I think I'm in love with an older woman.

Right, so let me paint the situation for you: I just started work-study at the college I go to about two weeks ago right.

Anyways, the lady I think I'm in love with is one of my co-workers, if I had to guess, I would say she around 33-36 years old, I'm only 19. I know, the age difference is crazy right, but I just can't help who I'm attracted to.

Seriously, throughout my whole life there has only been like five females who I've felt this strongly about. Sure there's a lot of beautiful women out there, but the five women I've mentioned were somehow different, I don't know how to explain it, but it's strange. I feel like that when I see this lady.

I don't think it's just lust. Am I just crazy, and what should I do about it?

Humbleone- at your age you might not believe me...but this is lust.Especially if she does not feel the same.

AcessDenied, you may be right, but damn, I have a strong attraction to this lady.

reply to post by thehumbleone

When you say attraction,I assume you mean physical.That is lust my friend.Love is a much deeper feeling,and usually reciprocated.
Just my 2 cents.

Hey Avenger, I've got a crush on an older woman and she's a member of this site, wish I could speak any further but I'm scared of gettin' my arse whooped !!

reply to post by steve-o

Consider your arse whooped.

Is she married or invloved?

If so, please stay away from her. Believe me, nothing good will come from this if she is already spoken for.

Good luck with your studies though.

Tell her. Be mature and brave and just let her know that you have a crush on her it will lessen the tension she feels when ever you are present and she will respect you for your honesty. It will then be in her court as to pursue the relationship or not. If nothing else she will be flattered that a younger man has an attraction to her.

Originally posted by AccessDenied

Consider your arse whooped.

I surrender , I was caught , hope I'm forgiven ?????

Yes... now go call your girlfriend.

reply to post by AccessDenied
Pretty good comeback ya had, now my girlfriend's gonna get angry, but hey she's not a member !!

reply to post by elevatedone


Thanks man. I don't think she's married. At least I haven't noticed the ring on her finger if she is. Thanks for the advice.

Originally posted by antar
Tell her. Be mature and brave and just let her know that you have a crush on her it will lessen the tension she feels when ever you are present and she will respect you for your honesty. It will then be in her court as to pursue the relationship or not. If nothing else she will be flattered that a younger man has an attraction to her.

But that's the thing, I'm scared to tell her. I don't think I should be talking about stuff like that in a professional setting.

reply to post by AccessDenied


Well I like the way she walks, talks, dresses etc. you might be right, it might only be lust.

Do you have a remedy to get her out of my head? Even when I don't want to think about her, she keeps popping into my head.

Last night I was banging my head cause I couldn't get her out of my head. :shk:

[edit on 2-9-2007 by thehumbleone]

reply to post by thehumbleone

That ain't lust my friend, that is love, I was like that before I met my current girl, I would think about her durin' class and not havin' the guts to do something about it, I'm still alittle shy but she's helpin' me out on that .

reply to post by steve-o


I'm still not sure if it is or isn't steve.

Congrats to you and your GF.

Im older then my husband and it works fine for us. Go with your gut feeling and start talking to her. See where it leads. She may feel the same,wont know til you try.

reply to post by thehumbleone


Same to you Mr.300 , have ya even tried talkin' to her, or anything along thse lines, I'm not sayin' to say it right in the open, just try to get into convo in a non-sexual way.

reply to post by steve-o


Yeah, I've tried but she always seems busy. Hopefully this week i will be able to.

Look here, under 'Interpersonal Chemistry' young Spartan.

From Wiki "Human Bonding"

Recent developments in neurochemistry have begun to shed light on the nature of the "chemistry of love", in terms of measurable changes in neurotransmitters such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine.

Those three hormones, in addition to a dozen others which contribute.

They usually don't get triggered unless the individuals have been intimate or been in close contact. Some people talk about 'pheromones' but they've never been demonstrated in Man. Still 'smell' is very important and a woman attracted to you in every way will lose interest if the smell is not right.

So you're fighting something almost as powerful as the need for sleep or to eat or drink.

Occasionally everything will be right and a person can experience this from looking at a picture, or seeing someone across the room. We don't understand why, but hormones are probably involved in making this feeling 'stick', at least temporarily.

How to deal?

It usually takes about six weeks for this feeling to go away (personal research). I've tracked this three or four times and though the less strong events took a little less to fade, a month or two was about the time it took. (some people never get over it; thus 'a great love').

Just be patient, work hard, distract yourself and maybe try to hang out where you'll meet girls your age (if you want 'quick cure' advice).

Go on a vacation elsewhere and meet someone else and it can be 'transferred' (be careful), or turned off. The new relationship might not be as strong.

Good luck.
HTH