what women want

woman in general want a guy to be loving and caring but also they want someone to trust.and trust isn't just handed out you have to earn it. and we also want a guy who is honest. who doesn't lie or play games. i have found that guy and i will not ever let him go. it took me along time to find him. i'm talking two bad marriages and alot of hell but he has helped me in such a way that no man could ever get me away from him.

Originally posted by loverofmoses
woman in general want a guy to be loving and caring but also they want someone to trust.and trust isn't just handed out you have to earn it. and we also want a guy who is honest. who doesn't lie or play games.

in general men want the same thing.

Unfortunatly most women play games.

Why? Look at your logic above.

You say: "Trust isn't just handed out you have to earn it."

But you also said: "and we also want a guy who is honest."

So, apparently even if you found an honest guy, you would still play games yourself with him and his mind, because you would not trust him. Honest guy or not, you don't just hand out trust, he has to earn it.

Hence women play games out of necessity, because they do not trust even honest men, until they have earned that trust. To earn that trust, women must challenge them to prove they are trustworthy. So, this is why women play the games they say they do not like.

Just some of my thoughts.

Although ultimatley i do agree with the intro, there are still 2 sides, two perspectives in a relationship.

thanks,
john

[edit on 19-1-2007 by Esoteric Teacher]

BINGO!

The tendency of women is NOT to hold open, honest, direct negotiations with a potential love interest about what he wants and what she wants.... their tendency is to TEST.

Test his courage, test his leadership, test his love, test his loyalty, test his ability to make $$$, test his comfort zones, test his sexual prowess, etc etc...

And the tests NEVER end....

That is why you must never take a woman's love for granted - for if she starts to decide that you're not making enough effort for her, she WILL go behind your back and start seducing someone else...

Originally posted by millerman

Test his courage, test his leadership, test his love, test his loyalty, test his ability to make $$$, test his comfort zones, test his sexual prowess, etc etc...

And the tests NEVER end....

That is why you must never take a woman's love for granted - for if she starts to decide that you're not making enough effort for her, she WILL go behind your back and start seducing someone else...

But, it is their fault? Is it because her heart is in the wrong place?

I don't think so. I don't think we can blame women for doing the things you listed above.

I think they are just genetically engineered that way, it is in their dna, and they are merely obeying their instincts, aren't they?

men obey their instincts as well, but it doesn't always make us right, either.

Personally i think men are more physical due to the fact that while we were in our mother's womb we had to deflect, stand against mother's estrogen down to the cellular level, since too much estrogen coming in would have had detrimental effects on us.

For the same reason i think this is why women tend to be more intuitive when it comes to understanding other people. Female's cells were compatible with mother's estrogen, and everything coming into them via the umbilical cord, so their cells were more open to communication with their "host", where as men's cells were not totally compatible with our "hosts".

of course, this is just my personal feelings, and just a theory as far as i know.

thanks,
john

Originally posted by Esoteric Teacher

Originally posted by millerman

Test his courage, test his leadership, test his love, test his loyalty, test his ability to make $$$, test his comfort zones, test his sexual prowess, etc etc...

And the tests NEVER end....

That is why you must never take a woman's love for granted - for if she starts to decide that you're not making enough effort for her, she WILL go behind your back and start seducing someone else...

But, it is their fault? Is it because her heart is in the wrong place?

I don't think so. I don't think we can blame women for doing the things you listed above.

I think they are just genetically engineered that way, it is in their dna, and they are merely obeying their instincts, aren't they?

Yes, that's essentially what I think, and no I don't blame them.

In the animal world, ACTION means everything, and "honesty" means little to nothing.

Men are the protectors and providers, so of course women are going to favor the "alpha" men who exhibit the most ability to protect and provide (courage, confidence, leadership, athletic ability, willingness to fight and take risks, etc).

Like, say the tribe is sitting around the campfire eating a meal and, say, a wild boar suddenly comes crashing in. Which guy are the women going to favor - the guy who instantly leaps into ACTION and kills the boar before it can harm the women and children, or the guy who stands there and goes "uh oh, if I try to fight that boar I might get hurt!"?

That's right - the guy who HESITATES gets NONE, while the brave guy gets to be in the orgy with the "queen bees" later that night!

This, IMHO, is the quintessential reason why the "jock" or "jerk"-type guys get more sex than the "nice guys" - and not just a little more, but WAY WAY WAAAAAY more!!

