Questions for oldtimers

I'm kinda new to all this. I need some questions answered. Maybe some of you old hands can help me.

Where can I buy some foil?
What style of tinfoil hat gives me the most protection from space rays? How about from cat rays?
Is it better for me to use Reynold's brand or would any old brand be okay?
Regular or heavy-duty?
Should I make the hat flat on top, rounded, or pointed?
Do these hats provide any protection from orcs? Banshees?

Please help me-- the black helicopters are already loitering and I don't know how long I can go unprotected.

Personally, I prefer the stainless still colander over the tin foil.
For double protection I can wrap my colander with the tin foil
but I only do that when the threat comes from multiple sources
at the same time.

I'll take option C please alex: none of the above.

On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study

I don't know whats funnier, the fact that they spent the time studying this or the fact that the much fabled tinfoil hat actually amplifies certain frequencies alloted to the US Government for the GPS system

here's a whole site for you on that:
Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie