Why can't I forget my ex? I should be moving on!

I miss her. it's been 9 years since.

She left me before the opening of episode 1. I waited all my life to see that movie and I wanted to share it with her, but she left. She left me for being a star wars fan and for not wanting kids.

Today, I still think about her. We went to high school together, she was my sweetheart and we were both first timers.

I still keep a box full of her letters in my room. with pictures and memories. She moved on, married and had two kids. Still I can't forget about her. I guess that's why I drink and waste my time in bars. the question is. how did you guys get over it? any secrets? :w:

Fortunately I have the emotional attention span of an ironing board.

Repeat after me. "I am not a jedi, I am not a number and am a free man"

Deep breath

"Waving my hand in the air and saying "I am the man your looking for" to passing woman is not a good pick up technique"

9 years is a long time dude, if your not pulling my swingers then may I suggest professional help as you may have some freaky form of PTSD.

Good Luck. May the force be with you.

The Love MonKey

Originally posted by ChiKeyMonKey
9 years is a long time dude, if your not pulling my swingers then may I suggest professional help as you may have some freaky form of PTSD.

Good Luck. May the force be with you.

The Love MonKey

lol. yeah thanks monkey. Well, I've had my share of flings since then. but nothing serious and not thinking about getting married again! I was deeply hurt the first time and i've had enough of that. But yeah, she left me 9 years ago, said..I wasn't the right guy anymore. "Spending too much money on star wars". I do feel that I started drinking due to this and that I been under a depression for a long time.

Well as a fellow geek I can sympathize with you. I know the misunderstanding of being interested in something and a significant other not appreciating it at the same time.

But to get over someone else you have to remember what you like about yourself first. You cannot love someone else if you do not love yourself. If you are unhappy about yourself, change those things about yourself you don't like.

You mentioned that you have been drinking quite a bit lately. Perhaps if you cut down on your alcohol consumption and perhaps start exercising more. Alcohol is a depressant and will actually increase feelings of self loathing. While exercising more will release endorphins into your brain making you feel better.

You won't ever really forget your ex, you shouldn't. But to move on? Perhaps you are also making the misunderstanding of comparing other women to your ex and that is unfortunately unfair to those other individuals that have their own unique individual characteristics.

Take a new relationship slowly. Don't rush things, get to really know the person. Perhaps try and find someone that appreciates Star Wars as much as you do. (not an easy task) But you will eventually find the right person for you and if you don't make the mistake of comparing the two relationships you can see that you have a lot of love to show someone.

For starters letting go means getting rid of the letters and pictures get a friend to take them off your hands for you until you are ready to have them if you dont want to trash them. Second develop a personality and interests outside of Star Wars ( hard yes I know but I have been there myself so I know it can be done). Quit comparing the woman you are spending time with to her, she is not her and the truth is if your ex was so great she would still be with you. One thing is certain if you keep dwelling on what was you will miss what is going to be.

Exercize is always a quick way to feel better about yourself so is any physically demanding project use that to your advantage. In fact do a nice quick workout before going out to the bar your confidence level will be higher. No one will want you unless you like who are.

i would say lay off the sauce dude...that can never help the situation...take the pics and letters and put them in a box. put that box in a box. wrap that box in a plastic bag. put that plastic bag in another plastic bag and bury it in the yard....then they're gone.

so no bottle and no pics and letters to look at when you are drunk.
i would say that would be a good start you know....

Jedi babe, that's seriouly sad, you really need a change of mind set. Firstly stop living in the past and start looking forwards.
I know this is easier said than done but you need to realise that every time you tell yourself that she was the one, and that you will never get over her, you leave that message cemented hard in your mind, and you WONT get over her or the hurt in your heart.
If you Feel the need to keep all those letters and stuff for a little while then thats fine, but one day maybe you could have a little private, letting go type cerimony, A kind of promise to yourself that your better than some sad memory, and a pissed loser in a bar. Your a great guy start acting like it. Hope i haven't p----- you of to much. but i do care.
see ya nuts

Move on Jedi!!

Time to move on... let go of the past and go out and meet some people...

Put an ad in the paper looking for Princess Leia Organa Solo of Alderaan... ya just never know...you might meet someone who has the same interests as you.

If ya got dumped for having a hobby, even a slightly obsessive compulsive hobby, then I reckon that was an excuse. Perhaps you were terrible in the sack? Who knows, but I think someone dumping you because you were into Star Wars is a bit lame...

