Santa Claus- What's His Deal?

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'............... Like I was watchin' this documentary on my fancy 14" black and white Zenith television called "The Year Without A Santa Claus". So I says to myself, Self? What's up with this Santa Claus guy and stuff? Hmmmmmmm................ I think he's got some serious mental issues and stuff. He works one night a year and like he's too tired, and want's to take that one night off this year. He is one fat lazy basta'd. And like he hangs out with little elves and stuff - I bet he listens to Michael Jackson and stuff. And who the heck wants to live in the North Pole and stuff? I mean like if I lived in a place where mutant reindeer were born, with their noses lightin' up and stuff, I'd be out of there in a hurry. And like if those stupid little elves were so good at buildin' stuff why don't they build Santa Clause some super jet or somethin'? Like why does he want to fly around in a sleigh and stuff? And like on that show "The Year Without A Santa Claus", he was standin' over a little boy while he slept. I think he's a sick, sick man. If I woke up and found that fat basta'd in my room starin' at me and stuff, well, like that would be the end of Santa Claus.
And he sneaks in peoples houses by slidin' down their chimneys and stuff? What the hell is wrong with this guy. This Christmas I'm gonna light a really cool, really big and hot fire in my fireplace. When Santa tries to slide down my chimney - he will be so surprised!
And like who wears red suits with white trim, and black army boots and stuff? Like does he think he's makin' a fashion statement? And he smokes his pipe in other peoples houses. He is so ignorant and stuff! And don't get me started on that Ho Ho Ho thing. If I caught him in my house, and all he had to say for himself was Ho Ho Ho, I'd kick him in the n-ts. Yep, there's somethin' wrong with this guy.

Yup he sure is one sick old fat bugger!

But the really sick ones are the buggers that dress like him and get little boys and girls sitting on there laps and say things like. "Have you been a good little boy this year?" and "What would you like from Santa this year?" all the time thet're dribbling in to their perverted white beards, sickos.

We need to start a movment. "Stop Santa: he's a sick old bugger".

Santa Claus is a communist dictator, thats why he wears the red suit, get it? He has to hang out at the north pole because he's been chased out of every free country in the world. The presents are just bribes so he can suck us in & make us believe hes an ok guy and stuff. The elves are nothing more than brainwashed slaves, sure SC only works one night a year but those elves are chained to their benches all year round, makin' stuff, an they don't get paid, just room and board an I hear the food sucks.Good on you for seein' thru him, yeah stoke up a big hot fire on Xmas eve, learn him good that you don't want none of his propaganda.

Originally posted by ChiKeyMonKey
Yup he sure is one sick old fat bugger!

But the really sick ones are the buggers that dress like him and get little boys and girls sitting on there laps and say things like. "Have you been a good little boy this year?" and "What would you like from Santa this year?" all the time thet're dribbling in to their perverted white beards, sickos.

We need to start a movment. "Stop Santa: he's a sick old bugger".

Yeah! I forgot about that fat basta'd havin' little kids sittin' on his lap and stuff! He's a sick man, and he needs to be stopped and stuff!

Please guys, it's only June. I don't want to think about Christmas yet.Oh well Ok here then- presents for all my friends.

[edit on 29-6-2007 by AccessDenied]

Originally posted by ephemeralThe elves are nothing more than brainwashed slaves, sure SC only works one night a year but those elves are chained to their benches all year round, makin' stuff, an they don't get paid, just room and board an I hear the food sucks.Good on you for seein' thru him, yeah stoke up a big hot fire on Xmas eve, learn him good that you don't want none of his propaganda.

Oh man! Now I'm really doin' some thinkin' and stuff! I'm thinkin' of a really big conspiracy and stuff! I'm thinkin' that since what's his name in NK - what's his name ..........Hmmmmmm Kim (like that's really a mans name!) Hah! Like I'm too smart for that and stuff! Kim Jong Il... Yeah! I got it!! Yeah! That's a woman pretendin' to be a man! Yeah! Pretendin' to be a man so they can start a sweat shop for those elves! Wait! There's more! Then they'll become a woman owned business, and those elves will have to make even more "toys" because all the big business will be leavin' China and stuff and lookin' for other cool businesses!
Like I'm thinkin' that Santa Claus thinks he's so cool. Sittin' around, ringin' jingle bells, slidin' down chimneys, and givin' reindeers magic powders and stuff. WAIT! I bet that Santa is a part of the NWO! Yeah! Once again I got it all figured out!
Oh Santa I'm onto you and stuff!

