Free love and sex advice. Anything you want to ask me.

Damn! I spent all night sewing this net too. But seriously now

Approaching women is like gambling. You bet your money but cant expect to always win. You just need to approach lot of women because that increases your chance of meeting somone compatible with you.

You could increase your chances of success even more by doing little things: dress porperly, improve your physical appearance a little (get a haircut, etc.). Also be confident. Confidence is sexy to women, ego is not. Dont be rude to women no mater how rude they are to you. Esp. beautiful women are used to people complimenting them all the time and approaching them. You need to appear indifferent to them. Talk to them, but dont seem to eager. Also, a cocky and funny attitude is good for breaking the ice when meeting new people.
If you tell me what specific problem you have in approaching women than maybe I could give you more specific adivce.

Good advice. I can't get a job closer to home, there just aren't any. Besides, I love my work. After work I come home happy and energetic because I have spent the day doing something I truly enjoy. At least that's the way I used to feel. Lately I have begun to come home feeling a bit like a kid that has stayed out past curfew and knows that the parents are just waiting to pounce.

There is one thing that you brought up that I do really need to think about:
You said, "A man with love and money to offer is the ideal 'catch' for women."
My spouse and I are a lesbian couple, so I assumed that we were immune to that whole "catch" mentality. After all, it never enters my head. (Not that I think that all straight women have the 'catch' mentality. Almost every woman I know can take care of herself.) I certainly didn't go out looking for financially stability in a mate. She had no financial stability when I met her.

However, I can't assume that she feels the same way. In the last few years she has built her own successful business, but that doesn't mean that she wouldn't rather have me provide the financial backbone for our family.

Perhaps all her complaining about my schedule and the commute really boils down to the fact that she just would feel more secure if I made more money.

In less than two weeks I'll be getting a two dollar an hour raise. We'll see what happens then.

wellwhatnow,

Congratulations on the raise.

If your spouse has her own business, then i would assume that she is doing alrite financially. Maybe she feels you are not making as much as her. You guys need to talk it out and come to an understanding that even though you both are equal sexually, you cannot be equal in every aspect of life. You need to balance things as much as possible. For example, if she makes more money than you, than maybe you could cut down on your work hours and do more housework. Try to balance things out. Thats what a relationship is all about.

Secondly, you should have an open talk with her about the problem you are facing and see if she has any opinions on how to improve it. Communication is very important.

And last but not the least. Welcome! I am glad to be able to offer a listening ear and some advice.

oops, double post!

I will subsituate something else for enjoyment.

:w: :bash: :bnghd:

[edit on 9-11-2006 by half_minded]

How do i overcome my shyness around women?

I would consider myself a good looking guy, there have been a lot of women who have liked me over the years, but I've been to much of a wuss to do anything.

What should I do?

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[edit on 13-12-2006 by UK Wizard]

Originally posted by Hyacinth
you see i dont have any confidence and i dont believe in myself, so i cant even approach women

dude its all in your head.

Originally posted by thehumbleone
How do i overcome my shyness around women?

I would consider myself a good looking guy, there have been a lot of women who have liked me over the years, but I've been to much of a wuss to do anything.

What should I do?

show confidence. Sometimes you have to put yourself in uncomfortable positions in order to get what you want. chicks love a dude with confidence though. We've all put our selfs in uncomfortable postions from time to time to get what we want. Its breaking the ice. As soon as you do, you will know what you were missing out on and look back wondering why you didnt do it earlier.

Originally posted by wellwhatnow
Good advice. I can't get a job closer to home, there just aren't any. Besides, I love my work. After work I come home happy and energetic because I have spent the day doing something I truly enjoy. At least that's the way I used to feel. Lately I have begun to come home feeling a bit like a kid that has stayed out past curfew and knows that the parents are just waiting to pounce.

There is one thing that you brought up that I do really need to think about:
You said, "A man with love and money to offer is the ideal 'catch' for women."
My spouse and I are a lesbian couple, so I assumed that we were immune to that whole "catch" mentality. After all, it never enters my head. (Not that I think that all straight women have the 'catch' mentality. Almost every woman I know can take care of herself.) I certainly didn't go out looking for financially stability in a mate. She had no financial stability when I met her.

However, I can't assume that she feels the same way. In the last few years she has built her own successful business, but that doesn't mean that she wouldn't rather have me provide the financial backbone for our family.

Perhaps all her complaining about my schedule and the commute really boils down to the fact that she just would feel more secure if I made more money.

In less than two weeks I'll be getting a two dollar an hour raise. We'll see what happens then.

But your like men. You know what you want. Man that sounded bad. I dont mean that in a bad way. There are some chicks out there that are just looking for a sugar daddy.

But your like men. You know what you want. Man that sounded bad.

LOL!!! Man, you're gonna catch some heat over that one!

Originally posted by semperfoo
But your like men. You know what you want. Man that sounded bad.

Yeah, that did sound bad! I won't give you too much heat over it though!

Okay, maybe a little -
there.

The issue did finally come to a head and now I don't think it was about money. I have no idea what it was really about. She wanted me to quit my job and I did. She was really happy about that for a while. Now she's unhappy with me again. It seems like it's always something. I can't seem to do anything right and I am just about to give up on the relationship. I love her, but I am tired of feeling like the loser that holds her back in life.

We do have a son though and this is really going to be hard on him.

