Important - I need your support

This is hard for me to write simply because I'm so wound up right now.

Let me explain what is racing through my mind right now. As you may know from some other threads, my wife had neck sugery last month. This just added more than I cared for to my stress level. As a precaution, I took three days off from work and just chilled out. This helped me to find my center or whathever. I was feeling better than ever for a few days.

Then we get this.....



We were only without power for about three hours. Many in Oklahoma are still without today. People were acting like this was the end days. The few gas stations and other places of business that still had power were packed with people buying supplies in a panic mode. Yes there were fights over positioning in lines at the gas pumps and over needed goods at the only open grocery store.

I've more to complain about how the ice storm recovery went, but that's for a future post. If I decided to make one.

My bi-polar wife has been in one of her "moods" of late. I could have gotten away from this today and gone to my departments annual Christmas dinner. I declined going in part due to not having the gas money to drive across town and not get paid for being there. On my days off I'm alway slow to get up and go do anything anyway. Last night we went out to our favorite pizza haunt. Today we saw a movie.

I thought everything was going fairly well until my wife started back in her crabby mood, snapping and yelling about everything and nothing. I was at the breaking point already, so I didn't need this.

After we went to buy some groceries she complained about spending all the money that she had set aside for herself. Well, she is the one to blame for this. I have some things I need, such as a new belt and jeans. The Christmas money I got from my parents was to help with this, instead half went to pay the overdraft at the bank. My wife complained that even though we needed the food, she didn't plan on us spending all the $50 she got from her father. I kept trace of the cost in the store an even offered to decline some items but she said no.

Our youngest daughter may be moving out of her apartment soon. It's my wife's opinion that we should look into moving in to save money since we are beyon being broke. SSI had cut her monthly check to about half of what it used to be only because I make about $1.25 and hour more this fall.

I hate, and I mean hate the thought of moving again. We just moved at the end of August. We would be going from a decent two bedroom apartment downstairs to a small one bedroom on the second floor in a bad neighborhood. The only plus would be that I would be about 1-2 miles from work then. Neither my wife or I are in any sort of shape to have to use stairs.

December is not a good month for either of us. We have to put of with all the nonsense of the Christmas holiday myth. My wife's grandmother died on Christmas day about 11 years ago. My stupid oldest daughter voluntarily lost custody of her five kids in December 2001. On December 21, 1978 any decent future was thrown out the window when I crashed and lost the use of 1/4 of my brain.

I would use this space to descibe the possible ways I could end this all but I would only be banned from being here anymore.

Merry Christmas, right?

Hi,
I'm sure many here have your support and all, but it is up to you to how control the situation.
I guess I don't live in your shoes, but I most certainly know there are many others of similar circumstances to yours!
The main thing that you need to do, is gather strength and hope.....without this, one only allows despair to get the better of them.
Heres to you having a 'Merry Christmas' you and your family.
Just remember........there are always less fortunate then ourselves.


helen

The main thing that you need to do, is gather strength and hope.....without this, one only allows despair to get the better of them.

Helen,

Thank you for your kind words.
Despair has the better of me now. I've used up my yearly ration of strenght and hope. The only hope I see is winning the lottery, but I don't have much hope in that.

What a terrible time for you, and gosh it must seem like the whole world is on top of you, I'm not in your shoes but I do know what you are going through,

Life can be more than tough sometimes, and sometimes there seem like there is no solution to end every hurdle that comes up.

but... You got to stay positive! you have to live in hope that something may just pop out of somewhere,

I know it sounds a lil odd but worth a try, Have you asked Angels?

I know it sounds like Huh?? But really I have been in some real trying situations and a friend told me to write a note to the gate keeper and tell him I needed help..put it under your pillow and sleep on it,

All I can say is that when I have done this ..something has come up, maybe not 100% what I wanted i.e. winning the lotto lol but just something,

I really hope things even out for you, know that we are here to listen,
Please feel free to u2u me if you just want to have a good scream,

You keep us updated,

You are really strong you know that

reply to post by asala




It's hard to find a reason to stay positive when you are the one getting burned all the time.

I'm tired and hungry right now, so I'll talk more about this later on. Thank you for your reply.

Wow, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

I don't really have any sage words of advice, just a sympathetic ear. I hope that having some place to vent these emotions is of some small help to you.

Maybe you could try and find one positive thing in your life and think about that when you get really down. Kids, grandkids, something? I know it's really hard to stay positive when everything is crashing down around you, but the only other option is to be depressed and that doesn't get you anywhere, except for more depressed.

