad himself would mumble. you don’t know what he mumbles though and it becomes a footnote in history, the day Muhammad mumbled. Did they believe he put a curse on them, or death threat? No, in reality. he said "this 'democracy' better come with blockbusters because ‘Benny lava’ is getting old"(internet video reference)

Meanwhile, god rolls a 6 and takes over south America.. The devil is pissed and throws the board. Armageddon ensues. The year is 2012, the Mayans predicted this epic roll over 5000 years ago.

Before the world collapses into economic chaos, people realize the bible prophecy was backwards, and the true words of the bible code were "God will land on park place, followed by snake eyes, go bankrupt, and have to give all his property to Buddha, who ends up being a shiesty monopolizer and sells out his property to the devil for a Twinkie, a bottle of gin, and a dozen of those small noise poppers. We do not know why Buddha wanted the poppers, but we inferred he finds them as fun as we do."

God sent a warning of the coming collapse via the rapper known as DMX...but he could not stop yelling and people just thought he was really angry at them, yelling "THE WORLD IS SCREWED. ITS YOUR FAULTS. YOU MESSED UP NOW! *BARK BARK BARK*"....it was later revealed the barking was all DMX...god played no part.

God did an interview with TIME magazine, and revealed that his choice of prophets had not been the best of choices. He says, "I had been doing alot of thinking and felt that we needed a change of pace. All my good prophets kept getting shot. I needed a gang banger, a badass...to deliver the word of god. Look, it was either him or Arnold Schwarzenegger, but when I got in contact with him, he just yelled at me to get into some 'choppa'...I had to go with my second choice, Mr. DMX"

TIME magazine had to change their name to "Little TIME" magazine after that issue, given the fact the world would be ending shortly. Had god gotten into the choppa, we may never know how differently things could have been. But god set the record straight and informed us "Choppa's are for little sissies". Initially we were baffled, but Chuck Norris confirmed this fact so we concluded that it must be true.

When we asked God about "Why Stalone’s new movie Rambo was such a flop" he denied any involvement. This would later become the B.A.R.B.I.E.S. scandal. This stood for Bad And Retarded Blockbusters Induce Endless Stupidity. It was found by congress that god had ties to numerous bad movies released throughout the years, which inadvertently caused a lack of intelligence among the general public. Such movies included Rambo, Roscoe Jenkins does something we don't care about, Meet the Spartans, among many others.

He was also found to be responsible for atrocities like the Iraq war (using president Bush's testimony), Economic downfalls, and Hannah Montana. That last one may earn him a possible death sentence, while he faces probation and a fine for the other two. The supreme court had to say this about the Hannah Montana case. "Such atrocities against humanity will not be accepted, not even by gods hands.”



Hope you enjoyed my 3am rant. I found it rather funny.

If it all weren't so deadly serious with real people suffering and dying, it would have been funnier. Still a little too close to the events, too "raw" to joke much about. Maybe in 10 years or so we can look back and laugh at our stupidity but right now, it's just not all that entertaining. Good wit, though. You may have a future in stand up comedy.

Originally posted by whitewave
If it all weren't so deadly serious with real people suffering and dying, it would have been funnier. Still a little too close to the events, too "raw" to joke much about. Maybe in 10 years or so we can look back and laugh at our stupidity but right now, it's just not all that entertaining. Good wit, though. You may have a future in stand up comedy.

This is the next morning and I can honestly say I dont even remember writing it lol. But that tends to be my style, joke about everything, serious or not.

Hahaha! That is really funny. Random goodness.

Ah you know the good old 3am bouncy mind. That is a funny time...

[edit on 10/2/2008 by Nyorai]