Perfect Advice For A Perfect Relationship!!!!!

I find that going out with the guys 4 - 5 times a week works really well, and on the nights that you stay home, make sure that you tie a major load on - I find tequila does a very nice job.
Now here's a real good secret that I don't share with many people. Make sure that you always wear really dark sunglasses - even in the house. That way when she's talking to you she can't tell when your eyes glaze over in extreme boredom, or even if you're asleep.
Make sure that when you eat dinner you tell her "Yeah, it was all right I guess." That way she'll try even harder next time!
When she says "So and so's husband bought her flowers the other day." Tell her - "Yeah? Now she has to water them, keep the bugs away from them, and eventually throw them away and clean the vase. I can't believe he would be so selfish to give her those extra chores!"
When you're being intimate, make sure you have a real good nudie magazine on the pillow next to her head, that way you can look at the pictures and really perform!
When trash day comes along, tell her "I really believe in womens equality. Why don't you take out the trash and show the neighborhood how supportive I am of womens rights!"

Oh, and for those of you who aren't married. In the morning make her cook breakfast for you before you kick her out. Then as she's walking down the driveway tell her "Don't worry, I'll clean up!" Chicks really dig that!

Yep, that's some darn good advice.

(Hey I'm kidding everybody. I have a wonderful family, and would not recommend doing any of the above.)