God VS Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

The universe as we know it revolves aroung Chuck Norris.

chuck norris is only good for one thing

Ever wonder why mexicans are brown? Its because Chuck Norris uses them as toilet paper.

Originally posted by JamesMcMahn
Ever wonder why mexicans are brown? Its because Chuck Norris uses them as toilet paper.

not mexican my self but that is plain racist :shk:

chuck norris screws with peoples heads with pure ignorance

Chuck Norris can kick his own ass, But won't because it goes against the laws of physics as we know them. Last time he did, he ripped a hole in the space time continum!!!

Chuck Norris is so fast you won't even know he hit you till you wake up in the hospital.

chuck norris is so slow even his grandmother can run faster then him

chuck norris is so old when he farts its just dust

chuck norris is so old when he walks his joints creek

chuck norris is full of it he just speaks to #

source
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and prance around like a homo.

Chuck Norris turned down the Tom Hanks' role in Philadelphia because, he said, "It hits to close to homo... I mean home."

Chuck Norris is trying to bring back the "fanny pack."

Chuck Norris once ALMOST finished an entire double-mocha frappuccino latte at Starbucks, but stopped when he started to feel "woozy."

Chuck Norris loses bladder control while watching scenes from Death Wish III that feature the epitome of masculinity, Charles Bronson.

The line “Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street” originated when Chuck Norris, nervous and eager to have sex with puppets, lost his way to the Sesame Street auditions.

Chuck Norris once hid his cornflakes in a safe because he heard a serial killer was on the loose.

*removed*

Chuck Norris was once struck by a van, and miraculously revived at the hospital. His family sued the hospital.


*removed*

Chuck Norris is so gay that when he goes to the donkey show, he get jealous of the woman.

Chuck Norris clutches the hell out of his Coach bag.

mod edit: cut down huge external quote and removed very rude parts of the quote

[edit on 23-11-2006 by UK Wizard]

Chuck Norris is so strong, he can beat people at arm wrestling matches...with both hands tied behind his back.

On Thanksgiving, Chuck Norris wanted turkey. Steven Seagal cooked it and Arnold Schwarzenegger served it. Dolph Lundgren did the dishes.

Chuck Norris killed a snake with a stick and the Reptilians left the solar system.

Chuck Norris fans are upset because Anti-Chuck Norris fans don't spend hours coming up with witty rebounds. They just remember flicking through "Walker, Texas Ranger" and coming up with thousands of true, funny things to say about Chuck Norris. For instance, Chuck Norris is a martial artist who wears a cowboy hat in Texas and sports a ginger beard and tight jeans.

Chuck Norris' mom was in labor for three more days following his birth: one for his ego, one for his intelligence, and one for his talent. The latter two were stillborns from lack of oxygen. Only Chuck Norris' ego survived.

Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."

After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy.

Chuck Norris is Jesus to mindless, trend-loving Americans. He even turns water into wine coolers.

Chuck Norris was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Chuck Norris!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Chuck Norris and sent him to detention.

Originally posted by bodrul
Chuck Norris was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Chuck Norris!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Chuck Norris and sent him to detention.

That's the best one!

Ok, more...

Chuck Norris is so buff the David begged the museum to cover up his body due to shame of being so frail compared the the work of Art that is Chuck Norris.

Know why Mona Lisa is smiling? Because Chuck Norris told her he'd let her live.

Oover 40,000 votes from heavy democrat districts didn't dissapear in Florida swamps, they decomposed themselves before Chuck Norris could find them.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

FINGER LICKIN' GOOD...