Can someone advise me?

Hello everyone, I'm new to this website but I don't want to waste time for introductions cos I'm troubled and need to be advised quickly.

A few years ago I have met a beautiful girl, and after a few months I've said Hi to her, then kept constantly saying Hi to her and sometime soon I've also talked to her for the first time. We got on well with each other until 7th September when she refused to talk to me.

Sometime later she talked to me again but the convo I've conducted with her was short. Later she no longer wanted to talk to me or say Hi to me whenever I greeted her. When I tried to talk to her on 17th November she said "Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you."; when on 20th December (the last day before Christmas I've seen her I wished her Merry Christmas, she ignored me. A few weeks afterwards, when I tried to talk to her again, she again confirmed she doesn't want to talk to me, and still continues to ignore me when I say Hi to her. She didn't reply when I've sent her a best-wishes-letter (by e-mail) on 8th March, and when I've sent her an e-mail that said that I wish her happy Easter, she replied as follows:

# off from me if you can be gracious enough and don't write e-mails to me.

It's obvious she hates me. Why? And what can I do (if I can do anything) to appeal to her?

You were much too timid about expressing your interest in her and took way, WAAAAY too long. And in the meantime, if she is as good-looking as you say, she's probably had a few dozen other guys approach her and try much harder than you did.... or she is in a serious relationship....

Give up on this one, learn your lesson, and move on. And don't email her any more. It sounds like she's creeped out.

Originally posted by millerman
You were much too timid about expressing your interest in her and took way, WAAAAY too long.

You're right. I didn't confess love for her for the first time until 14th February 2006 (by e-mail), and I've said Hi to her 3 months after I've met her.

she's probably had a few dozen other guys approach her and try much harder than you did...

I know that she didn't, for whatever reason. However, this doesn't mean she desires me.

And don't email her any more.

I'm afraid I will have to listen to you.

[edit on 10-4-2007 by INeedHelp]

Yep that pretty much sums it all up! You have to act instantly when seeing a woman, but not look desparate.

Always remember this. The girl wants to be the one that sets it up so you meet her or get to know her. The trick is you gotta arange it so she thinks she is the one stalking, not you or she'll quickly get creeped out.

If she thinks you're trying to arange it so you can bump into her (sorta speek) she will run away faster than you can see the streak pass by.

This is what you gotta do. Act confident and ignore her. Pan around looking at all the other girls and she will be bothered that you are not looking at her.

If she is interested in you than you will notice her being really agressive in getting your attention.

You gotta remember that you are male and strong. She is female and weak. You think differently than they do because of this. You never think about a woman hurting you, but they constantly think about a man hurting them.

Let them feel like they are the one that is in control of the situation. They won't feel weak and helpless. You'll have better luck meeting that babe you want. And god forbid don't tell her how much you like her the first few time you get to know her. That proves that you are not used to being around the type of girls you are attracted to. They think you might go crazy and overpower them.

The best advice and tricks on this is in the Double Your Dating Books.

That had nothing to do with your question, but it had been already answered very well. I just wanted to give some good general advice that many people including me failed at!

Good Luck!

Originally posted by INeedHelp
You're right. I didn't confess love for her for the first time until 14th February 2006 (by e-mail)

Wait...you Did or you Didn't confess "love" for her? Because if you did......My God if you did confessed you loved her when you didn't/don't even really know her....... no wonder she's freaked out.

You need to move on. Sorry....but this girl is not interested in you. Don't mean to be mean, just being truthful

Originally posted by jensouth31
....... no wonder she's freaked out.
You need to move on. Sorry....but this girl is not interested in you. Don't mean to be mean, just being truthful

yes, I got that too.
When I was reading it, (no offence) you came across a bit like a stalker.
And if some guy was like that with me, I would ignore him too.

Sorry...perhaps you need to look at your technique.

jensouth31 is correct INeedHelp

Your situation reminds me of Forrest (Gump) and Jenny? to a degree,though I`m not calling you simple,you may very well be a nice guy but as with forrest and Jenny she just didn`t and couldn`t feel the same.Difference is you dont even know this girl and she only now knows you as needy and probably in her mind a bit creepy.

But more to the point women need to have a choice (their choice) and you have demonstrated to her she doesn`t have one ,the first time she gave you the cold shoulder you should have backed off completely,she then may have respected you more and even maybe came to you.

Anyway you should and have just got on with your life,which is what you should do now.

If I were you I`d wait for a good few more years under your belt and then wait for the right girl that sends you the right signals first and hopefully you know when to run as well, when and if you need to.

Originally posted by jensouth31

Originally posted by INeedHelp
You're right. I didn't confess love for her for the first time until 14th February 2006 (by e-mail)

Wait...you Did or you Didn't confess "love" for her? Because if you did......My God if you did confessed you loved her when you didn't/don't even really know her....... no wonder she's freaked out.

