The Dr Optimus and Dr Helen 670 relationship help thread!

Hi, with all you love sick puppies out there struggling to identify the issues being raised in your relationships i have decided to offer my help.

Fortunatley i have recruited the help of the renound Dr.Helen 670 to assist me with some of the more 'sensative' cases, (even though she wont know that until she reads this thread)

Post your questions here and we will attempt to give you a well balanced insight (both male and female) into your problem and some possible solutions.

Any issues regarding a sex change should be sent directley to

[email protected]

Regards, and feel that love.

Originally posted by optimus fett
Hi, with all you love sick puppies out there struggling to identify the issues being raised in your relationships i have decided to offer my help.

Fortunatley i have recruited the help of the renound Dr.Helen 670 to assist me with some of the more 'sensative' cases, (even though she wont know that until she reads this thread)

Post your questions here and we will attempt to give you a well balanced insight (both male and female) into your problem and some possible solutions.

Any issues regarding a sex change should be sent directley to

[email protected]

Regards, and feel that love.

LOL,
hey there!
What are you doing!
lol,
hmmm,can i sue?
lol,

ok,
Hey Fett!
Well, I'm not so sure I can help, but I will try to do my best!

so.....

How can I approah strange girls without being creepy? Keep in mind im creepy by my nature

/wave hi fett still upto your old tricks

Originally posted by Vegemite
How can I approah strange girls without being creepy? Keep in mind im creepy by my nature

Ok,
I'll get this one fett, since i'm a girl.


Hi vegemite/
Now,when you say,''How can I approah, you mean 'approach',yes?
Ok, then.
So you want to approach 'strange' girls, as in wierd looking girls(gota make sure of this, being crucial to your question) or what?
If it is 'strange' girls, then you should not have a problem,because as you said, you are 'creepy' and this would not creep her out and all, being the same type of'creepy' I guess,
gee,
this is alot harder then I thought!
If not strange looking girls.....then,
hmmmm,
Or is that .....a stranger, being of that you have not yet spoken to her, but would definately like to?
So,
I'm assuming that you want to talk or get to know a girl, and you feel that you are ''creepy'' looking and all.....and so I'm keeping in mind,as you quote/''Keep in mind im creepy by my nature''... end quote/
:shk:
And you feel that she might be 'creeped' out by your appearance?
Or do you mean that you're creepy, as in people fear you?
hmmmm, this one is hard......
So, if it's your appearance, then I would say t you, be who you are, and have a go at talking to her,you wont know till you go talk to her....oh, I would go over and maybe ask her if she has the time? (and by this, i mean 'what time is it'?), just to see her reaction and all.
If she is polite and/or the look she gives you,is welcoming,
she may like you.
On the other hand,if she gnarls at you,and tells you to ''rack off" then you know not to ask her out on a date, or further the conversation.
But on the other hand, if she smiles and gives you the time(make sure it is the correct time,this makes a difference!)then she may be worth talking to .
While it may all seem good,she may also be just a nice person and smile and all, and give you the correct time and all, but this again may not be a sure thing that she would like to get to know you.
hmmm,
so, after all options have run out....I suggest you get a proper definition of the word ''creep'' or ''creepy'' and get back to me.
definition of ..........
creepy.....to induce fear or have the sensation that of which is scary?
Creep..........(this one is strange).......to crawl on hands and knees with the body close to the ground.
''creepy'' in aussie terms......plainly one who is a no go.

depending on the situation.......eg//
let's say this is the situation....
Boy.....hey, how bout a drink *wink,wink* (looking the girl up and down)
Girl.....''rack off you creep"......
Girls friend.....''what a creep,man, he was creepy''!

Or/
Boy....smiles,hi, how about a drink?
Girl.....lol,I dont think so,creep!
Boy....crawls away on hands and knees.
Girls friend.....''was that a proposal'', or what?

hmmmmm,
gee 'vegemite', this is real hard.
Are you an Aussie?
If so.....then maybe your user name tells me more about your appearance.....you sure vegemite is still not on your face from this mornings breakfast?
That would surely creep some girls out if they saw that!

well,
since 'optimus fett', oops, Dr Optimus made this thread and all...i'm guessing people would surely know this is not a serious type of thread,so I'm also guessing i'm going to get some ,not so serious questions asked.
So,
here is my truthfull response......
Vegemite, you dont stand to lose anything by appraching some girl that you would like to talk to.....
you being creepy and all?
Well, if it creeps them out, then you walk away and try, try again.
Oh, just make sure you don't approach the same girl!
Try and try again means ....Move on,try another girl.
There!

i'm sure there is ONE girl for everyone out there......looks aint everything!
good luck....
(actually, there are statistics done recently, that there are 4 men to every woman, that should help you!)


