The Elevator - nyk537 (A little light reading)

What began as an early morning shower had now developed into an absolute downpour. The rain fell unrelentingly on Henry Cross, causing him to walk at a sharp angle. His head bent down as though in prayer, he made his way across the street into the main lobby of his apartment complex.
Today had made the third day this week Henry had been forced to leave work prematurely. The chest pains had become progressively worse over the past few weeks. It was almost unbearable now. The only thing in the world Henry wanted at this moment was to lie down in his warm bed.
As he entered the lobby he noticed that some of the lights had gone out. He also noticed that the plants that used to seem so lively and bright were beginning to wilt and fade away. Henry had always had a knack for picking up the details in his surroundings. He supposed that was why he had grown up to be an artist. Chuckling to himself, Henry thought that this lobby would make an excellent poster for a zombie movie.
He proceeded down the dark hall to the elevator, slowly beginning to notice other things that were off. This apartment lobby was usually brimming with activity. Today, however, it was desolate. There were no noises coming from any of the rooms, and the attendant who normally works the desk was nowhere to be seen. Assuming it was probably just the storm that had people inside, Henry continued.
As he approached the elevator he finally heard a noise other than that of his own breathing. It was the elevator on its way down. Henry pressed the call button anyway and waited. Almost immediately the doors opened. What Henry saw inside made him laugh out loud.
Standing inside the elevator was a man dressed as an old fashioned bell-hop. He was wearing a small red vest and slacks, complete with the little hat and everything. The man only glared at Henry as he laughed uncontrollably.
Henry quickly calmed himself down and stepped into the elevator. He apologized for laughing and asked the man to press the button for his floor. The stranger only stood there, gazing forward. Once again, Henry asked politely if the man would press his button. After receiving no answer, Henry began to press it himself when the man finally spoke.
“Down, sir.” The man said.
The sound of his voice sent chills down Henry’s spine. Everything about this man suddenly frightened Henry. Something just didn’t seem right. As the elevator doors closed and they began to descend, Henry realized what it was.
This building didn’t have a lower level.
The strange man in the bell-hop uniform noticed Henry’s uneasiness and smiled. When he did so, Henry could see row upon row of jagged teeth.
“Welcome, Henry,” the man said. “Have a nice day at work?”
Henry gasped as the man began to laugh hysterically. He fell to his knees and covered his ears in disgust. His laughter sounded as though a thousand people were laughing; each of them distinctly crazy. Suddenly a voice broke through the laughter. It seemed to come through the laughing. This man was laughing and talking in two different voices at the same time!
“Your time is through.” The man said. “Your master waits.”
Instantly Henry began to convulse in hysteria. Everything around him no longer made sense. The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors began to open. Looking out, Henry saw the vast expanses of a Hell he did not want to enter. The doorman gave him a shove and he tumbled out of the elevator and began to fall. Henry screamed as loud as he ever had in his life. He watched as the ground below grew closer and closer. Right before he landed, Henry closed his eyes and...
CRASH!
Henry Cross tumbled backwards in his desk chair and landed on the floor below. He was breathing hard and covered in sweat. Gathering his thoughts he came to the conclusion he had just had the worst nightmare of his life. He checked his watch and realized he had been asleep for hours. It was after eight and everyone had gone home.
Henry gathered his things and shut his computer down. He didn’t think tonight would be a night for sleeping. As he made his way to the elevator his mind kept going over his dream. It was becoming more and more fuzzy. As he pressed the call button he thought to himself that he wished he could remember it in detail for a painting.
As the elevator doors opened, the man dressed in the little red vest smiled.
“I can help you with that” he said.
Henry Cross opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out.

To those of you who will read this, I apolgize for the formatting. This was simply a paste out of the Word document. It's kind of one big block of text, but I suppose it will work. I am at work now or I'd fix it. Either way, enjoy the story and I welcome your comments.

reply to post by nyk537


I read it, it was not bad, I have problem with spelling and sometimes grammer like you have with format, if we make stories easier to read people will not get pulled out of story and lose their visualization.

Story was good but a little short, might want to add some character empathy in the beginning so we feel what he feels and care about him. maybe some arguement he was wronged in. a little something we all can understand. this leads to pain and leaving work. Get us to like the guy before he keels over, maybe make the chest pains come from some sort of situation we all relate too.

a little joke to distract us before he goes to leave, or high moral point. remove the referance to elevator to shorten the ending punch. Some how make us think the story is ending with some moral note then slam us with the second elevator visit.

I was thinking something like this
musing in his head how the (earlier incident that built empathy) was not that bad, he realized it was his perspective and he would blah blah blah.

Walking out of his office he was smilling for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime maybe the dream was a warning, he would see things differently from now on, turning the corner a skip in his stride, Henry opened his mouth to scream, nothing came out. The red dressed bellhop looked out from the elevator, laughing as he asked "going down"

good build up down the hall way foreshadowing death, lack of color zombie wilted plants and such.

That is my observations.

I did a dark humor piece here if you want to read it a bit disrespectfull but actually has some value.
www.abovetopsecret.com...


[edit on 21-9-2007 by Redge777]