Ramblings of a madman?

Much of what I’m about to post probably will not make sense to you. A lot of it doesn’t make much sense to me, but those of you who are willing to hear me out, I appreciate it greatly. I put this in the paranormal forum because a lot of these feelings I talk about are very paranormal to me.

I’m not even sure where to start. Lately, I’ve just had this feeling that I’m completely wasting my time here. I feel that I will play a crucial role in this world, for either good or bad. I feel like I’m being watched often, that my time of action is drawing closer. I feel that this time of action represents the end. Maybe the end of the world, maybe not. Certainly the end of myself in this form of consciousness. And perhaps affecting many, many people on this planet.

I look around and feel detached from this world. I watch other people go through daily routines and criticize them for being drones. Their actions seem so meaningless, and to be honest, they appear foolish to me. I find myself thinking that if they were to be wiped out, it would make no difference at all. I would certainly not feel bad. And that got me to thinking, I find it very hard to feel bad about anything. When bad things happen, I simply don’t care. Which makes me worry that I’m a being of evil. I often have a lot of hate in me, and fear that if I am to play a big part in this world, it will not be a good thing.

Thanks for bearing with me. Any thoughts?

Your story is interesting and familar with people that seem to have a strong connection to the spirit world. I don't know if this is particular to your case but If you believe in reincarnation you may not have the attachment to this world that many people do. I don't think that you are evil in not feeling any sorrow for the deaths of other people but I don't think you have made a strong enough bond with someone that could make you care. Hope this helps..

I actually do not believe in reincarnation. I'm a Christian, and have beliefs associated with Christianity.

Your beginning to open your eyes and see things in a dark way. In a way I've often seen it, and felt kind of evil for it. I see people and think how much I'd hate to be them, How i hate what they do, and I would'nt care if they died in front of me, I would'nt shudder. But I don't know whats wrong with you, but think about one thing, unless it would be some sort of a cosmic thing, 1 man can't end the world.

Get used to it.
Their are many who know that they will play a part in "the change".
Just relax, have fath that the creator knows who you are, where you are, and what role you will play.
At least you know you are not alone. When I went through the "awakening" (so to speak), I didn't have internet, or chat rooms. So for most of my life I have always felt alone.
I knew there were others, but as far as who, or how to find them. Their was nothing.....Except the voice.
Be happy, If you realy have a role to play. It meand you have a sence of purpose that most humans will never have.
Of corse that is just my oppionion.

I think it's a pretty normal feeling. I've certainly felt it, still do to some extent. In a way, it's true. I mean, it's very possible that we have no purpose here, and we're just a bunch of very smart animals running around doing things that we think are important. We'll die, and nothing will come of it. Of course, this is an extremely bleak view, and not one that I necessarily share.

I've felt that same feeling that you're describing, like somehow I'm to contribute to some sort of large "change" that's going to happen. When I was younger, I always had a fear that I was going to be in the army. Now that I'm older, it's not a fear anymore, but I've always felt like it was something I was meant to do.

It's my opinion; however, that these feelings are false and probably just a manifestation of people wanting to be great in this world. Not such a bad thing, is it? Maybe I'm wrong...

Until you have learned all you can learn before that knowledge begins to fade from your memory,
you haven't even started.

Each and every one of us has a gift of some sort.

The trick is to figure out what that gift is and then hopefully find a way to include it in your life by
making a living from it or enjoying it in your spare time.

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Much of what I’m about to post probably will not make sense to you. A lot of it doesn’t make much sense to me, but those of you who are willing to hear me out, I appreciate it greatly. I put this in the paranormal forum because a lot of these feelings I talk about are very paranormal to me.

I’m not even sure where to start. Lately, I’ve just had this feeling that I’m completely wasting my time here. I feel that I will play a crucial role in this world, for either good or bad. I feel like I’m being watched often, that my time of action is drawing closer. I feel that this time of action represents the end. Maybe the end of the world, maybe not. Certainly the end of myself in this form of consciousness. And perhaps affecting many, many people on this planet.

I look around and feel detached from this world. I watch other people go through daily routines and criticize them for being drones. Their actions seem so meaningless, and to be honest, they appear foolish to me. I find myself thinking that if they were to be wiped out, it would make no difference at all. I would certainly not feel bad. And that got me to thinking, I find it very hard to feel bad about anything. When bad things happen, I simply don’t care. Which makes me worry that I’m a being of evil. I often have a lot of hate in me, and fear that if I am to play a big part in this world, it will not be a good thing.

Thanks for bearing with me. Any thoughts?