Originally posted by wellwhatnow
The issue did finally come to a head and now I don't think it was about money. I have no idea what it was really about. She wanted me to quit my job and I did. She was really happy about that for a while. Now she's unhappy with me again. It seems like it's always something. I can't seem to do anything right and I am just about to give up on the relationship. I love her, but I am tired of feeling like the loser that holds her back in life.

We do have a son though and this is really going to be hard on him.

Homosexual couples are a little bit harder for people to give normal advice to, I think. Evolutionarily speaking, women seek seek a spouse who is more successful financially for security purposes. Scientific studies show that even rich women in general will not be happy with a spouse unless the spouse is more successful than her. I'm not sure how that would play into a lesbian couple, as two women cannot each be more successful than the other one. I think it's a shame you had to quit your job to try and remedy the situation, and I think it's even more of a shame that you feel like giving up on your relationship.

Personally, I think quitting your job was not a good idea, especially if it was something you enjoyed. Studies also show that the key to a successful relationship is that both members of the relationship be happy independently. These studies also showed that the best cure for relationship problems was for both members of the relationship to engage in exciting activities as a team. (If you want the references for these studies you'll have to watch the documentary "Brainsex".)

I would hate for you to give up on your relationship, for yours, your spouses, and your child's sake. I would encourage you to do your best to work this out. Communication is extremely important, but all communication must be tactful. If you and your lover truly love each other, things will most definitely work out.

I'm sorry I don't have better advice for you. The truth is I'm the furthest thing from being an expert on relationships, but I feel very passionately about love and I wanted to do whatever I could to help your situation. I wish you the best of luck and I hope it all works out for you and your family!

[edit on 19/12/06 by an3rkist]

Thanks for the kindness an3rkist, but some things are not meant to be permanent. Even the most perfect rose withers and dies when it's season is done, and if it did not - if it held its form forever - we would grow too accustomed to its beauty to notice it any more. It would become commonplace and monotonous.

I do love my spouse and at one time we had something so powerful and deeply spiritual between us that I thought it could never end this way. I guess anything is possible though.

As for being independently happy and communicating, these are both issues which bring us to an impass. There has never been enough space between us and there has not been a way to talk about it without making it worse.

My spouse has also gone through a behavioral change lately. I don't know if it might be related to her health or medication or if it is simply that she wants me out of her life. Since we already had problems before her change in behavior, I think it is time to call it quits. The worst part for me is that she cannot see what she is doing to me. She truly believes that she has done nothing wrong. I don't want her to feel guilty or like this is her fault, I just don't want her to keep making the same mistakes that she is making that end up driving everyone away from her. Right now she thinks that her family, friends, and everyone she has ever known have just used her and stabbed her in the back. She doesn't see what she has done to them.

Originally posted by wellwhatnow
some things are not meant to be permanent. Even the most perfect rose withers and dies when it's season is done, and if it did not - if it held its form forever - we would grow too accustomed to its beauty to notice it any more. It would become commonplace and monotonous.

I guess I never thought of it that way. I'm kind of a hopeless romantic, believe it or not, and when I picture love between two people I picture it as lasting at least until the day they're both dead. But perhaps there is another kind of love that is meant to be enjoyed for a short period of time, then one must move on to their next love. I guess if you always remember the good times that you shared the relationship is never really dead, but it's just kind of worn out it's welcome.

I kind of wish this were the case for me, because I fell in love with someone and it has proven impossible for me to move on to anyone else, despite the fact that the other person has. I would say I'm sorry that you feel your relationship is coming to an end, and I am, but I am also jealous of the good times that I can only assume you had with your spouse. Those alone, I'm guessing, were worth the bad times. But I could be wrong. I have yet to experience a decent reationship on any level, so I'm just rambling about something I know nothing about. Again, though, I wish you and your family happiness! Cheers!

Originally posted by an3rkist
...when I picture love between two people I picture it as lasting at least until the day they're both dead.

I think that there are kinds of love that are like that. I sincerely wish you the best in finding it. There is one thing that I know (that is to say that it is true for me): Everything happens for a reason. When I was lonely, it served a purpose and there was a reason. When I met my love, the experience served a purpose and there was a reason for it. Now as we go our separate ways, I have no reason to believe that it will lack purpose or a reason.

I think that there is a reason for everything, whether or not I know what it might be. That belief helps me sleep at night, whether alone or not.

Originally posted by wellwhatnow
There is one thing that I know (that is to say that it is true for me): Everything happens for a reason. When I was lonely, it served a purpose and there was a reason. When I met my love, the experience served a purpose and there was a reason for it. Now as we go our separate ways, I have no reason to believe that it will lack purpose or a reason.

I think that there is a reason for everything, whether or not I know what it might be. That belief helps me sleep at night, whether alone or not.

I sometimes wish I believed that everything happens for a reason. And I hope you're right. I just feel that sometimes things just happen. If I went for what I wanted to believe in, I would also believe in God. It does seem that things usually work out, though, so I'm sure to some extent you're right about things happening for a reason.

Anyway, I've been drinking tonight so if I start thinking about you're situation and my situation or anyone's situation too much I'm gonna get emotional and irrational, so I'm gonna go ahead and end it here. Sounds like you're figuring things out for yourself anyway, which is a very good thing. I commend you and I'm sure things will work out for you, your spouse, and your child. Awwww, I love happy endings, and in the words of Semisonic, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

To having love! (If even for a short amount of time!)