How does that guy go around eating all those cookies and drinking all that milk and then sliding down the chimneys anyway? You'd think he'd have dropped dead from a coronary.

Wait ... maybe he DID. A long time ago! Maybe he's a zombie! That's why the one I sat on as a kid smelled so bad & stuff! Zombie Santa! He wants your brains! Run, Forrest, run!

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
How does that guy go around eating all those cookies and drinking all that milk and then sliding down the chimneys anyway? You'd think he'd have dropped dead from a coronary.

Wait ... maybe he DID. A long time ago! Maybe he's a zombie! That's why the one I sat on as a kid smelled so bad & stuff! Zombie Santa! He wants your brains! Run, Forrest, run!

Zombie Santas.....AHHHHGH! Like I should'a known and stuff! Like when I was a little kid and it was like Christmas and stuff, I got off of my really cool little short bus - Yeah! Those other people thought they were so cool ridin' on a big long bus and stuff.....Hah! They were all so jealous of me....Yeah! Like Santa would be there for all of us on my bus, but he never was there for the kids on the long buses.... Yeah! Wait! Now I get it! Santa always wanted extra special brains! Yeah! It makes sense. He always tossled my hair and stuff. He was tryin' to get to my brain! Oh that's it! I figured out who the head of the NWO is! Santa you're goin' down and stuff!

Yeah, he HAS to be a zombie.

Didn't zombies always take over the mall in the zombie movies? Where do you usually see Santa -- AT THE MALL!

This Christmas, I'm going to have to go out armed. He better stay away from my kids' brains.

D'ya think he'd go in for brain-shaped cookies and clotted thin oatmeal instead of milk? It would have the right texture anyway...

The pieces fall together, it all fits. Good thing we're putting our brains together and figuring this out.

That stinkin commie-pervo-zombie! He'll never get away with advancing his NWO agenda now that we're onto him!



edit for typo; carried away by eureka! moment

[edit on 6/29/0707 by ephemeral]

HELP!!! IT'S SANTA!!!

yeah!!! Santa is a pedafile!! sneaking into little kids rooms at night he's a sicko!!!

i heard that Rudolf's nose glows because of a tumer anyway. WHAT did Santa do to him?!?!

look:

www.youtube.com...

sicko!!

Roswell.

You Guys You Guys You Guys!!!!!

Holy Cow I just had an another Brilliant Flash of Insight! That chimney trip! Its not just about the present-bribes! Sure, he's leaving presents, but what else is he leaving? Surveillance devices, thats what! that slimey piece of doo-doo is plantin' hidden cameras and stuff, right under our noses!! Laughing at us all the time he's snarfing down all those cookies! He has to come back every year coz technology keeps improving! Why didn't I see this sooner??

Man o man am I steamed now!

Originally posted by roswell1

i heard that Rudolf's nose glows because of a tumer anyway. WHAT did Santa do to him?!?

Whoa, thats a good question Roswell. Why does Rudolph's nose glow? Like its radioactive or somthin'....hhhmmmm....Why does Rudolph's nose glow..... like its radioactive or somthin'.....HOLY MOLY That commie-pervo-zombie Illuminati-spawn is keepin' uranium up there!! He's holding for that Kim Yong crossdresser!!

Oh man, this is Big! We gotta be careful who we let in on this, them guys got spies everywhere, they'll try an kidnap us an brainwash us, or torture us to find out who is in the resistance!! But I'll never give in, I don't care if they stick barbwire in my ears, put me on the rack, or even if they make me eat sauerkraut!

Maybe it's an army of Santa's. They were going to call themselves the Satan Clause, but there was a typo on the records and thus became Santa Claus.

You guys aren't getting the big picture....

What about his sleigh... SANTA IS THE CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING AND HE IS THE ONE LEAVING CHEMTRAILS BEHIND HIS 4000galon a second...
Well he chills in the north pole where its nice and cold....

If everyone catches on then people will be lighting FIRES to keep him out, only making his plan more brilliant!