Does this make me evil?

Ok before you people judge me know that I was brought up in a very normal household. Anyway it seems to me that misery makes me extremely happy. I know the age old saying that misery loves company but I am generally a well adjusted teen. A few years back a football player was killed in a car accident (remember to always wear your seat belts) and the next day alot of people at school were in extreme emotional distress. Well that day I felt like I was high on some kind of drug ( I do not promote or condone drug use by the way). It is hard to describe but it was an incredible feeling. I have heard of psi vampires before but I think this is different. If anybody else has had similar experiences please help me find out what this is.

reply to post by Takkybunny


Some people have a heightened response to that kind of stress, such as going into a fight or flight mode.

Your mind and body might have thought it needed to prepare for some harsh times. In your case part of that neuro-chemical response seemed to stimulate certain arousal centers.

Had it been a real emergency, like a plane crash in a remote area, you'd have needed that response to pack out of there to your rescue.

In this case your body and mind got ready, but since nothing was there to threaten you the experience seemed more like a 'pleasure response' or 'high'.

It's up to the conscious mind to interpret that response as 'sad' or 'melancholy' or 'hysteria'. In your case it was just a feeling of hyper alertness.

So don't let it bother you. You obviously were able to conceal it and bring a more appropriate demeanor in public.

Just a guess, but that kind of thing sometimes happens.

HTH.


[edit on 15-12-2007 by Badge01]

reply to post by Takkybunny


Maybe you’re just a metal head?




Am I evil?
Yes I am!
Am I evil?
I am man, yes I am!


I recommend a good dose of metal health.

reply to post by Badge01

That sounds very plausible. But it seems that the after effect of these feelings can last for days.It doesn't seem to be just times like that but generally when somebody is sad or upset.

I can describe something sorta similar to what you have...well...err..

Not that similar, but I'm sure it's psychological.

I have a lot of mental problems, ADHD, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, and well...all my life I've had this bizarre...hard to explain, but I'm sure what you have is something psychological, perhaps you could go to a psychiatrist or therapist and tell them about it?

Just wait until you loose someone extremely close to you.
I've felt what you felt, but that in no way makes you an evil person.
It's hard to explain the feeling so others can understand.
Don't worry about other people's judgments toward you...

Funny thing though, as I'm reading, a remix version of, for whom the bell tolls, rings loudly through my speakers.

Originally posted by WalkOn
Just wait until you loose someone extremely close to you.

Its funny you should mention that because about a year ago my aunt died. The day we found out about it I didn't fell any kind of sadness at all. I kind of just thought oh well she is dead what am I going to do about it. I didn't get that same feeling then.

oh I dunno about the reaction = evil

when my very best friend died, when I was told, I broke out in laughter...yes thats right. Weird. But that is how I coped with it.

Emotions are a funny thing. I think you reacted or became aware that you reacted differently to other people because 'you didn't know how to react to it'

OR

maybe if you did embrace what everyone else could feel, it would put you out of your comfort zone...

Well, at least you're not like me and feel nothing at all. I don't think you're evil. Personally, I think the numb un-senstive emotion that I have in such a situation is more "evil" than what you're describing.

[edit on 16-12-2007 by SpeakerofTruth]

reply to post by SpeakerofTruth


That sucks. If I feel depressed then I kind of feel numb. Maybe you should get a pet.I would recommend a rabbit.

I understand that a study was done on the bio-rythem of serial killers and sphycopaths, and they found it (brainwave patterns) to be surpressed. To ease this they discovered that what most had in common was the lust for external stimulation such as heavy metal rock music, drugs, strange sex, and violence (especially upon those they considered defenseless). If fact those who were defenseless gave them an even greater high. I would suggest that the author of this thread look to see if they need such outside stimulation in order to get through the day. If so, a visit to a professional doctor in such areas is needed so that they don't become a Jeffry Dalmer.

Originally posted by Takkybunny
I would recommend a rabbit.

I wouldn't, for the rabbit's sake. Most people simply don't have the Emotional Intelligence to take care of a rabbit properly. They are incredibly emotional beings with sophisticated protocols and have a longer lifespan than most people are ready to commit to. If you get one, be prepared to get 2.

reply to post by Takkybunny
Maybe you were reacting to some of the false grief that was around you at that time. Recently where I live there was a bunch of boys killed in a car smash. At school the next day there were hundreds of folk crying and hugging each other, and they'd never met them. It made some other kids laugh.It could also be a nervous reaction, to do with your fight or flight response as someone mentioned above. I remember when my friend's mum died years and years ago. My mum said, why not go to the house for a visit, and I told her I didn't want to in case I burst out laughing. She slapped my face for that. I guess I got what I deserved.
Another thing it might be is that you might have some deep-seated feelings of paranoia and when the attention's definitely diverted elsewhere you feel kind of safeOr, could be a combination of all three. You'll know if you're evil or not. Do you crave bad stuff to happen because you think it's good?