I do have to mention one thing - this my money, your money stuff has got to go. It's all fine and dandy when you have money, but when you're that broke it doesn't fly and causes resentment. Needs and wants are two very different things - yeah, it sucks having to use your Christmas money for groceries, but starving to death sucks even more.

I know about tough times.

I have a few problems with
this post.

Originally posted by Sanity Lost

I declined going in part due to not having the gas money to drive across town and not get paid for being there.

Ok, here begins my problems.

Last night we went out to our favorite pizza haunt. Today we saw a movie.

No gas money, eh ?

instead half went to pay the overdraft at the bank.

I'm sorry. I've been quite poor.
Writing hot checks never entered my
mind.

to save money since we are beyon being broke.

I submit :

Last night we went out to our favorite pizza haunt. Today we saw a movie.

SSI had cut her monthly check to about half of what it used to be only because I make about $1.25 and hour more this fall.

Since you know the SSI rules, you
know the consequences.
Might sound harsh, but truth hurts,
sometimes.

The only plus would be that I would be about 1-2 miles from work then.

Saves quite a bit of money.

Does the wife work ?
Drive ?
Then why worry about the stairs?

My wife's grandmother died on Christmas day about 11 years ago.

"about" I'm supposed to pity a date
you don't know ?

My stupid oldest daughter voluntarily lost custody of her five kids in December 2001.

You, sir called her stupid.
Again, I'm supposed to pity you ?

On December 21, 1978 any decent future was thrown out the window when I crashed and lost the use of 1/4 of my brain.

20 years ago.
At the same time, I had Contra's
trying to kill me and the unit I was
with.

You want reasons ?

I can name quite a few.

Think you are handicapped ?
Got a wheelchair on your plate ?

I do.
Let me give you some advice.

Self-pity is like wetting yourself.
Warm at first, but gets cold, fast.

I've had both knees scoped, both
hips replaced. Right shoulder rotator
cuff rebuilt.

I still pull wrenches.

I have no pity.

This might sound cold, but I've been
homeless.

I know the routine.

I know how the pity-cravers are.

I've been there.

Regards,
Lex

Edit to add :
You're so poor, yet you have a computer,
and internet ?

Priorities.


[edit on 21-12-2007 by Lexion]

[edit on 21-12-2007 by Lexion]

Duzey

Wow, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

Should I get a bigger plate then? The harder I try to better things for us the worse they seem to get.

Any sympathethc ear is a good ear to offer, thanks.

Finding the positive to look forward too can be sad when you head towards the light at the end of the tunnel only for the flame to burn out. Life has it's good and bad. I'll see if I can find some good to it.

Spending Christmas with the grandchildren would be nice except the state of Indiana has custody of 5 of them.

The money issue will always be an issue which I'm trying to sort out without more surprises.

Lexion, read below

Important - I need your support

All I was asking for with this thread is the support of others here. Perhaps I should of found a better topic to start this under such as "rant".

Never was it my intention to start a debate as to whom amongst us has it better or worse off.

You have my support and prayers. I know pain and adversity.

If we can't show a little compassion to our brothers and sisters; this world is more ******up than I thought.

Many of my troubles and pain were of my own making and still people were empathetic and kind and usually didn't throw up my frailties in my face. I'm not going to do that to you SL.

Be Strong!

whaaa,

Thank you for your support.

It's hard to get by with a slap of the face each day. My wife left her laptop in the middle of the living room floor last night. With so much of her junk/trash there I could not very well navigate around it. So I tripped over it causing the enough damage to make it not worth using.


She went off on me. Every other work was the F word. I finally got her to calm down a bit after she realized that she was somewhat at fault too.

I've been at work all day. From calling her, I know she is very mad about what happened. Not so much blaming me. She was going to have a friend look at it today but the friend is waiting on here father to repair her garage door opener to get her car out.

Whenever my wife gets upset about ANYTHING, I am always the punching bag. Constantly getting hit with the foul words comming out of her mouth. I'm not looking forward to going home in two hours. I'll be dealing with someone acting like a porcupine on speed.

Marriage is so wonderful, right?:bnghd:

SA you have my support. At first I wanted to lash out and tell you to get off your pity pot. Then I remembered how it feels to be in the depths of despair.

Some of us on the board have been given a death sentence. Can you imagine your doctor telling you he is sorry but there is no cure for your illness? My first reaction was panic. I told my children about my condition on the way home from the hospital. Bless their hearts they did all they could to make me feel better.