I should know, I am horrible when it comes to anyone trying to get serious with me... I will just look for any reason...





[edit on 15-1-2008 by Thurisaz]

I had the same problem 16 years ago when I got dumped by someone I truly loved. I kept all our letters and pictures. I thought of her all the time. I refused to move on because she was the 'best thing' I ever had going for me. For 10 years I was like this. My life revolved around someone who didn't like me for who I was. Then one morning, I woke up, smelled the coffee so to speak, and threw out or burned all the stuff I had kept all those years, even the 'emotional baggage'. I finally decided that 'life goes on', and so should I. And I did. Now, I have a lady friend who I've been with for four years. We will be getting married this December. And all because I finally decided the one who dumped me wasn't worth my time and effort to begin with.

Best thing you can do is plaster a picture of her on a teddy bear and pretend you been spending time with her for the last 9 years. Along with smaller teddy bears that represents your kids.

Otherwise look for somebody else. Shes not the only woman on this planet. There are many to choose from.

reply to post by jedimiller


Dude give the booze a miss for a good month or so, that's what I do every so often, I'm about due for a sober period soon my self - this ones gonna have to be a long one though, my last blood tests came back a bit odd, doctor said it probably due to drinking too much (which I denied )

Other than that if you've never loved then it's a sad world - better to of loved and lost yadda yadda.

edit:

Originally posted by deltaboy
Best thing you can do is plaster a picture of her on a teddy bear and pretend you been spending time with her for the last 9 years. Along with smaller teddy bears that represents your kids.

Dude you call that advice??!?

Do your self a favour and never mention that to any one in the mental health profession!


[edit on 15/1/2008 by Now_Then]

I would say the reason she left you probably had more to do with the fact that you didnt want kids then you being a stars wars fan, but that is just my take on it. I understand where you are coming from, after my first wife and I split, I was a wreck, I would drink, and listen to sad music. Wonder all the time, why? We are meant to be together, on and on it went for a couple of years, then I decided enough is enough. I got on with my life and stopped thinking about her lying at night with another man. I met my wife, about four years after, my soul mate, the love of my life. We had our first child almost two years ago, and my life has never been better.

Here is the thing Jedi, you arent meant to be with that girl, she is who she is meant to be with and it isnt you. I dont mean to sound cruel, but that is the way it is, when your time comes, when your soul mate shows herself you will know. For now, pull your head out, throw that stuff away, it has no bearing on your future. Stop looking for woman in the bar, if you are looking for a quick poke, you are in the right place. I am sure there are good women that go to bars, but the odds of finding a good one there are stacked against you, bars are meat markets. You use the internet to post this, try it to find a partner, that is how I found my wife, and it has worked out wonderfully.

It will get better, but you have to help it get better, you need to get on with it. That is a part of life, love lost is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome. But in drowning in self pity, you are missing all the beauty of life, take your bumps and bruises from this and move on. Stop drinking so much, unless you are looking for a genie, you arent going to find anything in the bottom of a bottle.

Originally posted by jedimiller
She left me for being a star wars fan

Hey, I pity the fool who doesn't like Star Wars!

God Bless

Dude! I can definitely empathise with your situation. The same thing happened to me 25 years ago. She said she just decided that she had not given herself enough time to date and "sow her wild oats" before we met and married. I swear to God those were her words, "sow her wild oats". Of course, I didn't know at the time, that she was sowing her wild oats with my best friend behind my back. Alas, we are always the last to know, it seems. Not to say that your situation is exactly the same as mine but it is sooo close, dude.

I was a basket case for weeks, months even; I used to call her on the phone and beg her to take me back, (so pathetic). One day I just got tired of giving her all of the power over my happiness or unhappiness in life and moved on. I remarried and have a wonderful son who has now married himself and given me two beautiful grandkids. ( and I'm only 39, really!! :brkdnc.

The point, my young Jedi friend, is that spending all of your time longing and yearning for a woman who doesn't care for you and isn't available anyway is just a waste of energy and resources; I mean just think of what you're doing to your liver, man! It's time to move on into the future. There is a very special "someone" just waiting out there for you to find her, so, get cracking...

...and remember whenever those old crazy feelings come over you again, just think, " What would Yoda do? "

[edit on 1/16/2008 by lightseeker]

Well I just listened to uk.youtube.com...

I empathise (*sp?)