On that day (14th February 2006) I sent her a Valentine card which said nothing more than "I love you". I don't know if she ever received it, it's unlikely considering her netcon was broken ATT.

I confessed my love a year later, on Valentine's Day (by which time she already knew me well), again by e-mail. My message:
1) began with a short introduction (like every other letter) and Shakespeare's 43rd Sonet
2) said that I love her
3) asked her not to reject me

That's all the message said. Excluding those two letters, I've never confessed my love. And until September 2006 I was secretive about this and didn't tell anyone.

When I was reading it, (no offence) you came across a bit like a stalker.

A stalker? Why? Because I've tried to talk to her a few times? Because I've sent her a few e-mails? You should tell me exactly why you think I'm a stalker instead of just saying that I am. Otherwise, if I made any mistake, I'm not going to learn because I won't know what is the mistake.

Act confident and ignore her. Pan around looking at all the other girls and she will be bothered that you are not looking at her.

Oh, one of those guys who say the only way to win over a girl is to ignore her.

So you're saying that the only way to win over the girl I want to win over is to bother people whom I DON'T like and ignore her. This is the worst strategy I've heard. Not only it means I cannot interact with the person I want to interact (i.e. I should de facto resign her), it also means that the way to win her over and make her look at me is... to avoid her. As if she cared if someone ignores her. Most importantly, it has been proven not to work by me, exactly with the said girl. I've known her (i.e. I've known who she is) for a year before I first approached her. Before I've approached her I've never bothered her, as if I was ignoring her. She didn't care, nor would any other girl care.

I may be unable to win over any girl but if I am, so are you. Thanks, but I don't need any advice from YOU.

Difference is you dont even know this girl and she only now knows you as needy

No, because the said interactions were not my only interactions with her. I just told people the shortest version of the story so that people would know the current situation and how she replied to an e-mail that was not love-related (although I love her).

But more to the point women need to have a choice (their choice) and you have demonstrated to her she doesn`t have one

Choice of what?

[edit on 12-4-2007 by INeedHelp]

I'm getting a vibe that you are taking this offensively? Anything I said, was meant to be helpful from a woman's perspective. Let me just say this, sometimes a guy will take to a girl in a rather obsessively 'perceived manner. When a feeling isn't mutual, it's scary for a girl, and yes it can be taken as though you may be stalking her? Even though you don't see it that way. btw, I'm not calling you such, but the analogy is there nonetheless.

You should have gotten the picture in the beginning, when she never warmed up to you. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Your choice to continue the onward pursuit of this girl is where the stalker/obsessive idea's are coming from. Learn from it. Everything we learn in life has no value if we don't apply it for future use. It's time to move on. These are one sided feelings of love. Your side....Not her side.
This is not meant to be hurtful, but rather helpful.

Originally posted by INeedHelp
I'm troubled and need to be advised quickly.

Leave the girls alone. Take up an instrument or a sport or something. Or trout fishing. Spending a day immersed up to your navel in a frigid river ought to cool your jets for awhile.

I'm serious. Focus on something else for now.

Or not.

Anything I said, was meant to be helpful from a woman's perspective.

I didn't say I'm not going to listen to you, I said I'm not going to listen to the guy who said I should have ignored that girl.

When a feeling isn't mutual, it's scary for a girl

Certainly, but no one has yet told me how to make it mutual.

you may be stalking her?

Stalking? Do you know what that word means? Read the definition OK? I don't think any wise person would call me a stalker. A stubborn person, yes. An irritating person, yes. But not a stalker, because that would mean calling me a criminal.

when she never warmed up to you.

Actually for the first few months we got on well, until she politely declined to tell me her ICQ number. Afterwards I've redeemed myself with her, until she said she doesn't want to talk to me last November. Since then she has disliked me continously until this day.

Your choice to continue the onward pursuit of this girl

Have you read my posts? I've never said I'll continue to pursuit her, I even said I'm not going to send her letters. I'm just not going to stop loving her, because I'm not even the one deciding about this. I won't pursuit her, though.

[edit on 12-4-2007 by INeedHelp]

You asked members for their help and it has been offered to you.However it sounds like you are getting very defensive to the suggestions and I believe that it's not necessary.People are IMHO just politely trying to say that your affections for her are simply not reciprocated and you should maybe look for someone else to pay attention to.We do not mean to offend you.

Okay, that's fair enough! I'm glad you are listening. No one can tell you how to make the feelings mutual, YOU can't make it such. She has too, and she has no desire to do that. The ball is not in your court! Maybe you don't agree with the definition of a stalking, but that's what we call it. Sorry *sigh* and no, I would never call you a criminal for loving someone that doesn't love you back. This is about dignity at this point. It's my belief that she was being nice to you in the beginning as not to appear rude, and you possible mistook that kindness for something else? There's very few girls that will actually just tell a guy to take a hike...especially if there's a nicer way around it. No ICQ number...that was a clue, & A) you missed it? or B) you thought you could turn it back around?

