Newz Forum: OTHER: Dean's List: What If?

Imagine the possibilities. Now that Drew Bledsoe has reunited with Bill Parcells in Dallas, it's time to start thinking "what if"...

Like what if Bledsoe and the 'Boys make the playoffs? And what if they somehow manage to come out of a weak NFC? And what if the Patriots take the AFC for a fourth time in five years? Super Bowl XL, Cowboys and Patriots wouldn't need any hype - the storylines are already extra large: The Dynasty of the '90s against the Dynasty of the '00s, Jones versus Kraft, Bledsoe versus Brady, Bill against Bill, Parcells and Belichick...

What if Tedy Bruschi's stroke was just a means to cover up his double life as Latino comedian George Lopez?

And what if the steroid scandal is nothing more than a terrorist plot by Fidel Castro and Cuban-American Jose Canseco to bring down our national pastime?

Add former Red Sox team physician Dr. Bill Morgan, who was relieved of his duties shortly after the World Series, to the growing list of "in-credible" voices amid the steroid controversy. "I would go on record as saying there was no steroid use, to my knowledge, by the Red Sox in my (18) years with the team," he said. Lest you forget, Jose Canseco - aka the most blatant steroid abuser in the history of professional sports - played for Boston from 1995-96, which just so happens to fall right smack in the middle of Morgan's tenure. But don't blame Morgan for not picking up on it. After all, what does he know? He's just a doctor...

Imminent homerun king Barry Bonds might not be smart, but he's not stupid, and that's exactly why he's playing dumb. "I don't know what cheating is," he claimed. "I don't believe steroids can help your eye-hand coordination, technically hit a baseball. I just don't believe it." That's odd. I always thought that performance-enhancing drugs enhanced performance. Must be some kind of crazy misnomer...

I had a good laugh when I found out "Shoeless" Joe Jackson and Doc Martin were teammates on the 1908 Philadelphia Athletics. Talk about a built-in punch line...

Slap a tapered moustache on Blue Devils coach Mike Krzyzewski and you've got yourself a reincarnated Adolf Hitler. Picture it: The image is worth at least a thousand words...

As if the name "Magic" wasn't dainty enough, Orlando has assembled quite the feminine backcourt in "Stacey" Augmon, Steve "Francis" and Doug "Christie," who most certainly does not wear the pants in his family. Forget about "Queer Eye" - not since "Kim" Herring, "Torry" Holt and "Lovie" Smith led the Rams to Super Bowl XXXVI has a team of men been this girly...

After winning the All-Star Game MVP this past Sunday, Allen Iverson was asked if the Allen Iverson of today is different than the Allen Iverson of 2001. "I'm four years older," he replied. "You can't expect Allen Iverson to stay 25 forever." In a related story, stupid questions get stupid answers...

And I really can't say it enough: Saying "needless to say" is needless to say. Needless to say, I'm Dean Christopher...

[Edited on 2/24/05 by deanchristopher]

Originally posted by deanchristopher
Super Bowl XL, Cowboys and Patriots wouldn't need any hype - the storylines are already extra large: The Dynasty of the '90s against the Dynasty of the '00s, Jones versus Kraft, Bledsoe versus Brady, Bill against Bill, Parcells and Belichick...

That would certainly be an interesting matchup if for no other than the resons you stated. I dont know if the Cowboys are ready to go that far yet but they do have some money to spend and are most likely going to bring in a couple more big free agents. Bledsoe should do well and they should also get a decent player with a decent first round pick.

Originally posted by deanchristopher
Slap a tapered moustache on Blue Devils coach Mike Krzyzewski and you've got yourself a reincarnated Adolf Hitler. Picture it: The image is worth at least a thousand words...

Good observation, I can definitely picture it.


Good article Dean.

Yeah, anything's possible in today's NFL. It's like a freakin' circus out there.

The key to Big D is...the D. There's some good talent there - namely La'Roi Glover to "Just" Roy Williams - but they'll have to play a lot more like they did in 2003 than last year to have a shot.

The offensive line will have to make strides if Bledsoe is going to be the only Drew playing in Dallas this year. They left Vinny exposed all last year.

At the skilled positions, they look decent. If Terry Glenn is healthy - which is practically never - they have a good set of receivers, with Keyshawn and Quincey Morgan rounding out the bunch.

And of course, anyone who watched the last seven games of the season knows that Julius Jones is the real deal. Parcells will make sure he's well-fed this year.

Originally posted by deanchristopher
What if Tedy Bruschi's stroke was just a means to cover up his double life as Latino comedian George Lopez?

And what if the steroid scandal is nothing more than a terrorist plot by Fidel Castro and Cuban-American Jose Canseco to bring down our national pastime?

I thought George looked too familiar...

I just don't believe it." That's odd. I always thought that performance-enhancing drugs enhanced performance. Must be some kind of crazy misnomer...

Ah, but they don't enhace those particular functions, just muscle tissue. Coordination, that's something you are either born with or develop, it doesn't get "enhanced" through steroid use.

They can, however, improve reaction time, which is undeniably a vital element of hand-eye coordination.

Truth aside, I was making a joke. Glad you liked it.

I figured, but that's one thing that I agree with the steroid-laden hypocrites on, do they really improve hand-eye coordination? Doubtful.

I'll run an experiment on myself, and let ya'll know...