And hopefully i wont be answering many threads like this......
it was fun!

ps.....since this is my FIRST, not knowing, I became listed, as ''Dr helen670''in this post, please forgive me for any hurt,embarassement you may have suffered or will suffer,due to my misinformation .......
hmmm,but that's what you get when you rely on a post posted by Dr Optimus.


helen

hope everything works out!

gee i may need a few of those soon..
take care..

Thats not what I ment at all, I meant creepy as in crepes as in thin pancakes. and I didnt mean strange girls I meant St. Range girls as in the catholic school by me. And I didnt mean approach I meant ape poach as in illegaly hunting apes, apes being slang for very butch girls. So if I rephrase my question it should look like

How can I ape poach catholic school girls without the use of crepes? Keep in mind I am genetically similar to crepes.

See now it makes more sense

Originally posted by Vegemite
Thats not what I ment at all, I meant creepy as in crepes as in thin pancakes. and I didnt mean strange girls I meant St. Range girls as in the catholic school by me. And I didnt mean approach I meant ape poach as in illegaly hunting apes, apes being slang for very butch girls. So if I rephrase my question it should look like

How can I ape poach catholic school girls without the use of crepes? Keep in mind I am genetically similar to crepes.

See now it makes more sense

lol,
Great!
I need more of :w:
and :bnghd:
and, lol, I call Dr Optimus to the rescue!

Ok,
Do you know of Maple sugar?
That should sweeten ALL things up for you!
How was that?
lol,

helen
EDIT...Maple sugar?
Maple syrup!
since its a crape and all......
man oh man!
lol,
you know what?
I ,lol, spent over half an hour :bnghd: so that i could help .
lol,
do take care.
helen

[edit on 8/21/2006 by helen670]

Originally posted by Vegemite
How can I approah strange girls without being creepy? Keep in mind im creepy by my nature

Well,

First learn how to move through the world in a relaxed way with your head held high and your shoulders squared back and a pleasant expression on your face and some strut in your walk. Face the world head on and make pointed eye contact at things and people, and when you inevitably lock eyes with people just smile and nod and go "Hey how's it going" or "Hi how's your day" or "good morning" or any other kind of standard greeting.

It really isn't any more complicated than that. Most people will go "Oh, uh good how are you" or some other standard response and then you can continue the conversation from there.

Just good vibes, that's all.

How can I ape poach catholic school girls without the use of crepes? Keep in mind I am genetically similar to crepes.

well,

we get a lot of e-mails from people that are genetically similar to crepes, dont worry, your not on your own.

To take the matter in hand:-

ape poaching has now been de criminalised in many parts of the world, subsequentley we have seen a demise in the illegal trade of ape poaching with intent to supply; this can only be a good thing.

Ape poaching a catholic school girl is a different kettle of fish all together and requires both tact and the element of suprise perfectley blended to get your 'kill'.

Initially your going to have to get past a rather tricky mother superior, i suggest disguising yourself as a handy man of some description; a plumber or carpenter perhaps? Initiate the actions of a man at one with god and also display a tie and blazer badge depicting the image of the pope upon your overalls.

Once you have negociated safe passage into the school girls general area, start by neutralising into the enviroment; sand a desk with some 'wet and dry' or alternativley 'bleed' a radiator in the close proximety to the chosen catholic girl you wish to 'ape poach'.

When shes least expecting it throw a large net over the target, move fast and bundle her into a wheel barrow you have left nearby, once she is inside the barrow, cover her with a collection of fresh shell fish, remove your overalls and place a flat cap on your head. quickly exit the building singing 'cockles and musels alive , alive O'

Its unlikley a mother superior will tackle a cockney barrow salesman as they are alergic to them, this should ensure your get away is smooth.

Im glad i could help,

oh..and good luck.