Good Don't pursue her, she doesn't want it. You'll get through this, everything is gonna be alright

[edit on 4/12/2007 by jensouth31]

I'm truly surprised a smooth talker like this doesn't have the ladies all over him[/sarcasm off].

:shk:

Originally posted by jensouth31
No one can tell you how to make the feelings mutual

So how is any girl going to love me? How am I going to appeal to her?

Maybe you don't agree with the definition of a stalking

I have provided the address of the website that explains what stalking means. THIS is the definition.

but that's what we call it.

Well, and maybe she does too. But if all I do is:

1) Talking to her several times
2) Writing articles for the magazine of which she is the Chief Editor
3) Sending her a few e-mails (most of them were not love-related)
4) Asking her if I can escort her home

and she/you call that stalking, then I don't know how to behave properly.

It's my belief that she was being nice to you in the beginning as not to appear rude, and you possible mistook that kindness for something else?

Maybe she indeed just didn't want to be rude, but she also offered to help me (I wanted to ask her about concerts which where to be organised and she offered to find out for me).

No ICQ number...that was a clue, & A) you missed it? or B) you thought you could turn it back around?

I thought I could redeem myself.

everything is gonna be alright

No, it's not, because if SHE rejects me, then no girl will want me. I've met many girls, and she is the most tolerant of them all. And yet she has rejected me. If she doesn't want me, no girl will.

Just politely trying to say that your affections for her are simply not reciprocated

The people who replied did more than that.

the Double Your Dating book

Tried and failed. That book is the worst guidebook currently available.

[edit on 12-4-2007 by INeedHelp]

I can't help you any further. Perhaps you have a best friend with a sister that could offer you some tips? You need to improve your Self esteem, maybe you need a makeover? Not appearing so needy to the girls might also be a good start. Girls like a guy that isn't on a pity party, they like a guy that is emotionally strong for the most part, and confident! Where's your confidence level at? All of these things need work. Get out of the pit of despair, it keeps you down where you don't want to be

Originally posted by jensouth31
I can't help you

Then why do you reply? I didn't ask the community to advise me only to be told that I should ask someone else.

Perhaps you have a best friend with a sister that could offer you some tips?

No.

Originally posted by INeedHelp

Originally posted by jensouth31
I can't help you

Then why do you reply?

I have to say before I lose my temper with you......I'm done
I can see why girls look the other way

Originally posted by INeedHelp

So how is any girl going to love me? How am I going to appeal to her?

People have told you already,you just dont like the answers.

I have provided the address of the website that explains what stalking means. THIS is the definition.

Men can be pursued by women the same way you have pursued this woman,men however are extremely ever in any danger by this,but its annoying someone dosen`t get the hint.

Women are usually venerable to danger compared to a man,if you did continue pursuing this girl in the same manner I`m sure she would notify the authorities.

I thought I could redeem myself.

Do you honestly believe you did anything that you should redeem yourself for? because I dont see it that way.

No, it's not, because if SHE rejects me, then no girl will want me. I've met many girls, and she is the most tolerant of them all. And yet she has rejected me. If she doesn't want me, no girl will.

This quote says it all,you are needy not only that, you expect one girl (that girl,any girl) to be your Saviour.Many many people in the world find ways to carry on in their lives without being a burden on others.

How would you like it,if a girl pursued you for little more than because she cant get anyone else,I hope you would feel repulsed for your and her own good.

Relationships can be very tough pal,even when both partners are mature,you have a lot of personal growing to do before you should ever contemplate a relationship with another.

Here`s the best advice I could give,Christ saves.

Originally posted by gps777
People have told you already

Who did?

I have provided the address of the website that explains what stalking means. THIS is the definition.

Men can be pursued by women the same way you have pursued this woman

Irrelevant. I was not stalking her. I was stubborn, but you can't say I was stalking, because it would mean you're calling me a criminal.

Women are usually venerable to danger compared to a man,if you did continue pursuing this girl in the same manner I`m sure she would notify the authorities.

Hahahahaha! Notify because of what? Because I sent her a few e-mails? Because I kept trying to talk to her at the university she and I attend? Because I asked her if I can escort her home?

Do you honestly believe you did anything that you should redeem yourself for?

No. I meant causing her to stop disliking me/being reluctant to be my girlfriend.

This quote says it all,you are needy not only that, you expect one girl (that girl,any girl) to be your Saviour.

I don't. I just said that no girl wants me. However, I was trying to win her over because I think she's the best girl on the planet, not because I want her to save me.

[edit on 14-4-2007 by INeedHelp]