Well that was 8 years ago and I'm still here. During those 8 years I went into a deep depression. Finally I decided to live my life as fully as was possible. Each day I see the sun rise is a special day. When I go to sleep I wonder if I will wake up. I hope I don't die in my sleep as I want to experience death with my eyes wide open.

Getting back on topic it seems to me that your wife is a thorn in your side. Dear man don't let anyone take your joy from you. You may not be able to control the situation but you CAN control your reaction to the situation.

I hope you will be feeling better soon. It's up to you how you live the rest of your life.

dizziedame,

Sorry to read about the bad news given you by your doctors. Only those on death row know how and when they will die. I trust it will not be soon for any of us at this time.

Getting back on topic it seems to me that your wife is a thorn in your side. Dear man don't let anyone take your joy from you. You may not be able to control the situation but you CAN control your reaction to the situation.

Am I to leave my wife? She only gets this way when the bi-polar demon gets ahold of her. She remembers nothing of these events. Since she has come to her senses for the time being I have found it safe to climb out of the pity pot/personal bomb shelter thank you.

My problem is that my breaking point has been broking some time ago. Any verbal slaps on the face only remind me that more will be instore for me.


Here's the part that makes things that much more harder for me. My wife was adopted. Her birth mother (who we have known for about 5 years) will be staying with us for a few weeks starting new years eve. I was hoping she would only be staying for a few days at best. She is bi-polar, like my wife except under little care if any for it. She has also been labelled as being moderately retarded

Just more thorns for me to try to put up with I guess.

Thanks for reading and replying.

My wife has disowned her whole family over something stupid. I can't 100% blame her since everyone else involve have been acting stupid as well.

U2U me if you want the details. I'm not here tonight to go into another dragged out saga.

The tag is imo totally inappropriate.

It is a fact that during the xmas silly season, calls to lifeline, incidents of domestic violence etc increase. It is infact a time of increased pressure.

It is crazy that families who do not get along join up for xmas to be together... ??? I have just returned from seeing my family. It is very difficult. I don't get along with my Mother. I love her but I don't get along with her at all. Combine that with family tensions relating to sexual abuse where I have to bite my tongue and keep the peace is hard to do.

I don't want to air my dirty laundry but I do want to tell you: You are not on an island. If your struggling with everyday BS then so is everyone else.
If you are robbing Peter to pay Paul (juggling the finances) then so is the majority of other people.

Try to expand your perpective. Don't look at the Jones next door or your mates down the road, consider the people in developing countries that really do have nothing. Such as food or clean water.

December is no different from any other day of the year. The only difference is your attitude and the pressure you place on yourself.

I think the biggest issue with December is everyone has the ideal in the head of what xmas should be like...and when it falls short, as it does, it shatters the wish or illusion and thank God for that.

My Sister did not survive the childhood. She was born eye problems to begin with then developed major health and mental health problems. She has had both of her eyes removed, she wears a device so she can hear as she has lost her hearing completely in one ear. The other ear is not good either. It is only a matter of time before she is completely deaf. She a couple of years ago suffered a stroke that left her in a wheelchair. I will spare you her entire history but hopefully this will give you some idea.

She never complains! I have never heard her complain.

I know you seek support but don't seek for too long. Generally, it keeps you in the same place, the pity or winge cycle. Move on, be happy and grateful for where your at. It could be much worse.

cheers

reply to post by Sanity Lost


I don't have words of advice...but I can offer you food if you need?

Please tell me how you are doing?

Love

~Ducky~

Thurisaz and Duckster,

Thank you for your kind words. I'm getting by the best I can. Everyone else seems to be freaking out during the holidays and such. I try to keep an even keel but with the crew jumping ship its not so easy.

No food needed Duckster, just thoughts and prayers.

I looks like some warm words became the sparks to a forest fire between my wife, her mother, birth mother and daughters. Most of the fire has been put out now except what seems to be the cause of the fire.

That is the youngest daugher. We believe that she is back to doing drugs once again. She is an adult, so I'm lost as to what to do other than let her fall and make her own mistakes to learn from.

Of course I can't just let it end there.

The oldest daughter's useless husband went out of town to look for work a couple of days ago and has not come back yet. We are talking about a one hours drive distance to travel so there is no excuse for him not comming back.

We find it strange he would go look for work during a holiday anyway.

The news is the daughter has finally (after ten years of marriage) had enough. I don't know her exact plans but they involve taking her two kids with her and moving out.

I have little faith in anything good comming out of this. This has all happend before. He will be gone a few days or weeks. Come back home and the make up. Repeat and rinse.