First learn how to move through the world in a relaxed way with your head held high and your shoulders squared back and a pleasant expression on your face and some strut in your walk. Face the world head on and make pointed eye contact at things and people, and when you inevitably lock eyes with people just smile and nod and go "Hey how's it going" or "Hi how's your day" or "good morning" or any other kind of standard greeting.

millerman?

is this thread called 'the Dr optimus, Dr helen 670 and Dr millerman' relationship help thread?

no, i very much doubt your even a real doctor, please refrain from indulging so recklessley in matters that dont concern you....

or alternativley start a thread called 'Millerman wants to be a doctor and although completley unqualified, wishes to give poor advice regarding relationships'

i think you'll find there will be a rather embarrased silence umm?

Originally posted by optimus fett

How can I ape poach catholic school girls without the use of crepes? Keep in mind I am genetically similar to crepes.

well,
we get a lot of e-mails from people that are genetically similar to crepes, dont worry, your not on your own.
To take the matter in hand:-
ape poaching has now been de criminalised in many parts of the world, subsequentley we have seen a demise in the illegal trade of ape poaching with intent to supply; this can only be a good thing.

Ape poaching a catholic school girl is a different kettle of fish all together and requires both tact and the element of suprise perfectley blended to get your 'kill'.

Initially your going to have to get past a rather tricky mother superior, i suggest disguising yourself as a handy man of some description; a plumber or carpenter perhaps? Initiate the actions of a man at one with god and also display a tie and blazer badge depicting the image of the pope upon your overalls.

Once you have negociated safe passage into the school girls general area, start by neutralising into the enviroment; sand a desk with some 'wet and dry' or alternativley 'bleed' a radiator in the close proximety to the chosen catholic girl you wish to 'ape poach'.

When shes least expecting it throw a large net over the target, move fast and bundle her into a wheel barrow you have left nearby, once she is inside the barrow, cover her with a collection of fresh shell fish, remove your overalls and place a flat cap on your head. quickly exit the building singing 'cockles and musels alive , alive O'

Its unlikley a mother superior will tackle a cockney barrow salesman as they are alergic to them, this should ensure your get away is smooth.

Im glad i could help,

oh..and good luck.

First learn how to move through the world in a relaxed way with your head held high and your shoulders squared back and a pleasant expression on your face and some strut in your walk. Face the world head on and make pointed eye contact at things and people, and when you inevitably lock eyes with people just smile and nod and go "Hey how's it going" or "Hi how's your day" or "good morning" or any other kind of standard greeting.

millerman?

is this thread called 'the Dr optimus, Dr helen 670 and Dr millerman' relationship help thread?

no, i very much doubt your even a real doctor, please refrain from indulging so recklessley in matters that dont concern you....

or alternativley start a thread called 'Millerman wants to be a doctor and although completley unqualified, wishes to give poor advice regarding relationships'

i think you'll find there will be a rather embarrased silence umm?

Firstly,
Millerman......
Don't take offense to Dr (cough)Optimus here!
He is ,you know, a Quack after all!
And if we didn't have quacks like Dr Optimus here, where would society or BTS for that matter, be?
Pretty boring in my opinion,although who cares for my opinion, i'll say it anyway!
So in enjoying this thread, see it for what it is......A made up fun thread for all to take part in....
And once you get to know Dr Optimus......he is a Mischievous Fetter....

Dictionary word for Fetter......something that restricts or restrains.

Isn't that Right?
Dr Optimus?
Of course one can only wonder,
what one will do,
without Doctors like Optimus here!

As for the advice given to member ''Vegemite''
I would say....Go for it, Vegemite, you deserve good ole advice from Dr Optimus!
keep it up,Dr........

Now,Dr Optimus, can I ask for some good,CLEAN advice from you?
hmmm,
Actually, I take that back!
lol,
Id say , this ,
would be my safe option for now!

Till next time!

helen

My favorite threads!

Here is my question.

No matter how much I spank, beat, or torture, or threaten my husband, he still will not aknowledge me as the undisputed master in this house.

I learned that at Guntanamo bay, interrogators played the Barney theme song on a 48 hour loop to break their prisoners. Should I try this tactic, or will it ruin him for life and make him a vegatable nut who eats his own waste?

Originally posted by Skadi_the_Evil_Elf
My favorite threads!

Here is my question.

No matter how much I spank, beat, or torture, or threaten my husband, he still will not aknowledge me as the undisputed master in this house.