Hey Ashnoth/

For you to actually post and say that you feel you may be evil or not care about what happens and so, just ''shows'' that you actually do care more then you think.
Many people experience similar things like this in their lives, but all have their own way of dealing with it.
I think that you may be feeling a little down and all.this is all normal and as you know, you have ATS members and people around you, that I'm sure care and think about you.
I guess, it's all normal to experience certain thoughts in one's head when things don't go the way we want them....take it easy and try not to actually dwell on thoughts too much.

I think it may do you good to get a pen and paper, and start to write things down as you start to have these thoughts and feelings!
Who knows!
You may have a thriller on your hands!
take care,

helen


[edit on 10/1/2006 by helen670]

overwhelmed by the shyte in this world it's relatively simple to slip into a kind of "self protection" mode of seeming indifference.

Not that you're genuinely having a hard time feeling bad about other's suffering or that you even really hate anyone or group in particular...

It's like you sit back and ask yourself...what the hell can I do? It's the "I'm only one person" trap...and that's where the disconnected-ness stems from.

Honestly, most people are happy to go through their day never questioning. Never wondering. Never exploring...and yeah they seem a bit dense...but as you can see here on ATS...you're not alone in your feelings of quasi hopelessness.

The thing is...remember that you're not alone. Even if everyone else is stuck going through the "motions"...there are people out there making changes, encouraging, theories and generating ideas...be one of them.

How do you know you're not needed BTW? Got a secret time machine hidden somewhere? LOL...years from now...you may find that you've sparked an idea or thought in someone, or that you've added to and provoked a change for the better...unless you have something more important to do in some after-life project...or some hot date that preceeds all time and space...why not just stick around, be a pain, ask questions, debate, challenge, provoke and inspire...

as you've clearly already done by the number of responses to your thread.

just watched a 60 minute program and you might be suffering from somthing like depression which can cause all the symtoms you are displaying. I would get myself checked out if I were you just to make sure you don't go down the path of suicide.

www.metagifted.org...

Take the test find out if you are an indigo child and then read about it

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Much of what I’m about to post probably will not make sense to you. A lot of it doesn’t make much sense to me, but those of you who are willing to hear me out, I appreciate it greatly. I put this in the paranormal forum because a lot of these feelings I talk about are very paranormal to me.

I’m not even sure where to start. Lately, I’ve just had this feeling that I’m completely wasting my time here. I feel that I will play a crucial role in this world, for either good or bad. I feel like I’m being watched often, that my time of action is drawing closer. I feel that this time of action represents the end. Maybe the end of the world, maybe not. Certainly the end of myself in this form of consciousness. And perhaps affecting many, many people on this planet.

I look around and feel detached from this world. I watch other people go through daily routines and criticize them for being drones. Their actions seem so meaningless, and to be honest, they appear foolish to me. I find myself thinking that if they were to be wiped out, it would make no difference at all. I would certainly not feel bad. And that got me to thinking, I find it very hard to feel bad about anything. When bad things happen, I simply don’t care. Which makes me worry that I’m a being of evil. I often have a lot of hate in me, and fear that if I am to play a big part in this world, it will not be a good thing.

Thanks for bearing with me. Any thoughts?

You said that you feel that you will play a crucial role in this world.
What do you think your crucial role will be?
I understand your view of other people letting their lives be dominated by meaninglessness, but what is your hate generally directed at?
I must say, I have for long studied life and the "so called" mysteries, but find this knowledge to be of very little use if I'm still in a "so called" meaningless position.
I believe if you have the real knowledge to truly change the world, the spiritual(interdimensional alien) force will hold you back in many ways(including financially). But, for some reason, I still see a significant change to be possible for humanity if we finally reach a major time of enlightenment.

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Much of what I’m about to post probably will not make sense to you.
...
I feel that I will play a crucial role in this world, for either good or bad. I feel like I’m being watched often, that my time of action is drawing closer.

Any thoughts?

you are most likely a member of a pretty large host of people, born in 2 years either way of your age, who are 'engramed' (i think thats the Scientiology term)

with info/data/ which may well have a societal changing wisdom locked into their psyche (call it spiritual or whatever)...and that knowledge/info must be transmitted to the larger population of humanity.
But that sharing can only happen whenever one of youse 'host' people come to that realization, by overcoming the confusions of having that knowledge, and then being able to deliver those societal changing messages in a coherent form to the public.....in a way that they (the masses) will listen and change themselves.

yo, it's not schizophrenia, as some would have you believe!
its more like a humanity governor or a humanity consciousness regulator
(as history records that epoch defining persons follow a +~600 year cycle)

~~

[edit on 1-10-2006 by St Udio]

I want to thank ALL of you for reading and listening. It helps to know I'm not insane, and other people have had similar thoughs. I don't have much time, but would anyone want to hear my thoughts as they come to me? I'd be willing to post them if there is interest. Thanks again for being open minded and not ripping me!