And of course the nice guys raging against the women for being shallow or superficial or dishonest or manipulative or slutty, does absolutely nothing to change this.

If I tend to go on and on about this sort of thing on here it's only because it's SO important for men to understand this. The way to get real respect from women is to exhibit COURAGE AND ABILITY, not "be nice and honest".

"Nice"ness and honesty are still very good qualities, and I don't think guys have to actually stop doing those things... it's just that they are not what really wins the respect and love of women.

Originally posted by loverofmoses
woman in general want a guy to be ...... someone to trust.and trust isn't just handed out you have to earn it. and we also want a guy who is honest. who doesn't lie or play games.

Women want a guy who is honest, trustworthy, can be trusted, and doesn't play games .....

But, look at how much of a lie women are !

They wear makeup. They don't like that, they lie about there looks, as thought every day were holloween.

They wear high heels. They aren't that tall, they lie abouth there height.

And, we can be assured they always tell the truth about there age and weight as well.

GREAT TRACK RECORD!!

I'm sure women can be trusted, well. .... as much trust as they have earned. Because:

..... and trust isn't just handed out you have to earn it.

And look how society has conditioned women to earn men's trust!

Well not all woman lie.I for one don't lie. I do where makeup but only once in awhile and i don't lie about my age cause i look real good for my age and as for my wieght i have lost 85 pounds so ask i'll tell you.If i don't like someone i let them know. And all my friends know how i am and they like that i'm honest and i would never lie to anyone.So not all woman lie but alot of them do because they are not comfortable with who they are.

Originally posted by loverofmoses
So not all woman lie but alot of them do because they are not comfortable with who they are.

Well, there is one thing that women and men have in common. I think men lie as well, sometimes out of percieved neccesity (because it may be self serving) and at other times because they (men) are not comfortable with who they are. But most people (men & women) are usually not comfortable with who they are because they cannot live up to the expectations of everyone in their lives.

So who is more to blame?

people who judge others to the point that they expect them to be something they are not ...

or the people who lie to themselves trying to meet the expectations of others?

Originally posted by Esoteric Teacher

Originally posted by loverofmoses
woman in general want a guy to be loving and caring but also they want someone to trust.and trust isn't just handed out you have to earn it. and we also want a guy who is honest. who doesn't lie or play games.

in general men want the same thing.

What you left out of "in general men want the same thing" is if it leads to sex.

If a man wants sex, he will be the most loyal, trusting, honest thing on the planet. Since women control when that will happen, men have been trained like Pavlov's dog to jump through any hoop or take any "test" to get to the objective.

Women have capitalized on that situation to lure, test and trap their prey. Men have learned to lie.

Nature at it's finest.

What women want: a guy who puts the toilet seat down and wipes up after he's taken a piss in the toilet .

But yeah, seriously, i think the the points you made work both ways very much. I think the best thing is to not enter a relationship with loads of high expectations about how things are going to work out of what you want of your partner before you even really know the person you are with off by heart, and you shouldn't try to change someone into someone they are not- i think you should just take things as they come in general. Some women i know have such high expectations of what their guy should be doing or like before they've even been out with him for a week. Chances are, the person you fall in love with will not be perfect, but you will be able to love and like them as they are.

Not everybody is perfect, and as others have mentioned, a lot of things like trust and respect really do have to be earned (this goes for any person you meet in life) and you also have to show respect and trust to your partner (if they are deserving of it of course).
Try to think clearly and logically all the time and avoid argueing- don't let the worser side of your nature control you, for example if you have problems with paranoia, anger management, depression etc. These are the things that drive even loving couples apart. Also, i think if you have issues with your partner you should tell your partner about them as soon as posible instead of keep the inside you.

Meh...There are a lot of things that women want, i know, but most of these things are also what guys want too. Look at yourself closely though and see if you are capable of offering the same things that you expect in return. It can be difficult to really see what you are doing sometimes in a relationship and the sort of effect it is having on your partner (i.e. you may think your attitude is logical and straightforward, but your partner may find it dominating and blunt etc). Be thoughtful about yourself and the image you present to the rest of the world and your partner through the person you are- if you know you have a problem, you need to deal with it and improve yourself. Don't be too judgemental on others.
hm... ... ...