Originally posted by wigit
reply to post by Takkybunny

 

Maybe you were reacting to some of the false grief that was around you at that time. Recently where I live there was a bunch of boys killed in a car smash. At school the next day there were hundreds of folk crying and hugging each other, and they'd never met them. It made some other kids laugh.

That is pretty much the same thing that happened at my school. Do you think they are crying just because everybody else is?

Originally posted by Fromabove
I understand that a study was done on the bio-rythem of serial killers and sphycopaths, and they found it (brainwave patterns) to be surpressed. To ease this they discovered that what most had in common was the lust for external stimulation such as heavy metal rock music, drugs, strange sex, and violence (especially upon those they considered defenseless). If fact those who were defenseless gave them an even greater high. I would suggest that the author of this thread look to see if they need such outside stimulation in order to get through the day. If so, a visit to a professional doctor in such areas is needed so that they don't become a Jeffry Dalmer.

not cool man lol..
I Love Metal... around drugs a bit (don't use,...quit..) and violence is part of an every day thing.. (fighting friends... well... we find it fun...)

and im from wisconsin.. and WAS born in Milwaukee.. (just like Jeffery Dahmer.. haha


according to studies will i be a serial killer? or am i missing something...



[edit on 16-12-2007 by Sad Lil Alex]

reply to post by Sad Lil Alex


I'm not sure, it may be that you require more external stimulus than most people but haven't reached the crossover threshold of participating in causeing others pain and injury and actually enjoying it... have you?

The study, and I wish I knew from what source I read it, just took into account all the similarities of the serial killers. I'm sure than there are different degrees of desired stimulus for many people.

this is going to sound odd but,

sometimes, people naturally find a form of enjoyment or a better way to put it would be excitement from these types of things, violence, fights, death, killings, inflicting pain or watching it be inflicted, etc.

and this can be seen, unfortunately, in the real life example of snuff films. apparently, some folks truly enjoy watching such shocking things. does it make them evil? ...... no. just morbidly curious.

reply to post by Takkybunny



evil...or even bad, are way too subjective.

i sorta get the notion that perhaps you were having feelings that the 'heroes-on-campus' weren't as invincible as they are portrayed to be...


we're all human and sometimes do stupid things...which can result in tragic circumstance---- and here was an affirmation that your inner analysis of humanity was more in line with reality than the 'pedestals' that some people attain in society.(deserved or not)


no.... you are not evil or cold or asocial... your only an attuned individual,
but i'd be careful of crossing the threashold into the realm of being labled
a sociopath who is uncaring and aloof, etc.
'balance' is the key word


but i'm not a counselor or anything, so talk with someone who is.

Originally posted by Takkybunny

Originally posted by wigit
reply to post by Takkybunny

 

Maybe you were reacting to some of the false grief that was around you at that time. Recently where I live there was a bunch of boys killed in a car smash. At school the next day there were hundreds of folk crying and hugging each other, and they'd never met them. It made some other kids laugh.

That is pretty much the same thing that happened at my school. Do you think they are crying just because everybody else is?

you know, I always scoffed at the kids that acted so upset whenever someone died, especially because I knew that they didnt even know the person!

i couldnt figure it out for the life of me.. okay, maybe if its an aquantance that you say hi to a couple of times, then they die, alright, thats worth crying over I suppose. But someone you've never communicated with?

and dont try to twist this into making me look like i dont care, because if someone who is famous for doing good deeds dies, we mourn the loss. but if it just another student at the school of 2,000 children, a majority of those kids should not be crying over it. when people were killed when i was in high school, I didnt cry over it. one of them was a good friend of mine, got shot 7 times over nothing, they thought he was somebody else..

Don't look too much into it. When people die, even close relatives, my mood doesn't change. I remain chipper, and get excited at the prospect of a funeral- something exciting happened. Even in times of great tragedy in the world, I do not feel sorrow. If I feel anything in relation to such an event, it is usually excitement.

So many people die each day, even if there is a large natural diaster, if you could look at the day's death toll and compare it to others, you will usually not see a noticable difference in the numbers displayed.

I view death as another phase, and a change in existance. Like the changing of the seasons, they are enterin into a different phase of their lives. It does not depress me in any way. We do far more upsetting things to each other when we are alive. Death is far from the worst thing that could happen.

There will always be people who will judge you as evil because you are not the same as they are. But don't worry about them. Worry about you, and live well.