I’m 18 and fell something similar for most of my life. Culture doesn’t seem to play any role in it. I’m originally from Ukraine and felt same thing before and after a moved to America. Most of the things you listed hit close to home but there are others that aren’t that easy to explain. One is that I feel there are others like me but essentially there’s only one mind. As in there are both individual personalities and one common consciousness. Other thing is that this crucial role isn't limited to this world, other existence maybe? Also I seem to feel more and more anxious as if I might miss it but at the same time I know that it will inevitably happen to me. So yea crazy stuff… maybe just a part of teenage development =)

Nope not Indigo. Didn’t match most of the queries. Even though I feel like I'm going to play an important role, I don’t think that I should be honored or get special treatement. Furthermore I often hate it when treated better than others and believe that if i was given a special task i should cary it on without anyboadys help.

Lately though I’ve had a better appreciation of others and life in general. And honestly seem to be a little more at peace. Since the role I play might have no purpose without others no matter how insignificant they seem right now.



[edit on 2-10-2006 by Sureiyaa]

I used to feel th same way. Didn't know if I was good or bad, but def. a large role. It's drawing nearer. Though I realize now, nothing is really good or bad. It just is.

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Lately, I’ve just had this feeling that I’m completely wasting my time here.

Me too. But probably for reasons other than you have.

I feel that I will play a crucial role in this world,

Messiah complex?

I feel like I’m being watched often,

paranoia?

I look around and feel detached from this world.

Detachment is usually a coping device. Or it can be something more sinister in the mental health world. It can also be severe apathy which is selfish. Sometimes it is something profoundly spiritual. It is impossible to tell what your detachment means. There isn't enough information.

Their actions seem so meaningless, and to be honest, they appear foolish to me.

I hear ya. The world is full of fools and idiots and people full of themselves who think they are 'it'. (and they really aren't).

I find myself thinking that if they were to be wiped out, it would make no difference at all.

This could be severe apathy towards your fellow human beings which is selfish and shallow. Sure .. many are just slugs, but they are humans with spirits and even though you (and I) may not like them very much, their humanity deserves respect. But I understand .. sometimes I have a hard time caring one way or the other about some people. They make it hard to care. I don't know if it's something lacking in them; or me; or both.

You wanted thoughts. Sorry I wasn't as etherial as the other thoughts you've read. But that's what I was thinking and you asked for thoughts .. so there ya' go.


edited to fix quotes



[edit on 10/2/2006 by FlyersFan]

Originally posted by Ashnoth
Much of what I’m about to post probably will not make sense to you. A lot of it doesn’t make much sense to me, but those of you who are willing to hear me out, I appreciate it greatly. I put this in the paranormal forum because a lot of these feelings I talk about are very paranormal to me.

I’m not even sure where to start. Lately, I’ve just had this feeling that I’m completely wasting my time here. I feel that I will play a crucial role in this world, for either good or bad. I feel like I’m being watched often, that my time of action is drawing closer. I feel that this time of action represents the end. Maybe the end of the world, maybe not. Certainly the end of myself in this form of consciousness. And perhaps affecting many, many people on this planet.

I look around and feel detached from this world. I watch other people go through daily routines and criticize them for being drones. Their actions seem so meaningless, and to be honest, they appear foolish to me. I find myself thinking that if they were to be wiped out, it would make no difference at all. I would certainly not feel bad. And that got me to thinking, I find it very hard to feel bad about anything. When bad things happen, I simply don’t care. Which makes me worry that I’m a being of evil. I often have a lot of hate in me, and fear that if I am to play a big part in this world, it will not be a good thing.

Thanks for bearing with me. Any thoughts?

I often feel the same. I don't know if it's delusions of grandeur or what.

Perhaps it's not a delusion, rather we really ARE meant for greatness. There are certainly others that have these thoughts, as evident by this thread. But it seems we're all scattered and leaderless. Perhaps we are meant to come together....perhaps this is the beginning?

Well, my first thought is to allert the authoirities... I mean... your not muslum are you? Your not in the United States and planing your targot for a suicide mission right?

My second thought is depression or teen years are upon you.

And still trying to leave the paranormal for last... my third thought is this (not that I'm sure where to start, and not that I think I should stay up as long as I'd need to to type it all in)... but let's at least get a responce from you to this so I can see where to go with this.

For you to feel as if you are only here for a short time and are going to be nessassary for something that will cause change on a grand scale - yes - those are true assumptions. True for all of us. And it don't have to be ellaborate and generaly isn't planned.

The feelings of detatchment do come to many when their time is drawing near... but it comes too many MANY more that are depressed and/or stressed or board with life ect.

Being full of hate and detatchment and being uncaring about others is not a good mix. Frankly, I think I'd be able to help you more as a psychologist/hypnotherapist than I could in a alternative/spiritual/paranormal kind of way.