I learned that at Guntanamo bay, interrogators played the Barney theme song on a 48 hour loop to break their prisoners. Should I try this tactic, or will it ruin him for life and make him a vegatable nut who eats his own waste?

Oh, Hi Skadi/

No matter how much I spank, beat, or torture, or threaten my husband, he still will not aknowledge me as the undisputed master in this house.

Well,
You being a Woman and all,can you see where the torture,spanking and beating has taken you?
hmmmmm,
I'm sure you have!

All this did was do the oppossite of what you wanted, and what you wanted was to be aknowledged as a master and not as an equal or for that matter, second class.........
....he, in fact being a male,recognizes , and sees this as a threat and most likely enjoys the so called threats and all,being a male and all.....
(I see Dr Optimus returning soon )

hmmmmmmm,
Skadi, I think I will call for Dr Optimus..........he is the expert in this field you seek!

hope that little bit of info I gave was a little of help to you!

No matter how much I spank, beat, or torture, or threaten my husband, he still will not aknowledge me as the undisputed master in this house.

Hi skadi,

you need to attack the enemy from his own ground, from the inside out if you like.

I suggest the following:-

the male species is far simpler than that of its counterpart; the female.

by simply returning home one evening with a high class female hooker in tow and proposing that you make straight to the bedroom for some big up 3 way action you will instantly have your husband agreeing to acknowledge anything you should desire.

Simple. glad i could help.

Hmmm.....lemme write this down. High class hookers, enjoys threats and abuse.......got it.

Maybe a threesome while playing the Barney Theme Song..............

Maybe a threesome while playing the Barney Theme Song.............

thats the perfect example of when a very good thing is a bad thing.

Another member has began spanking me on a daily basis. It really isn't a problem for me, but I think she has a husband. Should I feel guilty when the electrodes are turned on at full voltage, or should I just take it and submit?

No, you should enjoy this electrical pleasuring when ever the oppurtunity arises.

However, it would seem a tad unfair if her husband is paying the electricity bill?

I suggest confronting him and offering to chip in a few quid.

Hi DR's
I have a legitimate personality problem...
and was wondering if there is anything that can be prescribed to prevent me from being such a bitch?
It is really impacting in a negative way in all my relationships... so I would like to just take a pill??

what do ya reckon? simple pill fix??

Originally posted by NJE777
Hi DR's
I have a legitimate personality problem...

and was wondering if there is anything that can be prescribed to prevent me from being such a bitch?
It is really impacting in a negative way in all my relationships... so I would like to just take a pill??

what do ya reckon? simple pill fix??

lol,
Hey NJE777/

Sorry, was not actually laughing at you, just something NJE888 had said!
OH,
That was you?
well,
lets see.......
Dictionary Word for Bitch...........A FEMALE DOG!
:shk:
What to prescribe in prevention of being 'such a bitch'?
:shk:
Well,
I suggest Firstly,
... that you refrain from barking at your neighbours and stop with the ankle bites.
I also recommend you stop eating all the Schmachos(spelling?).
There you go.
And if that dont work,
I would suggest you talk to your other half, NJE888 .......Legit, split personality can have majour effects if left untreated.....
I would suggest you see Dr Optimus.....
He specializes in those!
hope that helped!
:shk:
take care,

helen.....

lol,
I cannot believe i'm doing this!
(Hope no one is offended)

Originally posted by optimus fett

millerman?

is this thread called 'the Dr optimus, Dr helen 670 and Dr millerman' relationship help thread?

no, i very much doubt your even a real doctor,

OH YEAH??? Well I highly doubt either of you are doctors too! SO THERE!!!

or alternativley start a thread called 'Millerman wants to be a doctor and although completley unqualified, wishes to give poor advice regarding relationships'

i think you'll find there will be a rather embarrased silence umm?

Hey! I am HIGHLY qualified!

I have made every single mistake in the book and then some!! And I have learned more from all those mistakes than any "successful" person could ever hope to know!! :p

But in all seriousness - am I some big Stud or Pimp daddy? No, FAR from it.

But much more skilled and knowledgeable than the "I am such a Nice Guy, why can't I get a gf, why do women hate and reject me all the time, WAAAAAAAH" type guys.....

My biggest problem - and this is no secret - is laziness, not lack of ability....